Well, started to read Wonder Woman again, remembered how much I loved Greek Mythology and was the only one in class who actually read the assignments, asked for more stories, and well..
Then the Liberians referenced the apple of discord, which was the best thing ever, then random video games were using the apple, then wonder woman actually HAD Eris in the comic, but it was lame, she was under used, Hermes looked like an alien? With chicken feet? so I went back to the stories like Ovid, and others. Got happier. So all of that is why I'm jonsing and nerding over the Greek gods.
"I've got one for you," Hermes says," you can only speak in questions." He lifts his head up to see if his friend is listening. Eris looks over from her book.
"How long do you think it would last?" They spent most of the afternoon sitting in the middle of the garden doing nothing. Well, Eris found solace in her books, Hermes just watched people who passed by.
"What's the measurement?" Eris returns her attention to the book.
"What'd you mean?"
"What do you mean by,"lasts," Eris asks after a short pause. Hermes fights back an initial response and chooses his words carefully.
"Would it not be, until you can longer think of a response with a question?"
"Could it not also be, until you give up?"
"Is there a penalty for the one who does?"
"Should there be one?"
"Why not?"
"What say you?"
"How does spending an entire day with Eros sound?"
"And what if I said, that's not a punishment? Because I genuinely liked him?"
"Why can't you respond to things normally like everyone else?"
"Where's the fun in that?"
Hermes closed his eyes and really gave thought to what could be a true punishment for his companion. Her likes, dislikes, whom she generally spent time with, what was avoided, what wasn't, her relationships. Golden. He's got her now.
"Are you sharing your bed with him?" He knew the answer. She tried to keep her face neutral.
"And what if I was?" Her voice low with a slight stammer.
"Would denying yourself the pleasures of the flesh be considered yours?" His was an evil smile.
"Is spending the day with Eros still on the table?"
And so it begins.
"What were your initial thoughts on Socrates?" Hermes asks Athena, who is currently weaving a tapestry of intricate design.
"Why?"
"Can I not just be curious? You must have some thoughts on him, are you not the goddess of wisdom?"
"You've never expressed an interest in philosophy, little brother."
"Have you asked?"
"Well, if you're truly curious. . . "
"What is it that you do?" Eris asks, trying to sound as sincere as she can in curiosity. Hestia looks over from the stove. She is experimenting with different flavors.
"What'd you mean?" Hestia doesn't bother to look over, she's in full science cooking mode. Eris takes a deep breath, clenches her fists, and tries again.
"What's that you're working on?"
"Experiment in cooking. Well, flavor to be precise, Why? Playing house?"
"A flavor experiment? What does that mean?"
"What it sounds like. Do you want a book?"
"What are the flavors?"
"Can you teach me archery?"
Artemis looks over. Hermes smiles.
"What? Why me?"
"Could it not," Hermes says slowly, carefully choosing his words," that I respect you as an equal?"
"Really? You mean that?" Artemis fights back her blush of embarrassment, and his charm. She brushes hair behind her ear and tries to appear coy, and disinterested.
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Steady your breathing," Artemis says. Hermes is pinning his shot. He inhales sharply.
"Release." He exhales, and he misses the target.
"It's kind of close. You just need to practice, you're getting closer."
"You think I could be good as you one day?"
"What are you doing?"
"Uh, what do you mean?" Hermes asks.
"What is this?"
"Can't it just be that I'm spending time with my best friend?" Hermes says rather fast. He must not lose this game. Artemis does not look too sure.
"Hermes, do you like-"
"Look! A nymph!"
Hermes drops the bow and runs as fast as he can.
"What?"
Eros blinks. He looks through his quiver. Eris nods. Her smile wide and her eyes wet.
"Can you teach me more about archery?"
"Not Apollo?"
"Why I would go to Apollo," Eris spreads her arms wide and points to him," when I have you? Surely, you must be sufficiently skilled?"
"Really? You mean that?"
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Well, it's about your stance." Eros stands behind Eris's raises her arm, he has his other hand around her waist.
"This amount of touching, is it not excessive? Perhaps, even unnecessary?"
"I'm helping you form the proper stance. That's all."
"Can we keep it above the waist?" Her eyes narrow.
Eris lines up with the target and releases the arrow, her aim is she true, perfect hit.
"That was impressive, I thought you said you wanted help?"
"I, uh. Beginners luck?" Eris shrugs sheepishly, trying to appear innocent as possible.
"Well, what do we have here?"
Eris nearly drops her next arrow. Apollo is leaning against a tree. Dressed to impress as always. Perfect everything. Eros wanted to stab his face with all the arrows.
Eros often thought about stealing away into his home at night while Apollo was asleep and shave his head, but since it's Apollo, he'd probably rock the shit out of that look too. Eros snaps his arrow, then curses Apollo and the universe.
"What'd you mean?" Be cool. Eris closes her eyes and breathes in and out. She raises the arrow, and tries to ignore the universe.
"What is this?"
