1.1 Alliance Recruiting Office

"Shepard!" A skinny girl with red hair who was dressed in clothes she either got out of the trash or from charity got up and headed towards him. God, he hated dealing with these street kids. Most couldn't pass the physical, nearly all had fried their brains or ruined their health with alcohol or drugs or both. Even if they did pass, they hardly ever made it through boot camp. They didn't know how to take orders, had no discipline, got in fights, and backtalked superiors. Most who came here were in trouble, either from law enforcement or got on someone's bad side, or had gotten too old to elicit the sympathy you needed to get by on handouts. He tried to get the ones that came through into rehab or a halfway house or some kind of work program but he knew most would end up dead or in jail.

This one was typical, too little nutritious food, too much drugs and alcohol. Right now, at least, she was clean and sober and suffering the effects of both. "Follow me." They walked back to his desk in the office. "Have a seat."

"Yes, sir." She said. She was trying to impress him. He looked over her file. Just as he had thought she had failed the physical, no strength, no endurance. Although her organs were good, heart, lungs. She was underweight but there were no signs of malnutrition. That meant she wasn't raised on the streets but had only been there at most a couple of years.

He switched to her technical scores which admittedly were impressive. Intelligence, comprehension, ability to follow directions, memory all good. He went to the last section. Personality assessment and saw the highlighted part. 'Shows leadership potential.' That was unexpected. Basic infantry are a dime a dozen but leaders were rare.

He put the datapad down and looked at her. She met his eyes and held them. Not many of the street kids did. There was something but he couldn't put his finger on it. "You failed the physical." He said.

"I know." She said.

He shook his head. "I can't…."

"If I may, sir." She said.

"Go on." He said and sat back. If she begged or tried to play on his emotions, there would be no way he'd pass her.

"Sir, if you give me this chance, I swear to you I will work harder than anyone you've ever seen." She said. "I will make sure that you never regret giving me this opportunity, not for one second. I swear."

He considered for a moment. "Why is this so important to you?" He asked. "There are other places you could go. Charities that take people in."

She shook her head. "You don't understand." She said and then looked around the room seemingly fighting with herself about what to say next. Finally she turned back to him. "I… my... my family was killed in a slaver attack… they killed or took everyone else. I was the only one left." She stopped, swallowed hard and then continued. "I hid listening to them screaming and I couldn't do anything because I didn't know how. I need to learn how, how to fight, how to fire a gun, how to blow up a ship." She said. "I'm tired of being helpless and of being scared all the time." She met his eyes and held them never looking away. She may be physically weak but inside she was made out of steel.

He stood up and extended his hand. "Welcome to the Alliance."

1.2 Alliance Psychology Department

Personal Notes of Head Psychologist

RE: Lt. Shepard

Lt. Shepard finished her required secessions post-Elysium and I have filed a recommendation that she be allowed to return to active duty.

During the secessions, she exhibited no signs of PTSD, admitted to none during questioning and there were no reports of any troubling behavior. She insisted that she was fine and that she had not been afraid during the attack on Elysium. I found this difficult if not impossible to believe and was concerned that this indicated a much deeper issue, dissociation, emotional numbness, or denial. This seemed confirmed when she refused to discuss Mindoir. I was also concerned at her lack of close friends and while she was sorry that people had died on Elysium their deaths had no personal meaning for her.

However, during the last session, a breakthrough was made. I asked her directly how was it possible that she wasn't afraid during the attack? Was she simply not afraid of anything? She replied that she had been afraid on Midoir because she had been helpless. On Elysium, she hadn't been afraid because she hadn't been helpless.

I asked if she had been afraid she wouldn't be able to stop the attack. She replied no, she wanted to stop them, was prepared to do everything she could to save those people but she wasn't afraid of that.

When I asked if she was afraid of dying. Again she said no, that there are worse things than dying. I followed up with Like what? She replied: Being captured, being at someone else's whim or mercy especially when they don't have any.

When I asked her about her lack of close friends, she replied that she hadn't thought about it. She had been focused on training and missions etc. I presented the idea that perhaps she kept people at a distance because she couldn't control them, might not be able to keep them safe and then might lose them. She didn't answer but the idea seemed to make her think.

