Months had passed since I turned myself in to police after I'd beaten Tiffany Richardson to death. It still didn't seem real. At one point, this girl had been my step-aunt, and she'd bullied me and Frankie relentlessly in middle school. I still couldn't believe I'd done what I'd done to her. All I had going for me my whole life was all this pent up anger and frustration that I would weaponize against others. I guess juvie's what all that was leading to. All that time antagonizing kids in elementary school, that day when I attacked Elena and Tiffany... all that was what led to my downfall.
In that time, Frankie gave birth to our daughter Jesse ("Jesse" was short for Jessica; yes, she insisted that our daughter be named after me) and had to give her up to Mr. Richardson and Ms. Aguirre. Surprisingly, they offered to adopt Frankie as well and make sure that she and Jesse got to grow up together. The adoption for Frankie was finalized the day the jury had decided my fate. Meanwhile, Shelly and Homer had both gone off to college. Shelly had decided to pursue a law degree from National Judicial College at the University of Nevada and then go on to law school to hopefully become a lawyer, while Homer had decided to pursue a degree in sociology from the University of Oklahoma. Melba had to transfer to a different high school in the state after having to be assigned a foster family in a different part of the state. I didn't hear very much about the foster family she'd been assigned to. They seemed like regular joes who hopefully treated any kids, biological or adopted or fostered, well and equally. As for Glen, well... he was still attending Emporia State University in Kansas. From what I'd heard, apparently, he was pursuing a degree in Accounting. Jeez, talk about one of the most boring jobs in the universe. I couldn't imagine dedicating the rest of my life to dealing with numbers and money, especially for somebody else. I would rather dedicate the rest of my life to actually doing something productive, but I wasn't sure if I would ever get the chance. As for Amy, she was separated from me and placed with a foster family just like Melba was. Unlike Melba, Amy was too young to remember what her life had been like with me. If, by some random chance, she did find out who I was and what our exact relationship was... well, I didn't think I would ever get the chance to see her reaction. Maybe she was better off not knowing who I was. Maybe that way, she would've been happier with her new family. Maybe the phrase "ignorance is bliss" would apply to her. I certainly hoped so, anyway.
As for where Newt and Jewell had been laid to rest, well... I think Homer had said that they'd stipulated wanting to be buried in Fairview Cemetery, the same cemetery where Newt's parents laid buried themselves. The rest of the McBride clan respected those wishes. Newt and Jewell are still there, six feet under in their respective plots to this very day.
I tried to put them all in the back of my mind as I mentally prepared myself for what was to come. Judgment Day was coming, and I needed to face it head-on. There was no going back now. My life was going to change forever.
The day I had to stand trial, I stood before the judge with as little emotion on my face as possible. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to lose my cool. I just wanted to come off as this stoic, unfeeling piece of shit so I could get this shit over with. The trial itself went on for so long, having to take place over the course of four months. When it came time for the jury to decide my fate, I bottled up all my emotions and let everything fall into place.
A juror cleared her throat. "We find the defendant, Jessica Kanaka Traversie, guilty of second-degree murder."
I knew that verdict had been coming, but it still left me feeling a sense of dread and anguish.
"Alright, Miss Traversie," the judge told me. "You've heard what the jury had to say. I want to come back in ninety days for your sentencing."
I was immediately confused. "Ninety days? How long is that?"
The judge pursed her lips, but answered me anyway. "Three months."
"Okay." I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm. "I'll be here in three months for my sentencing."
The judge nodded at me. "Thank you, Miss Traversie. I look forward to seeing you again three months from now. Don't forget, okay?"
"Okay."
In the meantime, I had to stay with Ximena, my favorite teacher out of all the ones from Ewing Halsell and Vinita High. She welcomed me into her house with open arms. While I did reciprocate the hug, I couldn't help but think that whole time that I didn't deserve it. I just wanted this whole ordeal over with. Problem was, I had to wait three fricking months for my sentencing and for my life in juvie to begin. Still, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try to take in those three months and try to make the most out of them. I mean, this was Ximena fricking Biggs I had to stay with, and for three months no less! There was no way I was going to offend her as long as I was here.
Once we were done hugging, Ximena led me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table. I tried to relax while I sat, but it was hard not to coil up like a snake.
"How have you been?" Ximena asked me.
"I've been better, but I've also been worse," I replied. "Just my luck. I've lost three parental figures over the last two years I've lived here."
"What about Arizona? Wasn't she a parental figure to you?"
"Nah, I never saw her as a grandma or anything. Just someone who married my grandpa, that's all."
Ximena tilted at me curiously. "Why not?"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
Ximena had to back off. "Alright."
We just stood there, pretty much existing for just five minutes. I couldn't tell what Ximena was thinking the whole time, but I had to imagine that she was trying her best to sympathize with her situation. She always tried her best to be there for others, even going so far as sit down and talk with students whenever something was going on in their lives. In that way (among many others), she was beloved by everyone.
"You know," Ximena began to speak. "One of my students, Belinda, asked about you."
"Wait, she did?"
"Yeah. She was wondering why you decided to end Tiffany's life that night."
I tried to hold back my emotions. I tried so damn hard to hold back my emotions. "She hurt me, Ms. Biggs. She hurt me so bad. I tried to ignore her, but she and her friend Elena wouldn't stop. They insisted on calling me things like a cross-dresser and the t-word, and they also told me that I would never be a real woman and that I was just a boy wearing girls' clothes. They came so close to breaking me..."
Ximena seemed intrigued by what I had to say. She gestured at me. "Go on..."
"When she killed Mr. and Mrs. McBride, I guess... I guess I'd had enough and I beat her to death. She was also doing drugs, by the way, and she'd tested positive for HIV." I suddenly collapsed into tears. "I basically killed that little bitch. I killed her... I deserve everything that's coming to me."
Ximena sighed deeply, knowing how much anguish I was in, and reached out to touch my hand. "Obviously, you shouldn't have killed her, but what's done is done. I am hoping for your sake that, when it's time for you to be sentenced, you will realize how lucky you are to have had friends who were there to support you while you've been living here."
"I... I already realize that..." I continued to cry. "I just... I let everybody down, including myself. I let my namshim down, too. He always told the Cheyenne proverb that 'Our first teacher is our own heart.' I tried to follow it and I fucked it up. I fucked it all up. I'm sorry that he had to watch me sink this low."
"But you're taking responsibility for what you did, aren't you?"
I nodded, still sobbing my heart out. "I am. I can never forgive myself."
Ximena placed a hand on my shoulder. "But I can forgive you. You are much stronger than you realize. The fact that you're standing here telling me all this says a lot about you. Life is too short to dwell too much on the things that don't make you happy. All emotions are temporary. Someday, things will hopefully get better for you."
"T-Thank you, Ms. Biggs." I decided to give her a bear hug. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind when I have to resign to my fate."
Ximena reciprocated the hug. "It's the least I could do. Just remember. No matter what happens, you will never truly be alone."
We both smiled as we hugged. I didn't care what happened from that point on. I was going to try my very best to follow Ximena's words to heart and remember the full extent of the last two years I spent here, both the good and the bad.