Home Is The Hunter.
Chapter 1.
It was late when they got home from Sioux Falls, so late that it was early and Dean barely remembered any of the journey home. The route was familiar and he was pretty much on autopilot every time and he told himself it was that and his physical fatigue, but he knew it wasn't.
He also knew he could have made it home faster. There was a reason why he preferred to be on the road with Sam and not in the bunker, with Sam's hunters and with Cas.
Not that it was easy or comfortable with Sam. He could see how his long absence had worn down his brother's strength and Sam was literally begging him to open up about all that had happened. He had tried, out on the road, in the car that had often been the only safe space they had, but he was ashamed and he was afraid and no matter how much he reminded himself that Sam was, if anything, stronger than he was, the urge to protect him and the dread of disappointing him fielded far more powerful arguments. So, he had said a little; enough to trouble Sam, but not enough to make Sam feel he was confiding in him.
He hadn't really spoken to Cas since his return. The scar on his arm, bringing with it the promise of a way to hurt Michael, had seemed like a priority to everyone.
Truth be told, he had dreaded the five hour journey to Sioux Falls with Cas and had been relieved when Jules had needed Cas to stay behind. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Cas. They needed to talk as a matter of urgency. It was just that he knew that, when they did, he would say all the wrong things, though there was no good or easy way to say, "I never want you or any angel poking around in my head again."
It wasn't true ... Well, okay, it was true, for now, but he didn't want it to be true. He wanted to overcome it. He wanted to do something about it. He wanted to tell himself that it was Michael's revulsion, not his, that flooded his mind whenever he thought of their previous relationship and the mental link they had established. He wanted to believe it was something he could shake off in time, if they had any time.
Already, he had overcome it enough to allow Cas to read his mind. The link Michael had broken had not spontaneously reopened and part of him was glad of that and part of him was disappointed and all of him felt guilty. Michael had changed him, but real friendships were not supposed to change like that and maybe the angel would not understand. Even he did not understand.
He stopped outside the bunker and got out of the car. Sam got out too. "What is it?" he said, giving him a look as if he were a porcelain doll in a breaker's yard.
"It's nothing." said Dean, "I just need a breath of air."
Sam nodded.
Honesty would have been fine. He could tell Sam, who probably already knew, that he'd rather just get out on the road again with him and leave all the complications locked safely in the bunker. Either that, or lock himself away in his room and keep them all at a safe distance.
From time to time, not often, but not so rarely, Dean had felt a need he did not express or allude to. He was the big brother. His only purpose was to be strong for Sam. So when he felt a need to just spill his guts to Sam and tell him every thought in his head, every fear in his heart, he kept his mouth shut and he pretended the need did not exist.
"You told Sarah I'm back, right?" he said.
"Yeah, less than an hour after we got you home." said Sam, "She'll call soon, or visit, I'm sure, but I think she's wary of rushing you."
"I'm glad you had her while I was gone."
"Without her, we'd never have made it." said Sam.
"I'll call her, tomorrow." said Dean.
"Yeah, good idea."
"It's ten after three. Everyone'll be asleep. Except Cas, who doesn't sleep. But he'll be with Jules?" He looked at Sam, hoping for confirmation.
"Yeah, they haven't been apart much, recently."
"Good! So they finally got it together?"
"Dean ... "
"They didn't? I've been away weeks and he still hasn't managed to get laid?" said Dean.
"Just don't, okay? Their relationship has advanced dramatically, but they're not quite there yet and the last thing they need is you making them feel bad about it. Cas didn't cope well with your absence."
"But you did?" said Dean, well aware that it was not the case.
"I'm not saying I wasn't fifteen flavours of freak, but he was worse. We almost lost him, Dean. When he thought you were dead, he couldn't handle it."
"He thought I was dead?"
"Angel radio said you were." said Sam.
"And he believed those douches?"
"Yes. He's an angel."
"He's an idiot." said Dean, "So what happened?"
"He trashed his car. Drove it into a tree. It's over and done with now. Just bear in mind that he's been through a lot. Not as much as you've been through, but more than he could take. Just be nice."
"I will. Of course I will." said Dean. Maybe now was not the time for the urgent talk. "Did you think I was dead?"
"What?" said Sam. He grinned. "No! I knew you'd turn up."
Dean smiled. He still lied the same now as he had when they were kids. "Sure, you knew."
"Of course I knew. Look, I'll put the Impala away, you go in and get us some coffee."
Dean thought about insisting on putting his own car away, but Sam seemed to need to be useful, so he tossed him the keys. "Are you sure Cas and Jules are okay?"
"Some nights, their kisses make the lights flicker." said Sam, "But don't say anything. I don't think they know."