"Papa, old papa" Dmitri murmured shockingly, as he looked at their tombs, if he didn't know that they were under there he wouldn't have guessed, the crosses that were placed above the tombs, were nowhere to be seen, and this brought him so much guilt, it had to be expected, after all, they were made of wood, but that wouldn't have mattered if he had come by, even once to look at the state of the house or the tombs, to pay his respect to the people who had cared for him, before Nastya, the people who made him the man he is now; he hadn't been here for more than eleven years, it was a wonder that the house was still standing, that the roof made in the wood hadn't collapsed after all the winters, his grandfather, "old papa" as Dmitry always called him, made this house all by himself, and his old papa was the smartest man in the world when it came to building stuff.
Tears descended from his eyes, he rarely cried, well he coludn't cry, because life for him was too tough for tears, if he had to cry for all the injustices in his life then he could very easily fill a sea with his tears, he didn't like to cry, not just for the previous statement, but also because as he put it, they didn't solve anything, and worst of all they couldn't completely wash away the sadness, the anger or any other kind of feelings, but sometimes one could never stop them, and like in his case right now it was the best thing to do, he couldn't be blame anybody but himself, for what had happened to the tombs or the house, and even if he fixed this mess the guilt wouldn't simply go away, it was best, for now, to cry, as he would never be able to stop them once they start, so it was best to cry and let all of his emotions run wild, so hopefully after this cry, a part of them would have been washed away.
He had cried the first time when he was 5 or 6, it was after his first kill, he had killed a deer while hunting with his grandfather, that had been a shock to him, to know that now something or someone had stopped breathing and living because of him.
"What is troubling you, my little nephew?" His grandfather had asked, in his typical soothing and peaceful voice, he had kneeled on the snow and was now squeezing his nephew's little shoulder.
"I don't like to kill, I understand why I did it, I did it so that we could eat something," said Dmitry between sobs, his hands on his face muffling his voice; "but then why does it feel so wrong, old papa?"
"Look at me" his grandfather, Peter, asked him, Dmitri, after having calmed himself a little bit, looked at his grandfather's dark brown eyes so much like his own; his grandfather nodded, before speaking with a much firmer voice: "Good, I want you to listen to me very carefully, killing is wrong, you can't and must not kill anybody or anything because you want to do that and this is a rule, but this is a special rule because it has also two exceptions, one is when you are in a war, where you are killed or you kill and that is a very complex case, I speak on the base of personal experience, you'll have to ask your papa about it when you are much and much older, and the other case is ours, the other exception is when you kill animals for food, but it has its own rules, you can only kill as many deers or any other animal as you need, not an animal more, and you can't kill does when they are pregnant, and finally it is good that you do not enjoy killing because only mad or bad people do that"
"Old papa I think, I grasp this concept but I don't completely understand it," Dmitry's little voice said, who had now stopped crying to start frowning at his grandfather's words while scratching his head in a very confused manner.
His grandfather just chuckled, he rose from the ground, and patterned his shoulder, "You'll understand it better when you are older, now come on, we have to take this deer, that tomorrow your papa is returning home, from the university", and that is how his memory of his first conscious cry ended.
To solve this philosophical problem it had taken him, twelve years, a war that he was fighting in and sneaking in the private library of the Romanovs so to read, but still, those words that were spoken by his grandfather so many years ago, well sixteen or seventeen to be more precise, were still within him, they had guided him along with many other lessons thought by his grandpa and papa in his toughest decision, but even then he had to complete them, as he couldn't ask his family for advice.
His father died in the 1905 rebellion, "Bloody Sunday" as it was known, it was a very rough time, they didn't have a corp to bury, as all of the corpses were buried In a common grave, and just like that one of the people he loved wholeheartedly died, they never had much time, his father taught in the university in Saint Petersburg, so only in the holidays they would be together; his grandfather had cried that day, it was the first time he had ever seen his grandfather cry and it didn't last long, he went for a walk that lasted for two days, he was never the same, after that, he became weaker and sickly, and after two years he too rejoined his son in the afterlife, after his death, Dmitri cried and cried, only after two days of constant tears he had stopped, the hunger and the exhaustion were much more present than sadness, from that day on he would be the last of the Ruricovich, and he was eleven years old back then, he had been the only attendant at his funeral, the priest of Yekaterinburg had helped him in his grandfather burial, it had been so lonely after that, for two years he had been completely and utterly alone, he had moved out from Yekaterimbutg and went in Saint Petersburg, after he had run out of ammo for the gun.
