Welcome to the World of Red Dwarf as told by the characters of the World of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Not all episodes of Red Dwarf will be included and a couple will feature out of order to make things more understandable.
Please be aware that the Sonic characters will be OOC as they will have the personalities of the Red Dwarf characters instead.
Thank you for reading and all rights go to the creators of Red Dwarf and Sonic the Hedgehog, of course.
(Oh, one last thing - Red Dwarf is a British Television Show and so will therefore likely contain British terms or phrases and spelling.
I apologise to all non-British readers in advance. Sorry!)
Episode 1 "The End"
The space mining vessel known as Red Dwarf was on a lengthy tour of space.
It's purpose: to find harvesting material from other planets seeing as their home planet, Mobius, was almost dry.
They lived in an age where Mobian Humans and Mobian Anthropomorphic Animals co-existed in harmony and worked together to achieve common goals.
Down one of the hallways came two hedgehogs - one leading, the other pushing a maintenance trolly behind.
The first was black furred with red flecks on his quills, handsome in appearance but with such a smarmy, proud expression on his face (which reeked of vanity and self-importance) that it made your stomach turn over.
Behind him, singing merrily, followed a hedgehog that was a rich royal blue colour, bright-eyed and also handsome... but with a completely opposite feel, that being one who had clearly spent his lifetime lazing around collecting food stains, disregarding morals and generally becoming a certified 'bum'.
These were Shadow and Sonic the Hedgehogs, creatures that often made their human Captain wish that he had nothing to do with walking, talking animals.
As they walked on their way, Sonic still singing, one could easily determine the nature of their relationship by simply watching and listening.
"Sonic," Shadow murmured dryly, clipboard grasped tightly in both hands, "have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet? No? Well, shut up then!"
Rolling his eyes, Sonic resigned himself to the sorry fact that he was stuck with the one creature on this ship that he couldn't stand and that equally couldn't stand him.
"Right, Corridor 159," Shadow began, checking something off on his list as they stopped in front of a food dispenser. Sonic came along with the trolly, humming his previous song. "Sonic, shut up!" Shadow cried, staring at him in disbelief, really hoping that the blue twit wasn't going to be pushing his buttons today - a fool's hope, really.
"I'm only humming," Sonic whined.
"Well don't!" Shadow snapped back, returning to his notebook.
Unfortunately for Shadow, Sonic had discovered he was deliciously easy to wind up and, with a sparkle of mischief in his green eyes, he lifted his hands and began to slap out a rhythm on his cheeks.
"Sonic, don't hum and don't make any stupid sounds with your cheeks."
So Sonic began clicking his tongue instead.
"Sonic, one more sound of ANYTHING and you're on report, mi-laddo." This was accompanied by a finger wag. "Now, what job number is this?"
Sonic just couldn't understand it when Shadow flipped out after he tried mouthing that he wasn't allowed to make a sound and he was more put out when Shadow wrote out a report form against him for 'obstructing a superior technician by humming, clicking and being quiet'.
Shadow had always said that he wasn't always going to be where he was; he dreamt of passing his engineering exam although Sonic was sceptical.
"You won't do that 'cause you'll just go in there and flunk again," he said later on, walking back down the corridor.
"Sonic," Shadow tutted, "Last time I only failed by the narrowest of narrow margins."
"You walked in there and wrote 'I am a fish' 400 times, did a funny little dance, and fainted."
"That's a total lie!"
"No it's not, Tails told me."
"No it's not, Tails told me," Shadow imitated with a whine. "If you MUST know, what I did was write a discourse on reverse circuits that was too radical, too unconventional, too mould-breaking for the examiners to accept."
"Yeah," Sonic agreed with a nod, "You said you were a fish."
This was how the two of them functioned.
They were bunkmates, sharing the same room, smothering one another every minute of the day having been lumped together as working partners. In Shadow's own words, they were 'the lowest of the low'; their task on Red Dwarf was to shuffle around the corridors making sure all the vending machine weren't out of Kitkats and Crunchies.
Their current argument was cut short, however, when Rotor Walrus approached them with another clipboard in his hand.
Shadow immediately saluted grandly as Sonic grinned.
"Ah, Shadow," Rotor greeted with a sigh, "I was just going through the artifacts and I see you've filed 247 complaints... against Sonic."
