The Chay Ong Casefiles by Adonisus
Volume 2: "If You Want Somebody Gone..."
(Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel and all related characters are copyrighted by Vivenne Medrano and their respective owners. All original characters created by me.)
Note from the Author: As this story was written while the Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss franchises were still somewhat in their infancy, it attempts to follow the rules and canon that had been established at the time it was written. In the future, parts of this story may no longer make sense to the canon as it is later set. Please keep this in mind when reading this in the future.
Also, be advised that the following contains content not suitable for children (it IS based on an adult show, after all). Expect lots of foul language, grusome violence, and plot elements that are unwholesome at best.
Enjoy!
-Adonisus
She was still sweaty from the sex when her hellphone buzzed.
Morning was just rising over Imp City, and beams from the sun had, as they always managed to do, penetrate the blinds on the window with a sniper's precision. Maybe it was the position of the bed, or maybe it was the position she was currently in on the bed. She had tried to convince Lucius to invest in the automatic shading window panes she's seen online, but for an Imp that had recently come into money, he was shockingly stingey in the most inopportune times.
She rolled off of the bed and gingerly stood up, her head and her body still reeling. She picked up the phone and hit the answer button.
"This is Chay..."
"You really need to work on your sales-pitch, girl.", a female voice answered on the other side.
"Then they shouldn't wake me up before noon. Like you are. Right now." She peeked throught the blinds, out onto Imp City's skyline.
"Don't shoot the messanger here, Chay. Just relaying a message. Is Lu there?"
Chay sighed to herself. "Hold on."
She walked back over to the bed. There was a small, pulsating lump lying underneath the sheets, emitting a loud snoring in between breaths.
She kicked it off the bed. It tumbled onto the floor in a tangle of sheets and irritability.
"Wake up, Lucius. Viola's on the line."
The sheets untangled themselves, revealing a four foot Imp with solid black horns, white sideburns...and nothing else. He groggily got to his feet, stretching and yawning. "Mmf...what time is it, Chay?"
"It's nine in the morning, and you need to get your own goddamn phone. You can afford one now, you know."
"I do have my own phone! It's not my fault you decided to drag me up here for your little fuckfest without letting me get it out of my car last night!"
Chay shook her head and tossed the hellphone at him. "Just do whatever it is Viola needs you to do. I'm going to freshen up and get breakfast ready." She grabbed a fresh pair of undergarments and walked into the bathroom, cursing to herself the entire way.
Lucius shrugged his shoulders. He put the phone up to his ear: "This is Lucius."
"Rough night?"
"Meh...it wasn't that bad. But you know how Chay is when she gets...you know, that way..."
"So she fucked your brains out?"
"That's...one way of putting it. But anyway, what's this about?"
"It's technically a job offer for Chay, sir...but it also involves the ILF, to a degree. So I thought I should tell you first."
"You mean you wanted me to tell her what you told me, so I would have to be the one to relay the message."
"That's true sir."
"And take the brunt of her anger."
"That is also true, sir."
The Imp grumbled to himself and slapped his forehead with annoyance. She was not going to like this...
"Alright, lay it on me Viola. What's our part in this?"
"It's not terribly time sensitive, sir...but you know that 'independent contractor' that helped us last year?"
"The contract killers? Yeah, I remember them."
"Well, their CEO just called me about an hour ago. One of his clients is specifially asking after Chay..."
Chay stepped out of the shower and grabbed a nearby towel, wiping herself down. She wiped away a strip of fog in her mirror and gave herself a look-over.
Yep, she was still a corpse lady...though not quite as 'corpsey' as she used to be. Or was it just her imagination? She still had the sunken yellow eyes, the hole in her face where a nose should be, and a skeletal grin that her thin lips could not cover. But she felt...healthier?
It had been over a month and a half since the Valentino job in PC, and she had already begun to notice a handful of changes happening, and not just because of the money.
The money was nice, obviously. Valentino had kept his part of the deal (perhaps against his better judgement, as his Receptionist had told her), and payed her handsomely. She had been able to not only get a proper apartment to live in, but she was also able to help Lucius and his crew get a better, more discreet headquarters, with new equipment and and a brand new private gym.
But there was also the other chunk of change she had received, that coming from the royal treasury. The moth-demon Vagatha had told the truth: Princess Charlotte Magne not only payed up, she had payed double what Valentino had given her. She even sent a personal thank-you note, embroidered with the official royal stationary (and several sketches of smiley faces and rainbows). She had managed to take that money, and get herself a proper office. She no longer had to work from a hole in the wall. She was even able to be more discriminating when it came to choosing what cases she would take.
...But to be honest, she still had a lot of money left over, and she still wasn't sure what to do with it. For now, it was locked away safe in an Imp City Bank, but whether it would ever make it back out into Hell's economy was another question entirely. She wasn't really sure what she was going to do with it...
And that was the other thing: in spite of having all of this new luxury, she had noticed that she had been able to keep her hunger in check. For the 5+ decades she had been down here, she had lead an existence that was cursed by her Karmic penance: an overwhelming desire to consume. A constant gnawing in her stomach, desparate to be filled with food, or drink, or carnal relations. She had managed, after decades of trial and error, to find a way to make it manageable by leading an incredibly ascetic existence, having only one pair of clothes, a bombed-out hole in the wall for an apartment, and a strictly vegetarian diet, with only the black pepper and crushed chilis on her morning rice porridge as a luxury. But in the last few weeks, that had not been the case.
...Ok, that wasn't entirely true, if last night was anything to go on. She had, once again, dragged Lucius into her bed. This had happened in PC as well: after a Sinner named Crol had offered her shelter for the evening, she had stepped into his shower (after months of not having bathed) and suddenly had been overcome. It had ended in much the same way as last night.
But now? It wasn't as bad as it had been. She had been able to enjoy all of this luxury, and not completely lose her mind.
But why?
She opened the drawer below her mirror and pulled out her comb. Next to the comb was a small pistol, a pocket 9mm with a single bullet in the chamber. After having moved into her new digs, she had decided that it would be smart to make sure she had a weapon nearby at all times. She knew that her recent wealth would probably catch the attention of Imp City's worst...and of course, the ILF had their share of enemies.
Whether or not the bullet would do any permanant damage was another discussion entirely...but that was besides the point.
After grooming herself, Chay put on her underwear and opened her bathroom door. The steam from the shower escaped into her wider apartment as she walked out.
Lucius was still completely nude, standing in the middle of the room with her hellphone to his ear, finishing a conversation she wasn't a part of.
"...Alright, got it. Tell them we'll call his sectretary this afternoon and set up a meeting...OK, fine, his 'adopted daughter' or whatever. I'll be down at HQ later this evening. Ciao."
He hung up and tossed the phone onto Chay's bed.
"Feel better?"
"Maybe. What did Viola have to say?"
The Imp grinned. "Business opportunies, my dear Chay. For you and for the ILF."
Chay raised an eyebrow. "...Who did you kill this time?"
Lucius's eyes widened. "W-what? No! It's not like that!"
Chay remained silent, staring at her Imp companion with pure skepticism.
The Imp shook his head. "I'm serious, Chay. I'm actually doing someone ELSE a favor this time. This isn't like what happened with Val. You won't even have to leave Imp City this time!"
She sighed. "Whatever. What time do I have to be there?"
"That's the best part!", he said, striking a proud stance with his hands at his hips. "I get to decide the time! So you won't have...to..."
He was going to say 'wake up before noon', but he stopped halfway when he remembered how close Chay was to his privates and how close he was in terms of kicking distance
Speaking of which...
He noticed that Chay's eyes weren't looking at him anymore. Those yellow irises had instead sunk down towards more southern regions.