But that is the past and he has to stop thinking about it, because to even think about it brings out, wounds that are still open; and now he has to do what he should have done months or years ago, fix the tombs of his father and grandfather, he would build another two crosses, the tools should be ok, if not then he would fix them too, he would have to do something out of this day.
It takes him three hours to remake the two crosses, as he has also to sharpen the tool, or fix them; it is almost midday when he finishes this, and now he would set himself on a much more important goal, finding his love, Anastasia, maybe he should have focussed on that as soon as he had killed Yurovsky, but the temptation of returning home after so many years, of paying his respect on his father's and grandfather's tombs, was too great, and it delayed him; guilt came from that choice too; on the outside, he may appear as a strong and confident man, but on the inside, he has many insecurities that can only be understood by somebody like him, and that person is Anastasia, she may have been born in a much wealthier place, but wealth does not mean happiness, and she knows it very well, she is a perfect actress, always appearing and acting like the situation requires, but being the fourth daughter means that nobody except the immediate family cares about you or sees you more than just a possible bride to gain importance in the court, and this brought sadness and anger, and toons of insecuretes in her, that even the words of a loving family cannot wash them away, but she never showed that, she never showed to anydody, except to her sister, Maria, or Dmitry, how she truly felt about everything, and what she trully craved or wanted.
Dmitry never knew when he fell in love with her or why it happened, he just knew that it had happened, and he was happy, as his father had thought him, love was a wonderful emotion and one should be just happy to feel it; he became her best friend, and sadly he knew that is what he can only be to her, she, after all, is royalty, a grand duchess, she may have lost her crown, but that did not change who she was, and kitchen boys like him don't mary grand duchess; he knew that from the day he had didcovered her true identity, he had first known her as just Anya, but after discovering who she was, his life completely changed, he found a job, he was a chicken boy in the royal palace and they had become a team, it was an impossible combination, a kitchen boy and a grand duchess, but she never cared about that and nor did he, and it was fun to be with each other, to play games, prank as many nobles as possible, and to be just two kids that enjoed life as much as they could do.
He had accepted it, he had accepted what he could only be to her; after he had discovered that he had fallen in love with her, and it wasn't just a silly crush that would simply go away in time, but it truly was love, it had been awkward, embarasing, and very tense, how was he supposed to act as if he had no romantic interest in her, when it was very difficult to not truly express how he felt, it was even hard to make a simple gesture for her, without blushing madly or being awkward and nervous; but thanks to God or whatever supernatural being or thing was out there, she felt something for him too, there had been between them loving words, declarations, and kissies, it was both bad and good, because, on one hand, his heart had the false hope that maybe this was going to lead to something, but on the other hand, his brain reminded him that she was royalty and he could never have her because of that, and his heart could never be at peace because he wasn't truly rejected but instead accepted and so the tiny hope would never stop tormenting him.
But his ruminations about his life and the past had to come to an end.
"Dmitry, my son, it's good to see you," said Nikolai, who without knowing arrived just in time to take him out if his of his overthinking mode, as Anya put it, Nikolai was one of his uncles, they were only two, and they weren't blooded relatives, as both of thems ar nobles, one in count Popov with his wife Lily, and the other is Nikolai, the rector of the University of Saint Petersburg, both of them had somewhat adopted him, as they both were friends with his father, and in his honor, they decided to look after his son Dmitri, they couldn't truly adopt him as it was forbidden by the law to adopt a peasant, like him, so instead they looked after him, if he needed money he had just to ask to them, or if he needed anything else he had only to ask; they had left him in the palace, as it was requested by him so that he could be nearr his friend Anastasia, and he considered them both along with Lily family, in a way of his family didn't remain just him, but it had welcomed three new members, and he liked that very much, and suddentrly after that even if he was biologically alone he never felt alone anymore.
"Nikolai, good to see you too," Dmitri said approaching him, and they hugged each other, Nikolai was near his fifties, but he had white hair and a long white beard, and he kind of looked like Tolstoy, and all of that countered with his dark brown eyes, making them appear much more visible; he was as tall as Dmitry and was still in a good shape physically, but he was, after all, the rector of the most important university in all of Russia, and even the physical part of him, was outshined, by his knowledge, he was like a library made human, he knew everything, he knew history, philosophy and many other subjects like the back of his hand, and not just humanistic subjects, but also he knew very well scientific subjects, but also more political and economical ones, in summary, all subjects that ware taught in the university, had been already studied by him, Dmitri never asked how and why he did that, he only knew the fact and it was enough for him.
