Well hello! I actually got a chapter out! Yay! Notes at the end!

Onward~!

King stood behind the counter at Illusion, where she lackadaisically reached for a cocktail jigger while frowning at her lifeless surroundings. On the hard surface in front of her sat various drink-mixing supplies and ingredients, as well as her cellphone, which was on Speaker.

"I don't know why I feel so weird about this whole thing," she sighed as she began measuring out several ounces of tequila. "Mary thinks I'm too high-strung and need to relax, but..."

A giggle from Mai Shiranui issued from the tiny speaker.

"You are high-strung, and you do need to relax," the chipper kunoichi stated. "I mean… it's just Chiz, and it's been a few days anyway. She probably forgot already."
"Come on, Mai. Chizuru Kagura doesn't just forget things," King replied. "You know how calculating and deliberate she is."
"Well, yeah, but, I mean… she's Chiz! She's our friend, and you shouldn't be nervous about talking to her."
"No, she's your friend. To me, she's just an acquaintance now — if that. And I'm not… nervous. I'm just… less-than-enthused."
"I really can't say I blame you," Mai told King thoughtfully. "But she's not some stranger. And, like Mary said, you don't have to tell her anything you don't want to."
"Which is great! Sure! Except I'm positive that she already knows something."
"Like what, though?"
"Like… I don't know. Everything?"

King pressed her lips in a thin line when Mai didn't respond. She poured the liquid out and then placed the jigger off to the side so she could reach for a lime. She started rolling it against the countertop while putting a small amount of pressure on it.

"I'm just tired of it coming up," she began while picking up a small knife. "Nothing good ever comes of it. There's never any… understanding. It's all just sympathy, pity… or disappointment. At this rate I'm going to have to come clean in some random interview. Tell the world this wildly personal thing because, despite my best efforts, people keep finding out anyway. Then I'll end up being roped into some awareness campaign by RAINN, and interviewers will say things like, 'You have your own Me Too story, King. How difficult has that been for you?' So then I'll put on my stoic, big boy façade, pretend that I'm completely alright for the cameras, go home, and cry for a few hours while I try to convince myself that I am more than my assault and that owning it is a good thing. But it won't work, so I'll just relapse.
"Meanwhile, you, Yuri, and Mary — and maybe even Ryo and Robert — will have to answer questions about my well-being during your interviews because the ESPN bloggers will have discovered that I checked myself into the psychiatric ward after a night of binge-drinking, which will trigger speculation about substance abuse. On top of that, your YouTube comments will be flooded with all sorts of questions and shitty, misogynistic comments. Then you'll have to do a vlog where you address the lasting psychological effects of sexual assault and abuse."

There was a brief silence before Mai let out a low whistle.

"You've thought about this a lot, huh?"
"Much more than I should have to. We haven't even gotten to what happens while I'm undergoing my super intense therapy," King replied as she began cutting into the lime. "The rumour mill, the speculation…"
"Okay, well, maybe let's not talk about that anymore."

King blew out a loud breath; she stopped speaking so she could concentrate on juicing the fruit. Once finished, she grabbed another, smaller lime and started rolling it on the counter.

"Are you sure?" She prodded. "I promise you it's riveting."
"I think I'll pass…"
"Your loss."

King paused so she could focus on cutting the new lime down the center. She momentarily stared at the two halves, reasonably sure she would sell her soul if it meant she never had to make another batch of margaritas ever again in her life.

"Why the hell did I volunteer to come do this today," she grumbled.
"Because you're a masochist," Mai pointed out.
"I suppose," King murmured absently while she deftly juiced the lime. She made a face as she measured the green-tinged liquid, unable to concentrate on what she was doing as, for the millionth time that day, her thoughts began to wander toward what a hypothetical conversation with Chizuru Kagura might look like. She momentarily shut her eyes, then let out a loud grunt, grabbed the nearby knife, and plunged into the cutting board.

"Damn it..!"
"What? What's the matter?" Mai asked.
"I can't focus on doing this shit," King answered, her frustration dripping from every syllable she uttered. "I keep thinking about Kagura and what she may or may not bring up when I talk to her."
"You're really overthinking this."
"I know."

King abruptly walked out from behind the counter so she could sit down on one of the barstools. She put her head in her hands while pressing her lips together very hard.

"Do you remember what I was like before I was… before I was raped?" She asked quietly.
"What do you mean?" Mai responded, her voice concerned.
"I used to be able to tackle my problems head-on."
"Would you really say that you can't? And that this is a problem? Chiz just wants to play catch up — that's all!"
"And therein lies said problem. She knows something happened — I am certain of it. Not only that, but that short chat I already had with her triggered something. I haven't slept in two days because even with the Ambien… I close my eyes and I'm there again. I'm there again, and I hate it! I'd have no problem with a friendly conversation if she hadn't gone and brought up Asamiya!"
"Kingy…"
"Now there's a very real chance that I can end up breaking down when we talk at length. All she has to do is say the wrong thing — which could be anything when I get like this. I don't want someone else to see me all… fucked up… in any capacity. Grand ou petite."
"You know I don't understand French, but I wish I could give you a hug," Mai remarked. "You need one."
"I don't need a hug — I need a drink," King responded tiredly.
"Well, you are in the perfect place."
"Yeah, but I drove here today."
"Girl, just take it home with you!"