The look of utter smug-ness could not have been found on the biggest Teacher's Pet in the entirety of the universe.
"Yes sir," Shadow smirked.
"That's 123 counts of 'insulting a superior technician', 39 counts of 'deriliction of duty', 84 counts of 'general insubordination' and 1 count of... 'mutiny'."
"Yes sir," Shadow confirmed, still smirking.
Rotor glanced at the blue hedgehog questioningly. "Mutiny, Sonic?"
"Yeah," Sonic nodded, tucking into a chili dog that he had managed to snaffle from one of the cooks who had a soft spot for him, "I stood on his toe."
"Maliciously and with intent to wound," Shadow immediately snarled.
"It was an accident!" Sonic protested.
"I put it to you," sighed Shadow, "How is it possible to stand on one small toe by accident? You didn't stand on my toe at all - you stood on my entire paw, thereby obstructing a superior technician in pursuit of vital duty!"
"The 'vital duty' was that he was going to snap my guitar in half!"
"Whereupon you leapt from the top bunk onto the whole of my right paw!"
"All right, that's enough," Rotor interrupted, shaking his head. He'd had to deal with the two hedgehogs on more counts than he'd like to recall.
"Had it been a crisis situation, Sonic," Shadow went on all the same, "I'd have had to perform my duties hopping! Clearly putting the ship at risk and clearly, therefore, mutiny."
"...Finished?" Rotor mumbled, raising an eyebrow at Shadow, folding his arms over his chest.
He wasn't.
"However, I'm not a vindictive man, so I don't intend to apply for the death pentalty."
Now he was finished.
"There are 169 people on board this ship," Rotor told them, "You, Shadow, are over one hedgehog. Why can't you two get on?"
"Y'see, I try sir," Sonic explained, chewing away, "I'm not an insubordinate man by nature. I try and respect Shadow and everything but it's not easy 'cause he's such a smeg head!"
Shadow stared at him, affronted.
"Did you hear that, sir?" he gasped, "Sonic, do you have any conceptions on the penalty for describing a superior technician as a smeg head?"
It was Rotor Walrus who answered that by laughing.
"Oh Shadow," he chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder, "you ARE a smeg head."
Tensions may have been a little on the strained side on Red Dwarf for it so turned out that the crew mourning a death. One of the officers, a cat named George Mcintyre, had passed away after a lengthy fight with a genetic disease.
Sonic and Shadow were milling in their room when his ashes were sent out into space, his final song request, 'See you later, Alligator', singing out throughout the ship.
"There goes Mcintyre," Sonic sighed from the top bunk, peering out the window. "Bye George. That was George." He pushed himself away from the window and hung his head down over the bunk.
"Really?" Shadow drolled sarcastically, not looking up at him, "I thought it was Mary Queen of Scots."
George's funeral was being filmed for the rest of the crew to see but the screen went dead as Shadow ordered it off.
"Hey, I was watching that!" Sonic complained.
"Tough."
For as much as Sonic looked for ways to wind up Shadow, so too did Shadow seek ways to make Sonic's life a misery. So, holding back the urge to reach down and yank out a dark quill, Sonic sought to vent his frustration elsewhere.
"You touch that guitar, Sonic..." Shadow threatened, "I'll remove the E string and gerot you with it."
"Can I do anything?" the blue hedgehog growled, leaning back over, "Is it okay if I breathe? Can I breathe?" He let out a very long, over-exagurated breath on top of Shadow's head."
The darker hedgehog jumped to his feet with a glare.
"Sonic, I have an exam tomorrow which I intend to pass," he protested. Why couldn't his bunk mate just leave him alone?
"Yeah, by cheating," Sonic sniggered, nodding to where Shadow was trying to scribble down the answers on the soft pink pads of his paws.
Mobian animals, the ones that walked and talked as humans did, often wore gloves in order to hide their claws as a way of being civilised and less threatening - so Shadow was sure that any writings would be well hidden.
"This is not cheating," he retorted, however, "It is merely an aid to memory, helps me marshal the facts that are already at my command."
"You're just copying the entire textbook onto the skin of your body - why don't you hand your body in and let them mark that?"