The nude Imp grinned. "See something you like?".
"Don't fucking tempt me. Anything else?"
"Um...no, I think that's it. When's breakfast?"
"Later." She said as she walked over to her bed, and face-planted into the sheets. "Now fuck off and let me sleep."
A few hours later, a more well-rested and less-hungry Chay walked out of her apartment complex and out onto the streets of Imp City, picking stray pieces of rice from her teeth.
Of all the places that one could make their home in, Imp City was arguably the most agreeable. The Imps did not have all of the baggage that came with being a Sinner, like life in Pentagram City. Their lives were the closest to those one would find in the living world...and everything that suggested. Imps could be incredibly friendly, generous, even altruistic. They could also be backstabbing, manipulative, and vicious. Pretty much likes humans, in that regard.
But one should never mistake them for human. Imps had many of the virtues of humanity, but they were fundamentally different in ways no mortal could comprehend. Imps lived in a violent, chaotic universe that saw them as the bottom tier of Hell's hierarchy, and they had developed in such a way as to survive in such a world. Imps were incredibly durable creatures, and could take normally fatal injuries in stride. They were also quick to violence in a way that mortals would find intolerable to manage. Because of this, their views of life and death were incredibly warped.
Of course, for the average Sinner, it was essentially paradise, especially for someone like Chay. One did not live for over fifty years in Hell with all of their limbs intact without adapting.
Then again, she had found other things to enjoy about Hell...
Her hellphone suddenly buzzed. She reached into her pocket and pulled it out.
She pushed the 'answer' button. "This is Chay."
A bubbly, happy voice answered on the other end: "Hey there, Chay!"
Chay perked up, her eyes suddenly widening with excitment.
"Hi, Shakie! How's tricks?"
"Few and far between, thankfully..."
The voice on the other end of the line belonged to Shakie, a felinoid-demon, former employee of Valentino and, for the last month and a half, a guest and inhabitant of the Happy Hotel in Pentagram City. Shakie had been a victim of the now-defunct Inferna organization, and had been delivered to the Hotel after Chay had seen her unconcious form dumped onto the sidewalk of PC's west side.
Since then, she had apparently taken quickly to life within the Hotel itself. Many of her former colleagues (including the Hotel's first patron, rather famous in his own right) had joined her in its halls and they had spent the previous month in tranquil, happy bliss under the protection of the Hotel's co-owner, Princess Charlotte Magne. She had also, at some point, gotten Chay's number (not that she minded), and her phonecalls had become a fairly regular feature of her week. Something she actually looked forward to.
Speaking of the Princess...
"Oh, I almost forgot! Charlie took us all shopping yesterday!"
"Shopping? Really? To where?"
"To Rosie's Emporium. Alastor is friends with her. Plus I think Charlie's dad knows her, but I'm pretty sure he knows everyone..."
"Huh. Have you...I mean, has he been..."
"Charlie's dad? No, I haven't seen him around. I don't think they get along very well. But I have seen their family pictures in here. Oh wait, I have a picture to show you! Hold on, let me send it..."
Chay's hellphone signaled that a photo was being sent. The photo loaded onto her phone and...
"...Is that Angel Dust with you?"
"Yeah! He helped me pick out my new outfit!"
"But why is he...nude?"
"Oh, that's just something he likes to do as a prank. I think he calls it 'sausage surprise' or something like that."
Chay looked at the photo more closely. It was a selfie, obviously (probably taken by Shakie herself), that looked like it was taken in the Emporium itself. Shakie was there, of course, and so was the very nude Angel Dust (who was only wearing a pair of red leather boots and a vest) giving a lewd wink to the camera. Vagatha, the Hotel's manager and security head, was standing next to him, giving him the stink-eye. She could see a series of what looked like expensive clothing items behind them, on various racks that were lined with hats, shirts, etc.
But what really interested Chay was the other person in the photo.
She was blonde, with a pale white face, rosey cheeks, and a black button nose (almost like a puppy dog). She was wearing what looked like a red tuxedo jacket, with a white button-up shirt and a black bowtie. She was giving a big, doofy smile that was both silly...and yet very warm. Just looking at it gave Chay a feeling of...perhaps 'comfort' was the word? And that was in spite of the fact that her grin showed rows of prickly teeth.
"Shakie...that other girl with you. Is that..."
"That's Charlie, silly! Don't tell me you just now are seeing her!"
Chay's eyes widened a little. This was the daughter of the fearsome Lucifer Magne? Heir to the throne of Hell and future ruler? I mean, both Husk and Angel Dust had told her that she was a creampuff...but she thought that was only in relation to what was normal for Hell. The individual in this photo looked downright pleasant.
"I know of her existence, Shakie. But I just didn't imagine that..."
"Chay, I know what you're thinking. But she is the real deal. And she's a total sweetheart! Chay..."
Shakie got quiet for a second. She seemed to be trying to think of what she should say next.
"...Chay. You really should come here. This place is...it's amazing. Charlie has really created something wonderful here and for the first time in years, I feel like I actually matter. "
Chay sighed and looked over her shoulder at her apartment. If it weren't for her current situation...
"I know, Shakie. I know. But I just signed a lease on my new apartment..and I still have obligations here. I'm fixing to get a new case this afternoon. Besides, I told you already: Imps aren't too bad."
She could hear an audible sigh on the other end. She wasn't entirely sure if Shakie believed her.
"Fine. If you say so, Chay."
"...Are you mad at me?"
"...No. I'm not. But Chay, you really need to ask yourself: If you end up overcome with the 'hunger' again, and you have no place to go...what are you going to do?"
"I haven't had an attack in weeks, Shakie. I've been feeling absolutely fantastic!"
"Yeah, and how long do you think that's going to last?"
She didn't have an answer for that.
"Anyway, I gotta go. I volunteered to help Nifty with some of the cleaning. I'll talk to you later, Chay."
"Oh...OK then. Give the Princess my regards."
She could hear Shakie giggle on the other end.
"I dunno...I think she'd prefer if you did it personally. But I'll do it regardless. Later!"
Shakie hung up. Chay was left with her thoughts, and the bustle of Imp City.
"Over here, Chay!", Viola called.
Chay met her two ILF contacts at a small cafe just a few blocks from her apartment. Viola, wearing her normal black sweater and heavy mascara, was sipping at a sugary latte, whereas Lucius was guzzling an iced coffee and stuffing his face with a bagel.
The Hungry Ghost girl pulled out a plastic chair and sat down. "So...there a reason why we're meeting here and not at your hideout?"
"This invovles an old contact of ours.", Viola answered. "Lucius is a little paranoid about old contacts tracking his wherabouts."
"And not without reason!", Lucius said through a mouthful of lox and cream cheese. "Considering the kinds of people we work with, we would be foolish not to be suspicious."
Chay simply stared at Lucius. "Really? Like who?"
Viola sneered. "Probably old fuck buddies."
Lucius sank into his chair, blushing.
Chay shook her head. "So getting back to the matter at hand..."
Viola pulled out her hellphone. "Yes, the job opportunity. Did Lucius tell you who our contacts were?"
She shook her head. "They were independent contractors. That's all I know."
Lucius nodded. "In a matter of speaking, yes. Last year we were involved in a struggle between a factory owner and the local union. The local Imp workers were being cruelly exploited by both the owner, the manager and the landlord of the property. They were being forced to live in company housing, buying from the company store...you know the drill."
Chay nodded. She knew all about greedy capitalists.
"Well, we found out that this particular factory was under contract to another company...in the living world."
Chay raised an eyebrow. "Run that by me again?"
