Chapter 25

Heath closed the door to his bedroom, thankful to finally be alone. The day had been horrific, and it couldn't end fast enough for him. His wife's funeral hadn't lasted long, at least not in minutes, but for Heath, he felt as though it had been an eternity. Then he had to come back and listen to the regrets being given by family and friends. It was just too much for his fragile soul to handle right now.

He changed from his suit into everyday clothes, all the while staring at the bed. He didn't know if he could ever lie down there again. His mind brought forth the image of Ellen taking her final breath...of how she looked at him. Heath closed his eyes, willing the image to go away.

"Oh, Ellen," he whispered. Heath walked over to the small dresser that held some of Ellen's things. He knew he should probably clear them out, give them to someone who could use them, but he couldn't make himself. Not yet. His eye caught sight of his wife's robe, lying across the vanity chair. He picked it up and pressed it to his face, inhaling deeply. It still smelled like her. Closing his eyes, Heath held the garment, wanting to forget about the past few days.

Heath could hear voices out in the hallway. He sincerely hoped no one would come and knock on his door to see how he was doing. He loved his family, but he wished they would leave him alone. He hated the mournful looks his mother and Audra cast his way. Jarrod had taken him aside the night before, offering to talk with him. Jarrod knew the pain of losing a wife, and Heath knew he would have an abundance of wisdom to share. He thanked his oldest brother but refused. Maybe later, he had told Jarrod. Nick, he was the worst of all. He shadowed Heath, hardly letting anyone get near him that wasn't family. He had allowed Jonathon and Ella to give their condolences, yet his fierce glare kept most from approaching the new widower.

Heath replaced the robe and sat in the chair beside the bed. He smiled slightly as he thought of sitting in that particular chair the morning after he and Ellen had married. Even then, he enjoyed watching her sleep. And he well remembered what else happened that morning and the teasing he had received from Nick for missing breakfast.

He awoke sometime in the middle of the night, his neck stiff from the awkward position in which he'd been sleeping. He stood and stretched, rolling his neck from side to side. His body craved sleep, but Heath wouldn't allow himself that luxury. All at once, the desire to leave overwhelmed him. He knew his family wouldn't stand for it though. He'd have to convince them to leave him alone, just for a little while. He needed to think, to sort out things in his mind...in his heart.

Finally, it was time for breakfast. The family gathered, Nick and Abby having stayed over the night before, wanting to be close in this time of sorrow. Jarrod and Melissa would be going back to San Francisco later in the week. Carl and Audra promised to be over later that day.

Heath entered the dining room, dressed in his tan pants, blue shirt and brown vest. Everyone greeted him. Victoria coming to give him a kiss on the cheek. There wasn't much conversation, no one knowing what to say. Heath appreciated their sensitivity and knew what he was about to say would shock them.

"I'm going to take Emperor up to one of the line shacks near the edge our property and the Miller's. There's one with a paddock that will work nicely for his training."

No one said anything at Heath's announcement, each letting the news of his departure sink in. Victoria was the first to speak.

"That's quite a ways to go."

Heath sighed. "I need to be away," he said softly. He looked up from his uneaten plate of eggs at his family.

"I appreciate the fact that you've been there for me the past few days. You can't know how much it means, but I need some time alone. I've got some thinking to do. If you'll all please just let me have some time by myself..."

Victoria, Abby and Melissa all looked at Heath with moist eyes. Jarrod nodded silently, knowing he'd felt much the same way after Beth's death. Nick was trying to control his frustration. He felt Heath was running away, and he wasn't about to let him go without a fight.

"Why do you have to go so far away?" Nick asked, trying not to let his voice give away the anger he felt.

"Because if I don't, you'll all come and check up on me, and I don't want that. I want to be left alone," Heath looked at Nick directly. "I need to be alone."

Nick's hazel eyes held the blue eyes of his younger brother steadily. He saw the hurt and anguish Heath was feeling and knew he had to let him go. Nick nodded silently, but he wasn't going to let Heath stay gone for long. He'd give him a week, and if he wasn't back, Nick knew he would go after him.

