How to Train Dragons and {almost} Tame Ogres

A How to Train Your Dragon/Shrek Crossover fan-fic by J.W. Appel

Disclaimer: I own nothing and owe everything but this fic and two OCs to the fantastic minds at Dreamworks. If I did, this would be real and Heather would've stayed with the gang and Fishlegs. I would have also given Heather and Windshear their own spin-off show as a prequel to this and showcase their unknown adventures and enemies.

Author's Notes: Welcome to a project that has long been in planning, a crossover between two of Dreamworks' most popular franchises. But it will also be something else, an alternate universe that fixes a lot of things I disliked from both and contains a ship that a lot of fans may strongly disagree with. I won't reveal it just yet, but I will say to expect Heathlegs and Shrek/Fiona. It initially takes place sometime after Shrek 2 and a very different version of "Family on the Edge" from RTTE season 3, but will continue on from there afterwards. Consider this fic to be three stories in one, all interconnected in some way. With that said, enjoy and try to keep an open mind.

Prologue: Welcome to Duloc

Once upon a time, the Viking tribes of the barbaric archipelago were at war with dragons. These fearsome creatures were divided into many various types and classes, like the Monstrous Nightmare and the Hideous Zippleback. But the most powerful and mysterious dragon of all was the Nightfury. Rarely seen and just as rarely fought, it was believed that the one who managed to kill such a beast would become known as the greatest warrior of all time. Who would've believed that a scrawny boy like Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III would be the one to not only down a Nightfury, but spare it's life?

This began the secret friendship that would end three centuries of war and make one who was once an outcast into a noble hero. Now, he and his band of Dragon Riders battle against the fearsome Dragon Hunters lead by the brothers Grimborn and seek out the lenses belonging to the ancient Dragon Eye. Who knows what secrets the Eye contains? Why, it could even-!

"Gonna stop you right there, pal. That all sounds way too far-fetched to be true." The talking wooden puppet boy stood from his desk and fixed Trader Johann and the book he held with an incredulous stare. "And believe you me, I know a thing or two about tall tales."

"But Master…Pinnochio, was it? I can attest to the fact that my tale is one of truth. In fact, I have quite a knack for telling many fine tales that the validity of which are as sure as their wonderment. I can even recall for you the first time I was proven in correct in a story that would surely draw just as many patrons to your fine shop as Master Hiccup's chronicle. I believe it was on the Isle of Scorchworm that it happened. Or was it…?

"Oh, wow, look at the time. I gotta close up shop." Pinnochio hurriedly got up from his desk and began moving towards the front door of the book shop he managed. Johann followed him, undeterred. "But what shall I tell my young friends when I see them next? I promised to get their book published in a place where people could actually read."

Pinnochio sighed and turned back to the foreign merchant. "Look…uh, Johnny, right? I'd love to help." The puppet's already long nose suddenly grew a foot in length and nearly gouged out Johann's eye. "Forget you saw that. Anyway, there's nothing I can do for you since I'm shutting down at the end of the week. Truth be told, Duloc is pretty much a ghost town these days."

Johann shuddered at the word "ghost", no doubt remembering his unpleasant experience with the long abandoned information booth when he'd first arrived. The picture taken of him looked even more frightening. Pinnochio failed to notice and became much more upbeat.

"Me? I'm headed to Far, far, away with everyone else. The royals aren't psycho half-dwarves and the fairytale folks can really let their freak flag fly there. The only people who'd hang around now are tourists looking to get into Lord Farquad's abandoned castle."

Johann's expression changed, becoming just a bit more sinister to anyone who'd notice. "A lord's castle you say? Might his Lordship have left any ancient treasures behind?" Pinnochio shrugged.

"Don't ask me. It's no bark off my butt anyway. Oh! I almost forgot this." He pulled a book off a shelf and handed it to Johann, who put his own book aside to accept. A green, smiling face with tube-s shaped ears was on the cover.

"What in the name of Thor is that?" "A best-seller, that's what. It's on the house. I'm sure your kids back home will get a kick out of it. Well, I gotta go. Next time you see me, you'll be talking to the new manager of Friar Fat Boy!"

The puppet was gone then and Johann allowed his true character to resurface. With a scowl, he tossed Pinnochio's book aside and moved to the nearest window. It gave him a near perfect view of the aforementioned castle.

"Weeks of travel to get to this strange land and for what? Rumors about magic and the birthplace of the King of Dragons? Bah! That oaf Fishlegs is lucky I managed to turn some kind of profit with that ridiculous book of his. But if Viggo was right and his ancestors actually did visit here just after acquiring the Dragon Eye, this Farquad fellow may have a lens hidden somewhere in his home. That would make it all worth it."

…

Some hours later, Johann had infiltrated the fortress and done a through search of the halls to find nothing of value. Even the treasure he did find was too grand to be sold off back home without raising suspicion. Thus, it was a very grumpy trader who stumbled upon the portrait of the castle's deceased owner and decided to inspect it.

"My Thor, you were an ugly one, weren't you? I suppose that made you the perfect ruler for a place of freaks like this. In fact, I hear you're mentioned somewhere in this silly little book the puppet boy gave me."

Johann took out the book he'd decided to keep purely on a whim and turned a few pages. He read for a moment and then laughed out loud. "Oh dear, you lost your bride to some green beast called an ogre? How dreadful for you. Not only that, it seems you were outwitted by a talking donkey of all things. Compared to you, I suppose I should be thankful that I only have to deal with some bratty young Vikings and their dragons."

The rogue trader failed to notice when the portrait started to glow and the image of Farquad's smirking face morphed into an angry scowl. Suddenly, there was a low growl and a spectral figure floated out of the portrait wearing the same expression. "Dragons? What do you know about dragons!?"

Johann's eyes widened when he finally looked up and both his jaw and his book fell to the floor. "Odin's ghost!" "No, my foolish peasant, you are the presence of the great Lord Farquad and I'm here to tell you that you're reading a book of lies! The ogre and his band of freaks tricked me with a cursed and imperfect bride, but I would've triumphed in the end were in not for his terrible pet dragon! I'll ask again: what do you know about them?"

"W-w-w-why do you ask your l-l-lordship?" Johann was used to playing the coward to further his schemes. Even then, he always felt confident enough to take on anyone short of who he currently worked for. Genuine fear was a new and unpleasant experience for him.

"I need a new body if I'm to take revenge and what better choice than the creature who caused the downfall of my perfect world? Where can I find them these days?" Farquad leaned in close and made Johann feel very small despite his greater height.

"The barbaric archipelago is home to many dragons and the Grimborn family hunts and sells many powerful specimens. We're searching for the king of them all as we speak." "I'M THE ONLY KING AROUND HERE!" Farquad roared, his eyes flashing red. He then stopped to take notice of Johann's trembling form and started to think.

"Hmmm...these Dragon Hunters you mentioned seem like worthwhile associates. I think I'll arrange a sit-down. But since I can't leave the grounds as I am and that oaf Thelonius is long gone, I will need a little help. Interested?" Johann never got a chance to answer.

…

Sometime later, Johann's ship was back in familiar waters and docked beside a Dragon Hunter vessel. Ryker Grimborn himself came topside to let him board. "Where you been, trader? The Dragon Riders are gainin' too much ground for my little brother's liking and he's after your head and mine. Any bright ideas?"

Johann stepped onto the ship with a strange smile on his face. His eyes seemed to glow as he looked Ryker up and down with approval. "You're a big boy, aren't you? I like that."

End Prologue