Viola chimed in. "The factory was under contract from a conglomerate in the living world, and was using the workers in Imp City as cheap labor."
She looked between the two of them. "You're dead fucking serious, aren't you?"
Lucius nodded. "Do you want to guess who they made a deal with in order to access Hell?"
Chay put her face in her hands. Oh yeah, she knew exactly who was capable of that kind of magic.
Lucius guzzled his iced coffee. "Anyway, this is where our contacts come in. It just so happens that they also have means of going into the living world. We exchanged funds with them, they went to the living world, and took out their entire Board of Directors!"
"And what did that accomplish?"
Lucius and Viola looked at each other. Viola sighed to herself and shook her head, while Lucius sank back into his chair.
"It didn't accomplish jack.", Viola said. "The company folded, the owner had to sell the factory, and all of the Imp workers were let go."
"Yeah...", Lucius said sheepishly. "I didn't really think that one through..."
"No. No you didn't."
Chay rubbed the space between her eyes (where her nose would have been, if she had one). "So is there a point to all of this?"
"Well", answered Lucius. "That's where you come in. Viola?"
Viola pulled out her hellphone and cycled to the speaker phone function. "We were contacted early this morning by those 'indepdent contractors' and their CEO. They happen to have one of the major Overlords as one of their top customers..."
She punched out a phone number on the screen.
"But I think they can tell that part of the story themselves. If you'll wait just one moment..."
She hit the call button. The hellphone buzzed as they waited for the other side of the line up anwer.
Then, they answered.
"Hello, IMP. Thanks for calling during my fucking lunch break..."
"Revolutionary greetings from the men and women of the ILF!", said Lucius, probably louder than he really should have.
"Mhmm.", answered the other end. The voice was young, female, and obivously not enthusiastic. The sounds of chewing and swallowing could be heard.
"I'll handle this Lu...", Viola said, sighing. "Hi, Loona. Did we call at a bad time?"
"Oh, hi Viola.", the other line said through a mouthful of food. "For this job? Every time is a bad time. But I guess you're not calling to hear me complain."
"Well, I also don't want to take up too much of your time. Is Blitzo there?"
"He's on a conference call. Hold on a sec..."
Chay looked over at Viola suspiciously. "Uhhh...so these are the..."
"I know, I know.", Viola whispered while shaking her head. "I promise, they're quite competent at what they do...
Viola was interrupted by the sound of shouting on the other line.
"MOXXIE! IS BLITZO STILL ON THAT CONFERENCE CALL?!"
Someone, presumably this Moxxie individual, shouted back something that was too muffled for them to understand.
"WELL LET HIM KNOW THAT VIOLA JUST CALLED BACK!"
More muffles. They could also hear another, distinctly female, voice answer in chorus with the other.
"I KNOW HE JUST HAD HIS WISDOM TEETH PULLED, MILLIE! DID THEY REMOVE HIS TESTICLES TO?!".
A shuffling sound could be heard, presumably the sound of Loona puting the phone back to her ear.
"Hold on just a moment. I gotta transfer you over to his office phone. Try to keep it brief."
The line abruptly cut, and the sound of a sweet-voiced Imp responded in a pre-recorded message.
"Hello, and thank you for calling the Immediate Murder Professionals! Your murderous intentions are incredibly valuable to us, so please stay on the line as we transfer your call!"
This was then followed with a few seconds of light jazz, until the line was picked back up yet again.
An effette, nasally voice answered on the other end.
"Viola, is that you?"
"Yes, Blizto."
"Oh, thank fuckin' CHRIST! Please tell me you're on your way!"
"We're just a block from the building, Blitzo. It should only take us a few minutes."
"Yeah, that's a few minutes too many! If I have to spend another fucking hour with this horny old bastard I'll..."
"We also will need to discuss our fee..."
"I'll talk about the fucking fee! Just hurry up before this gross fuck starts sending me more dick pics!"
The line clicked shut.
Chay raised an eyebrow. "Conference call, huh?"
"He has an...interesting relationship with some of his clients."
Viola put the phone back into her pocket and hopped out of her chair.
"Anyway, I suggest we go ahead and get this business started, at least while Blitzo still has your potential employer on the line."
Chay stood up and slid her chair underneath the cafe table. "So the 'horny old bastard' is also my client?"
"Correct", answered Lucius as he crammed the rest of his bagel into his mouth. "Fortuantely he isn't as inpatient as Valentino...but he does respect profesionalism."
The IMP's office was, as Viola said, only about a block away from the cafe. Also, as befitting a nightmarishly overcrowded urban hellscape like Imp City, it was squirreled away in a random section of an office building that was covered in spikes and featured an enormous pair of Imp horns protruding from it's sides. The actual office itself was located towards the top, about three floors down from the roof.
Chay wasn't sure what other businesses shared this space, but more than likely it was a random gaggle of shady payday lenders, 'exotic' massage parlors and random escorts.
After navigating a hazordous staircase and walking pass several decaying office spaces, they finally came across the front door to IMP's Headquarters, which had the company's logo crudely painted onto the door, along with the word 'Headquarters' in smaller scribble. A piece of notebook paper bearing the words 'Knock First!' was taped below it (with a little smiley face drawn in the corner).
Lucius knocked on the front door. "I'll give the introductions, Chay." he whispered.
A sweet, female voice called from within. "Just a sec!"
The door squeaked open into IMP's haphazard headquarters.
Standing in the door way was a female Imp, roughly three and a half feet tall. She wore a black skirt that was looped over her red shoulders, fastened with two large yellow buttons. She wore dark mascara around her eyes (as seemed to be typical of Imp girls), with a small beauty mark just under her right eye. She had a small heart tattooed on her right shoulder, and a large white patch in her bluish-grey hair, which she wore short. Her horns were the traditional white and black, though the white protions were considerably thinner.
Her eyes widened as she gave a huge, split-toothed grin.
"Viola!".
The Imp girl ran up to Viola and gave her a huge hug, and a peck on the cheek.
"Long time, no see girl! What brings you here?"
"Your boss didn't tell you?", Viola answered with a giggle.
"Well, Blitzo did tell us that some previous clients were going to be here today...wait, did he mean you guys? Goddammit Loona, ya could have informed us..."
Lucius piped up. "I believe you're referring to your receptionist?"
"Receptionist, dispatch, customer service rep...", the Imp girl counted on her black-nailed fingers, "she plays a bunch of roles and isn't terribly good at any of them...but enough of that! Come on in!"
She swung the door open wide, presenting the inside of IMP's office like it was a grand chateau...even though the reality couldn't be further from it.
"Welcome to the Headquarters of the Immediate Murder Professionals group! As you can see we're still somewhat in the early stages of buildling our brand, but we make do with what we have."
What they 'had' looked like a grease-soaked college dorm pretending to be a corproate office. The door opened up onto a dusty reception room with a wooden table that was piled high with old magazines. The walls were covered in various posters and graffitti, many of which featured images of what appeared to be a circus act, staffed by a family of Imps. In particular, one poster featured what was called 'the Amazing Imp Siblings!', featuring a brother and sister duo (one of which was labeled Blitzo), along with a taller Imp woman behind them. There was also what appeared to be a wedding photograph of two young, smiling Imps (and what looked like a crudey pasted picture of Blitzo added in the background).
Chay looked down at the Imp girl in front of them. The young Imp girl in the photo appeared to be her.
There was only one other individual in this crude reception area: a tall Hellhound girl who was situated behind a desk on the left side of the room, her paws up on the desk and her nose stuck in an issue of 'Hellbound Comix'. Her fur was a mixture of white, black and grey. She sported long, voluminous gray hair on her scalp, a dark gray nose, and had red eyes. She wore a black choker with spikes, a gray crop-top with pentagram-shaped strings holding it up on her chest, fingerless gloves, black shorts with a crescent moon on the side, and a pair of gray toe-less socks (which bared her paws). One of her eyelids featured a piercing, as did one of her ears which featured two (the other ear featured a large chunk missing).