I made the offer but I don't expect her to come back. She is surprisingly well adjusted for all she has been through. Her lack of close friends is a concern but hopefully now that it has been brought to her attention she can deal with it.

1.3 Council to the Office of the Head of Citadel Security

We are authorizing a full investigation into the incident at Eden Prime, specifically in regards to Saren Arturilles's possible involvement in the attack and in the death of the Council Spectre Nihlas.

As you are aware, it is highly unusual for a spectre to be investigated, and while we are not convinced of Saren's involvement the evidence that Officer Vakarian presented, the sworn affidavit of the dockworker and the corroborating autopsy of Nihlas are compelling and must be looked into. We continue to hope that there is an alternate explanation but will accept whatever your office determines.

This investigation is not to be made public. If it is known a Council Spectre is being investigated for the attack, it will be taken as proof and may unnecessarily cause strained relations with the Alliance. In addition, if Saren has gone rogue, it would be best if he not know we suspect until we are sure and ready to act. So take all appropriate measures.

We trust that your investigation will be completed quickly and quietly.

1.4 Citadel Medical Clinic

"I don't like putting my life in the hands of a turian, sir." She had told Anderson before Eden Prime. She just didn't trust them. It wasn't personal. But she had picked up the Alliance's general animosity towards them. Many of those who had fought in the First Contact War were still in the Alliance.

And now there was this turian wanting to help her investigate Saren, another turian. But did he. He was here getting evidence, he claimed, but maybe he was trying to cover it up.

"He's a traitor to the council and a disgrace to my people!" Garrus said and damn it if he didn't seem sincere. She thought of all kinds of reasons not to let him join them but was she being prejudiced, racist, or just unreasonable. Given the situation, she needed all the help she could get. In cases like this, you listen to your instincts and her gut was telling her loud and clear. 'This is one of the good guys.'

She started to extend her hand but then stopped when she remembered turians don't shake hands. Most species will shake hands at least when dealing with humans and accept it as an offer of friendship or at least non-aggression but turians are the exception. Maybe they didn't want to be friends or adopt a human gesture or maybe they didn't understand its meaning or intention, either way she thought better of it.

"Okay," she said, "Let's go."

1.5 Ward Back Alley

As they entered the alley, Saren's thugs started firing.

"Quarian!" Garrus shouted. "Get back!"

"My name is Tali!" she said.

"Now, is not the time for formal introductions!" He said.

1.6 Council Chambers

"What are these 'reapers' he's talking about?" The councilor said.

"The geth seem to think they are a race of highly developed machines and worship them." Tali said.

"But what do they have to do with the prothean beacon?" The councilor asked.

"I think I can help answer that." said an asari who was walking up to the platform.

"This is Dr. Liara T'soni," the asari councilor said, "since this incident seems to be connected to the prothean beacon I thought it best to consult with a prothean expert. Thank you for coming, doctor."

"My pleasure, Councilor." she said.

"Can you shed any more light on these matters?" the councilor said.

"I believe so. Both are related to the prothean extinction, as you know the protheans were an advanced civilization that vanished 50,000 years ago. Due to the fact that it happened so quickly and how little evidence of the protheans remain, some of my colleagues and I have theorized that it had to have been the result of a galactic war in which the winner tried to wipe out all traces of their existence." She said. "And while we know the reapers and the conduit are connected to their extinction we are unsure how or even what they are. The term 'reapers' is a prothean term. It could be their name for the ones that opposed them during the war, a particular species or a political group, it could be the name of the army or an army of machines or even synthetics or perhaps a type of weapon but whatever it was, it was used to destroy the prothean empire."

"Of course, it is possible that Saren is just using the myth of the 'reapers' to control the geth for his own purposes." the councilor said.

"They aren't a myth," Liara said. "They are real, whatever they are."

"At least they were," The councilor said. "It is hard to see how they could have survived the millennia."

"Regardless," the counselor said. "whatever he is doing and no matter why the geth are following him, they must be stopped."

"Agreed." the other councilor said.

"Now will you send the fleets?"Udina said.

"Ambassador, where would you like us to send them?" the councilor asked. "It seems clear from the evidence that Saren isn't attacking human colonies but after information regarding the protheans, what he wants with this information is simply conjecture."

"It will accomplish nothing to have the Citadel fleet simply sitting in the Terminous systems." the other councilor said.

