Most people crave junk food in the middle of the night. At the moment all she wanted to do was takeoff into the cool night air and let the adrenaline fuel her legs while making a mad dash through the streets letting her frustrations crash into the pavement. Maggie desperately desired to feel the breeze flow through her curly hair and night air fill her lungs. For now she would have to settle for the soft wind pulling at the hem of her night dress. It had been a while since she was able to go for a run. Between patients, a pandemic, and the daily disheartening news breaks on who's life mattered versus those who didn't.
She didn't have time for her usual daily routines. And then there was Meredith, Amelia and Winston. That would change in the morning. She needed to put some distance between her and Jackson. The constant tug of war to be true to herself but to safeguard her emotions was taking a toll on her. At some point they would be thousands of miles apart and none of this would have really mattered.
She walked slowly by the illuminated pool leading up to the guest house, her temporary residence for the weekend. She pushed the glass wall and it folded open, leaving it ajar to enjoy the cool breeze a while longer. The space was a smaller rendition of living quarters in the house with a stone fireplace as a centerpiece. In the short amount of time she'd been in the guesthouse, oddly enough the small domicile felt like home to her. Comfortably resting on the ivory chaise attached to the sofa noting the chic antique grey wagon wheel chandelier hanging overhead providing a warm glow to the room. The eggshell painted villa even had a small kitchen and a charming dining area for two.
Her gaze returned to the picturesque view of the sleek calmness of the pool and rolling clouds of the dark night sky before her. The mid summer full blue moon seemed larger than normal . A glimmering disc with endless pools of diamond white clouds floating by. Its reflection in the pool made it even more magical. And for a moment, Maggie forgot about Jackson, Winston and Seattle as she stared out at the view before her and peace within her overflowed.
The buzzing of the morning alarm from Alexa forced her awake signaling her time for a run. She was supposed to be mad at him but right now she relished at how well he knew her. Even though she already knew what the white bag embossed with signature red bulls eye held, the excitement could not be contained. Lavender running shoes and grey workout gear. They weren't her go-to Nike's but they would have to do. When did he have the time? The Target bags felt like Christmas but in July. None of the things were out of the ordinary. Everything he purchased was to put her at ease and to be comfortable. All deliberate to remind her that he did indeed know her. From the soap, shampoo, clothing even the swim suit amongst other things that should make her blush. She hurriedly sprung into action.
Maggie entered the kitchen of the main house and quickly spotted her phone with a set of keys on the table.. As she made her way out of the back door she read the text from Jackson.
It was wrong for me to take your phone.
Pretty sure you are going to go out for a run. Hope you enjoy it. Use these keys to lock up. I will take you back to your dad's when I return.
Maggie rolled her eyes as she shoved the phone and keys in the deep pockets of her pants. She went back to the guesthouse to grab her earbuds and couldn't wait to sweat away current annoyance.
As soon as the soles of her sneakers hit the pavement to begin the light sprint, she started to feel like her normal self. While perfectly manicured landscaped homes rolled by, she never imagined Jackson in a neighborhood like the one she was leisurely jogging through. She envisioned the homes belonging to mostly settled families with multiple kids. Soccer moms and dads who grilled on the weekends drinking with other dads in each other's man caves. This was a settled down PTA boulevard. Maggie wondered why he chose the suburbs and not the city?
We wouldn't even be here if YOU would have fought for us. Remnants of last night replayed in her head. The look on his face was one of hurt and loss but she also recognized the anger he held back. His clenched jaw and deep sighs said it all, there was unfinished business they needed to address. She knew Jackson had words for her and for the life of her she didn't know why he didn't just release them and be done with it.
The audacity to tell me to be authentic and no holds barred but HE walks away. So much for trying something different.
Maggie's pace increased to match the rhythm of the song, sound-tracking her jog. She felt like she was trying to outrun her emotions. Part of her wanted to stay and figure out whatever it is they had or could be again. Then there was part of her who kept replaying particular moments of their relationship. Broken beyond repair. It was almost as if he didn't remember the bad and all Jackson remembered was the good. There was more good than bad however, yet the few bad episodes kept Maggie thinking just maybe they were indeed beyond repair. The uncertainty haunted her.