"Sonic, do you think it's easy for someone like me to become an officer?" Shadow asked crossly, "Someone who wasn't academy educated? Someone who didn't have the right nobby background? Someone who didn't have the right parents?"
"Didn't have the right parents?" Sonic repeated, surprised, "Whose parents did you have?"
"MY parents, the WRONG parents."
"I'm just saying though," Sonic sighed, settling himself back on his bunk and poking a few more holes in his blanket with his spines, "If you can't pass fair and square, why bother?"
"Well you would, Sonic, because you've got no ambition, no drive - you're perfectly content to be the lowest rank on this ship."
"I'm NOT the lowest rank on this ship! What about the laboratory mice?" Sonic smiled proudly, "If I tell those mice to do something, they jump to it. 'Yes Mister Sonic, Sir! Eee eee eee!'"
Shadow shook his head, almost sympathetically. "Sonic, you are a nothing."
"I'm not a nothing! I've got my plan," Sonic told him sharply.
"What's that? To get through the entire film of 'The Fox and the Hound' without crying?"
"No, my five year plan. You see, I'm going to do 2 more trips, I've been saving up all my pay..."
"Since when?"
"Since always. That's why I never buy any tick remover or flea powder or stuff like that. Anyway, I'm going to have a little farm on South Island. I'm going to have a sheep and a cow and breed horses."
Shadow twitched his shiny black nose.
"...With a sheep and a cow?"
"No, with horses and horses." Sonic rolled his eyes.
"On South Island?"
"Yeah, the prices there are unbelievable."
"Yes, because they had a volcanic eruption and now most of South Island is three feet below sea level."
Sonic looked thoughtful for a moment. "It's only three feet - they can wade. So I suppose the animals are going to have to be quite tall."
"Nice plan, Sonic, excellent plan, brilliant plan!" said Shadow sarcastically. "What about the sheep? What are you going to do, buy water wings? Give them stilts? Better yet, you can cross breed them with dolphins and have leaping mutton!" Shadow then bounced his pen up and down, baa-ing and splashing. "You'll be the first person to produce wet-look knitwear."
"This is why I never ever said anything to you," Sonic huffed, lying on his bed in a sulk, "'Cause I knew you'd say something like this!"
"Sonic, you've got the brain of a cheese sandwich," Shadow smirked and then pretended to swim across the room. "Mornin' Farmer Sonic," he sang in a Somerset accent, as he 'swam' past the bed, "Jus' poppin' down t' th' shops in me submarine, can I buy you anythin'?"
Later on, the Red Dwarf crew held a special 'Welcome Back' party for George Mcintyre to which everyone was invited.
Shadow sat alone, hating everyone he was stuck on board with, while Sonic went and milled with his friends on another table. They were laughing and joking and playing stupid trick games with one another while Shadow looked on and sneered. Sonic's closest friend, a little fox called Tails, was always egging him in these things, probably encouraging Sonic to make more problems for Shadow.
Just then Captain Robotnik stood up at the head table with a drink in hand. Everyone quietened as he began his speech.
"Folks, today is a day of both sadness and joy. Sadness for the passing away of George, and joy, because George is back with us, albeit his hologram." At the Captain's side say George Mcintyre, smiling shyly, looking just as he had always done while he had been alive. The only difference about him was that he now sported a silver letter 'H' on his forehead. "Now some of you might not have travelled with a hologram before so I ask you treat him as a normal person because he is, in every respect, like George. He has George's personality, George's knowledge, memories and experience. Of course, he can't life anything or touch anything so I ask you to cooperate with his requests and please take every care not to walk through him, not even when you're in a hurry - thank you.
George was then called for a speech amidst the clapping, to which he did, proving that he WAS indeed George.
"...As you know," he said at the end of his speech, a big friendly smile on his face, "Knuckles is only capable of sustaining one hologram so my advice to anyone more vital to the mission than me is - if you die, I'll kill you."
Another laugh and a round of applause from everyone.
Knuckles was the name of the Red Dwarf's Master Computer which ran the entire ship. It stood for 'Navigational Unix Computer and Life-Support Engineering System' - the letter K's were silent. He often showed himself around the ship by appearing on screen monitors: a striking red-furred Echidna, thought to be one of the oldest species of Mobian, hence it was chosen to be the face of the Computer System.