"So you'll do nothing." Shepard said.

"On the contrary, this is exactly the type of situation that the spectres were designed for." the councilor said.

1.7 Encrypted Messages

From Urdnot Wrex

To Barla Von

Fist is dead. The evidence was an audio message of Saren talking about the attack on Eden Prime. It was played for the Council.

Shepard was made a spectre and is going after him. She asked me to be on her team.

To Urdnot Wrex

From Barla Von

Excellent work! Payment has been forwarded to your account.

If you accept the position with Shepard, the broker is willing to pay your standard rate plus expenses until Saren is stopped.

1.8 Office of the Head of Citadel Security

Garrus walked into the office of the head of Citadel Security.

"You wanted to see me, sir." Garrus said.

"Yes. I'd like to know which part of 'you're off the case,' did you not understand?" He said.

"The part where the witness would have been killed and the evidence lost, if I didn't do something." Garrus said.

"You could have jeopardized the entire case." He said.

"Or gotten the evidence that would have proven the case." Garrus said.

"I should put you on administrative leave," He said.

"Don't bother," Garrus said as he typed into his omni-tool. "I resign."

"Vakarian, you can't resign over this." He said.

"I'm not. Shepard was made a spectre. She's going after Saren and she asked me to be on her team." Garrus said.

"Well, I know there is no point trying to talk you out of this." He said.

"No, sir." Garrus said.

"Well, one last thing," he said.

"Sir?"

"Nail the bastard." He said.

"Yes sir," Garrus said and walked out of the office.

He sat down at the desk and pulled up the personal records. He pulled up the resignation letter. He started to type 'RECEIVED' but then stopped and typed 'HOLD' He went into the personal records and called up Garrus's file. He typed in "Request appointment as C-Sec liaison to Alliance SSV Normandy" Under that he typed in 'APPROVED'

1.9 Flux

"To the first human spectre!" Anderson said as he raised his glass.

"I'll drink to that." She said as she raised hers. Anderson waved at the bartender at Flux for another round. "So have you found a ship yet?" She said.

"Didn't have to." He said. "We had one all ready for you… the Normandy."

"What?" She said.

"The plan was to have Nihlas observe you on a few missions and then make his recommendation. When you were made a spectre the ship and crew would be handed over to you. It all happened a lot faster than we anticipated. I'll admit I'd have liked to have had her a bit longer. She's a good ship." he said.

"I'm sorry you got stuck babysitting me." She said.

"I asked to do it." He said.

"Why?"

"Because I had my chance to be a spectre and well, it didn't work out." He said. "I wanted to make damn sure you got the best shot possible."

"What happened?"

Anderson told her about his history with Saren and his chance at being a spectre.

"So what will you do now?" She asked.

"For now I'll stay here and see what information I can find, what leads I can dig up." He said. "I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"Thanks," she said. "So any advice?"

"Sure," he said. "Most of it you'll figure out yourself but there are a couple of things. A commander's job is to get the most out of the people they command. Surround yourself with good people, people you can trust, and then do what you have to do to get the most out of them. And how you do that is get to know them, find out who needs a pat on the back and who needs a kick in the pants. Missions, goals, ideals are all nice and good but when you are in a fight, you fight for the ones standing next to you and if they don't care if you live or die, then you have no chance. The second thing is to never voluntarily surrender your weapon. You're as good as dead out here if you do. And lastly, it's good to have a flaw."

"A what?" she said.

"A quirk, something harmless and silly that the people under you can laugh and tease you about." he said.

"Why?" she asked.

"You're the first human spectre. You were awarded the Star of Terra, you're a hero by anyone's definition of the term. It can make you seem larger than life, unapproachable and untouchable. But if you show your human that you're not perfect, that you can laugh at yourself even, it makes you more relatable to your crew. Something like you don't like spiders or can't stomach spicy food or like disco music. Nothing that would make them question your intelligence or judgment, well, liking disco music might, but just something so they don't forget that you're a person too."

1.10 Normandy SR-1

"I have concerns about the aliens, Vakarian and Wrex, this is the most advanced ship in the Alliance fleet should they be allowed to just walk around?" Ashley said.

"Have you actually seen them doing anything suspicious or is it just because they're not human?" Shepard said.

