Will You Trust Me?
By Fox McCloude
Disclaimer: The Quintessential Quintuplets and all its characters belong to Haruba Negi. All rights reserved.
On a certain deserted island…
The sun was setting on the horizon, and the marine breeze blew around her, gently caressing each part of her body. It was hard to believe that only a while ago there was a storm on the other side, the same that left them all trapped on that island until they could be rescued.
These past two weeks had been like a dream for Ichika. If there was a bright side about getting stranded there, it was that she finally had the chance to spend some time with Fuutarou. Alone, just the two of them, like she wanted at the time. It was ironic; had she just been a little more patient, hadn't she let desperation cloud her judgement… she could have avoided a lot of turmoil, and well as hurting her sisters.
Despite everything, Fuutarou didn't hate her. Even though he kept his distance (and for good reason) he never rubbed it on her face. Indeed, she could see he was doing his best to be nice, not just with her, but with all the others. And that made her glad; to know that, despite what she did, he didn't hold it against her. She could finally get the chance to talk from heart to heart, with no more lies or deceptions.
"You're gonna get cold," a voice spoke up behind her, as she felt a cloth covering her.
Ichika turned around, and there she was. He'd taken off his jacket to cover her, who'd gotten the bright idea to come see him wearing only that skimpy yellow bikini. For the good it'd don now; who was she trying to impress?
Nevertheless, she appreciated the gesture; the cloth felt rather warm and nice. Just like that time he'd lent her his coat when they were locked up in the storage room, back in the school camp. Fond memories.
"Sorry for the bother," she said. "Do you want to take a little walk?"
"Sure, why not?"
Both slowly began walking across the beach shore. Upon looking at the setting son, and how its light reflected beautifully on the sea, Ichika thought it looked like a romantic movie scenario. But she had to shake off that thought, reminding herself this wasn't a movie. It was reality, and she had no business being an actress.
Thus, as they reached the center of the beach, in a point where the waves caressed their feet gently, she stopped and stood in front of him. What she was about to say required a lot of courage, and she knew it wouldn't be easy. But at this point, she'd chosen to be honest, not just with him and everyone else, but with herself and her own heart.
"Fuutarou-kun… I've had some time to think, about what you told me that time," she finally spoke.
"Really?" The boy gave her a serious look. She felt a chill going down her spine, when his sharp eyes pierced through her, but it was just a moment, and she quickly regained her composure to continue.
"Yes. That time… when you asked me why I did it. Why I lied. I've had time to think, so I think I can answer your question now."
"Alright, you have my full attention," he replied, folding his arms.
Again, she needed to breathe deeply. It wasn't easy to say this. It hadn't been easy to admit and acknowledge what led her to act that way. Let alone understand that her 'reasons' were no excuses. What she did was wrong, no matter how she looked at it.
"When we were little, I was the meanest and most selfish out of us five. I'd often take their things away from them under the excuse of 'sharing'. But when Mom died, I realized I couldn't do that anymore. I was the eldest, and it was my responsibility to look out for all of them. And then, you appeared.
"You entered our lives and everything changed. I saw how they developed these feelings for you, how our life suddenly became much cheerier and funnier than ever before. And since I'd made a promise to myself and Mom, I thought it was my duty to support them. Until I realized… I'd fallen in love with you as well."
Fuutarou said nothing, but he nodded. Okay, the start wasn't as hard as she thought. Having taken the first step, the rest would probably come out more naturally. There was no turning back after all.
"So then… I felt so confused. Part of me didn't understand how I developed these feelings. I thought it was wrong to have them, since I promised I'd always look out for my sisters. But I saw you spend time with them, and I came to realize I wanted that for me. No, rather, it was that I wanted you all for myself."
Fuutarou nodded once more. Despite not uttering a single word, the silence in itself was an answer. She could see it in his eyes; he was doing his best to understand her actions, and why she took them.
"And I understood. I realized that… I'd have to compete with my sisters for it. In the end, everything exploded inside me, and all I could think was that I couldn't allow myself to lose, especially when Miku and Nino made it clear they wouldn't either."
"So in short, you began seeing your relationship with your sisters as a perverse competition. And me like a prize you deserved to win. Am I correct?"
Those words really stung, not only by how cold they sounded, but also because they effectively hit the bullseye. Indeed, that was exactly what happened. And in hindsight, she herself couldn't believe she'd gone to such extremes to get what she wanted, like she was entitled to have him.
"Yes. That's what happened," she said. Inside, she felt like a lot of chains restricting her chest had broken in a heartbeat. To admit it was quite liberating to her.
"So tell me, why did you do it?" he asked again. "Why resort to lies and deception, just because of me?"
On that rainy day, she couldn't answer that question. Not even she knew why she did it, even being aware of how much her actions would hurt her sisters. Even breaking the promise to her late mother, of always looking out for them. None of that mattered to her at the time.
"Because… because I thought… you'd never fall for someone like me," she finally admitted. "Just look at me, all this cool, responsible big sister act? Nothing but a front. You've seen me the way I really am: a lazy sleeper who's unable to keep order in her own room. It seems I'm only good for acting… and for lying."
After saying that, she was unable to look at him. Despite how much confidence in herself she exuded on the outside, inside Ichika was very aware of her own flaws, even if she appeared not to mind them too much when others found them out. And despite being popular with boys and knowing how to deal with it, when she fell in love for real she felt completely at a loss, not knowing how to act.