After the cutting of the cake (which the Captain had to do since George couldn't hold anything), Captain Robotnik made another announcement.
"Just one thing before the disco," he said, "Knuckles tells me that he's sensed a non-Mobian lifeform on board."
"Sir, it's Shadow!" Sonic called out, prompting everyone in the room to laugh again as his friends roared at the joke. Shadow looked highly unimpressed.
"We don't know what it is, Sonic," the Captain sighed through gritted teeth, glaring at the blue hedgehog, "So just be careful, okay?"
With that, the disco began.
The very next day, Shadow was sat going over the notes on his four paws.
"F. I. S. H.," Sonic commented, watching from his bed, "That's how you spell 'fish'. Then you just need to keel over. I'm sure it will all come flooding back to you."
"Quill yourself, Sonic," Shadow snorted, using an old-fashioned hedgehog insult.
There was a low hum over the intercom.
"Will entrants for the Engineers Examination now make their way to the Teaching Room," Knuckles announced.
Shadow pulled on his jacket and trousers, zipping himself up.
"Honestly, Shadow, good luck," Sonic sighed and the last thing Sonic saw of him was his pleaed face and his little black tail wagging from side to side behind him as he swept from the room.
After he had gone, Sonic waited a couple more seconds before shutting and locking the door. He then cautiously climbed down from his bunk and pricked his ears to listen for sounds of returning footsteps. There weren't any. Smiling delightedly, Sonic rubbed his hands together and, still with an ear on standby, quietly pulled out a cold hotdog from the bread bin and tiptoed over to his personal cupboard.
"Jules?" he whispered, slowly opening the cupboard door and moving aside some of his jackets, "Hey? Come on buddy."
From the bottom of the cupboard, a little snuffle greeted him and a pair of beady eyes blinked up. Sonic reached in and lifted the little creature out, revealing a rather fat, rather sleepy, brown hedgehog.
"Come get your food," Sonic smiled fondly, offering the meat to the small animal which ate it hungrily, giving a snuffle of pleasure.
The Drive Room was a hub of activity when Sonic entered, with the robotic Scutters, Gamma and Omega, milling about and the crew going about their business.
Over at one of the desks sat a pretty pink hedgehog: Amy Rose, or Rosy to her friends.
Amy was an important crew member and Sonic was just a low-ranking technician. Shadow had often told him, with great delight, that his chances of scoring with her were lower than his actual rank on the ship but that had never stopped him from flirting with her whenever he could spare a few seconds.
"Hi," Sonic grinned, leaning over her chair, "Where's the Captain's office?"
Amy looked round and smiled.
"Over there where it says 'Captain's Office'. Where it's always said 'Captain's Office'," she replied with a smile.
Sonic may not have had a prominent position on Red Dwarf, but what he did have was charm and a handsome face and, despite herself, Amy Rose thought he was sweet.
"So THAT'S the Captain's Office..." Sonic commented to himself and then flashed her another 'sweet' smile, "So how are you then?"
"Fine," Amy responded simply, turning her head so as to hide her blush.
"Do you know what he wants to see me for?" Sonic asked, leaning closer.
"Yes," Amy smirked with a sultry voice, "I think you've been promoted to admiral." Even she could flirt when she wanted to.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, for your diligence and general devotion to duty." She leant her head back so that their faces were only centimeters apart.
Sonic could smell her powdery scent and he saw his face reflected in her green irises.
"Sonic!" the Captain called, interrupting the moment. He was beckoning the hedgehog with one finger.
Sighing with disappointment, Sonic bid farewell to Amy and shuffled through the door standing in a slouch with his hands in his pockets.
"You asked to see me, Captain?"
"Where's the hedgehog?"
Sonic's ears pricked and his spines stiffened.
"...Which hedgehog, sir?" he answered nervously. "Shadow's sitting his exam-"
"Sonic," the Captain interrupted with a groan, sitting down at his desk and not bothering to correct Sonic on his disrespectful 'hands-in-pockets' stance, "not only are you so stupid that you bring aboard an unquarantined animal and jeoprodise every man and woman on this ship - not ONLY that - but you take a photograph of yourself WITH the hedgehog and have it sent to be processed in the ship's lab. Now I'm going to ask you again: do you have a hedgehog?"