Eris cannot tell if he's amused or annoyed, or both. She tries to focus, but her mind and eyes do not want to cooperate.
"Is it not what it looks like? Can't I spend time with my nephew?"
"Is it?" Apollo's behind her now, he runs his fingers through her hair, and then-
"Look! A nymph!"
Eris drops the bow and runs as fast as she can. She happens to meet Hermes in passing. They both stop, breathless.
"Can we end this game now?" Hermes asks, he's doubled over and they both sit down and lean into the trees behind. Eris nods, trying to get composed herself.
"Artemistress thinks I have a crush on her."
"Apollo crashed the party."
"Of course he did."
"How'd you exit?"
"Oh, you know me. I saw a nymph."
"Me too."
"Damn." Eris rubs her face.
"What?"
"Bored again."
They sit in silence.
"Hey, got one for you . . . "
Eris has her nose in a book when she hears a voice calling out to her.
"E! E!"
The voice sounded like a strained, yet close Artemis. Eris looked around and found no one.
"Over here!" A whistle catches her attention. Eris looks up, and off at a corner, she sees something, just a bit odd. A blur and then mad physics. Something opens and Artemis's hand appears.
"How? What?" Eris jumps up and is pulled through the mad physics door and it seals the world behind her.
"What is this place?"
"Sssh. Sssh. Eros is coming."
Eros looks around, takes out his lyre and sits down. He lights up a cigarette and starts to tune.
"Eeeee-rrrrr-ooooooo-ssssss." A very odd sounding voice calls. Eros looks around. Nothing seen, he shakes it off and goes back to his lyre.
"Errrrrrrrr-oooooooo-sssss." A slightly raspier, deeper voice beckons.
"Who is that? Apollo? Is that you?" Eros stands to his feet, and reaches into his quiver.
"You have been choooo-seeeen." The first, softer voice says.
"Seriously? Who is this?"
"We speak for Diana and Nyx." Says the second voice.
"Who?"
"Nyx, mother of night and cha-oooos. Diana, the hunteress supreme."
"Right. What do you want?"
"To spread our gospel of chaos and the moooooon."
" Why?"
"Because it is our will and you have been chosen to carry out thy's will."
"This is you, Apollo isn't it? Ignoring you now!"
"Can this Apollo do this!?"
A stray moonbeam appears along side of a giant spider creature. Eros jumps backwards, trips and lands on his back. He tries to aim for the beast as it inches closer.
"Dost thou still think we be this Apollo fellow?"
"No! He can't do this! I believe you!"
"Begone, creature of thine!" There is a faint sound of fingers snapping and feminine giggles.
The spider creature vanishes. Eros sighs deeply and lays his head down on the ground. He's not trained to deal with this.
"Now go forth and bring us offerings of all the wine of this great mount. And some ambrosia." The voice reminded Eros of those mortal amusements he enjoys. A computer villain of some sort.
Eros does as instructed. He brings all the wine he can find to the spot where he first heard the calling. The ambrosia was a bit trickier. Gods do not like to part with that so easily.
Dionysus is far from amused.
"You took all of my wine." His subjects pack what they can in crates, load them onto chariots, that are leading back to his home base.
"I had to! It's my calling. I'm the prophet now."
"Are you sure it's not Apollo screwing with you? He does that." Dionysus observes his workers as they go about it.
"I gotta say, I'm impressed with the setup. How'd you find this spot, Arti?" Hermes picks up a bottle of wine and drinks from it.
"Random happenstance."
"And the fact you were able to keep this from Apollo. That's truly a feat." He throws the empty bottle behind him, and picks up another.
"I don't tell him everything!"
"You were waiting for him to pass, but Eris came to you first?"
" . . . no."
"Can a third join this game?"
"Side bar."
Two hushed voices converse.
"We've side bar 'ed."
"Yeah?"
"No."
"Figures. Had to try. Have fun, ladies!"
Zeus heard that his grandson had been acting rather odd lately. He decided to investigate, Athena, Aphrodite, and his wife Hera, would not let the issue go, so here he is. Standing in the spot. The wine is gathered, the plates of ambrosia, empty.
"We know what you did." A harsh whispers says.
"Sh-ame. Sha-aaaame."
"Who dares to speak to me like that?"
"Your shame."
"Hera, Hera, Hera, Hera," a voice chants.
"Leto, Leto, Leto, Leto, Leto."
Zeus looks around wildly.
"We shall now begin the removal process of your damning appendage."
He flees.
Eros returns with more wine.
"Do you require anything else?"
"The sun has offended the moon, for it has taken her sacred bow. She found it, it was hers, and just because he thinks he's so special because the god of archery does not mean he has the right to take his twin's bows, so you will retrieve it."
"Do I have to?"
"Dost thou want to face the spider demon again?"
Hermes returns as Eros runs off.
"He can't be that much of an Arte-dunce. He still doesn't know it's you two?"
"I mean, I guess we keep this up until it gets old. I almost feel bad." Eris is still learning about empathy.