"I just meant…"

"Considering this ship is based on a turian design, Garrus probably knows more about it than we do, and do you really think Wrex is walking around trying to steal the design of the ship?" Shepard said.

"Ma'am, I…"

"And I noticed that you didn't mention Liara or Tali, who is an engineer and hanging out in the engineering section learning everything she can about the drive core. So are you racist or just sexist or both?" Shepard said.

"I didn't mean…"

"I have a good idea what you mean." She said. "Look, this is a multi-species team, if you don't want to work with aliens I can get you transferred."

"No, ma'am," Ashley said. "It is just that their species will always mean more to them than humanity."

"How is that any different than humanity being the most important to humans?" Shepard said. "I don't see your point, Williams. Standing up for ourselves doesn't mean standing alone and whatever Saren is planning it's going to affect more than just humans. Besides we are out in Terminous space chasing a rogue spectre who has a geth army at his command. We need all the help we can get."

1.11 Normandy SR-1

"So, why did you join the Alliance?"Garrus asked.

"I'm surprised you'd ask me that." She said.

"Why?" He said. " You asked me about joining C-Sec."

"I know, I just figured that you'd have researched me before joining up." She said.

"I did." He said. "But that only tells me what happened, not why."

"I've seen some bad things." She said. "I couldn't just sit back and let those things happen to other people."

Garrus sat back but didn't say anything.

"What?" She asked.

"That's not the real reason." He said.

"I think I'd know why I joined." She said.

"I'm sure you do." He said. "But you may not want everyone else to know and that answer would satisfy everyone."

"Except you." She said.

"I worked as an investigator for C-Sec." He said. "Part of my job is figuring out when people aren't being honest, even with themselves. But if you don't want to tell me I understand."

"So why'd you join the turian military?" She said, trying to change the subject. .

"No choice." He said. "Turians have mandatory military service from age fifteen to thirty."

"What if someone isn't suited to the military?" She asked.

"Turian military covers a lot of things other species consider civilian, buildings, infrastructure, public health. After a year of basic training, everyone is assessed for skills and assigned to whatever section they're good at."

"What were you good at?" She asked.

"Guns, mostly." He said. "If it can be fired I know how to use it, pistols, rifles, morters, missiles, turrets, ships batteries and pretty much everything else."

"So you were a gunnery officer?" She asked.

"Among other things, I spent most of my time as a sniper and then a few years in the military police before getting a position with C-Sec." He said.

"I thought you had to have many years in law enforcement to get a position at C-Sec." She said.

"Normally you do, however, they will accept those with less experience if they show talent." He said.

"I guess having your father in c-sec helped." She said.

"No, it didn't," he said. "The turian hierarchy is based on merit. You advance as far as your skills take you, who you're related to doesn't matter. Besides, all turian applications are made blind. They only found out who I was after I was offered the position."

"I didn't mean to offend you." She said.

"You didn't. I know that's how a lot of cultures work. It's just not how turians do it." He said.

1.12 Normandy SR-1 Captain's Quarters

Shepard finished her report and reached down under the desk, pulled out a small bottle of vodka, poured some into her empty coffee cup and then put the bottle back.

'Why aren't you broken?' Talitha had asked her.

'I was broken.' She had said. She had gotten her to calm down and take the pill, promising her she'd wake up someplace warm and safe and that she wouldn't have bad dreams. She wished she could say the same for herself.

She finished off the vodka and crawled into bed.

1.13 Normandy SR-1 Cargo Bay

"Garrus! Wrex! Come on." Shepard said as she made her way to the mako. They both grabbed their gear and followed her. Shepard sat in the driver's seat while Garrus took the controls for the cannon.

"Why do you get to fire the big gun?" Wrex said.

"Do you know how to calculate the optimal firing solution for vehicle-based artillery?" Garrus asked.

"Uh… right, Machine gun. On it."

1.14 Mako

Shepard dodged the cannon fire and then pulled the mako broadside. She waited till the cannon fired again and then moved out of the line of fire.

"Hold," Garrus said. Wrex looked over. The targeting computer was having trouble calculating a firing solution. Garrus did a manual override, typed in a bunch of numbers, and then fired.

Shepard moved the mako, dodging another couple of missiles. After a few seconds, the turret exploded. He turned to Garrus and said. "Now you're just showing off."

