Trigger warning For Self-harm

Also this could turn out to be yaoi in the future

On empty days.

Gray has all kinda of days in his life there are happy days, sad days, bad days, hard days. And then there are empty days. They are kinda like sad days but yet different. They scare him more because he has now idea where they come from and how to handle them.

The weather was amazing. The people around him where happy. And almost whole magnolia was filled with happiness. If there was a day to be influenced by others positivity and do something fun, it was today. And yet the ice mage felt nothing good at all. There was this empty and painful feeling in side his heart eating at him. He didn't know why our how, but he felt horrible. He wanted to scream and let all the pain out. And yet he didn't know what he was supposed to let out. These kind of days happend alot lately. Gray had spend some time trying to figure out what he actually felt and why he feld it. A couple of things came to his mind but nothing big. For starters he was doubting himself alot lately he was strong but he wasn't Erza or Natsu, so why was he needed? He wasn't a super smart kind of a person like levy or lucy. What was his use for the guild anyway. Back up?

He was loved. But not adored. At least not the way he wanted too. Juvia's love was just an illusion. It wasn't real it was a selfish crush. She projected her dream man at him. And decided to love him for something he would never be or even become. He wanted someone who looked at him like people looked at nastu. They loved him, they adored him with all off his flaws.

The fairy tail guild was one of the biggest familys he could have. And yet he felt alone. Fairy tail loved him and wanted him. But they never needed him. Not in a fight and not emotionally. If he died everyone would be sad for a while but they would move back to there old life in no time.

But those where small worries. Gray didn't understand how those thoughts where the reasons for his empty days. But he couldn't deny that these thoughts where at least the basis of them.

The empty days became more frequent, and they started to feel longer. And Gray didn't know how to Handel them. Sometimes he would feel so much pain and not know why. Sometimes he would cry on them. Sometimes he wouldn't be able to cry even if he couldn't stand the pain. Those where worst days because there was no way to take the pain a way on those days.

As time past the empty days started to become the majority of his days. People started worrying. His concentration was starting to fail him. He couldn't listen to people any more. He couldn't focus on missions anymore. He was tired he couldn't sleep but he also couldn't get out of bed. The empty days where blocking his life.

~

"so the magicial item should be hidden somewhere around here" the scarlet mage said. THe team was concentrated on the quest. Well everyone but Gray of course. Gray didn't even know what he was looking for he was just pretending to search in the hope that Erza would be mad at him. "Pff this is the most boring mission ever, I just wanted to beat some one up, when where back I'm going to beat the ice block to a pulp" "ow geez Nastu don't start a fight now the last thing I want is you and Gray fighting here" "But its been so long since I had a decent fight with the idiot. I think He lost his balls or something because lately he's been avoiding fighting with me, right ice block?" gray didn't even look at him, he didn't hear him. He was heaving an empty day. He hadn't been paying attention for a while now. But Erza did."Gray are you even here right know? Normally you be fighting with Nastu already." Gray who was still pretending to search for something didn't even turn around. Lucy Natsu and Erza where staring at him waiting for a response but none came. "ICE BLOCK!" and finally Gray turned around. "oww sorry what? Did I miss something?" "Gray are you alright? Normally you would have insulted Natsu back in your answer" "ow.. Just too tired for that now" "you've been to tired to do anything with me lately. Fighting sparring. Even laughing is to much to ask." the fire mage said with a mad and disappointed expression. And of you looked good enough you saw the worry in his eyes too.

"I'll be over soon, just a small cold or something it's nothing " the ice mage replied and after he gave his answer he started his fake search again. But with the first step he took he tripped over a random iron box . It's was just a stupid incident. But he made a bad fall. And his hand landed an the box And he cut himself on the the sharp iron edge. Gray looked at it. The blood the slowly spread on his hand. It was a strange feeling. But it was a feeling that brought a little bit of Gray back.

"are you alright" lucy asked. "yeah just a scratch." "sure, you just said you had a cold? Are you dizzy Is that why you fell." "no just tripped" he got some strange looks but everyone forget about later hours passed and the stupid magic item was found by Lucy. But at the end of the day Gray still didn't know what it was.

When Gray was finally home. He looked at the cut in his hand . The bleeding had stopped. But it's was kinda of beautiful a dark red cut a little swollen over his pale skin. It was short but just for a second it took away the empty feeling. Gray heard story's of broke people who hurt our cut themselves to feel something again. Our just for the fact that they hated themselves our there body's. Or some people did it to let a different kind of pain take over. And Gray wanted to try it. He had felt so much pain all day and he wanted to feel something else. So he made an ice blade and painting a red line on his pale wrist. He liked it for many different reasons. So he did it again and again. When he was done his normally pale arm was more red the white.

And then the feeling was over. And he cried. Until he fell asleep