"We should get inside, we need to talk," Nikolai said, with much more seriousness, and without waiting for him he started walking to the house.
"I think that maybe we should get going, Yekaterinburg isn't near," Dmitri said, he wanted to start the search for Nastya as soon as possible.
"No, we can talk, and plan, then you can start with your search," Nikolai said eyeing him carefully and turning his head to face him, before going inside the house.
Dammed him, Dmitry thought bitterly, nothing got past him, he signed and joined him inside the house, the inside of the house as he remembered certainly there wasn't as much dust as it was now, and it was everywhere, for example, the old wood table, now had an inch of dust and it looked almost solid, except for the dust everything was in its place, the bookshelves filled with books, the three chairs near the table, the old armchair of his grandfather near the fireplace, and the three doors down the corridor that lead to the kitchen, the bathroom, and the bedroom, in which they all slept together; it brought him nostalgia, usually, the fireplace was always burning woods, books were scattered across the rooms even in the bathroom there were one or two books, nobody in the house read just one book at the time, instead at least three books were read by everyone simultaneously.
"Let's sit down, shall we?" Nikolai said removing his coat with the red star, he was like him a spy inside the Cheka, nobody ever figured out who he truly was, as none of them went to university, and Nikolai rarely went to parties or balls, so he was almost unknown from both the lower and higher class. After placing the coat on the chair, he took a cloth, and with it removed the dust on the table, on the floor where it fell, it had made a small mountain of dust, he then set down on the chair and gestured for Dmitry to do the same, he had remained just inside the house for all of the time, he signed knowing that he had no way out of this and sat down on the opposite chair.
"Anastasia is alive" Nikolai stated simply looking peacefully at him in the eyes.
"Yeah I know," Dmitry said sarcastically, nodding multiple time his head and raising his eyes, "that's why I want to start searching for her, if there is another communist around here, he could kill her"
"You're late" he responded simply, nodding his head.
"What?" Dmitry murmured, with his eyes wide and his face turning pale, she couldn't be dead, however, the shock was too much for him, to think clearly.
"No, no, no, she is alive," Nikolai said, quickly, having noticed his reaction, and after seeing that he was calming down he repeated, "she is alive"
"But, but you said-"
"Let me explain," Nikolai said after interrupting his babbling, he eyed him, and after seeing him calmed down, he took a breath and started speaking "on our way here, I and the others found a corpse, it belonged to one of the guards of the house, he was already dead, killed with a broken gem, it was near him, that's why I said that you were late, a Bolshevik already tried to kill her, but he failed" he chuckled "anyway, I assigned two men into searching her in the woods, they can't enter in the city, because they have the white uniform, but she isn't in the forest, you've known her for many years, and we need to find her, so do you have an idea of where she could be?"
Dmitry thought about his question if he were Anastasia what would he do, where would he go; well that is a very hard question as Anastasia rarely thinks logically, but one thing is certain; she would go as fat way as possible, and possible she would try to reach her family. "Far away from here, and maybe to a family member," Dmitry said after thinking about it.
"The rest of her family should be in Crimea, the only way to go out of here is to take the train or walk all the way, if she goes by train then she'll go to Perm, Moscow is too dangerous for her, I think that she knows that a great part of Moscow knows her face and the Bolsheviks, who control the city will have her killed on sight, if she walks her way out of this city, then the Czech legion may find her, before us" Nikolai explain looking at the table all of the time, and after finishing he raises his eyes to look at him in the eyes.
Dmitry didn't like this, what worried him more was her state, not how she was, but her physiological state, no one can survive the execution and then be fine, Dostoevsky himself survived that and then became one of the best writers in Russia's history, hell, he even wrote a book, the idiot, about somebody surviving his execution, but those executions were never carried out, meanwhile, Anastasia survived hers, they had to find her.
"We have to find her, at any cost," Dmitry said firmly, tapping his finger on the table.
"I agree with you, we'll divide ourself, and search for her" Nikolai proposed.
"Yes, you take the train, I'll check the city and then I'll leave for Perm, and we'll meet there, and hopefully one of us will have already found her, if not then we have to hope for Czechs," Dmitry said, and Nikolai nodded his approval.
"Good, but you have a white uniform, so take my coat, it will be easier for you to walk around in the city" Nikolai noted, and Dmitry could only nod in accordance, Nikolai was stubborn and wouldn't accept anything less than a nod.