1.15 Espionage Probe

Garrus, Wrex, and Shepard climbed out onto the side of the hill. Below them was the merc base camp. Shepard pulled out her sniper rifle and turned to Garrus. "What do you say? A point apiece?"

"You're on!" He said.

"Hey, what about me?" Wrex said.

"You get anyone that makes it out of the camp." She said. Wrex started down the hill. "Ready and remember to leave a few for Wrex."

"Right."

"On three, one… two… three."

1.16 Normandy SR-1 Captain's Quarters

"Nothing bigger than a turian's left nut." That was what Wrex had said. The phrase had struck her not because he was referring to another species' sexual organs but because she didn't think turians had any.

She remembered during hand-to-hand combat training, they had secession on each of the different races and one of the things she remembered quite clearly was the trainer saying don't bother kicking a turian in the balls as they don't have any. He also warned the men in the group that because of that they have no qualms hitting theirs… hard.

Okay, now she was curious. Nothing is as interesting as the sexual activities of other people or other species. So she typed into her console and within minutes had her answer. It seems that turians do reproduce sexually and male turians have a full set of sexual organs. The myth that they don't comes from the fact that theirs are internal and only exposed during sex. This is to protect those organs from the radiation of their homeworld.

And it seems, their testicles are small, at least relative to other species. The reason being they don't constantly produce sperm and then store it for later use. They only produce sperm during sex but they can produce a lot in a very short period of time and continuously for hours. So while it may take a turian a while to get going once they do there is little to stop them. So they don't know what a 'quickie' is but neither do they know what a refractory period is. Seems like a good trade-off.

She sat back and smiled. It seemed she knew more about turian sexual organs, krogan fertility, and asari reproduction than she ever thought she'd need to. But I guess that's what you get when you lead a multi-species squad.

1.17 Noveria

"Incoming!" Garrus said. Shepard accelerated up the icy slope struggling to maintain control in the blizzard. Liara braced for impact but the missiles flew harmless past. The turrets were firing from across the ravine, invisible in the storm. Shepard stopped and then reversed course as two more missiles sped towards them. The missiles flew past the front end with hardly a meter to spare.

"Hold," Garrus said. Liara looked over. The targeting computer couldn't get a lock on the towers. Garrus had turned them off and was targeting manually.

"Shepard! We're wasting time." Liara said. "The computer can't get a lock on the targets in the storm. There is no way we can hit them at this range. We have to get closer."

"Incoming," Shepard said.

"Hold," Garrus said, seconds ticked by as Liara watched the missiles approach.

"Shepard! We're sitting ducks out here!" Liara said.

"Firing," Garrus said. The mako's cannon fired. Shepard immediately put the mako in reverse. The missiles flew just past the front end.

Seconds ticked by. "I told you. This was a waste of time. We have to get closer if we have any…" the missile tower exploded.

"I'm sure there is a lesson to be learned or even some cliche about not questioning a turians' aim," Liara said.

"I don't know about that," Shepard said, "but I know better than to question this turians' aim."

1.18 Normandy SR-1 Captain's Quarters

Shepard picked up her coffee cup and took a sip as she reviewed her report. She sent a copy of the report to the Alliance and one to the Council. The door to her quarters opened and Garrus walked in.

"Commander, do you have a minute?" He said.

"Of course," She said. "What's on your mind?"

"I've been thinking about Balak." He said. "Did we do the right thing letting him go? I know the hostages would have died but he's just going to keep killing innocent people until someone stops him"

"I know." She said. "But what is that about 'a bird in hand is worth two in the bush."

Garrus just stood there. She started to say something but then remembered that while most people have their translators set to translate idioms and phrases into an equivalent like if you tell an asari they should 'let their hair down' they wouldn't hear that literally but an asari phrase that meant they should relax. But turians were the exception. They have everything translated literally and then such phrases are explained after. This is why turians tend to pick up other species idioms.

Garrus nodded.

"We knew those people would die and yes he will continue killing in the future but then again he might slip on some stairs and crack his skull or catch a virus or maybe the next time he tries something like this, he doesn't get away. There is no guarantee he will kill again but those people were going to die if we didn't help them." She said.

"I understand, ma'am. He said.

