Shadow Dreams

A Persona fanfic by SJO

Note: All Persona characters and shadows are property of Atlas and Shin Megumi Tensei, not me. I might make reference to Phoenix Wright places and characters later, which is owned by Capcom. Basically, this is what Persona 6 would look like if I were writing it. It takes place some time after Persona 5, not sure how long after it but probably a couple of years, and it does not currently have any connection to Persona 5 Scramble or any other sequels. Also, I do not know much about Japan or its language and culture, so if I mess anything up, please be forgiving.

Day 1

So much noise.

So many people, everywhere, pushing, shouting.

So much light, blaring, blinking.

So much.

Too much.

After getting off the train, it just came at her all at once. The train ride was fine, almost comforting, but this was nothing like she had experienced before. She started to feel trapped. Her breathing became heavy as she felt the fear rise up in her heart. She finally fell to her knees, held her ears, shut her eyes, and started rocking. She tried to focus on her own breathing, tried to cancel everything out. Nobody came to help her; in fact, anyone who took notice of her branded her a "weirdo" and walked away.

And then, she heard the voice.

A woman's voice, singing high above all the noise.

The most beautiful voice she had heard in her life.

It had no words, just a very operatic set of notes. It didn't need words.

She got off her knees, put her hands down, and searched for where that voice was coming from. She couldn't see anyone singing, but she could tell what direction it was coming from, or at least she thought. She walked as in a trance toward it. Somehow, all the lights and people didn't even bother her anymore. All that existed was that voice.

The voice led her to a large wall at the edge of the station, a wall that was painted with every color one could imagine. It was a marvelous wall, which she took a moment to just stare at. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to the paint, no shapes or patterns. It was like chaos, but beautiful chaos.

So, her eye was drawn right to the blue door in the corner of the wall. It broke the chaos with something so orderly, and it was where the voice was coming from.

She reached out to touch the door and suddenly found herself in a very different place than the train station, a blue room full of shelves, ceiling to floor, packed with books. Somehow, she had found herself in one of her favorite places in the entire world—a library.

She approached a desk in the middle of the room to meet the librarian—a strange, small man with a long nose and an ear-to-ear grin. He said in a strangely high voice, "Welcome to the Velvet Room."

Velvet Room? Does that mean these blue walls are made of velvet? I like velvet. It's one of my favorite textures. More importantly, where is that voice? She could still hear it, but she couldn't tell where it was coming from anymore.

"My name is Igor," the man said. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance."

She bowed in response, then she started searching for her phone to return his greeting.

Yet he continued, "This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter," and added with a chuckle, "a world which, as I understand, you are most familiar with, is that not so?"

She looked up in surprise. How did he know that?

He also added, "It is a room only those who have signed a contract may enter."

Contract? When did I sign a contract? Well, no matter. I need to get the niceties out of the way so I can ask how I can get a library card here.

"She wants to know how she can get a library card, Master," a new voice interjected.

She turned and saw a man with platinum hair and gold eyes who was wearing a blue uniform, standing next to Igor. He read my mind?

"More like I am hearing your heart."

Igor gestured to the man. "This is my assistant, Preston. He is one of my younger servants, but he does contain a high level of empathy. I am aware of your limitations with communication." He chuckled again. "Not that I mind, of course. Many of my contractors are known to be . . . quiet. However, I have called on his help to facilitate communication more easily between us. I believe we shall both find it simpler.

"But to answer your question, you shall receive your library card in time. Soon, you will enter into a contract of some sort, after which you will return here. Yet I am pleased to see you so eager. I want this place to serve as a respite for you from the chaotic world outside. After all, you are a refugee, are you not, displaced by the great storm?"

Which one?

Preston did not speak that aloud or answer. He just looked at her with sad eyes.

"Unfortunately, it will become more chaotic and more dangerous in the time to come. You will find corruption everywhere you look, but if you hold onto your innocence and seek the good of the human heart, you may find the power to overcome it. I know my words make no sense to you now, but they will in the future. The time has come. I look forward to our next meeting."

What, I have to leave? I have so many questions!

Even as she was thinking that, the Velvet Room started to fade away. She decided to answer one of those questions herself. She scurried as quickly as she could to the nearest wall and touched it with her hand.

It didn't feel like velvet. It felt hard, and cold.

Then she realized she had her hand on the painted wall. She was back in the subway.

