Chapter 32

Ella pushed back the lace curtain and watched as Heath walked toward the barn. He had been coming by the ranch at least once a day since their return to Stockton three weeks before. Sometimes he came up to the house to ask if she needed anything, but mostly he spoke with the foreman he'd hired to take care of things. Chuck was a few years younger than Heath but had come with excellent references from his former employer. Heath told Ella he had every confidence in the new foreman, but if she had any problems with him to let him know. So far, she'd only spoken with Chuck a few times when she and Drew had gone out riding. Chuck was polite and helpful, making Ella feel comfortable around him. She even allowed Drew to accompany him to the barn on occasion.

As Ella watched Heath walk away, she thought about the question he'd asked her that morning:

"Nick is taking his oldest son, Mark, on a fishing trip next weekend. It's just overnight. I thought it might be nice if I could take Drew. He and Mark are close in age, and I think they'd get along well."

"Oh," was all Ella replied. She knew Heath would protect her son, but if anything happened to Drew, she would be devastated. Of course, the boy was ten years old. It wasn't as though he was a baby. Not to mention school would be starting up in a few weeks. It would be an advantage to him to have already made a friend.

"If you don't want him to-"

"That should be fine. I know he'll enjoy it. He loves fishing," Ella answered quickly. "I guess I'm just a little nervous about him being gone."

Heath nodded his head in understanding. He had debated about whether he should ask or not, but he really did think it was a good idea.

"I promise I'll take good care of him," Heath said, his blue gaze holding Ella's brown ones evenly. She knew he took the responsibility of Drew's welfare very seriously, as he did her own.

"I know you will. Just ignore me," Ella said, chuckling slightly.

Heath turned away, and Ella thought she heard him say, "I can't," but she wasn't sure. She watched as Heath said goodbye to Chuck then rode away. She wasn't sure how long she stood there before she heard the sound of a buggy approaching. She smiled with pleasure as she watched Chuck greet Audra. He helped her down, and Audra reached inside the buggy for the Moses basket that held her newest child. Ella opened the door before Audra had a chance to reach the steps.

"Oh, Audra! It's so wonderful to see you!" The two women embraced. Ella then led her friend inside and settled her and the baby in the parlor.

"I just made some lemonade. Would you like some?" Ella asked.

"That would be wonderful, thank you," Audra said as she gently picked up her newest son. Ella was back in a few minutes with two glasses of the cold liquid.

"And who is this?" Ella asked, eyeing the tiny baby with the wide blue eyes.

"This is Samuel. He was supposed to be Samantha, but oh well!"

"He's beautiful," Ella said. Audra held out the baby for Ella to take into her arms.

"Are you sure you should be out so soon, Audra?" Ella asked, concerned.

"You sound like Carl. Yes, I'm fine! Dr. Carter said we are both healthy and there was no reason I couldn't make short trips out."

"Is Dr. Merar no longer in Stockton?" Ella asked, remembering how much she liked the older doctor.

"Yes, he is. He brought in Dr. Carter several years ago to help with the practice. Dr. Merar insists he's going to retire one of these days, but I don't know if he ever will. Dr. Carter has been like the son he and Mrs. Merar never had."

Samuel decided he wanted to stretch which delighted his mother and Ella.

"He looks perfect," Ella commented.

"We think so. He sure was impatient to arrive. Dr. Carter almost didn't make it, and Carl was afraid he'd have to deliver him!"

"The birth went fast?"

"Too fast. The pains started hard and didn't let up until he was born. Carl was wonderful though. He held my hand and talked me through each one. We were both relieved with the doctor showed up though."

"You let Carl stay in the room with you?" Ella asked, surprised.

"Oh yes. He was there for all three of the boys' births."

"You're a braver woman than I, Audra. I asked...no, I demanded that Jonathon leave the room. He wanted to stay but left once I started throwing things at him."

"You threw things?" Audra asked, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yes," Ella replied, her cheeks coloring. "I'm not proud of what I did, but I couldn't stand the thought of Jonathon seeing me in so much pain. He would have blamed himself and fretted..."Ella's voice trailed off. Audra could see she was fighting for control.

"I'm sorry, Ella. I didn't mean to upset you."

Ella sniffed and shook her head.

"You didn't. It's just so hard being in this house without him. I miss him so much."

Audra didn't know what to say. She tried to imagine what it would be like to not have Carl with her and she couldn't.

"And now I'm married to someone else," Ella said softly, her eyes on the infant in her arms.

"I'll admit, I was surprised to learn that you and Heath married."

Ella sighed. "It's so strange. Jonathon hadn't even been gone forty-eight hours, and I was already standing before a judge saying 'I do'. It was...unreal. Heath's been nothing but a perfect gentleman and I have to admit, I don't know what I would have done without him these last few weeks. I just feel sorry for him."

"Why?"

"He's married to a woman he doesn't love...a woman who doesn't love him."

Audra wanted to tell Ella that she was sure Heath still cared for her but knew that wasn't her place. She was sure Ella had no idea of the feelings Heath had once had for her. Feelings she was sure Heath still had, at least on some level.

"Heath will be fine, Ella. He's strong. It's not like he didn't know you beforehand. You two were friends before, maybe that's where you should start now. Just be friends. Maybe one day, you two can learn to love each other."

Ella thought about Audra's words. At this moment she couldn't imagine loving anyone but Jonathon. He'd captured her whole heart, leaving no room for anyone else.

"I just hope I didn't ruin anything for him. I can't believe he hasn't married someone else before now."

"Ellen's death was very hard on him. There are still times I see shadows in his eyes."

Audra realized she was making Ella feel worse. She decided to change the subject to the family dinner they were planning to have the next weekend at the Barkley mansion. Ella appreciated her friend's thoughtfulness and the two finished their visit with much laughter.

Heath sat in the parlor, a small glass of whiskey in his hand. He stared at nothing, his mind going back to the afternoon. He'd hated seeing the look in Ella's eyes when he asked her about taking Drew on the fishing trip. He knew she was thinking of all the horrible things that could happen to her only son. Heath kicked himself mentally over and over for not being more considerate.

The rustle of skirts drew his attention and Heath stood. Victoria was headed up to bed, but the sight of Heath looking so dejected at dinner caused her to check on him before turning in.

"I couldn't help but notice you seem upset, Heath. Is everything alright?"

Heath waited for Victoria to take her seat before he reclaimed his own. He sighed before answering.

"I asked Ella today if I could take Drew fishing with Nick and Mark next week."

"She wasn't in favor of it?" Victoria asked.

"Not at first. She had this look in her eyes...it was like she was scared something would happen to him too. I wish I'd waited...not asked her."

"No doubt Ella is feeling very vulnerable right now, Heath. I'm sure losing Drew has crossed her mind more once. Not just today. I know after your father died, I was afraid one of my children would also be killed by the railroad. I couldn't imagine having to face that."

Heath nodded but didn't say anything. Victoria watched him silently, waiting to see if he wanted to talk some more.

"When I went up to see Jonathon, I had no idea I'd be coming back to Stockton married to his wife."

"You know, I've often wished after Ellen that you would open your heart to someone else. I would watch Audra and Jarrod trying to encourage you in that area, and you'd politely refuse their suggestions. Maybe, the reason why was so you could help Ella and Drew now. Jonathon died knowing you'd be there to care for them."

When Heath didn't say anything else, Victoria said goodnight. Heath stood and bent to give her a kiss on the cheek. He sat in the parlor for several more minutes before heading up to bed where he fell into a restless sleep.