"No," Sonic replied flatly.
"Have you got a hedgehog?" the Captain repeated his question with emphasis, holding up a photo of Sonic and a little fat hedgehog in his hands.
"Yes, that one," Sonic moaned, upset.
"Where'd you get it?"
Sonic hung his head in shame. "Archie Moon, two planets back."
"Don't you realise that thing could be carrying anything?" the Captain scolded, "Sonic, a loose animal on board this ship could get anywhere. It could get into the air ducts, it could get into Knuckles. A little nibble here and a little nibble there, Sonic, and before you know it we're flying backwards. Now I want that hedgehog and I want it now!"
"...Sir," Sonic murmured, clearing his throat and taking his hands out his pockets, "just suppose I did have a hedgehog - a primitive one, you know - just suppose... What would you do with Jules?"
"I'd send it down to the medical center and have it cut up and have tests run on it."
Sonic paused.
"...Would you put it back together when you're finished?"
"Sonic, the hedgehog would be dead."
"So with respect, sir, what's in it for the hedgehog?"
"Sonic, give me that hedgehog!"
"It's not as easy as that!" Sonic wailed, finally breaking down, "It's mine! He's my best mate, besides Tails. We're going to buy a farm on South Island and we're going to have a sheep and a cow and three horses. It's my plan! And no-one can get in the way of that, not even you. And do respect you... Sir."
The Captain could see the anguish in the Mobian hedgehog's face and he shook his head.
"Sonic, do you want to go into stasis for the rest of the trip and forfeit 18 months wages?" he asked.
"No," Sonic replied.
"Do you want to hand over that hedgehog?"
"No!"
The Captain gave him a steely look. "Choose."
The expression on Sonic's face was a mixture of stubborn pride and shame.
"No-one wants to go through with this," Rotor said comfortingly as he escorted Sonic towards the stasis pods.
"It's okay, I can handle it," Sonic cast off lightly, but then stopped as two doctors came along with a stretcher.
Lying on top was a serene looking Shadow, eyes closed, breathing gently.
"Shadow, are you alright?" Sonic asked with genuine worry.
Clearly, he had passed out during his exam - again.
"I can't really remember," Shadow murmured weakly, a drunk smile on his zoned out face, "I think I did quite well." He was then wheeled off as Rotor prepared the pod.
Sonic eyed the small chamber suspiciously.
"Is this gonna hurt?" he asked cautiously, squinting through the glass window of the door.
"Haven't you ever travelled interstella?" Rotor asked, surprised, to which Sonic said he hadn't. "Ah you don't feel a thing! The stasis room creates a static field of time, so just as x-rays can't pass through lead, time cannot penetrate the stasis field. So although you exist, you no longer exist in time and, for you, time itself does not exist. You see, although you're still a mass, you are no longer an event in space-time. You are a non-event mass with a quantom probability of zero."
Sonic blinked at him.
"Oh, it's as simple as that?"
Rotor opened the door for him and Sonic shuffled inside.
"See you in 18 months," the walrus smiled, closing the door and allowing Knuckles to activate the stasis field.
Time no longer had any effect on the blue hedgehog waiting inside.
On the outside, however, time did pass. The months ticked on by, one after the other, until...
"Good morning, Sonic," Knuckles spoke over the speakers as Sonic stepped through the door that just opened for him into the corridor. "It is now safe for you to emerge from stasis."
"I've only just got in," Sonic said, raising his brow at the pod behind him. He rubbed his shoulders and reasoned that it was just part of the whole 'time not effecting you' deal.
"Please proceed to the Drive Room for debriefing," Knuckles went on.
Shrugging, Sonic went on his way, unable to quite put his finger on what was bothering him.
Usually, Knuckles sounded like any ordinary super computer with an IQ of 6000 would but to Sonic he was sounding a little... normal? Like he was just another Mobian. Almost as though he couldn't really be bothered to keep up the monotomous, intelligent voice anymore.
The ship sounded eerily quiet as Sonic went on his way and every room he poked his head into was strangely empty. The Teaching Room was bare except for little piles of milk white powder on top of the desks.