Depending on one's perspective, she looked either like a troubled teenager, a goth wannabe, or an aspiring rock star. Or all of the above.
The Imp girl hopped up and planted herself on the desk.
"Now then, are you gonna introduce me to your friends, Viola?"
Viola cleared her throat. "Yes, of course. Lucius, Chay...this is Millie, one of IMP's primary case workers..."
As she was in the middle of her sentence, one of the doors on the opposite side of the room flung open, revealing another Imp (although this one looked rather grumpy). He was roughly the same height as the one called Millie, although his hair was bright white (similar to Lucius), and was pointy with sideburns. He also had white and black horns, although each section was roughly the same in size. He worse a black longcoat with red buttons, black trousers, a white shirt with a black turtleneck, a large red bow-tie, and fingerless gloves.
He was also sporting what appeared to be a large swollen lump on his jaw, which he was rubbing vigorously while cursing to himself.
"...And that", Viola said, picking up from where she left off, "is Moxxie, another case worker who works at IMP."
"And also my gorgeous and handsome husband!", Millie said with a smile.
"Fucking Pennywise-wannabe jackass, trying to cheat me out of fucking sick pay..."
Millie hopped off of the desk and jogged over to her husband. She rubbed his shoulders and kissed his cheek.
"Now, Moxxie...don't take it too hard. You know what he doctor said about your blood pressure."
"I'm not the one whose trying to cheat someone out of sick pay after they've had their wisdom teeth pulled!", said the Imp known as Moxxie. He grimaced and immediately began rubbing his swollen jaw again.
"Well that may be true, but you don't want to make a bad impression on our guests, now do you?", said Millie, as she motioned her eyes and hands towards Chay and co.
"What? Guests..."
His eyes slowly widened as he suddenly realized that they were not alone in the room.
"Holy...why didn't anybody tell me? Loona!" He turned to the Hellhound at the desk. "Why didn't you inform me that we have guests in our office?"
"Because I don't care.", she replied curtly.
"Do your job, goddammit!", he shouted in response before grimacing and rubbing his jaw again.
The Hellhound known as Loona signed. "They're only here for Blitzo, Moxxie, remember? That 'conference call' he's taking in his office?"
"You're missing the point, Loona!", he replied. "You're supposed to greet guests when they walk into the room, offer them our various pamphlets on creative homicide, and then you're supposed to refer them to Blitzo! It's not that hard to remember!"
Loona gave him the finger in reply.
Moxxie sighed. "My apologies for our insubordinate receptionist...she's related to the boss. But enough about that, welcome to the Immediate Murder Proff-"
"We've already heard all of that from Millie, Moxxie.", Viola cut him off. "I know you don't want to annoy your boss any further. I believe we have an appointment?"
"Oh...right. So I'm guessing the tall one..." his eyes slowly lifted up to meet Chay's gaze..."is Miss Ong?"
"Present.", she replied.
His hand shot out for a handshake, which Chay gave. "Nice to meet you, Miss Ong! Apologies for the wait. Our CEO is waiting for you in his office, currently speaking with one of our frequent clients. If you'll give me just a moment..."
Moxxie walked over to another door, this one marked "Blitzo: Awesome CEO", and cracked the door open, poking his head inside.
"Sir, she's here."
"Fucking finally! Let her in, dammit!", answered someone from within the office, trying to shout and whisper at the same time.
Moxxie turned around. "The boss will see you now, Miss Ong..." He walked over to Lucius and Viola. "You two, I'm afraid, will have to wait out here."
"What? Why?!", Lucius asked.
"All conversation between IMP and our clients is strictly confidential."
Chay shrugged and walked over to the office door. She slowly opened the door and peeked inside.
"Don't worry, guys. I'll tell you everything afterwards."
She walked into the office, shutting the door behind her.
Lucius turned back to Millie and Moxxie. An awkward silence filled the reception area as Loona whistled to herself, completely oblivious to the situation.
He looked at Loona's desk. There was a laptop computer glowing mutely.
"Does that thing have access to Voxtube?", he asked.
"Maybe.", Loona replied.
The inside of the CEO's office was covered in various...things. Calendars, notebook papers with notes written on them, a diploma from what may or may not have been a legitimate business college, a whiteboard that was marked with what appeared to be the company's performance for that fiscal year (with a note saying 'FIX THIS SHIT!' scribbled down the middle), and more circus posters.
At this point, she had seen enough of Blitzo for one afterlife, and she was only meeting him in person for the first time.
The Imp was seated behind a large, gray desk, staring into a glowing computer screen with an expression that betrayed both disgust and exhaustion. He was a head taller than his Imp employees, with red schelera in his yellow eyes, and featured much longer horns. His clothing was...flamboyant, to say the least. He was wearing a black collard longcoat with red buttons (one of which resembled a skull), a pair of black boots roughly shaped like his hooves, and his hands were covered with a pair of large black gloves, which featured a couple of yellow growths that resembled eyes.
In fact, his image reminded her of old court jesters from the European Middle Ages...and the white blotches on his red skin (one over his right eye), the black lines painted vertically over his eyelids, and the heart/skull formation on his forehead only further emphasized the illusion.
And at that moment, he looked like the most uncomfortable clown in the universe.
"Yes, Blitzey. Look at me like that. Call me scum..."
There was a voice coming through Blitzo's computer, a voice that sounded oily and stuffy, with all of the wretched excess of wealth and privelege.
And horny.
Very horny.
"Yes sir! Of course, sir!", he said with a strained grin. His eyes briefly glanced over to Chay before immediately going back to the computer. He frantically motioned for her to come closer as he attempted to keep up the illusion of paying attention to...whoever was speaking to him.
"Yes, Blitzey! Act as if I am nothing! Treat me like...is someone there with you?"
Blitzo's face went blank. Chay could swear she could hear the sound of glass shattering.
"Yes sir.", he replied through a pained smile. "That, um...individual you asked about?"
"Oh, she's here? Wonderful, Blitzey! Does she fit the description I gave you?"
The Imp looked at Chay, his eyes going up and down her form.
"A six-foot ghoul that dresses like a mall ninja? Yep, it's her."
-Ouch. Hurtful.
"Very good. Could you turn the screen around so I can see her, Blitzey?"
"Suuure. Just gimme a sec to...um, adjust the audio."
"Be quick, if you please."
Blitzo immediately smacked a button on his keyboard and hopped from behind his desk.
"Took your fucking time, Miss Mekong!". The Imp frantically dashed around his office, desprately trying to straighten up or dust anything he considered out of order. "I've been entertaining that horny old pervert for the last three hours!"
"My...apologies?", she replied awkwardly. "My business partners told me it wasn't time sensitive."
He yanked down an old calendar page and hucked it into the wastebin, all the while trying to frantically adjust the collar on a his coat.
"Yeah, sure. For him it isn't time sensitive, but for me? I have to play the ass slave to keep that feathered prick entertained while he waits! And that's only if it's a teleconference!..."
He straightened one of the circus posters, making sure to dust his image on the paper with his thumb.
"...You're just lucky he isn't here in person! Do you have any idea what it's like to try and do a business deal when a dick is in your mouth?!"
Chay raised an eyebrow. She slid down her scarf, revealing her skeletal mouth (and lack of lips).
Blitzo stared at her blankly. "...Well, okay then, I guess you wouldn't. But my point still stands, dammit!"