"There you are!" she heard a voice say. She turned and saw a young man running toward her, a rather ordinary Japanese man, except he was a little overweight. "I've been looking for you." He held up his phone and showed her a picture of herself. "That is you, right?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, your mom sent me this. You really like purple, don't you? Me too. I'm Hanso Jetel. I'm your guardian." He looked back his phone and scrolled through his messages. "Apologies, I seemed to have misplaced your name. Could you tell me? You can just type it into my phone here."

She took his phone and typed in Natsumi Nakamura.

"Oh, cool name! It's like my favorite season. It won't come soon enough where we're in Tabi."

She just answered by looking around.

"It's nice to meet you, Nakamura-san," he said with a bow, which she returned. "I know that this is a lot to take in, just too much stimuli isn't it? Let's get out of here. My apartment is just outside the city, and it's much quieter. Here, we'll go at whatever pace you like."

She nodded and followed him, but she was very surprised with Hanso. He was much younger than she expected. Her parents told her that he was faculty, but he looked like he just graduated. He looked like he wasn't that affected by the subway. And then he led her to his car. He can drive? She had never been successful. She wanted to ask him, but she didn't know when it was appropriate to ask questions.

"So, you like that mural?" he asked. "I met the artist who's painting it. He's a nice guy. Better be careful, though. He says it's still a work in progress. You wouldn't want to touch wet paint."

She nodded, not knowing how else to respond. He looked at her as though he understood how awkward this was and said nothing the rest of the trip.

He led her up to his apartment. "Here we are. I know it's not much, but it's enough. We got a kitchen, a TV, and this is your room. You have your own bathroom. Don't worry, I'll respect your privacy if you do the same for me. There's even a lock on the door. My room's down the hall if you ever need me." He suddenly looked down at her wrist. "Hey, cool watch! That's a smart watch, isn't it? I've wanted one forever. Is it voice activa—? Oh, sorry. That doesn't mean anything to you. So, you really are nonverbal? I guess I should have figured that out; you haven't said a word to me yet." He added an uncomfortable chuckle. "So, how do you communicate? Drawing? Writing? Sign language?"

She got out her phone, typed in a message, pressed a button, and a computerized female voice answered, "I use this."

"Oh, you text? Well, that works great! I actually prefer texting over talking. I think we're going to get along fine, Nakamura-san. Well, I guess you're tired. I'll go get some food to eat, or you can just go to bed." She nodded. He started to leave, but then he turned back. "Uh, you look like you want to say something. I mean . . ."

She typed in the thought she had ever since she first saw him, "I thought you would be older."

"Oh. I actually graduated last year. My goal is to be a music teacher, but this year I'm working as an assistant in the music department. It's a little unorthodox, but hey, everything at Tabi is. You got any music classes?"

She shook her head.

"Oh, play an instrument? Any desire to learn?"

She shook her head.

"Well, I guess I'll just be your senpai and not your sensei. That's alright. Well, I'll be back with supper." He left and shut the door.

Natsumi just looked at the room, which was rather bare and empty. She plopped down on the futon. Not too firm. She was worried the bed would hurt. It may be a while before she could get some good sleep here; she was never good at sleeping in new places.

She remembered what that man called Igor said, "You are a refugee, are you not, displaced by the great storm?"

She felt like her life was nothing but storms.

She was born into a storm. It was always just so much. Everything used to make her scream. It was either uncomfortable or painful or just difficult to deal with. She never understood why she couldn't get the words out of her mouth, why she couldn't just tell her mother what was wrong. In fact, it wasn't until a few years ago that her mother told her what was wrong. Natsumi was diagnosed with severe autism when she was five. Her parents both supported her as much as they could, but most of it was just bearing through the storm.

Then, there was one strange time where it just went away. It felt so distant now, she almost wondered if it really happened, but if it were a dream, it lasted so long. She remembered one day, she just got out of bed, went to the kitchen, fixed a cup of coffee the way she liked it, and poured a bowl of cereal. Her mother came into the kitchen, and Natsumi said so effortlessly, "Hey Mama, where's the milk?" She stopped for a moment as though that was odd, but the feeling passed so suddenly.

Her mother also paused and just looked at her for a moment, and she answered, "I'm out of milk, dear. I'll get some from Junes later today."