"Where is everybody, Knux?" Sonic asked, using his nickname for the computer and prodding one of the piles with his finger.
"They're dead, Sonic."
Sonic stopped short, hand half-way to his mouth.
"Who is?" he asked, turning towards the nearest computer screen with wide green eyes.
"Everybody, Sonic," answered Knuckles.
Sonic absent-mindedly licked his finger. "What, Captain Robotnik?"
"Everybody's dead, Sonic."
"Mighty?"
"They're all dead. Everybody's dead, Sonic."
The blue hedgehog left the Teaching Room and made his way through the ship, bewilderment all over his face.
"Tails isn't, is he?"
"Everybody's dead, Sonic," Knuckles replied, getting impatient.
"Not Ray."
"Gordon Bennet..." Knuckles groaned, "Yes, Ray. Everybody. Everybody's dead, Sonic!"
"...Shadow?"
"He's dead, Sonic. Everybody's dead. Everybody. Is. Dead. Sonic."
Sonic paused at the top of a staircase.
"Wait a minute... are you trying to tell me everybody's dead?"
"How?" asked Sonic, entering the silent and very barren Drive Room, face betraying the fact that the news was finally hitting home.
Some of the computer screens were still on, thanks to Knuckles, and there was still light so not everything was dead, from that side of things.
"Drive Plate was inefficiently repaired," Knuckles answered, watching Sonic look around the room helplessly, "It blew and the entire crew was subjected to a lethal dose of Cabnium 2 before I could seal the air in."
Sonic brushed another pile off the nearest chair and sat down at a desk in front of the screen where Knuckles' face was, poking at another pile.
"This is terrible," he murmured, staring at his powdery fingers. "And why is it so dirty around here, Knux? What is this stuff?" He sniffed the powder on his fingers and licked at it again.
"That is Catering Officer Antoine d'Coolet," Knuckles replied.
Sonic's quills almost ripped through his shirt as he immediately spat it out.
"I've been eating half the crew!" he cried, rubbing his mouth against his sleeve. "Who's that?" he then asked, pointing to another pile on the floor a little distance away.
"That's Captain Robotnik."
"And that's Rotor?" Sonic assumed, pointing to the pile beside it.
"No, that's Second Technician Shadow."
"...Oh yeah," Sonic joked without a smile to be seen, "Didn't recognise him without his report book. What was Shadow doing in the Drive Room?"
"He was explaining to the Captain why he hadn't sealed the Drive Plate properly."
"So wait, Knux..." Sonic muttered, brushing the remains of Catering Officer Antoine d'Coolet onto the floor, "how long was I in stasis?"
"Well," Knuckles began, suddenly avoiding eye contact and twisting his mouth awkwardly, "I couldn't release you until the radiation reached a safe background level..."
"How long?" Sonic asked again, more firmly as he fixed the computer with a stern gaze.
"3 million years," Knuckles admitted.
"3 million years!?" Sonic cried, eyes unable to widen any further, "...I've still got that library book..." He looked over at the other desk and realisation came upon him. His face fell. "What about Rosy? What about Amy Rose?"
"She's dead, Sonic."
Sonic's ears drooped and his quills flattened in absolute misery, tail curling under him as his eyes began to sting.
"...Don't suppose it's any consolation," Knuckles quipped by means of 'comfort', "but if she were still alive, the age difference would be insurmountable."
Sonic, amazingly, wasn't comforted.
"But she was part of my plan," he squeaked, kneeling down by Amy's empty chair, "I never got round to telling her but she was gonna come with me to South Island. She was gonna wear a white dress and ride the horses and I was gonna take care of everything else. It was my plan! I planned it."
"Well, she won't be much use to you on South Island now - not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with," Knuckles said and, had he shoulders, he would have shrugged them.
Sonic turned to the screen, shocked.
"Knuckles!" he cried indignantly, amazed that an emotionless super computer could say something so thoughtless and distasteful.
"Sorry," Knuckles apologised, "I'm sorry about that. I've been on my own for 3 million years and I'm just used to saying what I think. Think I've gone a bit peculiar to tell the truth." His circuit board WAS a bit strained, that was obvious.
"So everyone's dead," Sonic huffed, standing up again and folding his arms with a glum face. "I'm on my own. It's just me."