"Stop calling me ma'am. It's Commander or Shepard." She said. "And to be honest I don't know if that was the right thing if he goes on to kill thousands more then no, it was the wrong choice but we don't know that now. We just have to do the best we can with the information we have."

"And you don't have to agree, as long as you can understand and respect my decision." She said.

"You don't have to worry about that, commander." He said. "I should get back to work."

"You sure?" She said. "I was going to get another cup of coffee. It's actually pretty good, especially for the Alliance. You want some? Wait can turians drink coffee?"

"Yes, coffee, tea, anything that doesn't have calories is fine" He said. "And yeah. Definitely."

She got her a refill and him a cup and set them on the table. "There was something I wanted to ask. Why don't you see any female turians on the Citadel or at least not on the Presidium."

"The same reason you don't see many turian children outside of Palavan or the colonies. Turians are born with a set amount of metal in our skin to protect against the radiation on our homeworld but if we aren't exposed to that radiation as children, no more is added. So if a turians who was raised off Palavan ever comes back they will get radiation poisoning. Not to the extent as other races but enough that they couldn't stay there without protection. So most children are raised in our home system so that they can return if they want. Also as you may have noticed turians aren't mammals and young weigh less than a pound when they hatch..."

"Wait, hatch?" She said. "Turians lay eggs."

"Technically." He said.

"How do you technically lay eggs?" She asked.

"Originally we laid eggs in nests like other species but as we evolved it was more advantageous to hold onto the eggs. Now a female will lay the eggs when they are ready to hatch. The eggs aren't even hard shells but a soft thick membrane that the young slice through it with their talons. If one doesn't hatch within several minutes, it is kept in an incubator till it does." He said.

"How many don't hatch?" She asked.

"Very few. On rare occasions, one needs help if its talons haven't developed properly but it is extremely rare for one not to hatch at all. Even premature ones generally hatch on their own in a couple of days. We have a lower birth rate than other species but virtually non-existent miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant mortality rates." He said. "However turian young eat a lot and dextro food is expensive to import as few worlds can produce it. So feeding a growing child someplace like the Citadel would be ruinously expensive. Nearly all the families of C-Sec officers are back on Palavan."

"So what about you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I grew up on Palavan." He said.

"No, I meant do you have a family back on Palavan." She asked.

"My dad and sister are there. My mom… well, she's been gone a long time." He said.

"I'm sorry to hear that." She said.

Garrus picked up the cup, brought it up to his mouth, and then lapped the coffee much like a dog. After doing this a couple of times he leaned his head back, held it there a few seconds, and then looked at Shepard.

"This is pretty good." He said.

Shepard suddenly realized she had been staring at him. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to stare…. I mean how else would you drink anything."

"It's alright." He said. "Turians find the sucking thing you mammals do fascinating."

Shepard smiled. "I'm sure you do."

"Ha, yes, well, that too." He said.

"I guess you don't kiss either." She said.

"No, The turian equivalent would be touching foreheads," he said. "and like human kissing it's done between lovers, family members, even close friends."

"Since we are on the subject of gestures, why don't turians shake hands." She asked.

"The human gesture of greeting and friendship." He said. "After the 314 Relay Incident, humans weren't really extending friendship to turians. Still don't," He said as Shepard remembered how she didn't offer to shake hands when he joined the team."So other species picked it up much faster than we did, at least in dealing with humans. But it is becoming universal. Much like how the asari picked up the turians double hand hold."

Garrus tilted his head back and poured the last bit of coffee into his mouth and then set the cup down.

"So what do you do if the gravity goes out?" She said.

"Starve.' He said. "It was a limiting factor in our exploration of space. We could only go as far as we could get back before we died of hunger."

"You can't use IVs." She asked.

"No, our skin is more resilient than human skin but it doesn't heal as well. A needle would have to be thick to not break off in the skin and if it stayed in long enough to keep someone alive, there's a good chance it would never fully heal and would always be at risk for infection." He said. "We use feeding tubes, but the person has to be unconscious and they don't do more than keep someone alive."

"I'll talk with Dr. Chakwas, make sure we have some on hand. Just in case." She said.

"Thanks." He said. "I should get going."

"Thanks for the talk, Garrus. Come back anytime." She said.

"Now, is that a sincere offer or that thing humans do where they are saying something they don't mean just to be polite?" he said.