Broken upon the rocksLet the beating waves, come drag me downOh but to find out the reasons whyIt's enough to make you wanna try forOne last night
As the tempo and lyrics of the song pierced through her, Maggie didn't realize she was running full speed until she ran into a stop sign at a 4-way intersection and quickly needed to come to a stop. She took a few moments to get her bearings together. If she was being honest with herself, Jackson wasn't her only issue. But it was the one she needed to confront sooner rather than later. She turned around and started to head back to his home.
There were a few new routines he adopted since moving east, and one was his weekly trip to the farmer's market. A few of the vendors were black farmers and business owners and Jackson wanted to be more vigilant about where his money was spent. Before taking her home he decided he would make her breakfast. As he packed away the groceries she walked in. She had no idea how hypnotic she was. The simple movement of pulling up her hair into a bun and then fanning herself reminded him of the moments she'd walk all over their house in his shirt, leggings and bun. Jackson knew Maggie was speaking but he was lost in her presence. The bun wasn't perfect but the few tendrils of curls loose near her ear and neck. Temptation beckoned him to reach out and touch and caress her neck. Just wanted to touch her. Whisper in her how much he wanted and missed her. But mostly he wanted to just feel her He hesitated.
"Jackson…" she said softly. He refrained and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
"'I'm sorry. What did you say?" he muttered.
"Good morning."
"Morning Maggie, good run?"
She took a seat at the stool as he continued to put away groceries. "What gave it away? The frazzled hair or my sweaty body?"
They both chuckled. Maggie was relieved there was no awkwardness especially after the way things ended the night before. "I can whip you up a smoothie, an omelet. What would you like?" He leaned back against the black tall kitchen cabinet and waited for an answer.
"Surprise me. I'm going to take a quick shower and we can have breakfast." He nodded and she quickly dashed away to the guest house. The floor to ceiling windows in the kitchen allowed Jackson to watch her walk away. The selfish part of him wanted to plead with her to stay and somehow they'd figure out how to make it work. But he didn't know how. He pulled out a variety of fruits for their smoothies, bananas, strawberries, and blueberries from the fridge he just purchased from the market. He tossed a cup full of ice, then the mixture of fruit and poured in some oat milk and let it blend. He began to work on the filling for the omelet. Chopped a tomato, mushrooms, spinach, red bell pepper and green onion. He stopped to think when was the last time he prepared a meal for someone other than himself and Harriett. Maggie was the last person. It was shortly after she moved in. Camping didn't count.
Jackson found himself nervous as he continued to prepare the meal. He wanted her to be vulnerable but the question was, could he be? They started the process once before, one argument, and a big mistake on his part, ended one of the best things to ever happen to him. She seemingly walked away so easily. Maggie accused him of not fighting but she pushed him away.
The door opened and Maggie appeared refreshed and glowing. It seemed natural for her to be in his home. No one other than his mother, April and Matthew dropping off Harriet had been in his home. Yet she fit perfectly. He needed her to stay. Her hair was down this time framing her soft face.
" Thank you." She said as she took a seat at the kitchen island and showed him her phone. "And when did you talk to my dad?"
"When I stepped away to take that call at dinner. I texted my mom for the number." Jackson slid an omelet onto a white square dish.
"Soooo, everyone was in on this plan to kidnap your ex-girlfriend for the weekend?" Maggie took the plate from him.
"You make it sound easy. It wasn't. No one knows how long you were going to be in town. I had to do what I had to do. Maggie, you could book a flight in the next five minutes and I wouldn't hear from you again." Jackson poured the smoothie and then passed her a metal straw. He joined her a few moments after.
"So why now?" She took a bite and closed her eyes and nodded with approval of the omelet.
"Why now what?"
"Why are you doing what you had to do, now?" She took another bite and looked at him directly. They were sitting next to each other.
"Haven't I always done what is necessary when it came to us Maggie?"he replied.
"Broken beyond repair. Didn't you say that?" She lifted the glass and took a sip of the berry concoction.
Jackson groaned. She wasn't going to waste any time. Maybe they should have had mimosas or tequila instead.
