For a long time Laurel didn't feel any different. This deeply upset her. She was supposed to feel different. She was supposed to feel good, happy, even. Fern, who was unabashed at having introduced herself to Deus, was as ever optimistic about the situation.
"It's because you've no goal," she said. "You need a new focus. Maybe it's time to relax."
It was hard to disagree with her sister. For new goal for now was helping Anise recover. She began to speak, she began to walk gradually. It took some time – time which separated her from Deus. She knew Anise would want to return home for good when she finally had the strength and who was Laurel to deny her that? Fern had returned home but not without giving Laurel several hints about her future. What did Laurel want herself? Deus seemed to wait, gave her time. He began to work again, opened up a small clinic that charged only a small amount. He made sure to work part time but this wasn't possible as a doctor. He was soon drawn into full time work as his clinic became popular and busy with patients. It was difficult for Laurel to find purpose after her official pardon. For months the media was relentless in its following of her, hounding her constantly for stories or information about her life. She was given a substantial amount as compensation and the media constantly fantasised what she did with it.
She spent it on her studies, and a small apartment for her and Anise, despite Deus's offers to live with him. Anise needed full time care for now, even through she was doing well. Laurel knew that Deus's words on breaking up with her still rang true. She knew that he threw himself into his work because otherwise the alcohol would get him first. That he was desperately lonely and needed interaction for once. His self-imposed isolation hadn't worked before. She knew Fern was right – that she needed a new purpose. She made her new studies that purpose. Laurel sometimes thought all that she did to pardon her name was for nothing. What had it accomplished? Was she happier? She knew Deus would never push himself and she knew it would never happen if she didn't allow it. But she didn't want to live on the Citadel anymore. She wanted to return home with Fern, with Anise.
I don't want to live those days anymore.
Before she caught her flight back to Earth, the final flight, she received a message on her omni-tool. Fern had already moved back with Anise.
Laurel
The war has been over for many years. You've suffered much and you know I've suffered too. You've been so brave. It's been an honour knowing you.
She stopped her in tracks, biting her lip on the threshold of her recently new apartment, bought and sold in less than a year.
Sometime the hating has to stop, she thought. It's now or never.
I love you too, Deus.
She sent the message before she could think twice. She wanted to be on Earth, he wanted to be on the Citadel. Maybe she'd return one day. Maybe they'd have a farm with chickens like he said. She still caught her flight back home, still arrived on nautral ground. She loved home, but something felt missing in her heart. Her victory felt hollow. It was only that night when she lay in bed back home that she received a message from him.
Come back.