"Well technically speaking, yes," Knuckles agreed.
"What do you mean, 'technically speaking'?"
In response, who should come pacing into the room but Shadow, his still-smarmy face now tinged with a very annoyed expression.
"Hello Sonic," he greeted dryly, "Long time no see."
"Shadow!" Sonic blurted, looking him up and down, "You're a hologram!"
It was true that Shadow looked the same in every aspect - save for the shiny new silver 'H' now on his forehead.
"Yes," Shadow nodded patronisingly, "That's because I'm dead. Dead as a can of spam." He glared at Sonic. "And it's all thanks to you."
"Me? What did I do?" Sonic asked, holding up his hands.
"If you hadn't kept that stupid hedgehog..."
"Hey, watch it!" Sonic interrupted and then half-heartedly smirked, "That 'stupid' hedgehog happens to share the same base genes with you."
Shadow rolled his eyes. "Well," he went on, "if you hadn't kept it and hadn't been sent to stasis, I would have had some help when I was mending the Drive Plate and I wouldn't be dead."
Sonic just stared at him, his eyes softened.
"What's it feel like?" he aksed gently.
"Death?" Shadow sighed, his hardened features falling slowly into remorse. "It's like being on holiday with a group of lemmings."
"No, I mean being a hologram," Sonic said, walking up to him and waving his arm straight through the darker hedgehog's body. There was no physical feeling of Shadow even being there.
"Do you mind?" he complained as Sonic backed off warily, staring at his hand as though he might have pieces of Shadow stuck to his gloves. "Being a hologram is fine, Sonic. I still have the same drives, the same feelings, the same emotions... but I can't touch anything." He stared at his hands. "Never again will I be able to brush a rose against my cheek, cradle a laughing child, or interfere with a woman in the mating season."
"You never used to do any of those things anyway."
"But I would have done one day, murderer!" Shadow hissed.
"Hey hey hey!" Sonic shouted back at him, "I didn't do anything! It was you who didn't fix the Drive Plate properly!"
Shadow, however, had turned his back and was now stooping over a long pile of white powder on the ground. "Is this me, here? Me?"
"Come on Shadow, look on the bright side..."
"The bright side? WHAT bright side? I'm dead!" His face contorted with sorrow. "I'm composed entirely of light and I'm alone in space with a hog who'd lose in a battle of wits against a stuffed iguana - where's the bright side?"
Sonic paused and thought about it.
"What's an iguana? And anyway, you're not dead, are you? I mean, you're dead, but you're not dead dead because you're still here, aren't you?"
"Sonic, I'm not really here! I'm not really ME, don't you see? I'm a computer simulation of me." Shadow pointed at the lone white pile. "That's me there," he moaned, "That pile of albino mouse droppings."
"Come on..." Sonic tried reasoning, "Lots of people have died. Lots of people have died and gone on to live really really well. You're a hologram, so what?"
"I suppose you're right, Sonic," Shadow sighed, which was something he would have put money on never ever saying in his life, "I've got to pull myself together... but you've got to help me! You've got to be my hands and my touch."
"I know the sort of things you like to touch," Sonic shuddered, "No way, Shadow, forget it."
Shadow turned to glower at him. "Ignoring a superior officer? You're on report, squire..." He went to reach for his report book and stopped, realising that he couldn't touch anything and he didn't even have the book on him anymore. He scrunched up his face, looking up at the ceiling. "I can't write it down..." he said softly before aggressively tapping his forehead. "...I'll remember it!"
Sonic had just been starting to feel sorry for him but now he was getting frustrated with him again.
"Look, I know it's wrong of me to speak ill of the dead and all that," he groaned, standing up and beginning to walk from the room, "but you're still a smeg head."
"I beg your pardon?" Shadow demanded, eyes glittering dangerously.
So Sonic repeated: "I said you're still a smeg head."
"Sonic, do you have any idea of the penalty for describing a deceased superior technician as a smeg head!?" Shadow fumed, following Sonic from the Drive Room.
It appeared as though Sonic DID know, but did he care? Not at all.
He was still following him around a little later on when, unbeknown to both of them, another hedgehog had climbed its way from the lower levels and was now dancing around the halls. He was dressed in a sharp suit and looked as though he had just stepped from a hollywood movie.
