TRIGGER WARNING! Self harm, suicidal thoughts, attempted suicide, curse words, gay slur (purely for story, do not take offensive)
If any of those unsettle you, do not read! Read at your own risk!
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, or self harming, know that I love you. People love you. You can always talk to somebody about it. You are not alone. Know that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
So this was kind of a way to get my feelings out, kind of a way to mention a good song. The song is Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons, real good band.
Most likely one-shot, tell me if you want me to make it into a small story.
Nico POV
I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is bring you down
I'll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you, for you.
DO IT
Tears streamed down my face as I slumped in the Hades cabin. An already bloodied dagger was clutched in my hand, positioned unsettlingly close to my arms.
They were right. I am useless. All I do is harm others, and in this case, myself. I'm a monster, basically a walking bad omen.
They call me names. I try not to let them get to me, but I know they are right. Freak. Monster. Faggot. The voices in my head confirm it, I really am just a useless piece of shit.
When the day has come
That I've lost my way around
And the seasons stop and hide beneath the ground
When the sky turns gray
And everything is screaming
I will reach inside
Just to find my heart is beating
I've tried. Oh, I have tried so many times to ignore the fellow campers, ignore their sneers and glares. Ignore that demon that lives inside my brain.
I got better. For a stretch of time, after the Giant War, I was noticed and cared about for aiding in the war. Bringing the statue to camp and all that.
The campers loved me. Hades noticed me, cared for me. I even let myself develop feelings for another, but who am I kidding. They now think I am a useless piece of shit as well.
All good things truly do come to an end.
Oh, you tell me to hold on
Oh, you tell me to hold on
But innocence is gone
And what was right is wrong
Percy. Dammit, Percy. Always trying to save everyone. News flash, people die. I figured that out the hard way when Zeus acted like a bitch and killed my mother.
Yes, I once admired Percy, but now you can hear the annoyance in his tone when he talks to me. Tells me to "Go away, Di Angelo" and "Back off, Nico!" Even Jason, the one who I thought of to be my best friend, sold me and my secret out to the camp. Gods, Jason.
'Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is to bring you down
I'll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
And I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
It is better for everyone if I just die. Vanish completely. I can feel it in their gaze as they glare at me from afar.
It's true. You know it's true.
My sister was the only one who cared about me. But Percy had to go and get her killed. He loves ruining my life, doesn't he.
My hand and dagger found a rhythm, dig, slice, repeat.
Useless.
Dig.
Faggot.
Slice.
Monster.
Again.
Worthless.
When the hour is nigh
And hopelessness is sinking in
And the wolves all cry
To fill the night with hollering
When your eyes are red
And emptiness is all you know
With the darkness fed
I will be your scarecrow
My powers have gotten out of control. On a good day, wisps of darkness would leak out of my cabin as I laid there contemplating life. It's not pretty on a bad day.
I stayed holed up in my cabin most, if not all, days. I only came out to eat when I was teetering too close to death by starvation.
I have gotten painfully skinny, all you can see are my sharp bones. My skin is pale and gaunt, eyes bloodshot, posture slouched. I looked like a walking corpse.
You tell me to hold on
Oh you tell me to hold on
But innocence is gone
And what was right is wrong
Nobody cared. Nobody cried. I almost faded after the war, and all the campers did was praise the seven for beating Gaea. My father, if I can even call him that, did not acknowledge that I almost joined those he ruled over early.
Will Solace was practically glowing with happiness after my three days in the infirmary were up. I thought he was different. I thought he was kind and thoughtful. I though he cared about me, but I guess people surprise you.
'Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is to bring you down
I'll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
And I'm bleeding out
I'm bleeding out for you, for you.
My dagger continued. At this point, I was getting dangerously dizzy, but I was not afraid. No longer would I be seen as the scared, weak, little son of death.
I have never had as much blood loss as this, maybe I should-
NO. Useless. Cannot even kill yourself properly.
My eyes watered again. Shouldn't I write a letter or-
Don't. Nobody cares. Do it. Make that last slice. They won't notice.
The voice was right. I continued.
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you (for you)
I'm bleeding out for you
Again. They don't care, useless freak. Do it for them. Kill yourself to help their life. If they don't notice you, why would they care if you disappeared? You are an unwanted weight to the whole world, even oblivious mortals. You see their gazes. You hear their harsh words. You feel their kicks and punches. Do it. DO IT!
'Cause I'm bleeding out
So if the last thing that I do
Is to bring you down
I'll bleed out for you
So I bare my skin
And I count my sins
And I close my eyes
And I take it in
And I'm bleeding out
I could feel myself passing out, on the verge of falling asleep forever. I didn't mind.
In a last desperation to fully end my life, I took the dagger away from my wrists and arms. I raised my weak arms with the dagger in them.
And stabbed my stomach.
I let out a strangled scream as I felt my life force ebb away. My eyes got heavy.
Sleeping sounded like such a good idea right now.
I heard my cabin door bang open, although the ringing from my ears drowned out any other noise.
I saw people.
THEY DID THIS TO YOU
I'm bleeding out for you
Somebody came in front of my face. I couldn't tell who it was. My vision was getting too blurry.
I saw their mouth move, felt them pick me up, before I closed my eyes, saying goodbye to this world.
And hello to the next.
For you.