King hummed thoughtfully while fixing her eyes on the bottles lining the shelves across from her.

"You might be onto something there," she intoned slowly. "The wine at home probably won't be enough."
"Enough for what…?"
"For getting me through a conversation with one Chizuru Kagura."
"Does that mean you're…?"
"Yes. After I'm done here. I'll make a quick drink and take it to-go."
"Kingy, I wasn't entirely serious about that," Mai pointed out. "And, even then, are you sure you're ready to tackle this?"
"No, but what you said makes perfect sense! Je pense… I'll fix myself a very strong Long Island, get shit-faced, and then FaceTime Kagura. Mai, you are a genius and I love you."
"You know that's actually a terrible idea, don't you?!"
"What's so terrible about it? A little liquid courage goes a long way. Or, in this case… a lot of liquid courage."
"Kingy…"

The pair briefly fell silent while King put her head down on the counter.

"But this is what I was getting at a minute ago," she began. "Before I was… I didn't have to use liquor as a crutch for hard conversations. I just… had them. I could handle my problems without having to take the edge off, first."
"You still can, though."
"I… I know. But is it bad that I don't want to?"
"Do you want me to talk to her first?" Mai suddenly offered, which prompted King to lift her head and stare at the phone.
"Pardon?"
"I can have my own little chat with her. Casually bring her up to speed about things! How it's going with Andy, or my channel… or you."

King smiled at the gadget near her and shook her head even though her friend couldn't see her.

"I appreciate the offer, but this is something I have to do without any help."
"So without that booze then, too."
"Well, I mean..."
"Girl."
"Don't worry — I'm not going to get drunk before I talk to her."
"Okay, good," Mai replied, her relief almost palpable.
"I'm going to get drunk after I talk to her," King said playfully.
"King!"
"I'm joking. But I have to go for a while. I have to finish making this batch before Sally gets here, and then I need to go home and psyche myself up for this."
"Don't you think you should take another day to —"
"No," King interrupted. "It's like ripping off a bandaid or jumping into the deep end of a pool for the first time. I have to just do it. Like I used to."
"Well, call me if you need anything," Mai told her. "I'll be here."
"Thanks. Bye~"

King reached over, pushed the button on the screen to end the call, and placed her head back down on the counter. She stayed completely still as she listened to the music that was quietly coming from the stereo, the vocalist's words barely even registering with her while she worked to clear her mind. She had every intention of going through with her plan to talk to Kagura after she was finished working, which was why she grabbed her phone to look up the time difference between California and Japan. She started to compose a text message but stopped as one of the song's lyrics unexpectedly caught her attention:

"Maybe I'll tase myself; wake up from this maze of lies built up."

She couldn't help it as a bitter chuckle escaped her lips. If there was anything she was good at, it was building up and telling lies. Lies that Kagura would see through and dismantle immediately. With a scowl, she quickly sent her message, then rose from her seat to go back behind the counter. However, instead of returning to the task at hand, she gathered the ingredients needed to make a very large Long Island Iced Tea.

Okay! Ready? Go:

* I mentioned elsewhere (Seclusion Stories) that, in order to keep Illusion afloat, King started offering a carry-out service where customers could order large batches of a limited amount of drinks or house specials.
* RAINN: Rape Abuse and Incest National Network. (If you need them: 1-800-656-4673)
* "Grand ou petite" = Big or small
* "Je pense" = I think
* Long Island Iced Teas, for those who don't know, are typically very strong, as they contain gin, tequila, rum, triple sec, and vodka. All of that. In one drink. Myep.
* Some word of God stuff here: King has turned to alcohol a lot during the course of her recovery, and while she's not addicted, she is aware that she displays some clearly problematic behaviours. It should also be noted that she didn't always drink enough to fuck herself up, or even get a little tipsy, in a lot of cases, though it certainly did happen at times. Additionally, it has been mentioned elsewhere that she was trying to cut back on drinking in general.
* Reminder that the time difference between California and Japan is sixteen hours, and that Southtown in illyverse is in CA, as, in KOF:Kyo, King's bar, Illusion, is in Cali
* The lyrics that stick out at the end of the chapter are from a Chevelle song called Clones. If you've been going here long enough and are familiar with the band, then chances are you've caught the small references I've peppered in throughout a ton of these stories.

Alright, party people! That's it for this installment! Tune in next time, for a finale that you probably won't wanna miss if you've been sticking with this and are actually invested in it. As always, thank you for reading, and, hopefully, thank you for sating my lizard brain by making your thought and feels known!

Cheers~