Chapter 1: You need to breathe

If Oliver were honest with himself, he would have to admit that he felt himself spiraling hours if not days before he fled his and Felicity's apartment. But looking back he wasn't sure what lead to his drastic retreat. He barley registered Felicity coming up with some excuse for him being late and just automatically came up with a reply. Felicity was obviously still mad at him and he did not understand what he did to deserve to be treated the way she has been treating him for the last couple of days. He was doing everything he could to help her find Ray. He even called Donna in hopes that she might get to the bottom of the problem, but it seemed that every single one of his attempts to help her only made things and her mood worse. He didn't know what else he could do. He felt helpless. He was her boyfriend and he should be able to make her feel better, not worse. He had been racking his brain trying to figure out what it was that he did wrong and felt terrible when he couldn't figure it out.

"I'm going to get some takeout."

Donna's attempt to remove herself from the awkward situation only lead to him remembering that he and Sara used to get take out all the time before she... and he suddenly remembered that Sara was alive. Sara, his Sara was alive, and he had no idea how she was doing because he was so focused on figuring out the problem with Felicity that he hadn't even talked to her yet.

Not even after the last mission. After she lost control because of the blood lust.

He was still trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened the last couple of days. And all he's really wanted to do ever since Sara's return was to wrap her into his arms and never let her go again.

But he didn't know if it was appropriate to leave his angry girlfriend to talk to his… to Sara. The fact that he had barley seen and not spoken to her since returning her soul was driving him crazy and had him worried that it was all just a dream and that she was still dead and buried in her old grave. God knew that he had had enough of those dreams during the last year.

Dreams in which she came back to him.

Nightmares where he watched her die over and over and over again. Always trying to reach her and save her, but always failing.

Sometimes she was angry at him and blaming him for her murder, for every bad thing that had happened to her since the Gambit went down. For betraying her and everything they were, everything she had stood for. For letting Laurel become the Black Canary.

And he had welcomed every single one of them. Because he would've been fine with Sara hating him for the rest of his life if it meant having her back.

"I… I need to take care of something… I'll be back in a little while." He didn't know if he was interrupting either of them and barley noticed that he passed Donna on his way to the door or the strange looks the Smoak women gave him when he all but fled the apartment. He felt like he had a heavyweight on his chest and he couldn't breathe.

He had felt the beginnings of a panic attack even before he excused himself and fled the apartment. All he could think about was that he didn't know how Sara was doing, and it was killing him. He couldn't even imagine. He knew how hard it had been for him to come home after his five years away, but at least it had been five years for him too and he had known that things would be different. Sara had been dead, really dead this time for more than a year and so many things had changed during that time. And then to add the blood lust that she was suffering from…

All he knew was that he needed to get out of there. He had felt as though the walls were closing in and he couldn't breathe because of his fear that it was all just a dream that he would wake up from with her gone again. He needed to leave.

He didn't take notice of his surroundings or where he was going. All he knew was that he needed to get away. That he needed to breathe, and he couldn't do that back at the apartment. He only realized where he was after the door in front of him opened and he stared at his sister, who looked at him worriedly. "Ollie? What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

He still couldn't breathe which lead to him barely registering Thea's worried questions and her pulling him inside the apartment. He wanted to answer her, but he couldn't pull in the air he needed to do that. He wanted to ask her if Sara was home, but he was deathly afraid that all of it had been a dream and that asking Thea that question would only worry her even more and make her think he had finally lost it. If he asked her, and his fear came true. He needed to see Sara to make sure it hadn't been a dream. That she was really back. But there was a heavyweight on his chest that made it impossible for him to speak. And he still couldn't breathe. He was vaguely aware Thea was still talking to him, but he couldn't hear her.

"Oliver are you okay?" He was confused for a second when his hearing seemed to have returned but the voice registering wasn't his sister's but Laurel's. Laurel, who was suddenly standing right in front of him. Where did Laurel come from? "I…" he tried to get the dreaded words passed the lump in his throat, but he couldn't breathe! And then he saw her at the edge of his vision, moving into the foyer towards him. He didn't notice that he was holding his breath because he couldn't believe his eyes. He didn't trust that his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. It wouldn't be the first time that he imagined her. His eyes drank her in, his mind still trying to process the fact that Sara, his Sara, was walking towards him. With her long blonde hair, those gorgeous azure eyes that were studying him intently. He could see her chest rising and falling with every breath she took and god, if that wasn't the most beautiful thing his ever seen in his life. That one clear sign that left no doubt that she was alive.

"Ollie, what is it?" Sara moved towards him with a worried look on her face. God, he forgot how his name sounded coming from her lips. "Ollie breathe, you need to breathe." He felt her hands touch his face registered and move down his throat just as he exhaled the breath he had been holding ever since he first saw her step into the room. It wasn't until that moment, registering her warm hands on his skin, being surrounded by her unique scent and feeling her breath against his neck, that his former thoughts actually registered. "Sara…" His hands seemed to move on their own accord, drawing her slight frame into his arms, the on his chest finally lifted and he could breathe again for what felt like the first time in forever. "God, Sara…" He hugged her close and held onto her for dear life, breathing in her unique scent. Sara returned his embrace in kind. Clinging to him as though he was her lifeline.

"Ollie."

Holding Sara in his arms again felt like coming home. He didn't know what it was about her, and he had never been able to explain his feelings for the youngest Lance. All that mattered was that his Sara was back and that he couldn't lose her again, not ever. Losing her that last time nearly destroyed him. All he knew was that every time he lost her, he lost a part of himself that only she could replace by coming back home to him. She became a part of him somewhere during their time together on Lian Yu. No one understood him the way she did. They went to hell and back together. They were the same. Now more than ever and Sara had always been just like him. His partner in crime. Growing up, the small blonde had been the brains behind the majority of the trouble the two of them (and sometimes Tommy) got into. He didn't think there were any words in any language that could describe just what she meant to him. He loved Felicity with all of his heart there wasn't even a question of that, but Sara has transcended to something that was so much more. She was a part of him. His reflection. They were two sides of the same coin; she was Yin to his Yang and he knew that he needed her the same way he needed air. His hands ran over her hair and back, moving to her arms, ensuring him she was really here. "I missed you." He didn't notice the looks Thea and Laurel were exchanging or the two of them leaving the apartment to give him and Sara some privacy. All he could register was the woman in his arms. "I missed you so much Sara."