"A sincere offer. I normally have a cup about now, and coffee is always better with someone." She said.

"I may do that." He said.

1.19 Normandy SR-1 Captain's Quarters

Shepard sat looking at the screen. She had to write up the report on Virmire and just kept staring at the screen.

She had gone over it a dozen or more times, not sure what she could have done differently. There just wasn't time. And while she could lay out all the reasons she could think of as to why she picked Kaidan instead of Ashley, she knew it came down to the fact that liked Kaidan. This is why the Alliance forbid fraternization. But then again in this case would she have felt any better if she had picked Ashley? And she knew the answer to that. Not that it made her feel any better.

The door to her quarters opened. Garrus walked in "Commander,"

"Garrus I…"

"I brought you some coffee." He put the cup down on her desk.

"Thanks." She said.

"I… well, I wrote up a report about what happened." He typed into his omni-tool. "I'm sure you'll have to adjust and rewrite most of it but it's always easier to rewrite than to get that first draft done, especially… well, anyway." On her screen, a series of glyphs appeared and then a few seconds later they transformed into English. She started reading through the report.

"Thanks, I…" But he had already left.

1.20 Normandy SR-1

"You can't just pull out a good old-fashioned 'it will be alright' can you?" Shepard said.

"Is it really that simple? Okay... 'it will be alright." Kaidan said.

"See that wasn't so hard was it?" Actually, it was, she thought, more like pulling teeth..

"But it looks like we have some downtime." He extended his hand to her.

"You go on ahead." she said "I need to think."

"Okay, Shepard," Kaidan said. He wanted to say something else but didn't know what. Somehow he felt as if an opportunity had been lost. A moment missed that he'd never get back. He stepped back and then reluctantly walked up the stairs.

Shepard listened to the door open and then shut and then to the quiet echoing around her. She wasn't sure if she wanted to scream or cry or hit something or maybe all three. Then there was this gnawing, sinking feeling that seemed to go right through her. She put her head down in her hands.

Then she heard the elevator come up and the door open and foot steps, but not human ones, too light to be Wrex, too heavy to be Tali. She looked to see Garrus walking towards her.

"Commander," he said.

"What are you doing here?" She said.

"Just checking the mako, in case… you know," he said.

"So what do turians do in situations like this?" She asked.

"Pray." He said.

"I didn't think turians were religious." She said.

"We aren't but we do believe in spirits." He said.

"Like ghosts?" She asked.

Garrus stopped and listened for a few seconds. Then shook his head. "No, not in the souls of dead people, although we do believe in an afterlife. But spirits, they inhabit things, places, even groups of people, like regiments, this ship has a spirit, and we pray to them."

"Where do they come from?" She asked.

"Some say they just exist and then attach to places or things that have a great deal of emotion. Some say they are created by those emotions," he said. "Not that it really matters."

"So you pray for help?" She asked. "Pray for them to get the Normandy released."

"No, they don't help, at least not like that. We pray for guidance, patience, and wisdom. We pray for the clarity to see a way forward and if there isn't then we pray for the patience to wait until there is one."

"And if there isn't one?" She asked.

"Then we pray for the understanding that we did all we could do and the courage to face whatever happens," he said.

"I like that." She said. "Okay, do that."

"Just did." He sat down next to her.

"You know you were right." She said.

"That doesn't narrow it down." He said.

She smiled. "About why I joined the Alliance. I didn't join to help people, that's why I stayed but I joined because after Mindoir… after watching what happened to all those people and knowing I couldn't help them. I couldn't even help myself or make sure they didn't take me alive, if they had found me that would be me and there was nothing I could do about it. After months of being scared all the time, I was just sick of being helpless. I needed to learn how to fight, how to take care of myself and how to make damn sure that would never be me. And after I learned all that I wasn't afraid anymore. Even during Elysium, I wasn't afraid. I knew what to do, it was just a question of doing it and if I couldn't, well, I knew that they'd never take me alive." She said. "And now I'm here stuck, trapped, knowing that the worst possible thing is going to happen and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. And I'm just... so... angry and... frustrated and..."

"Scared." He said.

"Yeah." She said. "I had forgotten how much I hate this feeling."