It lasted a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but it didn't feel like a storm anymore. She could speak without problems, and it just wasn't so much. It would have been nice, but she also couldn't go into that part of her mind that she used to love. Her dreams weren't as vibrant and didn't come nearly as often. The greatest joy in her life was just gone.

And then, another storm came that threw her life into upheaval.

Her older sister, her best friend growing up, left.

Oban was married and lived on her own, but Natsumi always assumed she would be there, always come to visit and see her. But during this eye of the storm, Oban one day told her husband that she had a headache and wouldn't join him a wedding, so he went alone. When he came back, she was gone, along with most of her stuff. She had run away. Not even her parents were sure where she was. Natsumi tried to text her, even asked her if she was coming to her birthday. Oban just texted back, "No." Natsumi didn't understand it at all.

She thought about the Phantom Thieves, that mysterious group that changed bad people's hearts. She knew something was strange with her sister, and maybe they could fix it, bring her back. She found the website and explained everything in a request. She prayed so hard that they would answer, but they never did. Soon after, the storm came back, and no one heard from the Phantom Thieves again.

There was one good thing about the eye of the storm; it made Natsumi decide that she didn't want to live the rest of her life helpless. She missed that feeling of independence. So when her mother told her about a new school in Tokyo called Tabi Academy that was designed for students with various disabilities to learn how to navigate life, Natsumi wanted to go.

And then the next storm came.

This one was literal.

Just before she came, her house was destroyed by a tsunami. Everyone was OK, but nearly everything she owned was gone, and her life was in upheaval once more. Any doubt she had about the major change going to a new school was gone. She had no choice but to start over. So, she came here with the clothes on her back, her school uniform, her cell phone, her smart watch, and just a few other essentials, while her parents were trying to start over.

Her parents—right, Mom would want to know that she got here safely. She sent a quick message, which her mother quickly replied. "Good to hear, honey. What did you think of Mr. Jitel?"

"He graduated last year, Mom. You said he would be a faculty member."

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey. You know he's on the spectrum, too."

"I remember."

"You think you'll get along?"

"He seems nice."

She then took Hanso up on his offer, and her got them both some ramen to go. She ate it with a fork; she was never good with chopsticks. Just after that, she called it a night. She locked her door, got into her pajamas, and fell onto the futon. Soon, she slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

In Hanso's room, he continued to eat ramen and surfed the internet late into the night. When he noticed it was getting near midnight, he decided it was about time to shut it down. "Just one more," he mumbled to himself. He got another mouthful of food and clicked on a site. What he saw immediately started to draw him in.

Natsumi woke to her roommate screaming. She jumped out of bed, got on her robe, went to the door, and . . . hesitated. He did tell her that wanted to be left alone. But then he screamed again and even yelled, "Stop!" She quickly unlocked the door, walked down the hall, and knocked on his door.

"Huh?" she heard him say on the other side of the door. "You're still awake?"

He sounded so calm. Was he watching TV? Did she mishear? She got out her phone and started to text, "Are you OK?" when she heard him coming up to the door.

"What's the matter? You hungry?"

"Uh-uhh," she grunted. She was about to click "speak" when the door cracked open.

He thrust his head out the crack, and his face looked much menacing than it did when he met her. His hair looked crazy, his mouth was twisted into a sick grin, and his eyes seemed to glow yellow. "I am," he said in an unearthly, almost guttural voice, "and you look delicious."

Natsumi screamed, ran back down to her room, locked the door, sat against it, and started rocking stimming, and hyperventilating. This was not the stress she needed on top of everything. What was he doing? He was going to eat her? But why did he scream? She couldn't process her thoughts to figure it out.

In the middle of it all, she heard that voice again, that lovely singing voice coming from somewhere. It gradually calmed her down and slowly lured her back to sleep. Just as she closed her eyes, she thought for the first time, she could hear words in the song.

"I am thou, thou art I. I am thou, thou art I . . ."

She woke to a knock on the door. "Up and at 'em, Natsumi. We're going to be late," she heard Hanso say.

But she shook her head. "Mmm-mmmm," she answered. She didn't want to unlock that door.

"Huh? What's the matter?"

He almost the same tone of voice as he did last night, before he opened the door. She picked up her phone and texted her concern. "You're going to eat me."

"Eat you? What do you think I am, a cannibal? Don't be silly."

"You said so last night," she texted.

"Last night? I didn't talk to you last night."

