Disclaimer: Zootopia and all affiliated characters are property of Disney, and Lethal Weapon is property of Warner Brothers.

Chapter Seven: Joshua Returns

Wilde Residence

Judy sat silently at the dinner table, glaring at Nick with her eyes so fierce, it would make any other mammal shit his pants by proxy. But this was the Wilde residence, where ballsiness seemed to run in the family, as even young Nick Jr. was unfazed.

"I remember that look, Rog," said Riggs to Murtaugh casually. "When," asked Murtaugh. "The morning after I told the entire precinct that Rianne was going to be in a commercial," replied Riggs, "though in all fairness…" "Don't mention it," snapped Murtaugh, "ever again!"

"Judy," said Nick, trying to reassure his very angry wife, "I'm sorry about what happened at the precinct. Neither of us knew that the intercom was on." "I'm sorry," said Judy sarcastically, "I'm sorry that all of our coworkers will never look at us the same way again. I'm sorry that they know you can't get hard even if you try. And I'm sorry that you talked me into getting more creative in bed."

"Wait, what," asked Gabriel. "Eat your dinner," said Murtaugh, acting as if it was one of his own kids listening in. "Why don't you call male medical group or something," asked Gabriel, "the commercials sure sound convincing." Convincing enough for me to cancel the cable, thought Judy.

Across the street was a white panel van with a group of five humans hidden in the back, listening in on surveillance equipment, with Joshua in charge of the operation. Why do I always run into the crazy cops thought Joshua as he checked his modified MP5, outfitted with an ACOG, laser and a suppressor.

The five men wore black t-shirts, cargo pants and ski-masks as well as tactical vests. Besides Joshua, there was a lean, olive skinned man named Mikey, who wore a gold cross around his neck. He passed for a stereotypical Italian who probably had some Mafia affiliation back in the human world. Juan, the brown skinned, shaven headed, heavily tattooed kid who ran with some crazy Central American punks who've been making a name for themselves back in LA lately. Then there was Trevon, a black street thug with dreadlocks, who really liked what he did for a living. He claimed to have been in prison for murdering a rival gangbanger with a pencil. Joshua saw the kid, barely twenty and 5'6", not buying a word of his story. Finally, there was a very large black man named Thomas, who spoke heavily accented english, probably straight out of the shittiest part of Africa.

"Gentlemen," said Joshua to his team of fellow killers, "a little lamb tells me that if we do her bidding, we'll have a very handsome reward." "Why the fuck are we taking orders from you," asked Juan rudely, "gringo?" "See my tattoo," asked Joshua as he pressed his forearm into Juan's face, showing off his special forces tat, "it means that I'm the most competent out of any of you fuckwits," he pulled back and spoke to the entire team, "we'll do this my way. We go in, bring the fox and rabbit to the boss alive. Everything else in that house is fair game."

"Hot damn," exclaimed Trevon, "this sounds like my kind of party!" "Except we can't kill two of them," said Mikey in a heavy Brooklyn accent, "what gives." "Boss has a personal vendetta or some shit," said Joshua, "I don't really give a fuck. Just do your jobs."

Back in the house, the conversation settled down at the dinner table. Settled down in terms of Judy being less angry at Nick, but now the four adults were awkwardly trying to explain what they were talking about to Gabriel without being too descriptive.

"You see kid," said Riggs jokingly, "when a mommy and a daddy love each other so much…" "I'm thirteen," said Gabriel, "I know what sex is." "Good," said Judy, "now let's never talk about it again." "Why not," replied Nick, "we can't solve our problems if we don't talk about them. At least now the Chief is convinced we're actually working on them!"

Dinner and a show, thought Murtaugh, Riggs and Gabriel at the exact same time. "Even worse is the realization that we both have some sort of danger fetish," said Judy, "and the whole precinct knows about it, as well as you licking my butt." "So what," replied Nick, "you have a very nice butt, and a cute little tail. I always liked it! It's a very nice butt!" "While we're at it," belted Judy, "complimenting each other loudly, I thought you were hot even during the short time I hated your guts!" "Good to know," replied Nick loudly, "and I enjoyed being your hostage at the exact same time!" "You saved my career when it was almost over before it started," shouted Judy.

"Do you and Trish ever do this," asked Riggs to Murtaugh casually. "Hell no," replied Murtaugh.

"I'm sorry I fucked up your body permanently," shouted Nick. "Fuck," repeated Nick Jr. entusiastically. "And he's probably going to grow up to be just like you," observed Judy. "Only the best parts," replied Nick, "if I have anything to do with it. Besides," he continued, "he's your baby boy too. He's even got your beautiful eyes."

"I…" Judy suddenly crashed back down. As she calmed, she remembered all the good things about being married to Nick. They were in a rough patch at the time, but it was still a happy marriage. She did, after all, beg him for the kid even though it was extremely unlikely. And she couldn't think of a better mammal to help her raise him. Then she looked at Gabriel, her adopted son sitting next to the two humans. Although it was tragedy that him into her life, the kid clearly seemed to be living his best life in her household. Then she looked at Nick. She had many rabbit boyfriends in high school and beyond, but none of them could measure up to what Nick was. An asshole, but a very clever asshole with a good heart. He saved her career just two days after they first met, and many months later, her life when he put his own at risk.

"You know what, Slick Nick," said Judy as she got up from her chair, pretending to still be angry, with all eyes on her as she approached Nick, "you just might be right!" She then grabbed Nick and kissed him at full force. "You know you love me," said Nick, who was now very into it as she let him go. "Do I know that," she said as she glanced down at Nick's crotch, seeing if his problem was getting any better, "yes, yes I do."

If only I could have that, thought Riggs as he observed Nick and Judy, who certainly had issues, but were still happy with each other. He remembered Vicky, his wife who was killed in a tragic car accident that turned out not to be an accident. He remembered Rika, the blonde South African woman who was drowned by the same bastards that killed Vicky. As much as Riggs wanted to be able to get close to a woman, he was always afraid that evil men would take her away.

Crash!

A large, masked dark skinned man dressed in black and armed with a modified MP5 kicked down the door to the house, cutting dinner short. He was accompanied by four other similarly dressed and similarly armed men, one a short black man, an average sized brown skinned man, and two white men.

Brakabrakabrak!

One of the white men, the really light skinned one, fired a burst from his MP5 into the ceiling and shouted, "Hot damn, it's the two bastards who put me away as well! This is a party!" "Joshua," called out Riggs, recognizing his old enemy by his voice, "you albino jackrabbit sonofabitch!"

Is Riggs talking about Judy's brother, Nick couldn't help but think. "Get out of my house," barked Judy as she stared down the intruders. "Don't set these assholes off," said Murtaugh.

"Gabriel," said Nick to his older son, "take your baby brother and get him out of here. It's going to get messy!"

Author's Note: So we finally have our heroes of the story meet other humans. Sorry it took me awhile to get this out, but I'm not sure if I can still do the chapter a day thing, though I'll make it a point to post at least once a week until I finish this story and the next two I have planned. I also really want to hear your thoughts in the comments as I pay attention to them and some of you more seasoned readers will know that I often respond to them in the PMs. Any topic is a good topic (unless it's a political rant, I hate those) and I value your feedback and support. Next chapter, expect to see bullets flying.