"What do we do with the corpses of the Romanovs?" Asked Nikolai, his only conclusion was that they need a decent burial, at least there must be a priest for it, after all, they were devoted Orthodox Christians.
Dmitry thought about it, and after much thought, he spoke, "I'll arrange it, if by sundown I can't find her, I'll go to the priest and ask for his help, we'll task the others, with making the coffins, or finding them, I'll make sure that they are buried near the church, it is their right place, as we both know how devoted they were"
Nikolai nodded, he had thought the same thing, now another problem arose, what to do when they find Anastasia; he had an idea, but he wanted to hear what Dmitry thought about it; "But what do we do after we have found her?" Asked Nikolai, seeking his response.
Dmitry thought about it, "I think that we need to reunite her with her family, but you didn't ask me this, without already having an idea, is it?" Dmitry said looking for his reaction.
Nikolai chuckled, "You know me too well", he signed, before speaking again, "Russia isn't going to make it out of this civil war, if the red wins, then this is going to end with a brutal dictatorship, a totalitarian one, that will kill too many, and if the whites win then no reforms would be done, as they have too many political philosophies inside, that's why we need her, we need someone to rely behind, we need a new tsarina, that's my idea for her."
"Are you crazy! We do not how she is, we don't know if she wants this, and, I know that this may sound wrong, but she isn't Peter the Great or Catherine the Great, and finally we don't know what she wants" Dmitry said, he had been caught by surprise by his idea, he agreed with him, it was just that he didn't want to put too much pressure on her, or lead her to her death.
"They weren't born great, they became great, they learned, and they took action, and she won't be alone in this journey, she will have us, and also Vlad, and you forget that there are many monarchists among the whites, and some generals like Wrangel, Denikin, and grand duke Nikolai, and many cossacks would support a new monarch, and I know that she is strong enough for this role, and she is a woman, the Pauline laws, forbid any woman to take the crown, and they represent the old regime, so her taking the crown is schism from the old; I understand that you don't like this, but if we want Russia to survive this ordeal, and return great, we need her."
"I still don't like this, but I know that she is patriotic, and she won't let this country go to ruin, so maybe she would accept this, but we can't make her destiny, she has to choose it, we first need to find her, and then in Perm, we decide with her," Dmitry said to him, he would never decide anything for her, she is strong enough to forge her future, and he would follow her, wherever she chooses to go.
"Well in Perm, there is Vlad and Lily, so we have a safe house for her" Nikolai stated simply.
"What are they doing there! It is dangerous for them, I thought that at least Lily would have enough common sense for both of them," Dmitry said with both frustration and anger.
"But neither of them will leave unless they have you with them, you know how seriously we all took the job of looking after you," Nikolai said, amused by his reaction.
Dmitry could only groan, frustrated by them, hell, he was twenty-two years old, he was old enough to look after himself, but as it may seem in their eyes he was still twelve years old.
"Can we start this search, now?" Asked Dmitry, to which Nikolai responded by chuckling, nodding, and handing him his coat.
They went their ways, after that, Dmitry went to meet the others, they agreed and immediately started with their job, Dmitry gave them his tools, and they began working on the coffins, while he set on his search, he searched for her, everywhere, he didn't look inside the Ipatiev house as he tough that she wouldn't go there, he checked every street from the most known to the most unknown, if somebody asked what he was doing he would simply answer that he was patrolling the city, he even took a horse so to go around the city much faster, and as the time went on, he lost faith that he would find her, If something happened to her he would never forgive himself, he hoped that Nikolai had had better luck then him, after sundown, he went to the priest, it was the same one that had helped him in his grandfathers funeral, he knew that he couldn't lie to whom was buried tonight, he wouldn't be able to that, he knew that this man, had a very special heart, and wasnt as orthodox as the other priest, so he had asked him, why good people have to suffer or be killed, and his response was
"If there isn't evil in the world, then good wouldn't be as precious as it is, and God speaks to us by not speaking at all, if he had given us his word, then many good and bad things wouldn't be there, in this freedom we can choose, and being good doesn't mean that you have a protection against all bad things, it means that you love so much life, that you want others to enjoy it too, and when you live like this then even If you die early, you have lived for many more years than people who live a long life but only seek their gain"
The funeral was a quiet one, the Romanovs and their servants were buried near the church, it was just him and the priest, the others had been tasked with returning to the base and report this, he didn't mention that maybe Anastasia was alive, as he didn't know if she truly was alive or not, and what she wanted to do, it was obvious that for the next weeks what would be on everybody's mouth would be the murder of the Romanovs, some would be joyous about it, and some like their family will cry, and certainly it wouldn't be nice for their family to know about your family's death in this way, but there wasn't any better way of telling them; as midnight approached he started with his journey to Perm, always checking the side of the roads, for any sign of her, but he didn't find any of them, he now was sincerely hoping that Nikolai had found her, or he wouldn't know what to do, and he didn't like the idea of the Czech legion finding her.
