Disclaimer: Zootopia and all affiliated characters are property of Disney, and Lethal Weapon is property of Warner Brothers.
Chapter Four: Partners
ZPD Precinct One
The Vice Squad Bullpen was a different environment from that which the regular patrolmammals gathered in, as it was far less formal. Nick and Judy Wilde were considered the most valuable team members, even though Bogo had always considered the two to be the biggest pain in his ass. The rest of the team consisted of McBoot, Fangmeyer, as well as a polar bear, sea lion, a black horse and a giraffe. They were all in their usual racket until Nick and Judy arrived that morning with two of the strangest mammals that they squad ever saw.
"Uh, Nick," said Danny McBoot, "when you said 'aliens' the other day, I thought you meant Meowxicans." "Real smooth Danny," commented his partner, Liz Fangmeyer, "you're an example to us all." "Why don't you get a personality before you continue criticizing mine," said Danny.
"This place is really testing my sanity," said Riggs to Murtaugh. "Like you ever were sane," replied Murtaugh. "I hope that polar bear isn't related to the guy we pointed our guns at yesterday," commented Riggs, noticing a polar bear detective wearing a bomber jacket over a red t-shirt and jeans.
"I heard they're scared of bears," said Detective Peter Ososky, the polar bear to Danny. "You scare me whenever it's that time of the month that Liz is extra bitchy," replied Danny.
"Hey," barked Judy as she stomped her foot, "listen up Vice Squad. I know we have some new recruits here, and they are a little different from us…" "New recruits Rog," whispered Riggs to Murtaugh, "don't you feel a little old to be one of those." Murtaugh refused to waste his words on Riggs, so he settled for an eye roll. "But they still deserve professional courtesy," continued Judy, "as we try to continue our priority case and figure out how to send these guys home."
"Quit blowing your own horn carrots," remarked Nick as walked past Judy, "these guys are hard on everyone." "He's right," said Riggs as he and Murtaugh went to find a seat, "you kind of are full of it." "Sure," said Judy sarcastically to herself, "let's treat the bunny like crap while I work my adorable little butt off to solve crimes, take care of two kids and keep my douchebag husband happy." "When was the last time I made you even remotely happy," asked Nick as Judy walked up to her usual seat.
"Seriously, Judy," said Nick quietly, "I know our marriage is between a rock and a hard place right now, but for the love of God, don't broadcast it to the entire world." "Oh, okay," said Judy, "how about I just do whatever you want and not complain about it ever while you get to fuck me whenever you feel like it!" "I'm so ready to see this new partner thing," said Nick.
Wham!
Chief Bogo barged into the room carrying some manilla folders and stomped to the podium. Every detective in the room could tell that he was not in the best of moods. Nobody could blame him though, considering one of the most dangerous criminals alive was running free, his best detectives were letting their own personal problems get in the way of the job, and on top of that, he had to tell the mayor that aliens appeared in freaking Tundra Town and he had no idea what to do with them.
"Everyone quiet the fuck down," commanded Bogo as the room fell silent, "I understand that we have an elephant in the room." "No we don't," commented Danny. "Put a sock in it McBoot," snapped Bogo to Danny.
"Anyhow," he took a breath and got back on track, "we have a liaison of sorts with the agency known as the LAPD, if it's even real," all eyes turned to Murtaugh and Riggs as Bogo pointed towards them, "I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and assign one of them to Hopps and the other to Wilde. I know I probably shouldn't trust these," he scanned his brain for the right word, "beings, but they're the only shot we have at understanding this phenomenon. I am not ruling out the possibility of more showing up, so keep your eyes peeled."
"You sound like my captain," said Riggs, "always a try-hard at getting respect." Bogo gave Riggs a glare and said, "If you think you can stay on my police force and talk trash to me, you're dead wrong." I think I'll like this Chief, thought Murtaugh as he observed the cape buffalo chewing out his partner, he already knows how I feel.
"For our more urgent matter," said Bogo to the entire room as he pointed to the board, with former mayor Dawn Bellwether's mugshot posted on it, "Dawn Bellwether has been on the run for four days now and not a trace of the little she-devil has been found. We are still devoting every available resource to that lamb's recapture. Today's assignments are," he continued, "McBoot and Fangmeyer in the Rainforest District," they stood up, took their assignments and walked out, "Ososky and Jeffries," the polar bear and the giraffe stood up and walked to the podium, "Tundra Town. Steedwell and Sailors in Sahara Square," the horse and the sea lion approached the podium.
"Now for the four nightmares," said Bogo, "get your asses up here, we need to talk." Judy, Nick, Murtaugh and Riggs walked to the podium. "You two creatures," he said to Murtaugh and Riggs, "you better not be lying about being cops on your homeworld, because I have to give a press conference now that the mayor is more batshit than usual and the Feds think I'm insane. Any trouble and it's my ass as well as yours." "I got it," said Riggs. "Good," said Bogo, directing his attention to Nick and Judy, "as for you two, when this is over, I'm reassigning both of you to new partners. Being stuck with each other four twenty four hours a day seven days a week, holidays and weekends included, is having a disastrous effect on your performance."
