Disclaimer: Zootopia and all affiliated characters are property of Disney, and Lethal Weapon is property of Warner Brothers.
Chapter Three: Over the Table
Wilde Residence
While Judy was the only mammal in the household that didn't, couldn't eat meat, she had gotten very good at cooking it over the years. As luck would have it, when they stopped at the store on the way home with the aliens, there just happened to be some big game fish available at a decent price.
"Hope these jokers like grilled fish," said Judy to herself, "because if not, somebody is going to be sleeping in the backyard tonight and it won't be me." "Damn that smells good," said Murtaugh as he wandered into the kitchen, "is that mahi-mahi you got cooking?" "You know anything about fish," asked Judy to her guest. "I go fishing quite a bit," replied Murtaugh, "whenever I get the time and Trish lets me go. And it looks like being stuck here won't be so bad." "Why's that," asked Judy. "You're a better cook than my wife." Judy couldn't help but laugh a little.
"This place actually doesn't seem that different from back home," commented Murtaugh. "How's that," asked Judy. "Aside from there being more computers everywhere and all of the animals wearing clothes and driving cars instead of people," replied Murtaugh, "it's basically the same." "But we are people," said Judy, "I think."
"What'cha got cooking carrots," asked Nick as he walked in, "oh," he noticed Murtaugh and made the Spock sign, "greetings E.T." "Have some manners," said Judy without even turning around, "and aren't you supposed to be watching Junior?" "Gabriel's on it," replied Nick, "and I'm here to complain to you about me getting stuck with the psycho." "We're not getting into another debate about who's crazy," said Judy. "I'll just let myself out," said Murtaugh, "Riggs, where the hell are you?"
"Gabriel's big and strong now," said Nick, "we might as well let the kid do sports, and tear through our finances with those bullshit dues. As for Junior," he continued, "if he's anything like me, he can practically take care of himself now." "Well isn't that just charming," replied Judy, "we leave our little boy alone so he can become a gangbanger like you were! Maybe you should give him cooking lessons so he can make bank on that alone time!" "Leave my childhood out of this," barked Nick, "it's bad enough that I still have those memories! Those days were over long before I met you!"
Meanwhile, Murtaugh and Riggs sat on the couch watching TV with the kids. "And I thought we had issues," said Riggs. "Amen to that," said Murtaugh. They sat awkwardly, being able to clearly hear the little dispute going on in the kitchen, and looked for a distraction.
"Heard your dad is quite a marksman," said Riggs to Gabriel. "Best on the force," replied the young tiger, "or at least, that's what he tells his friends. He loves talking about the time he shot down a helicopter with his pistol." "Looks like you have a challenge in this town, Riggs," said Murtaugh. "Yeah," said Riggs, "I can definitely shoot better than that fox." "No you can't," replied Gabriel. "Tell that to an ex-special forces sniper," said Riggs, revealing his Spec Ops tattoo. "Cool," said Gabriel with interest.
"Alright," said Judy from the kitchen, "dinner's ready. You all better behave yourselves tonight!"
City Hall
"Aliens," asked the bat mayor Bruce Wayne, hanging upside down from his golden perch, "aliens in my city? I thought we cleared up that fiasco with East Germammalny a long time ago!" "We did," said Chief Bogo as he sat in front of the mayor's desk with the photos in his hoofs, "but these are mammals that are, what's the term I'm looking for? Not of this earth."
Bogo placed the photos onto the desk, showing the truck crashed into the snowbank, as well as photos of the two beings called "humans". "A jogger was approached by these two creatures in Tundra Town earlier today," said Bogo, "they then drew firearms on him, as they seemed to have some sort of fear of polar bears." "This is going to get weirder, isn't it," said Wayne. "Oh you're going to enjoy the rest of this story," said Bogo.
"Continuing," Bogo stated, "the two males identified themselves as police officers as they had their weapons drawn." "Are they," asked Wayne. "I suppose they have police departments where they're from," replied Bogo, who continued and pointed at the photos, "This one is Roger Murtaugh, and this is Martin Riggs. Both claimed to be sergeants in the Los Angeles Police Department." "And you believed them," said Wayne. "Would it matter?"
"You aren't letting two strange creatures that we know jack shit about run wild and free in my city," said Wayne, "are we?" "Of course not," said Bogo, "and here comes the best part." "Immigration laughed at you," asked Wayne. "Yes," said Bogo, "but that's not what I'm talking about." "Don't tell me that those two headaches are on the case of the fucking alien invasion," said Wayne. "That's what I wanted to tell you," replied Bogo, "Mr. Mayor."
Bzz!
Wayne tapped on the intercom with his wing. "Christie," he said, "cancel my entire fucking day tomorrow." "Sir," asked the female voice on the other end. "Just do it," he barked, "I've got the dynamic duo on an extra weird case. My entire week is fucked!" "You can't," said Christie who was quickly cut off. "Please for God's sake," said Wayne, "do it! You can have tomorrow off for all I care. Go see that new boyfriend of your's or something. Tomorrow's not going to be a good day." "Yes sir," said Christie.
"Professional courtesy," asked Bogo, "Bruce?" "Like you're any better," replied Wayne, "Zach."
Wilde Residence
"So Gabriel tells me," said Nick to Riggs at the dinner table, "that you think you can shoot better than me." "I'm the best in the business, foxy," replied Riggs. "You have no right to call me that," said Nick, "now moving on…" "You seem to have a demeaning nickname for everyone," replied Riggs, "why don't I return favor."
"Because it's my house and we live under my rules," said Nick forcefully as he stood up, "Fluff," he turned to Judy, "I need a beer." "Get it yourself slick," replied Judy, "and it's my house too. We both pay the mortgage."
"I would say," whispered Murtaugh to Riggs, "that I'm getting too old for this." "But," asked Riggs. "But this is a spectacle that I haven't seen anything like in years."
"You know what carrots," said Nick. "Carrots," repeated an overenthusiastic Nick Jr. as he pointed at his mother. "Uh Junior," said Nick to his son awkwardly, "only daddy gets to call mommy names." "Glad you'll never ask me to take a DNA test," commented Judy. "Can I finish," said Nick. "Just say it," said Judy.
Nick inhaled, then let it out, "Dr. Perry was right about us needing new partners! Okay, I admit it. I was wrong and you were right. Hopefully that'll be the end of our marital problems." "Well do my legendary ears deceive me," said Judy, "or are you actually admitting to being wrong this time." "Yes dammit," said Nick, "but don't rub it in. You get the geezer…" "Hey," said Murtaugh. "I'll take the psycho." "Hey," said Riggs. "Deal," said Judy as she gave Nick a quick kiss on the cheek. "That's more like it," said Nick.
Happytown
Dawn Bellwether stood on the catwalk of the warehouse, watching her scientists, rams, as she didn't trust the wolves or big cats for anything other than muscle, work her machine. It had a small nuclear reactor hooked up to a computer terminal, as well as a strange energy beam to a dark blue rock.
Boss, she thought, I admire your boldness. Nuking this town would've been the best thing to happen to it. But since those two jackasses that ruined my plan stopped you as well, it's time to let the master do the work.
"Is the Dimensional Transporter ready," she asked her scientists. "We need six more hours to know for sure," replied the lead scientist. "Get it done in two," demanded Bellwether, "I am the most wanted mammal in the world right now. I will have my revenge against this shithole city before the law, especially if it's the fox and the bunny again, find me!"
Author's Note: Glad to finally end the main trilogy so I can continue this story. It may take one or two more chapters, but I promise some action once I figure out how this is going to flow. I'm back to posting regularly so keep your eyes peeled for the next chapter and remember to share your thoughts.