Nick wasn't sure what it was that had awakened him. He lay still for a moment, listening for any noise. Abby lay curled on her side, her back to him. Not hearing anything, he decided it was probably just the wind or an animal and decided to go back to sleep. He was drifting off when he heard the noise again. It was sniffling, and it was coming from Abby.

"Abby?" he asked, reaching over to touch her. Abby didn't move but cried softly into her pillow. Nick's mind ran through the night before, trying to remember if he'd done something wrong. Things seemed fine when they went to bed. Abby had been a little quiet, but because of the past few days, he couldn't blame her.

"Abby?" he asked again, curling his body around hers, trying to offer her support. "What's wrong?"

Abby immediately rolled over and wrapped her arms around her husband. She couldn't speak for several minutes. She got herself under control, then pushed away from Nick and sat up in bed. Nick sat up as well, reaching over to light the lamp next to their bed.

"The day Ellen...passed...I went into town." Abby paused her voice thick with emotion. Nick nodded, remembering she said she had some shopping to do. He also remembered when she returned, she didn't have any packages, but Nick had assumed she either didn't find what she had wanted, or it would be delivered to the house later.

"I went to see Dr. Merar," she said softly. Nick's eyes widened.

"Are you feeling sick? Why didn't you tell me?" Nick asked, his voice rising in volume.

"I'm not sick," she replied. "At least not much."

"What's that supposed to mean? And you still haven't told me why you didn't tell me you were going to see the doc. Woman you know I would want to be there!"

"Don't call me 'woman'! You know I don't like it! Makes me sound like I'm your property or something," Abby said, her eyes meeting her husband's. Nick wanted to smile at the spark he saw in them. He usually only called her 'woman' when he wanted to get a rise out of her.

Abby took a deep breath.

"You know how my...womanly time isn't always regular?"

Nick nodded.

"I haven't been feeling well, and I went to see Dr. Merar. I didn't tell you because I felt I was just being silly, and I didn't want you to have to take time away when I knew I could ride into town myself."

Nick opened his mouth to say Abby would never be a bother to him, but Abby held up her hand to stop the protest she knew was coming.

"I talked with Dr. Merar and he said..."Abby's voice broke, and she began to cry. Nick's heart slammed in his chest. He reached out to bring Abby closer to himself.

"What, Abby? What? Whatever it is, we'll get through it," he said fiercely.

"I'm going to have a baby, Nick," Abby sobbed. Nick pushed her back. He smiled widely and then hugged her again.

"That's wonderful!" he said.

"No, it isn't!" she wailed.

Nick again pushed her back, wondering at her reaction.

"Why isn't it? We've been talking about having a baby for a while now."

"Heath!" was all she said, before she started crying again.

"What does he have to do with it?"

"Dr. Merar...and I...we...were trying...to figure...out...how...far...along...I am," she sobbed.

"How far along are you?"

Abby cried harder. Nick was getting frustrated. He hated it when Abby cried, and he wanted nothing more than to shake her but knew he'd better not do that. Instead, he rubbed her back, waiting for her to tell him what he wanted to know.

"We think I'm as far along as Ellen was," she said in a rush. "I'm so happy about our baby, Nick. But I'm sad for Heath! We'll be having our baby about the same time Ellen would have been due. I can't stand the thought of hurting him!"

Nick drew his wife into his arms and held her. He understood now. He let her cry a bit longer then he spoke, his voice sounding like a caress.

"Heath would be the first to tell you not to be so upset. Yes, it will hurt him, but he would be even more hurt if something happened to the baby because you are worried about him. You need to relax. It's all going to be fine. Just think, Abby. A baby! We're going to have a baby."

He was interrupted by the soft snores coming from his wife. She'd fallen asleep in the middle of his speech. He reached over and turned down the lamp, then held his wife closer.

"It'll be fine," he whispered. "You'll see. It'll be fine."