a/n: Hey all! This story was birthed after several serious attempts to write an emotional, angst-rich tale encompassing all my love for BotW and its characters. What resulted is this cry for help. If you can't walk in the garden, roll in the dirt next to it.
Behold! My irreverent offering to the fandom.
"Hi My Name is Link"
.chapter 1. - the question
Wind flowing through my thick, unwashed locks.
Check.
A red sky lighting up my shit-eating grin.
Check.
I stare at my Sheikah Slate as a tiny, annoying golden glow winks out of existence, and I release a laugh as the words "Destroy Ganon" fade into gray.
That's right, I finally did it. I, Link, Champion of the Champions - after endless skirmishes, hours of burning food, mad accessorizing, collecting leaf poops, and exorcising mummies - have finally, finally completed all the Main Quests in my Adventure Log.
Check, check, check!
I pump my fist and my shiny gauntlet creaks at my arm's downward tug. The Sheikah Slate chirps in response, and my smile wavers when two words, bright white and neat, float to the top of the list.
Well, except one.
The sky starts lightening, I can hear the princess speaking to me. For real this time, not some voice in my head. I hastily put away my slate and follow to where she stands with her back to me. Her hair is gold, like a nicely done fried banana. I wonder about her face, though, isn't she like a hundred years old? I didn't get a proper look earlier with the whole exploding Ganon thing. Heck, for all I know she's got an arrangement with the Kochi Dye Shop. Hair care's important when you're fighting great evil. Wouldn't want a damsel in distresses.
Heh heh.
"Thank you, Link, the hero of Hyrule…"
Shoot, she's turning.
The sun gets zesty and the goddess starts sprinkling light dust I swear, and I freeze.
Whoah.
Correction: those smoldering green eyes do not belong to a fried banana.
"May I ask…"
"Anything for you, Prin -"
"...do you really remember me?"
Her mouth is smiling, I think, her beautiful shut-in complexion is blinding, and as I squint at her my throat goes dry. I think of my Adventure Log and suddenly I'm taken back to six minutes ago. I've just shot an arrow. The Calamity is screaming as if we've missed his birthday for the last century (sorry bro), and next thing I see is this woman popping out of his forehead like a pretty lil star fragment.
Pretty sure she took down the Calamity with her eyes closed.
I can't even piss with my eyes closed.
Probably in my best interest to lie but the thing is.
"Um… not really?"
I beam at her. My sweat drops glisten like diamonds.
Uncompleted Quest: Captured Memories.