"Oo-wee, how am I looking?" he asked himself, digging into his pockets and bringing out a small mirror. "...Lookin' nice!" he smiled, flashing his fangs. "No, wait a minute, I'm looking better than nice! I'm looking dangerous!"
He laughed and went dancing on again.
"Oh what's that? Oh it's my shadow... Even my shadow's looking nice! I'm looking nice, my shadow's looking nice - what a team! We are unbelievable!"
On his way he went, spinning and dancing and kicking his heels and shaking his long white spines.
Sonic and Shadow both practically leapt into the air when they turned a corner and found a mass of white quills dancing their way towards them. Shadow actually went to grab Sonic but found his arms passing right through.
They quickly realised that the mass of white spines was actually another male hedgehog, a lot like a Mobian, with long elaborate quills and a pair of golden yellow eyes.
The stranger took in the sight of Sonic and Shadow and immediately went on the defense.
"Uh-oh," he grumbled to himself. "Better roll!" So after giving the two rivals a flash of his spines as a warning, he leapt forward, curling into a tight ball and rolled away down the corridor, out of sight.
Sonic and Shadow made a hasty retreat to the nearest room which turned out to be the Teaching Room that Shadow had sat in for his exam. Feeling a little jumpy, Sonic turned to the computer screen.
"Knuckles, what WAS that?" he asked.
"During the radioactive crisis, Sonic, your hedgehog and her hoglets were safely sealed in the hold and they've been breeding there for 3 million years. The radiation caused future generations of hoglets to grow into the lifeform that you just saw in the corridor."
Not so much fazed by the face that his pet hedgehog had been female all this time, Sonic sat himself down on one of the tables and shook his head back and forth.
"That thing has descended from my Jules? With THOSE quills?"
The other hedgehog's spines were lavish and the ones on his forehead were especially prominent, standing up like a peacock's tail rather than keep with the direction of the others as Sonic's and Shadow's quills did. Quills only stood up like that on the forehead when hedgehogs were either completely terrified or looking for a messy fight. The silver coloured hedgehog hadn't appeared to be either.
"I suppose that's what happens after living in radioactive deep space for years," Knuckles mused.
But Sonic was right back on his feet again when the silver hedgehog came rolling through the door, looking around eagerly as he jumped up onto two feet. He stopped short when he locked eyes with Sonic and Shadow, bristling yet again.
"Hello?" Sonic tried saying in a friendly voice.
"Stand back, Sonic," Shadow mouthed and then, without warning, sprang at the intruder, quills up in the air ready for an old-fashioned hedgehog joust. He passed straight through, of course, much to the silver hedgehog's amusement.
"Hey, clear off boys," he warned after a short giggle, "Any girls around here are having MY kids and my kids only. You see these genes?" He twirled in place. "These are the genes that are gonna be passed on, not yours!"
"If you can find a woman on board, matey," Shadow grunted crossly, reentering the room with dignity that did not suggest what had happened a moment ago, "then by all means go ahead - you'll have earned her."
Deeming that they weren't a threat, the silver hedgehog allowed Sonic to lead him to the sleeping quarters where he was fed, instantly earning Sonic a special place in his affections.
"Where are all your other hedgehog friends then?" Sonic asked curiously, wondering if he was in for a lonely trip in space after all. At this rate, there was a chance that the hedgehog species could survive quite comfortably.
"Who cares?" Shadow interrupted, "I want it off the ship!"
"Nah," Sonic crooned, watching the strange hedgehog eagerly eat his food from a bowl at the table and he patted him on the head. "He's coming home with us, aren't you Silver?"
"Silver?"
"Good name, isn't it?" Sonic shrugged, "So, okay, it isn't MY hedgehog, but it's still a hedgehog and he's coming with me to South Island."
"What makes you think they'll BE a South Island?" Shadow reasoned, "You're just a slime! What makes you think there will even BE a Mobius?"
"Let's find out!" Sonic laughed, "Knuckles, plot a course to Mobius - the slime's coming home!"
Next time...
While travelling at light speed, Sonic, Shadow and Silver see snippets of the future appearing all over the ship. One of these 'future echoes' include Sonic's supposed and inevitable death.