"I just want my damn bow back. And 'Arte-dunce,' really?"
"It's not my fault you have the most pun-able name."
Hermes waves his hands defensively. He smiles.
"Oh, here we go."
Apollo is holding Eros up in the air with one hand, with a strange smile on his face.
"Hey, has anyone seen Atremistress or Eris? It's like they've been absent for days." Hermes looks around with exaggerated movement.
Hermes looks off over into the sky.
"Hark! For where art thou sisters?"
"I found him trying to go into my house. He said he was a prophet,"
"Oooooh, One your orcalidiots. I can see why you chose him. Well done, oh god of prophecy." Hermes bows down with mock reverence.
"Oh, my sweet prince. You really do not want to try me today." Apollo still has that odd smile on his face, and with his free hand roughly caresses Hermes face before forcing him to stand upright.
"Ugh. Just give me my damn bow back, you-you, Arte-bastard!"
"Now she gets it!" Hermes and Eris clap.
The mad physics door opens, and a very angry faced moon goddess appears upside down.
"Your bow?" Apollo asks, innocently.
"Yes!"
"Of course."
"Good!"
"Can I yell too?!" Hermes shouts.
"This is oddly fun!"
"We should always talk like this!"
It promised to be one of those days-lots of grandstanding, talking of nothing, circle of arguments, and to close it off, an angry Zeus ending the meeting.
So boring.
Unnecessary.
Hermes would then be sent off on some bullshit message run. Some cousin god needed to know that it was treenuts, or his favorite one to date, "yes,"
Could lord Zeus simply not simply use quantum entanglement, or even telepathy. Really now. He bangs his head against the collum he's leaning into. He was not prepared for this. He could not endure this torture.
"Hello, brother."
"Eris." He moves around to face her. She curtsies.
"Your skin is green."
"Yes."
"Your hair is red."
"Yes. Congrats, brother. You have passed the test, and we can now confirm you are not blind."
"Ah. I was getting worried there."
"Glad to help."
"Looking forward to this meeting?"
"Oh, this one will be more lively than usual."
"Oh?"
"Follow my lead."
She bows her head with a sly smile and goes into the council chambers.
What has passed at first was business as usual. Hermes yawned. The meeting was coming to an end, when Eris stepped forward, her hand raised.
"Now that the main business is closed, I would like to bring a point to order, if I may."
Oh, here we go, Hermes shook off his boredom.
"And what's that?"
"Well. I'm not sure why, but my subjects, my people have a query. It seems that many find it difficult to pronounce Artemis's name. They have suggested several replacements. The most popular, and my personal favorite being, "Artemistress." Discuss."
Eris takes a step back.
"Seconded!" Hermes does not hesitate.
Athena sighs, " It's been seconded and we now have debate."
"No!"
"Is that your entire argument, Artemistress?" Eris asks.
"The new goddess of wisdom, everybody!" Hermes claps.
"No." Artemis is so far from amused
"Don't be so Arte-difficult." Eris couldn't resist.
"What?"
"She always has to be so Arte-different. Look at me, look at me, I'm made of stardust. I'm the moon, worship me." Eris kicks her leg up and poses.
"I don't talk like that!"
"Well, you did say that stardust thing." Eros says.
"What? When?"
"I don't know, but I'm pretty sure you've said it."
"I did not!"
"So, I think the matter is settled. Henceforth, she now shall be known as Artemistress."
"No, we did not. That's not my name."
"Matter resolved! New point of order, let's change some of our domains around." Hermes has prepared for this moment.
"Matter is far from resolved!"
"Like for instance, it is a sin, that Dionysus is not the god of dance. Groove, brother!" Hermes points to his younger brother dramatically.
Dionysus remains silent as he shows off his moves.
"Oh, feel the power!" Eris dances along with him.
"Matter resolved! God of dance Dionysus has joined the pantheon."
"This is why you gotta wear the stretchy pants, never know when you need to get down." Eris kicks her leg out as high as she can before she drops low, her heels off the ground.
"Challenge accepted." Dinosysus says stoically.
"I love this energy we have. Let's keep it going," Hermes is pacing up and down in lines. He's waving his hands, trying to transfer his manic panic to the others.
"Are you seriously trying to swing, alone?"
"Partners accepted?"
"Eros!"
"Uh?"
"Link to the past!"
"Oh!"
She snaps her fingers. He runs over. They stand side by side. They do this odd, left leg up, right arm raised, hop, switch, hop, switch move.
"What's happening?"
"Play a video game! It's the 21st century!"
"What about puppies? Who wants to be the god of puppies?"
"There can only be one." Dionysus says, sword raised. He lets out a wail that hell has never known and charges forward. He runs out of the chambers.
"So, that happened."
"My name is Artemis. I am the moon. My people know and love me." Artemis repeats this miserably.
"This party's beat. Let's bounce, Hermes."
"Word."
Eris faces the others, walking backwards.
"You're welcome." She blows a kiss.