Nikolai's path was much easier, he had immediately gone to the station and took the train for Perm, he didn't need a ticket as he was a member of the Cheka, if somebody had dared to comment on it, a treat would have immediately solved the problem, it had its advantages to be a member of the Cheka, it was the ironic part of his role, the secret police was created for protecting the proletariate, but what they truly did, was terrorize everybody into submission, it was something that had to be expected, people who didn't deserve the right to rule, are the ones who would kill millions just to ensure their power, just like animals if they were scared, then they would attack with as must strength and ferocity as possible so that their opponent would back down, and leave them alone and on their throne. He set down on a bench near the train stop, so that he would be able to see everyone who got off the train, as he waited he took out a book, it was important to always have a book in his mind, and as he waited for the trains he would read the Idiot of Dostoyevsky, but to ensure that no one would comment on his choice, he had attached to cover of the Communist manifesto on it, so to appear like a good communist, many trains arrived and left, and none of them transported her there, for a better check, he inspected every train from top to bottom, it was vital for him to find her.
But she was nowhere, he had checked three, four trains and none of them had her, the last one, left Yekaterinburg at sundown, at six o clock, and arrived in Perm at eight o clock, it was the last one for today, and as he checked it, one of the officers on board came rushing to him, followed more slowly by another one who had his head bandaged, maybe now, luck was on his side.
"Comrades" Nikolai saluted them.
"Comrade, we need your help," said the one with his head still intact, he spoke very quickly and was very nervous.
"I'll ask first, what happened?" Nikolai asked, looking at the one injured.
"I was checking the cabin, to see that all passenger had been checked the ticket, I was on the penultimate coach, and in one cabin there was a girl, I had not seen her before so I asked for her ticket, but she didn't have it, so she attacked me and knocked me out" he explained with shame, it was the most humiliating thing that Nikolai had ever heard, and it was hard not to show any amusement.
"So you were knocked out by a meer girl? Was she so strong? How did she look like?" Nikolai asked with barely concealed amusement, the other two didn't even notice it, one was too anxious, the other was too concerned with his shame.
"She caught me by surprise" he defended himself, "she was small and had strawberry blond hair, and I think blue eyes, and... that's all I remember about her," he said with his brow knit, and sometimes even closing his eyes.
Nikolai had found her, that's the description of Anastasia; well one part is completed, he knows that she is alive, and now know he just needs to know where she is.
"What happened to her?" Asked Nikolai, now looking at the anxious one.
"Um... Well... She... Eh, jumped off the train" he said quickly, Nikolai knew that he was not so old, but maybe his ears had made a joke to him.
"Can you repeat?"
"She jumped off the train" confirmed the other, sanding a glare to his comrade; now Nikolai understood their behaviour, one felt humiliated not just because he had been knocked out by a girl, but also because his comrade had failed in arresting her, and the other was fearful of the consequences.
"So you think that she is alive, that's why you came to me?" Nikolai asked, he had figured why this meeting had occurred, if she was found alive by some other Bolshevik and she told her story, these two could very well be fired or be killed for their failure.
"Yes, she jumped off not far from here, a few kilometres east, she jumped off near a road, where there were few trees, so her prints should be there, as there was much snow there" explained the one, who now had stopped being anxious and had calmed himself, with his head now bowed.
"I'll leave immediately, I'll take a horse and a few torches, and I'll find her," Nikolai said, he was ready to leave but the other two had different ideas.
"We are coming with you," one of them said and the other quickly nodded in accordance, at Nikolai questioning gaze, they answered with "We have to restore our honour, and we need to prove ourselves as good communists"
It was their choice, Nikolai thought, they had left the station, the train had continued with his journey; they had prepared for their search, but Nikolai knew that they had made a big mistake in following him, as he said to himself
"three would go, but only two will return"
Hi everyone, thanks to you all for reading this chapter, I apologize for not uploading sooner, and as an apology, I made this chapter longer. So this is our new major character, Nikolai, hope you all like it, and in the next chapter we return to Anastasia and we see what happened between her and the officer, and then we have the big meeting in Vlad's house. Bye Bye