He stumbled frantically to back behind his desk. He took a deep breath and folded his hands together in a business-like manner.
"OK...You ready for this?"
"Just one question", Chay asked calmly. "The person I'm fixing to speak with...are they an Overlord?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?.", he winked. He smacked another key on his computer, bringing the audio back on.
"Ok, sir. We're all ready for you. I'm fixing to turn the screen around."
"Very good, Blitzey. Don't go anywhere, now.", replied the computer screen with a distinctly lacivious manner.
"Riiiight...", Blitzo replied through a fake grin. "Turning the screen in 3, 2, 1..."
The Imp reached up and slowly tuned the screen around, it's glow illuminating the room like a nautical lighthouse.
Chay betrayed no emotion when she finally got a look at her client. But inside, she was cringing with the fury of a million suns.
-Goddammit, it ain't an Overlord. It's worse...
Meanwhile, in the reception era, Loona was busily clicking through various pop-up ads before getting to Hell's top video sharing site (that wasn't exclusively pornographic in nature).
"Your boss hasn't invested in adblocker yet, has he?", asked Viola.
"He doesn't believe in it.", commented Moxxie ruthfully. "Something about free enterprise or some such nonsense. I've warned him already about identity theft, but he takes the idea as a compliment."
Millie giggled to herself. "He views it as publicity for the company."
"...aaaand here we are.", Loona announced with one final click.
The homepage for Voxtube finally appeared on the screen, with it's logo (the word 'Voxtube' in white on a red background, with the V forming a pair of horns) in the upper corner. Arrayed on the screen were a variety of videos of numerous kinds. Educational videos on Hell's history shared space with cannibal cooking videos (including the popular 'It's Dahm Good' channel), the webcast from 666 News, various gaming channels dedicated to Let's Plays (usually involving top and bottom-heavy Sinners with webcams), and, of course...
"...Freakin' Pewdiepie?", Viola said.
"Even in Hell...", Loona responded, shrugging her shoulders. "You wanna see what I've been watching?"
"You're not supposed to be using social media during work hours.", Moxxie warned.
"Suck my clit, Moxxie." She clicked through a few more links before making her way to what appeared to be a music channel. The profile image of the channel featured a Hellhound (or a canine-demon Sinner) with blue fur, a wide-brimmed black hat , a black bowtie around his neck, and a black jacket. No shirt could be seen. The profile name read 'Leeroy Scratch'. Over his shoulder he appeared to be carrying a large metal slat that was roughly six feet long, with fading red paint that chipped towards the edges. Two long, metal strings were fastened lenght-wise across it, strung around two pairs of knobs that were bolted to each end, like guitar strings.
"What's that thing he's holding on his shoulder?", Millie asked.
"Please don't encourage her, Millie...", Moxxie replied, smacking his hand to his forehead.
"Oh hush, dear. What's that thing he's holding on his shoulder, Loona?"
"That's his instrument.", the hellhound replied. "He's a blues musician".
Lucius looked closer at the image. "That looks like a ski. Is that a ski?"
"I don't know, now shut the fuck up and listen.", Loona barked as she clicked the play button on one of the videos in the channel. It featured Scratch himself, sitting on a worn-out footstool with a blue pair of slacks (so at least he was wearing pants), with his instrument laying flat ontop of his lap. The ring finger on his left hand was covered with what appeared to be a bottle neck that had been broken off of a random beer bottle, which he had placed on the left end of the instrument. His right hand featured nothing but his claws, which he set upon the right side.
He plucked one of the strings, and slid the bottle neck up the length of the instrument. He plucked the other string (which had a deeper, bass-like tone), and slid the bottle neck back down.
The canine-demon grinned at the camera, revealing several pointy teeth.
"Howdy, folks." he spoke with a deep, rumbling voice. "I'm Leeroy, and I'm feelin' mighty blue."
"Salutations, Mrs. Ong. I thank you for coming on such short notice. I don't suppose I need to introduce myself?"
Chay sighed inwardly, trying her best not to show emotion. "No, Prince Stolas. That won't be necessary."
The enormous Owl-demon in the screen smirked. "Just 'Stolas' is fine, dear."
Even through the screen, Stolas gave off an aura of luxury and intimidation. The Owl Prince was tall, as was common with his particular species of demon, but even by their standards he towered over other Owl-demons. His visage was the perfect example of mystique, with it's small beak, white downy feathers on his heart-shaped face, and his red Harlequin eyes (all four of them), all of which were wreathed by the gray feathers from his neck. He wore a black tophat on top of his head, around which was wrapped a yellow decal that resembled a crown. He was clothed in a red tunic with gold buttons, underneath which was a burgundy surcoat with a white furred collar and puffy striped sleeves.
He was seated on a large gray throne, cushioned with pink pillows, and surrounded by what appeared to be a grand library. He held a golden cup filled with what she assumed was wine, which he delicately sipped with all the regal air he attempted to portray.
And even though she was nowhere near him, she could swear that she could smell perfume and wine. It was intoxicating, almost. Very similar to what had happened when she encountered Valentino.
"You needn't be afraid, dear. I promise I won't bite."
Valentino had said the same. She wasn't stupid.
"May I ask what this is about, Stolas?", Chay asked.
"No need to hurry, Mrs. Ong. First I wish to give you my thanks. I am to believe that it was you who located the pilfered grimoire which I had gifted to my...colleague."
"The teleporting one?"
"Yes, the one with the adhesive seals that wretched traitor Profera had stolen. Valentino informed me of the theft shortly after you had returned to the city. I hear his reward to you payed for your new dwellings. Tell me, were you able to locate the book itself?"
Chay sighed to herself.
"No sir, I couldn't. If it still exists, that is."
"Hmmm...unfortunate." The Owl-demon sipped at his wine. "Such a shame. But no matter, I've plenty more to replace it. You did good work regardless, in spire of Valentino's misgivings."
Chay nodded. "Thank you, sir."
The Owl-demon set down his cup somewhere off-camera. "Now then, I suppose you wish to know why I have summoned you."
"I assume it's a job offer.", Chay replied.
"Indeed, Miss Ong. Your deduction skills are as sharp as I was told. I am also guessing that you are wondering why I am speaking to you thusly, rather than in person?"
It actually hadn't crossed her mind (it certainly wasn't the weirdest meet-up she'd had to endure), but now that he mentioned it...
"I am somewhat curious, I'll admit.", she replied.
"The answer is simple, my dear: stealth and secrecy. The machinations of Hell's hierarchy are omnipresent and vicious. Little that we do goes unheard of by the rest, and Hell's society is nothing if not a gaggle of gossipy bitches."
The Owl-demon chuckled to himself. "Did you hear that, Blitzey? I made a funny."
"Yes, sir. Quite hilarious.", Blitzo replied while shaking his head and mimicking a jerk-off motion.
Stolas cleared his throat. "After all, this is how I heard about your work with Valentino...and other things. For example..."
At that moment, Stolas lifted a feathery eyebrow, showing a stretch of emotion that was slightly off-putting.
"...I know about your dealings with His Highness's daughter."
Meanwhile, in the lobby...
"-oooooteeeeeeeEEEELLLLLL!"
The video playing on the monitor (labeled "clowny cunt in tux sings 4 bux") went black. Loona had a big grin on her face, while the other Imps were different shades of astounded, confused...and slightly annoyed.
"You know...they'd told me that she'd given the whole song n' dance when she pitched the Hotel...", Viola commented.
"...and they were literally talking about a musical number. Christ on a cracker.", Lucius finished while shaking his head in amazement.
"I always liked her. She's spunky!", Millie piped in.
"Yeah, she's awesome.", Loona replied.
