CHAPTER 75: Mountain Dew, Tide Pods, Vienna Sausages... And Febreeze I Guess (Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen)
Alternate Crack Title: Tide Pod Challenge, GO!
(WARNING! Talk of suicide, talk of self harm, dead man walking mentality.)
(Author-san watched the Dear Evan Hansen movie and had to write something. Only vaguely regrets everything.)
Dear Evan Hansen,
Who knew that Evan Hansen, the weirdest kid, aside from Connor himself, was like him? Or, at least a little bit like him.
It had been a day since Connor found the letter Evan had written. When he first saw it, he thought it was a creepy sex thing and that Evan had planned for Connor to see it.
But later, he decided to read it in full.
Connor was kind of glad he did. He should probably apologize to Evan… maybe… maybe they could be friends?
Or maybe not, Connor thought, looking at the letter again. Evan will probably be dead by the end of the school year.
That makes two of us.
Connor rubbed his eyes and sighed.
A door slammed downstairs.
His family was at it. Again.
He wished they would just stop. So what if his mom wanted to try everything under the sun to get him 'better'? At least she was trying instead of burying her head completely in the sand.
His step father Larry was trying too, he was right that they should try one thing at a time. But he had the wrong thing in mind to start with.
Zoe… she just wanted him 'normal' again. She didn't really care how it happened, but was getting tired of Cynthia's hopping around.
Honestly, so was he. But he was also glad she was trying. That she cared. Not how their family appeared to strangers, but about him.
Connor realized he was hungry just then. Kind of a weird thing to suddenly realize, but somethings he just didn't notice, even discomfort. Or pain.
He walked softly downstairs, listening for where his family members were.
He didn't have to listen very hard.
"Zoe! Don't say that! Connor is trying, he-"
Is he trying?
"Cynthia, be real, Connor is never going to get better because he went gluten free!"
Will he ever get better?
"Well excuse me for trying! I just want to help my son get better!"
Is he worth it?
"What Connor needs is professional help! H-"
Does he deserve it?
"Oh yeah! Sending him to a psych ward will help! Totally! He'll fit right in with the crazies there!"
I'm not trying.
I'll never get better.
I'm not worth it.
I don't deserve it.
Connor was frozen in the stairwell just out of sight. The tears had started. Forgoing food, he ran back to his room. His door slammed as he pulled at his hair.
"Zoe! Look what you've done!"
Grabbing Hansen's letter, his phone, and his wallet, he carefully climbed out his window and scaled down the side of the house.
Reaching the ground he started running. At first, to nowhere in particular.
I should've given my guitar to Zoe before I left.
Breathing heavily, Connor Murphy stopped running and looked at where he was. A yellow sign greeted him. Dollar General.
He decided to go in.
"Hi, welcome to Dollar General!"
Connor nodded to the cashier and went deeper into the store. He picked out some sodas and then just started browsing.
He ended up on the cleaner aisle. This was a mistake.
Or maybe it was fate.
Tide, Gain, Bleach…
He shouldn't…
I won't hurt Zoe again.
Never again.
Connor picked up a pack of tide pods and a can of febreeze before heading to the food aisle.
Vienna sausages sounded like a good last meal.
He walked up to the register and set his stuff down. The employee said the total and he put some money down. Not bothering to wait for change or a receipt, Connor Murphy walked out of Dollar General, the Hope of the Anonymous Ones.
! #$%^&*()
The employee sighed and looked down at the counter. There was nothing he could do. He wasn't a Gus. He would never be a Gus. Never be a hero. And honestly, this group of universes needed a hero.
The story of Dear Evan Hansen isn't one of heroes and villains; there isn't a happy ending. Anyone can be a hero. The main character can be a villain. But in the end, no one says anything and the ones we love most are still dead.
The employee didn't have tear ducts, but that didn't stop the tears.
(Author-san feels the need to supply the Suicide Hotline List:
Please use the internet if yours is not here.
USA:
National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – available 24/7
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in Spanish 1-800-799-4889
National Prevention Text line: 1-800-799-4889
The Trevor Project(for LGBTQ+):866-488-7386
Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
Australia: 13 11 14
Belgium: 106
Canada (Ontario): 519-416-486-2242
Canada (Alberta): 1-888-787-2880
Canada (British Columbia): 1-866-872-0113
Canada (Quebec): 514-723-4000
China: 852-2382-0000
Costa Rica: 506-253-5439
Germany: 0800-181-0721
India: 92-22-307-3451
Ireland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Israel: 1201
Japan: 3-5286-9090
Mexico: 525-510-2550
South Africa: 0861-322-322
Spain: 717 003 717
Switzerland: 143
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Ukraine: 0487- 327715
United Kingdom: 08457-90-90-90
United Kingdom: Text 07725 90 90 90
Zimbabwe: 080 12 333 333
If you are feeling like you are worthless and the world would be better without you. It wouldn't. Reach out and ask for help, you are not alone. If you feel like you shouldn't because it would take away from people who really need it. You are not taking anything away from them. Don't remain an Anonymous One.
Author-San & Author-Sama)