Trust; it all came to that in the end. When she fell in love Fuutarou, fear took the best of her, destroying her self-confidence. That was why she resorted to sabotage the others' efforts, to prevent them from making any moves on him before she did. Like it was a race, as if being the first would guarantee her victory. And thinking she wouldn't get caught, or that she could avoid the consequences, only for everything to blow up spectacularly in her face, destroying in an instant both his and her sisters' trust.
"I understand if you hate me now. What I did was unforgivable, and I always knew it."
"You're being too hard with yourself," he said approaching her. "You don't need to drag that guilt anymore; I can see you really regret what you did."
She looked up. Despite still having the same expression, there was a slight glint in his eyes, and his lips had curved upwards in a slight smile. The girl placed a hand on her chest, clutching it slightly as her heart started beating with some hope.
"Do you know why I was so angry?" Fuutarou continued. "It wasn't just because of what you did, to resort to lies and deception to hurt your sisters, but also the why you did it. To think you'd go that far… because you fell for me."
"Fuutarou-kun…"
"You know my family is what matters the most for me in the world. I'd do anything for my dad and Raiha, and I always thought you'd do the same for your sisters. Just imagine how it feels… that the person you love betrays their family for you."
Ichika lowered her gaze once more. There was no anger or grudge in Fuutarou's words. Only disappointment, and somehow, it felt even worse. In her current state, the eldest Nakano would have gladly accepted him screaming at her in rage. Speaking in that calm tone it only hurt her even more.
She then realized something else. The latter part of what he said… the person you love? Had she misheard that?
"Wait a minute… what did you just…?"
The boy shushed her with a finger on her lips. He then stared at her very seriously, and she felt those amber eyes piercing through her, making her freeze up. It was both an attractive and scary trait of him all at once.
"What you did won't be easily erased," she did. "Trust can take a lifetime to build, and one single act is enough to shatter it to pieces. You get that, don't you?"
"Yes… of course I get it."
"Good, because when we go back home, I'll be keeping a close eye on you. So don't blow it."
Next, he placed a hand over her head, slightly caressing her hair as he came closer to whisper something else to her ear.
"You better prove yourself worthy of my trust again."
And without further words, he walked past her, leaving the beach to return to their shelter. The others would probably be wondering where they were or what they were doing, so she'd better go back too and not worry them.
As she walked looking at Fuutarou's back, Ichika was left pondering on his words. It was clear he hadn't fully forgiven her for what she did. But at the same time, he was encouraging her to show she truly regretted it, and rather than tormenting her about it, he was giving her the chance to redeem herself, to make up for her mistakes.
'Fuutarou-kun… I don't know if you still have any feeling for me. But that doesn't matter anymore. If I can regain your trust. I won't need anything else.'
A smile formed on her lips, as that hopeful heartbeat once more pumped on her chest. Maybe, just maybe, she still had a chance. But if that wasn't the case, and he chose one of her sisters, then she would be fine with it too.
If she wanted to earn back his trust, that meant no more lies or deception. From now on, she'd be honest with herself, with him, and with her sisters.
FIN.
Author's notes:
What's up, people? Okay, like I said on my latest chapter of Shape of the Heart, here's the first prize for the reference challenge I left, written for DapperSquidMan. As he gave me to pick between Ichika and Yotsuba, I chose the former since I'm writing the latter more often on the main fic, and when he suggested "a beach thing", I figured I could use the deserted island from the videogame as the setting. Just so we're clear, I haven't played it and I've only seen some pieces here and there, so I had to build the scenario in my head.
Now, about their conversation, I know very well how polemic Ichika's actions were, and while I didn't get to hate her, I did hate that Negi turned her into the villain during the Sisters War arc. Among the extremists, her supporters say "All is fair in war and love", while her detractors call her "bitch", "snake", and many other nicknames about being a traitor, never trying to understand her actions. Watching the series many times helped me form a perspective and in my opinion, while I don't defend her actions whatsoever, I can understand that a combination of factors pushed her into such a state. Counting: the pressure of balancing her studies and acting job, not being able to spend as much time with Fuutarou as she wanted while the others could (as they worked close to him), her inner conflict on whether she should step aside for her sisters' sake or fight for him, and finally the breaking point when Yotsuba told her she should allow herself to be more selfish, it's clear Ichika simply became a mess, and in her desperation she just blindly jumped to the "obvious" choice rather than considering alternatives.
So that's what this little talk is about. In my opinion, in a scenario where Fuutarou would pick Ichika, I think this would be the biggest hurdle they'd have to overcome to be together. I firmly believe that every relationship, be it familial, platonic or romantic, is primarily based on trust, both in yourself and your partner, and if any party destroys that trust, the relationship falls apart, plain and simple. Here, it's clear that he was pretty hurt by what she did, and while it won't be easy to forgive her, he's leaving a door open for her to prove that she regrets it and won't do it ever again. I apologize if any of you expected a kiss, even on the cheek, but in the current situation she still needs to earn that right, which is why I replaced it by the head pat (like she herself had suggested).
There, I guess that's it. Hope you guys enjoyed it, and if that's the case, leave a review with your thoughts. I'll soon be posting another of these, albeit this time starring Nino. Sayonara!