Moxxie raised an eyebrow. "Was that...a compliment you just gave?"
"I kind of want to see more Leeroy...", Viola commented.
Lucius was indignant. "For fuck's sake, how come we don't have a Voxtube channel? This shit would be amazing for propaganda purposes! Just imagine all of the new supporters we'd have for the cause!"
"You have to enter in your personal info for an account, Lucius.", Viola replied. "And an address. You know, the one we're trying to keep secret?"
"Well then we'll just enter a fake one!"
"You know who owns Voxtube, right?"
The room went somewhat quiet as Lucius's eyes slowly went wide. Much as was the case with the sex industry and Valentino, all communications and social media were specifically owned by...
"...Oh fuck, that's right. Vox.".
"Exactly. We already got on the badside of one Overlord. We do NOT want to piss of another."
"Wait...what Overlord did you guys piss off?", Millie asked innocently.
"I'm afraid that's classified info.", Lucius replied formally. "It's data that's very mission critical and-"
"It was Valentino.", Viola replied. "We got a sweet payday out of it, though."
Lucius's jaw nearly unhinged as it dropped in shock. "Viola, what the fuck?!"
"Oh shut it, Lu. Overlord business never keeps secret for long. In any case, one is enough. We don't need another."
"Especially when it's his boyfriend you're pissing off.", Loona replied casually. She sipped at an ice coffee she had placed on her desk, only to later realize that the Imps were all staring at her.
"What? You didn't know Val and Vox were fucking?", she asked.
No answer. Just the sound of a light breeze, in spite of all the windows being closed.
"...And that is when he misplaced my favorite hat. But we all love him anyway."
Back in Blitzo's office, Stolas was finishing up a rather long and convoluted story. One that had begun with the mention of Princess Charlotte Magne and her Hotel, before quickly careening off track into the story of last year's Royal Soiree in which someone had managed to snatch Stola's top hat from his head (and the hours long saga of tracking it down). Ultimately, one of the Princess's manservants had discovered that the King himself had simply mistaken the hat for one of his own.
Chay couldn't care less. Blitzo simply mouthed 'humor him' while rolling his eyes.
"Have you met the princess, Mrs. Ong?"
Chay snapped out of her bordom-induced stupor.
"N-no sir. I haven't had the pleasure."
"You haven't? Such a shame, dear. She's quite marvelous, really. My daughter and her get along quite famously. But we're getting off track, so let's get to business then."
Stolas cleared his throat. "Blitzey, dear. Do you have the materials I sent you?"
The Imp opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a manilla folder labeled 'annoying bird dick'. It was filled with what appeared to be photocopied correspondence and photographs.
"In my hand as we speak, Stolas.", he replied.
"Very good. Now then... Mrs. Ong, I 've taken up enough of your time so I shall attempt to stick with the essentials."
The Owl-demon reached somewhere below the screen and produced an elaborately decorated book, encased in expensive leather and what appeared to be human teeth.
"As I have previously explained to you, being a part of Hell's hierarchy is a life rife with suspicion and intrigue. We all fancy ourselves as temporarily embarassed emperors, and that leads to quite a bit of brown-nosing and back-stabbing. That means we are always suspicious of...hangers-on, shall we say."
One of Stolas's hands began to glow red as it slowly passed over the opened book. The pages themselves began to levitate against the binding.
"Earlier this week I was informed by one of my associates of a theft that occured within my home. It was not one of my grimoires, thankfully..."
While the Overlord was speaking, Blitzo was sorting through all of the materials in the folder, mumbling to himself about 'drama queens' or some such. Chay paid no mind.
"Do you have the photographs, Blitzey?"
"I'm handing them to her now, Stolas.", he commented as he haphazardly tossed a handful of polaroids at Chay, who in turn managed to just catch them before they tumbled to the floor. There were four of them, all quite clear and not blurry in the slightest ("So thank karma for mild mercies", she though to herself). The first photograph was of a Sinner, a Snake-demon whose scales were black and yellow in color, with a pattern that was rather patchy, much like the Mangrove Snakes she lived in fear of as a child but with broader 'patches'. He was wearing what appeared to be a gray wool shirt, with gold buttons that featured images of peaches and what appeared to be cotton plants. The shirt featured a pair of shoulder pads with yellow frills, and the collar had two five-pointed stars fastened to it. On his head, he worse a gray wide-brimmed hat, with the brims folding inwards. The Sinner attempted to give himself a dignified air with a pose that to him must have seemed regal, but in practice looked downright ridiculous. The sabre that he wore at his side only made him look sillier.
"Do you seem the photograph of the gentleman who fancies himself a Colonel, Miss Ong?", Stolas asked from the screen.
"Yes, sir.", she replied.
-Great, yet another dipshit playing soldier. Hell is just full of these assholes.
"That is a recent addition to my social circle, Mrs. Ong. His name is Estus. He claims that in life he was an important colonel in the Confederate Army during the American Civil War. He was also a fairly properous Plantation owner..."
"Which explains why he's down here".
"Oh my, yes. There are an awful lot of his kind down here with us, aren't there?"
"Well, my recent experiences would confirm that theory."
"You needn't be suspicous this time, Mrs. Ong. Unlike Profera, his claims of battlefield glory are largely true. But like many of his fellow Confederate compatriots down here with us, he is a man of pride. My wife rather adores him for some reason, while I on the other hand find him to be rather...I believe the appropriate term would be 'nouveau riche'?"
Chay rasied an eyebrow. "He's recently come into a lot of money?"
"Mmm, no dear. He's always been rather wealthy. What I mean is that he acts rather...tacky and obnoxious. Have you ever seen 'Gone With the Wind', Mrs. Ong?"
"I have, actually. "
"Well, he acts like the platonic ideal of that film. But in the worst way possible. Am I making any sense, dear?"
Chay sighed to herself. "Unfortunately, yes. He isn't the first individual of his kind I've run into." And it was true. For some reason Hell was infested with people who imagined themselves are far greater than they were in life, and almost all of them tried to model themselves after the idealized version of the Confederacy from that particular film.
"In any case, I want you to keep this gentleman in mind as we go along. Now, another one of the photographs is of an object in a museum case. Do you see it?"
Chay thumbed through the polaroids until she found the picture in question. The photograph was of an ivory mannequin neck, encased within a cube of glass and standing on a bronze pedestal. Around that neck was a necklace made of gold, attached to which was a medallion in the shape of some kind of flower, made of rubies and sapphires, with the sapphires making a Spanish Cross over the rest of the medallion's ruby field.
"Rather tacky, but it has it's charm, I suppose.", Stolas stated.
"This medallion...what is it, exactly?"
"The flower? It's a Confederate Rose, my dear. They aren't actually proper Roses, of course, but that is what they are called. This was a gift to my wife, you see, from our dear Colonel...at least, before he found out what it was made of."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, the gems are of course mined from Africa, but that is not the point. The point is what the rest of it is made of...and why I've pinned Coloel Estes as a suspect."
Chay eyed the photograph closer. "The only other material in this piece appears to be the gold."
"Oh, it's not just any gold, Mrs. Ong. It's Confederate Gold."
It would be another hour before Chay finally emerged from Blitzo's office. By that point, Loona and the Imps had exhausted the entirety of Leeroy's Scratch's posted videos, and had resorted to shuffling through the various livecasts on the site.
They were watching that afternoon's installment of 666 News as the door creaked open, with Katie Killjoy's shrill voice emitting from the speaker.
"...And that's the latest tip from this year's ongoing 'Extermination Watch'! Remember folks, we've only got a few more months before the Hordes of Heaven descend upon us once again, so get your preparations for survival and after-slaughter cleanup in order while you still can!"