"Shepard, I'm not going to tell you that everything will be alright, because I don't know that and turians are terrible liars. But I will tell you this that no matter what... I'm with you, till the end. As long as I"m alive, you'll never be in this fight alone."

Shepard started to say something but then stopped and closed her eyes. She leaned her head over until it rested on his shoulder. After a few moments, he rested his head on hers.

1.21 Normandy SR-1 Cargo Bay

Garrus was checking the guns. Since Ashley was gone he had taken over the armory. They were on their way to Illos and everything needed to be ready to go.

Wrex walked over. "What are you doing?"

Garrus stopped for just a moment and then continued. "Checking the weapons."

"I mean what are you doing down here instead of up there with Shepard?" Wrex said.

Garrus stopped but didn't look up. "She's with Kaidan."

"Only because you didn't give her the option," Wrex said. "You think that boy's going to be enough for her?" He said. "He looks at her all wide-eyed, almost as bad as Liara."

"I don't know what you're talking about?" Garrus said.

"No, you probably don't," Wrex said and walked away.

Garrus put the gun up and started on the next one. When he was done he should probably recalibrate the guns on the mako just to be safe.

1.22 Flux

Shepard walked into Flux, the place had just reopened and there were a lot of people there wanting to drink away the terror of the attack. As she scanned the crowd she saw a lot of Alliance and C-Sec there.

She had gotten a message from Garrus to meet him at the bar.

"What'll you have?" the bartender said."First two drinks are free for All C-Sec and Alliance personnel."

"That's generous." She said. "And it seems popular."

"Both. but with you all putting your asses on the line for us, the least we can do is buy everyone a couple of drinks." The bartender set her drink down just as Garrus showed up.

"So what's the occasion?" She said.

"Do we need one?" He said.

"No, but I figured something is going on." She said.

"I was accepted into the spectre training program." He said.

"That's fantastic! Wait, there's a training program?" She said.

"For turians, we have a training program for everything," he said. "There is some specialized training but it's mainly an assessment program run by turians spectres. If you pass, they recommend you to the council. And since I've worked with a Council spectre they'll probably ask for your opinion."

"Then I'll tell them that you are the best candidate I've ever met and that they would be absolute fools to not make you a spectre." She said.

"Just be honest," he said.

"I am being honest." She said. "How long does it take?"

"Depends, can be as little as a few weeks or as much as several months." He said.

"I'll start on my recommendation now then." She said. "But don't take too long. This fight isn't over and I want you there with me for whatever comes next."

"Don't worry. I'll be there." He said.

A couple rounds later.

"So you and Kaidan," He said. "I'm not sure how this works for humans, are congratulations in order?"

"No, it's not… it's complicated." She said. "The Alliance has rules against 'fraternization.' If we're together and they find out, they would assign him to another ship."

"Why?" he said.

"I guess they don't want people making decisions based on emotions or favoritism." She said. "Turians don't have rules like that."

"No, duty always comes first for turians and a person's personal life is their own." He said. "Turians don't have any moral prohibitions on casual sex, so fairly common on turians ships. It's pretty much part of basic training."

"I thought you said there weren't many females outside your home system," she said.

"There isn't outside the military." He said. "The mandatory military service is for both genders. More males stay and make a career out of it and you don't see as many females on the front lines but overall at least one-third of any ship is female."

"I should get back. We're heading out tomorrow." She said.

"Heading out?" He said.

"Yeah, there are still pockets of geth. The Council is sending us after them." She said.

"They're sending you out on clean-up?" He said.

"Officially, but we're hoping we can get a clue as to what the reaper's next step is." She said. "Right now the geth are our best lead."

"Well, be careful." He said.

"I will." She finished her drink and sat it back on the bar. "Take care, Garrus."

"You too." She stood up and started towards the door.

"Shepard," Garrus stood as she turned around. It was then he realized he didn't have anything to say. She walked back and then took both of his hands in hers. She started to say something but then stopped and looked down at their hands. He leaned forward just touching her forehead with his. They stood there a moment, then she let go of his hands, stepped back, turned, and walked out of the club. He stood there then walked back to the bar.

The bartender put a drink in front of him. "Looks like you need it." Garrus picked it up and downed it. "So why aren't you going after her?"

"She's heading out tomorrow. Besides she has a mate." He said.

"Really," said the bartender, "you could have fooled me."