What?!

"Yeah, last night I was on the computer, and . . . guess I nodded off. You probably just had a nightmare. I made you pancakes, and bacon. Your mom said you liked that. Come on, just opened the door. I promise, I won't eat you on your first day of school."

She could smell the bacon and felt her stomach growl. She was anxious to get this day started. She couldn't go to school from her room. So, she sighed, stood, tied her robe tighter, and went into the kitchen. "Good girl," he said.

She fixed a cup of coffee the way she liked. "Did you at least scream?" she texted.

"No," he said. "No, I was fine. You must have had a really bad nightmare."

Was it a nightmare? It felt too real to be a dream, and it wasn't a daydream. She knew that feeling to me.

"Me, I had an awesome dream. At least, I think I did. Can't remember the details. Can't really remember falling asleep. But I do remember waking up feeling really good. Must be excited for a new year. Aren't you?"

She nodded.

"Yeah! That's the attitude to have. Let's start with a good breakfast." He put a plate of two pancakes in front of her.

She bowed to him to thank him for the food, then bowed her head in prayer, then cut the first piece and popped it in her mouth. But then she paused and gave him an odd look. It didn't taste like pancakes. It had a spicy-sweet taste she was not expecting.

"Like it? It's a little something special for the first day of school. I put in some nutmeg and a little ginger. Don't know why, but I was craving gingerbread this morning."

It wasn't bad, just unexpected. Her parents taught her to be grateful regardless, so she continued eating, though inside she wished she had regular-tasting pancakes. The bacon was still the same, and she liked her cup of coffee.

"We got to go in half an hour. Think you'll be ready by then?"

She nodded hesitantly.

"Alright, I'll see you then."

After breakfast, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, then for the first time got out her school uniform. It was a typical blouse, which thankfully didn't have any confusing bows that were difficult to tie and usually came undone by the end of the day, a long skirt (which she requested), and a jacket with a green and white cross-pattern. She sighed. No purple in it at all. Green was a fine color, but it wasn't purple. She made sure to put on her shoes with the purple shoelaces. They may not have matched the uniform, but looking at them made her happy.

"Come on, Natsumi. Let's get going!" Hanso called. She headed down, and they left.

As they walked out of the apartment building, they passed by a woman with long, tangled hair doing yoga. Natsumi stopped to watch her for a moment doing that strange balancing act on one foot, wishing she could do that.

"Natsumi, come on!"

As they left, the woman said to them in a mysterious voice, "Have a blessed day, children!"

"Thank you!" Hanso waved it her. Natsumi looked at him. "She's just an eccentric neighbor. I think she sells herbal remedies or something. We can meet her later." The subway station was in walking distance. "We need to transfer in Shibuya to get to the train to school. That's where I picked you up yesterday. Oh, pro tip," he said when they got to the turnstiles, "scan your school ID here before you get on the train. This will give you access to the first car, which is much less crowded. It'll help with your anxiety."

So she did as he instructed, and they made it to the platform. Hanso led her where to go. "See? A lot of Tabi students are here."

Natsumi looked around. She did indeed see several adolescents wearing the same patterns on their school uniforms. She saw a young man wearing dark glasses with a cane and service dog by his side. She saw girls smiling and talking to each other with sign languages. She noticed some boys laughing together who had the obvious facial markings of Down's Syndrome. All of them had the same green and white pattern on their uniforms. She knew it was not nice to stare, to point, to think of them as ugly or anything less than ordinary people, but those thoughts came too easily. These were her peers. As much as she didn't want to, Natsumi felt uncomfortable.

Then the train whooshed in and stopped. Once the doors opened, Natsumi and Hanso boarded. Hanso was right; it was much less crowded. Natsumi was able to get a seat easily. She waited for the doors to close and the train to take off, but it didn't happen that quickly. A voice on the loudspeaker said, "One of our passengers requires assistance. We beg your patience."

She saw the wheels first.

Through the door, they rolled in slowly. A young man in a wheelchair with a hunched back, a crooked neck, and jerky arms took his across from Natsumi. She found herself staring at him, but not because of his condition, even though she had never seen someone in public in a wheelchair. She stared because he was wearing a purple shirt. So, was he not a Tabi student? His glazed-over eyes met hers, and she turned away. She never liked making direct eye contact when she didn't have to. Just then, the train started, and they were on their way.