The voice of her co-anchor, Tom Trench, popped in with almost pitch-perfect timing.
"Or at the very least, leave us an incredibly sexy fleshpile for us to mop up after!"
Katie's giggle tittered from the speaker. "You are the rotten fungus on my taint, Tom!"
Chay groaned to herself. "This is why I don't own a cable box...", she said to herself.
If there was one thing she hated about returning to civilization after going feral in Hell's jungle, it was THIS bitch. Katie Killjoy was an ivory-white Mantis-demon with bleach-blonde hair, a glowy pristine grin, and large red eyes with the barest hint of yellow pupils. She usually wore the bougiest of bourgeois power dresses, often of the bright red or blue variety and with ample space to show off her cleavage, and wore a pearl necklace and a pair of pearl earrings to complete the effect. Every word, every effect, every single gesture just bled condescension.
The way she constantly abused her co-host, a humanoid gas-mask with blond hair and a cheap three-piece suit named Tom Trench, made her dislike Killjoy even more.
Chay was begrudgingly watching as Killjoy turned back to the camera.
"Coming up next, we have some exciting news for fans of criminally-unsafe amusement parks! The ever-popular Loo Loo Land is welcoming a brand new attraction this week: an entire historically pseudo-accurate Wild West Town! Will you witness a carnie snorting meth while wearing a cowboy hat? All that and more, after the break!"
"Blech!". Lucius stuck his tongue out in disgust. "Such a trashy display of bourgeois decadence! They don't even have good cotton candy!"
"Been there before, huh?", Moxxie asked.
"More than once.", Lucius replied. "Twice as a kid, then once as an adult. We could never afford to go to Lu Lu World so we settled for the cheaper knock-off. I found a wedding ring in my corn dog..." the Imp shivered in disgust.
"Don't forget the creeply mascots.", Viola replied.
"Ugh, fucking tell us about it!", Loona sneered. "We went there a few months back with Stolas and his daughter, and there was this creepy dude in an apple costume driving an Ice Cream truck. I'm pretty sure I spotted him trying to sneak a peek while I was in the bathroom."
Moxxie sighed. "It wasn't pleasant...but at least it's behind us."
Lucius hugged his shoulders. "Right there with you, brother...Wait, did you say you went with Sto-"
At that very moment, Blitzo barged into the room, his eyes sparkling and giddy.
"Moxxie! Millie! Loona! Grab your shit and get in the van! We're going to Loo Loo Land!"
Moxxie sighed, again. He sighed with the weight of an Imp who had sighed so many times before, and knew he would continue to sigh for the rest of his life.
"We can't go, sir. They're closed for renovations."
"Fuck renovations, Moxxie! They're making a Wild West town and I want to see some fucking horses!"
Moxxie shook his head. "Sir, I don't think-"
"HORSES!", Blitzo squeed. "Daisy is getting his shots and daddy misses him so FUCKING HORSES!"
The harlequin Imp cleared his throat and fixed his collar, trying to seem professional. "Besides, we're actually going there for work so it counts as a business expense."
"Whose Daisy?", Millie asked.
Moxxie turned to her with disbelief. "Really? It's...it's his horse, Millie. His horse. The one he claims to own? He changes its name every other day? You haven't caught on yet?"
Millie gave a split-toothed grin. "I like to keep a little mystery in my life."
Moxxie wanted to say something else...but honestly, he couldn't stay mad at her with that smile.
"But even if it is for work, we still can't go until they're open. Also...how exactly is this for work?"
"Because Mr. Birdbrain just hired Miss Tall-Dark-And Gruesome over there to track down some bullshit, and he specifically asked us to come along as back-up!"
Viola rubbed the bridge between her eyes. "OK, someone better start explaining shit because I'm getting really confused. Whose the client? Why are we being hired to go to a theme park?"
Lucius curled himself up into a ball. "Please tell me it isn't another Overlord."
Chay finally spoke up. "I've been hired to track down a piece of stolen property. The client specifically requested that the employees of the Immediate Murder Professionals assist me in this endeavor."
"And the park comes into this...how?", Moxxie asked.
The Hungry Ghost pointed at the computer. "That 'Wild West Town' that Katie Killjoy was talking about?"
Moxxie raised an tufty white eyebrow. "Yeah?"
Chay took out the photographs from her coat and slapped them on the desk.
"My client already has a handpicked suspect...and he just so happens to be the Sinner who helped build it."
Blitzo stepped in front of Chay. "That's right! So everyone better remember to act professional and not fuck this up. We're gonna have the opportunity to meet some really rich fuck-faces, and that means future customers!"
That got Moxxie's attention. "Wow...you're actually making mature business decisions. That is surprising...and slightly worrying...You sure you're OK, sir?"
"I miss Daisy...", Blitzo muttered.
Viola thumbed through the photos on the desk. She picked up the polaroid of the necklace. "Is this the thing we're looking for?"
Lucius peered over her shoulder. "A necklace? With what appears to be...some kind of jewel-encrusted flower hanging off of it?"
Viola shook her head. "This is the tackiest fucking thing I've ever seen. Who wants this? Why do they want it?"
"Why would you want it?", Lucius concurred, sticking his tongue out.
"Honestly...", Chay asnwered, "I'm not sure why. Stolas told me it was a gift for his wife."
Loona snorted. "I'm surprised he even pays attention to her in the first place."
Lucius said nothing. He appeared to have been frozen in place. His red skin seemed to have paled into a lighter shade of pink.
Viola grunted. "Ugh, so we are working with another Overlord. Goddammit..."
"Technically, he's not an overlord...", Moxxie remarked.
Chay took the polaroids and stuffed them into her pocket. "Whatever the case, we're gonna need to do a little bit of planning. This place won't be open until tomorrow, so that gives us all the evening to hash out the details. I've got a few resources to pull from. Do you guys need anything from me?"
Moxxie crosses his arms. "Well, we're already fairly well stocked as far as supplies are concerned..."
"Oh, that reminds me!", Blitzo said. "It was Loona's turn to go grocery shopping this week. Loona, sweety, did you take care of that?"
"No.", she replied.
Moxxie slapped his forehead. "Oh for fuck's sake..."
Millie hugged Moxxie to her cheek. "Aw, don't worry sweety! I still have my knives!"
Moxxie grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, honey...but I still need ammo..."
For once, Chay actually had a reason to chuckle for herself.
"Oh, we can handle the firearms portion of things."
"Yep", Viola said as she hopped back down to the floor. "the ILF armory is fully stocked and ready for use, right Lu?...Lu?"
Again, nothing but silence and a wide-eyed look of terror from a very pale Lucius.
Chay raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter with him?"
Viola poked at Lucius.
"I don't know. Was it something I said?"
"...I let slip that we're working with another Overlord, didn't I?", Chay asked.
"Again, he's not actually an Overlord...", Moxie remarked (again).
Blitzo grabbed Lucius's cheek. "Damn, he's gone straight catatonic." He slapped Lucius across the face.
That seemed to have done the trick, as Lucius finally returned to consciousness.
And then immediately proceeded to let out something between a shriek of terror and the work 'fuck'.
It was around 8 o'clock at night before Chay made her way back to her apartment. The pentagram moon was just beginning to poke out from under the cover of darkness and Imp City has settled into it's slightly less noisome evening. The streetlights were clicking on down the street, and the neon signs for the nearby stores were glowing at full blast.
On the elevator ride up, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She was getting a text.
She pulled it out and looked at the screen, her tired eyes squinting against the hellphone's harsh glow.
|: BONES, ITS ANGEL.