"You have to understand Maggie. That decision was based on my bruised ego and nothing more. You refused to talk to me. And the person I was at that moment was selfish and I-I don't know. It felt like the trust was gone. I didn't think you could look at me the way you used to after the camping ordeal. I messed us up. But you can't just blame me..."
Maggie nearly choked on her smoothie. "You want to blame me? For what exactly? I didn't even want to go camping. But because I love you, I went. I tried. But that wasn't enough for you, is it Jackson?"
"You could have been honest about what you thought about me." he said without looking at her. He continued eating his omelet.
"Did you hear the part about love? I LOVED you. Ohhh so here it is, I thought I needed to be taught how to love someone." Maggie left the island and walked to the windows and stared out to the pool. She silently screamed inside but calmed herself and closed her eyes.
She turned " I thought I was behind when it came to life experiences. I missed out on friendships and love and then I finally found it.. And doing everything I could within reason without losing myself to show you just how much I wanted, needed and loved you. And you left me on the side of the road because I called you Mr. Monopoly." She threw her hands up in disbelief as if she couldn't believe the words coming out her mouth even though she lived it herself. She laughed, But nothing was funny.
He looked at her and the happiness that she had earlier vanished. Maggie was holding back tears and it wasn't even noon. She hadn't finished her breakfast. But he said they would be honest, and transparency would be necessary. Let the chips fall where they may. But at what cost?
"You thought I was someone who tossed money at every single situation. Bougie and out of touch."
"And why are you here Jackson huh? Why did you move to Boston?"
"I wanted to take over the foundation and make some changes. Create a legacy. What does that have to do with us?"
"You could have accomplished that in Seattle. What's the real reason you are here?"
"Fine...you want me to say it? Maybe you were right. That there were some experiences I needed in certain aspects of my life. I discussed them with my father. And in therapy. But listening to the woman I love spout on and on as if she has no respect for me was a blow Maggie. I loved you too. And even after all of that I tried to talk to you to repair it. To fix my fuck up. But you didn't want to hear it. So yeah, I was reckless but there was only so much my ego could take."
She remained at the window facing the pool. A lot had been said but they hadn't nearly scratched the surface, or had they?
"Come and eat Maggie. We have the rest of the day to go back and forth."
"But what if I don't want to fight Jackson?" She remained staring at the pool. The guesthouse was more appealing. It was calling her, the bungalow of solace.
"I can take you back to your dad's whenever you are ready. It was foolish of me to consider this entire idea." He felt like crap.
"No. I am staying. I just wanted you to understand me and not change me." her voice was low and soft.
"Maggie," he went to her. "We had a nasty fight back then if we look at certain variables of it now, we probably would still be together."
She looked up at him and waited for him to continue.
"I've replayed that day over and over so many times. You had a critical patient and I should have waited to take you camping. Maybe I should have taken you glamping and worked towards the traditional way of camping. Because to be quite honest I was happy knowing I get to wake up with you every day. That was the win. And I didn't want to change you Maggie. I wanted us to share things together. I don't know, maybe I was playing catch up. Wondering on the times we may have crossed paths in Boston and never met. And if we had the things and moments we might have shared. "
He took her hand and their eyes instantly met. Her gaze was low it wasn't meant to be seductive but her whole being was alluring. Jackson wanted to pull her in but her hand in his felt like olympic gold.
"You know Maggie, we give so much of our lives to the hospital. Part of me wanted you to myself. Experiencing our lives without interruption, emergencies. Just lost in each other without all the noise. Those moments we had away from it felt like seconds. I felt like I had you for seconds. Does that make sense?"
"Actually it does. I don't know how to explain it. The past year I've wanted to be selfish with myself. But I've had to give and be silent and go with so many flows. I feel depleted. I don't even recognize myself."
He noticed how detached she looked after the last statement. Only two occasions he'd seen her like this, the death of her mother and cousin.
As much as he would like to think he was the reason she was in Boston, Jackson knew now he wasn't the only reason.
"Want to finish breakfast and talk about what else is going on with you later?"
She nodded. He rubbed her back and they returned to their breakfast