CHAPTER 74: David Would Love To Mind His Own Business (Fandom: MCU)
(Note, to avoid confusion later, David is genderfluid. David they/them. Dave he/him.)
David, per usual, was not having a good day. They had what felt like half a bajillion things on their mind, even though it was actually only about five things. None of them included their current task.
They worked in the Queens/Astoria Room, not that they actually knew what that meant as they bluffed Their way through that class, and was currently wondering why they were transferred to this specific room.
Did they not do their job right in the Eden Room? The bell rang.
Oh, well. At least they get off in 12 hours and can go home and 'unwind'.
"Welcome to Dollar General, save time, save money, everyday."
The two people that entered the store soon walked up to the counter, the female looking human was first.
"$4.27."
The male looking human was next.
"$5.34."
The two left and David's head met the counter. Repeatedly. With great force. It was time's like this that David wished that void creatures could get a concussion.
! #$%^&*()
Dave sighed for the 53nd time that day. (Yes, it's intentional.)
Nothing was happening, again. Not that Dave wanted anything to happen, it was just the fact that nothing happened, ever.
Was it because he wasn't 'fun' enough? He's faintly heard the gossip that his coworkers tell, he knows that they say that he sucks the life out of any kid's birthday party by just walking past.
Someone entered, "Welcome to Dollar General, save time, save money, everyday."
Dave should just stop trying to be friends with anyone, he wasn't fun enough to have friends.
The two people that entered the store soon walked up to the counter, they vaguely looked familiar, the female looking human was first.
"$4.27."
The male looking human was next.
"$5.34."
The two left and Dave's head met the counter. Repeatedly. With great force. Dave really wished this shift would end so he could go home and 'unwind'.
(Author-san is making Author-san want to cry. It will get better, Dave, it will.)
! #$%^&*()
Dave, once again, was not having a good day. At this point the readers should consider this normal. The term SNAFU is very applicable.
Nothing was happening again, and whenever something did happen, it gave him this feeling in the pit of his stomach, making him want to take a long walk off a short pier.
Hopefully no more Karens would bother him today. Or ever again. The bell rang.
"Welcome to Dollar General, save time, save money, everyday."
The two people that walked in looked very familiar now. The female looking human had red hair and seemed very unassuming. The male looking human had short dark blond hair and was also wearing normal clothing.
"Hey Susan, what do you think?" The male looking human had put a seasonal item on his head and was trying to get a reaction out of 'Susan'.
"I think the purple one would go better with your eyes," 'Susan' said. The male looking human looked at the item in question in thought. He then put down the pink item and grabbed the purple one before walking to the counter.
"$6.83." Should Dave do it? Why not, he has poor impulse control anyway.
"If it's any consolation, I thought you looked good in the pink one, it also matched your shirt."
They both looked at David as the male looking human paid.
"See," He said, turning to Susan, "At least someone has some taste."
"$4.27."
"Whatever you say Bryan."
"Have a great rest of your day."
"You too!"
As 'Bryan' and 'Susan' left David's head met the counter. Repeatedly. With great force. David wished more than anything that they had just kept their mouth shut. Maybe then they wouldn't have embarrassed themself.
(Please stop hitting your head, you may be a void being but Author-sama is pretty sure you can still get brain damage…)
! #$%^&*()
Natasha and Clint stepped out of the Dollar General and onto the busy streets of Paris. After getting far enough out of sight from the building, they let their fake smiles drop.
You see, this whole thing had started when they walked into the Dollar General in Astoria Queens in New York and saw Dave there. They had then gone on a mission and walked into a Dollar General in London and saw Dave, his usual depressed self. And so on it went, they kept seeing him in the oddest of places around the world.
Now, their newest assignment was to see if Dave was a threat, if so, to take him out. If not, recruit him. But of course they were going to have fun with it first.
! #$%^&*()
David was having a FUBAR day. As opposed to their normal SNAFU day. First, they were almost late for work, then they got to work, and now, so far every person to enter was either a Karen, or a Kyle.
They missed the feeling of last night where they dissociated until their alarm went off and they had to get up.
The bell rang.
It was Susan and Bryan again. David tried to shake off the bad feelings, if only just for them. Susan and Bryan had become a comfort of sorts. They actually talked with David like they were normal and not a freak of nature.
"$4.27. How have you two been doing?"
"Quite well, actually."
"$5.34. That's good."
"So, how do you like working in the middle of nowhere?"
David paused. They didn't work in the middle of nowhere. They worked in New York.
"... It's work, what do you expect?"
"Oh, I thought it would be boring, must not get that many customers." David wished that were true. But now he has a part to play if they're right and the door has messed up. Again.
"Not many, but there are the regulars that come in every so often."
"Oh, that's good. Well, see you later!"
As Susan and Bryan walked out a gust of sand entered the store. David's head met the counter. Repeatedly. With great force. They hated paperwork.
! #$%^&*()
The Dollar General employee known only for her love of the Oasis in the Desert Room, and known less so by her love of murdering everyone who walked in, watched as the two customers walked back to the helicopter poorly hidden behind the sand dune.
She had always wondered what the door glitch looked like from this side. The Employee is only slightly frustrated about the fact she didn't get to kill them.
! #$%^&*()
The next time Dave saw Susan and Bryan they entered the store wearing tactical clothing and with a male looking human with a long black coat and an eyepatch.
They also didn't get anything to buy, but secured the door as the male looking human with the eyepatch walked up to the counter.
"David, right? I'm Nick Fury, the director of SHIELD."
"Actually, it's Dave today. May I inquire as to why you are here?"
"I'm here to recruit you to a team of extraordinary individuals. You see, my agents noticed how you seem to be in every Dollar General they enter."
Dave was now trying not to have a panic attack. He did the only thing he could think of.
"Let me get my manager."
"That shouldn't be necessary."
"...It is."
Dave quickly walked to the back room and got on the line with his manager at HQ.
"What."
"Director Nick Fury is here trying to recruit me into the Avengers Initiative because Black Widow and Hawkeye have seen me in every Dollar General they have entered because the door has been having problems.
"... I'll be there in five minutes."
Dave stepped back out and saw Natasha and Fury standing there.
"...Be here in five minutes."
! #$%^&*()
The wait wasn't long; but it was awkward. Very. Awkward.
Then Dave's manager finally appeared out of the back room, surprising Fury who thought that the manager would come from outside.
"Hello, I'm Dave's manager, he said you were requesting a transfer of him from the Retail Department to the Security Department?"
"Transfer? I don't think you understand why we're here."
"And I don't think you understand what we are, or how our business works. Yes or no, do you want Dave to work for you?"
"Yes."
"Boss? I didn't think we had a Security Department in this universe?"
"Well, we didn't, until about-" the manager looks down at a watch Nick could have sworn wasn't there, "Two minutes ago when we bought out the World Security Council and all her tentacles, including but not limited to NASA, SHIELD, those tiny bits of HYDRA, and the Illuminati."
In the shocked silence that followed, the manager almost looked smug.
"You…?"
"Yes, me."
! #$%^&*()
"You know what's kinda hilarious? Because we bought the World Security Council, we technically rule the world. Can't do anything about that until after Thanos is defeated, I don't want the PR division down my back, but afterward we can fix the world."
"Ah, Boss? This universe has already been marked as obsolete from the PR division because of the Ultron situation."
"... Time to fix world hunger then. And someone save the Asguardians, no one shall go extinct under my watch."
"Boss, I think you've read too many fanfictions. It's going to your head."
"Probably. But I feel like a Gus today."
Take that Author-san! I get to rule a world, you just get to be a superhero.