CALL ME SOON. -AD :|
-When did Angel Dust get my number?
She thumbed the 'call back' button on the screen. It barely rang on the other end before she got an answer.
"Hey, Miss Bones! How's tricks?"
Yep, it was definitely Angel Dust on the other end. She hadn't spoken with the Spider-demon since she had left Pentagram City, and she had to admit that getting the chance to talk with him again made her feel a little...giddy? Was that the right word? She wasn't entirely sure.
"Um, Angel...how did you get my number?"
"How do ya think, babe? You got three guesses, and the last two don't count."
...Of course. He probably got it from Shakie. Come to think of it, she was surprised he hadn't called her a lot earlier.
"Is she OK, Angel?"
"Shakie? Yeah, she's fine...but that's kind of what I wanted to talk to ya about."
-Oh no, was this about our earlier conversation?
"Look, Shakie's fine and everything but...well...can I ask ya something, Bones? Like honestly?"
OK, now she was starting to get a little worried.
"...Angel, you're scaring me right now."
"Aw shit, I didn't mean to do that. But...well, you know how Overlord news tends to travel kinda fast around here?"
"Well yeah, Vaggie told me as much."
"Yeah, I know but..."
This was actually getting quite uncomfortable. Through the phone, Angel actually started to sound genuinely concerned. Almost as if...
"...Bones, you're not doing anything you don't want to, are ya?"
"What the fu-" ding
The elevator's bell sounded as the doors slid open. The hallway to her apartment was largely bare, with only a random janitor's bucket and mop lying against a nearby wall (sans janitor). She slowly walked down the hardwood passageway to her home.
"Look, I have some experience with crap like that, what with all the abuse I got from Val...I kinda wish Cherri was here to because she's also gone through similar shit..
"Whoa, let me stop you right there, Angel..."
She stopped in front of her door, and fumbled around in her pockets for his key.
"First of all, who told you I was doing a job for another Overlord?"
"Bones, just answer me..."
Chay sighed. "I know where this is going, Angel, and I promise you that isn't what's happening here. This is purely business, and nothing else."
"Business as in...?"
"Business in that I'm doing another retrieval case. I'm not even leaving Imp City. Now answer me, who told you I was doing another Overlord case?"
"Eeeh, I heard it from Shakie. She'd been listening in on Charlie and Al when your name came up and...well, she's worried about ya, Bones."
-Shit. It would have to be related to earlier this afternoon...
Chay groaned inwardly. She didn't want to admit it, but she had been dreading talking with Shakie again after the earlier phone call. She liked Shakie a lot, but ever since the visit at the Hotel, there had been these strange yearnings stirring in her stomach. This odd combination of joy and longing that she couldn't quite comprehend, like she was being drawn back to that place for some reason.
But then again...if the Princess was where Shakie had overheard it, maybe she could perhaps solve this if she spoke with her. I mean, that is what Shakie had been wanting her to do for a while, right? To speak with Princess Charlotte?
-Wait, what the fuck is going on? Why am I...?
"Angel...can I speak with her?"
" 'Fraid not, she 's busy helping Nifty clean up the basement. Ya wouldn't believe how many fuckin' accordions are down there..."
"No, I don't mean Shakie, I mean...Angel, can I speak to the Princess?"
"...Whoa, Bones. Ya sure you're alright?"
Chay rubbed her forehead and came back with a handful of sweat. Why was she so nervous all of a sudden?
"Yes, Angel. I'm fine. But Shakie has been wanting me to speak with Her for a while now and...well, I'm hoping maybe if she hears it from Her then maybe she won't worry so badly."
"Gotcha. Well, unfortunately that's also a no go right now. She's been busy with with the renovations to this place and she kinda wore herself out arguing with the contractors. Vaggie decided to take her to bed and...well, I dont wanna have to face an angry Vaggie, if ya know what I sayin'."
"...I see."
Chay sighed inwardly. She was almost relieved, for some reason.
"...Alright, fine. I understand."
"No problems. But hey, if ya got a message ya want to get to Shakie, I can tell her for ya."
Chay finally found her key and opened the door to her apartment. She stepped inside and flicked on the lightswitch, illuminating the room.
"Well, first of all...I'm not working for Valentino again, just to make that clear."
"Oh thank fuck!".
Chay heard Angel give a big sign of relief through the speaker.
"Well, that's a load offa my chest, then..."
"I am still working for a big-wig, though. That much is true."
"Really? Who? It can't be Vox or Velvet because I sure as hell woulda heard it by now..."
"No, I'm doing a job for Stolas."
She walked over to the kitchen area, opening up her refridgerator and taking out a couple of grapefruits and a carton of soy milk.
"Holy fuckin' shit, you're working for THAT guy? Ya shoulda told me sooner! Charlie's really good pals with his kid..."
"He told me as much."
"No, seriously. Those two go way back. I think she went to school with her or some shit."
Chay dumped the grapefruits and soy milk into a blender, adding a couple dashes of vodka before hitting the blend button.
"So this is before she met Vaggie?"
"Oh yeah, way before that. Way before she met her ex-boyfriend, I think."
"Interesting..."
"If you're inta politics, I guess. So what's birdbrain got ya doin anyway?"
Chay put the phone on the kitchen counter and hit the speaker phone function. She opened up the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice, dumping them into a glass.
"I can't give details like that over the phone, Angel."
"Aw c'mon, I promise I won't tell."
Even though she was nowhere near him, she could see him making that mischievous grin of his in her mind's eye.
"Yes, you will. Not on purpose, maybe, but you will. And then it'll get to the Princess, and then the rest of Hell's uppercrust will hear it and the whole job will be fucked."
"Can ya at least gimme a hint?"
"Angel..."
"Pleeeeease?"
"Angie..."
"Pretty please with sugah on top?"
"Look..."
"Cuz ya know, you're my sugah?"
-Oh fuck it. He's way too good at this shit.
Chay sighed into the phone. "It's finding some stolen property."
"That's it? Really?"
"Yeah, that's it."
"So why the secrecy, then?"
"Because the suspects include a few higher-ups in the Hierachy, and like Vaggie said..."
"...News travels fast. Gotcha."
"Exactly. Plus I'm collaborating with another firm on this, so I'm already dealing with some other shit."
"Double gotcha."
She poured the contents of the blender into her glass, making sure not to let it foam over the top.
"Anyway, I got some research to do in my office, so I'm gonna have to let you go..."
"Yeah, sure sure...You want me to tell Charlie you called?"
That tension in Chay's stomach suddenly peaked out from behind its metaphorical rock.
"...Yeah, I guess. But I'm gonna be real busy the next couple of days so..."
-Good...that'll give me some distance between then and now.
"No prob. She'll just text ya!"
-Shit.
She took a huge swig of her smoothie, wiping away stray liquid from her mouth.
"Yeah, that'll work. I'll talk to ya later, Angel."
"Don't be a stranger!".
The line clicked.
Chay put her glass on her nightstand and collapsed onto the bed.
What the fuck was she doing? Why was she being so antsy over Shakie? For fuck's sake, she was getting all nervous over talking with Angel Dust, of all people!
Was it the Hotel? Was it the Princess herself? Things had been weird ever since she left Pentagram City. Yeah, she'd made friends with Shakie, and the others she had met at the Hotel were nice.
But the very idea of talking with Princess Charlotte scared the crap out of her. Even though everyone had told her that she was the exact opposite of whatever one would imagine a royal in Hell would be.
Maybe it was what Shakie had said earlier.
"If you're overcome by the hunger again, and you've got no place to go...what are you going to do?"
Something was drawing her back to that place, and honestly she had no idea if she would be able to fight it or not.
(End, Chapter 1)