"What's the bad news," asked Nick sarcastically. "Take this seriously Wilde," said Bogo, "the whole precinct has had to hear about it, every damn day for the past year. It's tearing a hole in morale and quite frankly I get enough shit from cases gone bad, reporters with no sense of decency and clueless politicians. I now have migraines all the damn time because of you two." "Okay," said Judy, "we get it. We'll play along and hopefully things will get better at work and at home." "Screw your personal life," said Bogo, "I now regret letting you two stay together after the Shadow Company case. I only care about you two doing your jobs. You can have Murtaugh, take Central. Wilde gets Riggs, go to Happytown. Now get the fuck out of my sight while I go take an Advil."
Happytown
"I grew up in this part of town," said Nick from the driver's seat of his muscle car, "as much as it sucked to live here, it oddly feels comforting to be back." "What the fuck is this place," asked Riggs, who saw the graffitied walls, filthy sidewalks and boarded up storefronts, "other than some ghetto neighborhood?"
"I don't know how things are back in your world," replied Nick, "but here, there are two types of mammals, those with sharp teeth who eat flesh, and everyone else. This shithole is where they kept the predators back during the bad old days before my time. History class taught me this weird pattern," he continued, "first my kind was on top because we were the toughest, then the prey masses got loud and demanded better treatment, only for us to get fucked as we were the big bad dangerous predators and forced to only work the really dangerous jobs and live in the gutter."
"Well that was depressing," said Riggs bluntly, "I suppose you don't have any more uplifting information." "I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen," added Nick, "but the gun was too damn wet to fire because I got caught in the worst rainstorm of my life."
"There was a time," said Riggs, "when every night I'd stare into a loaded gun," he showed the fox his Beretta, "this one to be exact. I even had a special bullet saved for the occasion that would fuck me up extra good. That time after Vicky died, I had only one reason not to join her." "What was that," asked Nick. "The job," replied Riggs, "it was the only thing I had left."
Savannah Central
"There's just no pleasing Nick," said Judy while Murtaugh was forced to listen as she drove the blue SUV down the crowded streets of city center, "he wants to be able to go with his buddies, while at the same time expecting to infiltrate my fortress that same day. He also seems to think that I can't watch my own back in the field. Does anything make him happy these days?"
"For starters," said Murtaugh, "you can cook." "That's it," asked Judy, "can I do anything else right?" "So you're going through a rough patch," said Murtaugh, "that's normal for married couples." "The night he proposed," said Judy, "we had to cut the whole thing short because some overpaid drug dealers came after us with helicopters. On top of that," she continued, "he's a fox, I'm a rabbit. We are the exact opposite of normal."
Happytown
"Is it just me," said Riggs, "or does that wolf in the trench coat look like he has a beef with us?" "Eating cow counts as cannibalism on this planet," replied Nick, "so what does that mean?" "See him," asked Riggs as he pointed to the wolf. "Yeah," replied Nick, "I think he might be packing some heat under that coat. Let's check him out."
Wee-woo-weep!
Nick pulled over the car by the street corner where the wolf was standing, and he and Riggs exited, each with a hand or paw on their sidearm to approach the suspicious mammal. "It's a little hot in this neighborhood," said Nick, "why don't I take your coat?" "Dawn says hi," said the wolf as he dropped the coat, revealing an AK-47 and body armor.
"Drop the weapon," commanded Riggs. "Who's this weirdo," asked the wolf as he trained the AK on the cops. "I don't really know," replied Nick, "he's just someone from another department." "Fuck him," said the wolf, who then let out a howl, which was quickly echoed.
"That's a dumbass thing to do," said Nick as he waited for the howling to stop. "Is it," asked the wolf as he smiled mischievously.
Brakabrakabrakabrakabrakabrak!
"Get down," said Riggs as he heard gunfire from the building across the street. Nick capped the wolf in the shoulder and thigh before diving under the car. "You son of a bitch," grunted the injured suspect. "Don't mess with the best pistol shooter in Zootopia," replied Nick as he put a full clip into his 1911.
"He must've been trying to distract us," said Riggs. "You think," replied Nick, "this bastard must also have non-wolves working with him." "Who's Dawn anyways," asked Riggs as they prepared to fire back. "The lamb we're looking for," replied Nick, "the one that broke out of prison and seriously hates me and Judy." They got up as the other gunmammals paused to reload. "Counting five on the fire escape across the street," said Riggs, "I'll drop them."
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Riggs dispatched five shots from his Beretta, taking out the five AK-47 wielding tigers and panthers one by one before any of them had time to react. They each collapsed as their brains hit the brick wall behind them like clockwork.
"That's some damn good shooting," said Nick, "now help me get this breather into the car."
Author's Note: I hope this was a good chapter. I know that I may have made Nick and Judy's relationship rather negative, but trust me, it will get better. I've been away from this story for awhile so I have to find my groove again, but once it comes back, you'll know it. I'd really like to hear your thoughts in the comments.