The next day, the OSMU Van pulled up near Todd's Home For Villains.
Opal was almost squirming with excitement. "This is going to be such a big fanfic! It'll totally put us over the top!"
Omar side-eyed her. "Yeah, but it's all about Todd. He's the one doing stuff."
Opal sniffed. "We're his loyal and supportive friends."
Orla looked up from her Taco Bell breakfast Chalupa. "We are not his friends."
Omar nodded in agreement. "We barely even know the guy. That's why we got the assignment. We're pretty much the only agents who haven't been traumatized by him yet."
"Well..." Opal sputtered. "We met him that one time..."
"That was in a fanfic. Written by the same freak-o who's writing this thing," Oswald insisted. "It's not even close to canon."
Opal raised an eyebrow. "Y'really think you should be calling him a freak-o?"
Oswald grimaced. "Look. He had me naked in a story. If he's not a freak-o, he's gonna hafta prove it to me."
Omar shrugged. "He makes a good point..."
Opal sighed, shaking her head. "Come on. Let's make sure Todd's ready."
#
Disguised as villains, OSMU waited in the foyer.
"Isn't he ready yet?" Flipping up her visor, Opal looked impatiently up the stairs.
Oswald emerged from a room and hurried down the steps, almost tripping on his cape.
"He's on his way. He's just in the bathroom throwing up."
#
Popping a Cherry Lifesaver into his mouth, Todd adjusted his robe, took a deep breath, and walked over to the crazy-quilt outfit he had on a wire hanger on the door. He stared at it with profound loathing.
"It's just a suit," he said quietly to himself. "It's just an ugly, stupid, garish, ridiculous suit."
He took a deep breath, stared at it, and contemplated throwing up again.
"It's been a long time."
He scratched his neck. He couldn't get a new pair of the shoes -They'd stopped making them- but he found a new pair that were almost the same. They were in the corner, next to his crocs.
He wondered if he could get away with wearing the crocs. They were so comfy...
He stared at the suit some more.
"Maybe it won't fit."
It fit. In fact, it fit perfectly. Todd posed in front of his mirror, admiring his reflection from different angles. He was impressed despite himself. He looked fierce. He looked powerful. He looked terrifying. He looked... gorgeous. The colors really brought out the blue in his eyes. He adjusted the lapels, fixed the tie, and found himself smiling, his eyes widening and gleaming.
"Looking SHAAAAAAAAARP..."
Smoothing back his hair, he felt the laugh bubbling up in his throat.
He looked away fast, shaking.
"Come on..." He walked away from the mirror. "Come on, man. Keep it together."
Oswald knocked on the door.
"Yeah," Todd took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm ready."
#
Moments later, they were in the van.
"Okay, this stick-pin is a camera," Opal handed it to Todd, who inserted it into his tie. "It'll let us see and hear everything."
Todd nodded.
The Big O spoke to him from a monitor. "Todd, I promise. You won't have to do anything Odd. We're not asking you to do that. All you have to do is play along and get the information we need."
Todd nodded.
"I'm really sorry we have to ask you to do this. If we had any other choice..."
Todd looked at the stick-pin again. "This is just one-way, right?"
"Yes," Orla glared at him suspiciously from her chair. "Why do you ask?"
Omar patted his shoulder. "Hey man, if you need any help..."
"I don't," Todd snarled. "I was stopping Odd before you were even zygotes. I know what I'm doing."
"Oooookay..." Omar backed off.
"Here's the address he gave us," Oswald handed Todd the paper. "270 Lafayette Road. Mean anything to you?"
Todd shook his head. "If I remember right, it's an old, abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. Just the sort of place he likes."
Opal stepped in. "The Big O's got agents stationed all around it. We'll be there in a couple minutes."
"Fine." He smoothed his hair. "Is there a bathroom in this thing?"
"Oh, sure." Omar pointed. "Down that hall and to the right. You can't miss it."
Todd hurried off.
Orla watched him go, then turned to the others. "I still do not trust him."
"Orla, honest. He's reformed!" Oswald produced a file stuffed with papers. "He's one hundred percent given up causing oddness! All the data I gathered proves it!
"I do not trust data. I trust my instincts."
Opal struck a pose. "He can be trusted. I know it in my heart."
"I have no heart. I follow my instincts. I am not swayed by sentiment."
"You bawled your eyes out at WANDAVISION."
"That was different."
Meanwhile, Todd found the bathroom and threw up again.
#
Rolling another Cherry Lifesaver over his tongue, Todd let Omar show him around the van.
"And over here's my souvenir collection! Yeah, I like to pick up souvenirs from all my adventures..."
"Hmh," Todd checked his pockets and finally produced a ballpoint pen with 'Todd's Home For Villains' printed on the side. "I wasn't really prepared. I've also got tee-shirts back at the home if you want one..."
"Nah, that's all right," Omar turned the pen over in his hand, trying to figure out how to react to it. "This'll be fine."
Oswald stepped in. "And over here's our wall of gadgets!" He pointed to the lines of gadgets resting on hooks. Todd's eyes went wide. "I'll bet those must bring back some memories, eh?"
Todd swallowed. He realized he was salivating and tried to make himself stop.
"Oh. There's the flip-flopinator," Todd struggled to sound casual. "I really caused some panic with that... They were really freaked out..." An awful smile started playing around Todd's mouth. He managed to suppress it before Oswald noticed.
"APPROACHING 270 LAFAYETTE ROAD!" Van Computer announced.
"Good job, Van Computer!" Opal smiled. "Make sure to set us down some distance away. We don't want Basil Valentine or his goons to see Todd getting out of the van."
Omar looked over. "Does Basil Valentine even have goons?"
"He's got those two lady henchmen," Oswald pointed out. "I guess they could be considered goons..."
"Their names are Ambrosia and Nectar, " Todd straightened his suit. "But yeah. I don't know what they are exactly but, yeah, they're pretty much his goons."
The agents opened the van door for him.
"Now remember, Todd, we'll be right here if you need us..."
Todd nodded absently and climbed out, sinking knee-deep into the tall grass. He made his way through the woods toward the old house.
After a few steps, all the noise from the road, the woods, even the birds nearby suddenly stopped. And he sensed them before he saw them.
"Odd Todd! Hullo!"
Basil Valentine was riding the blond woman's shoulders. He moved his hands, wiggling his fingers as the woman raised her arms and gestured.
"We thought you might not be coming!"
There was a dark shape in the shadows behind them. Sometimes it was the dark-haired woman. Other times, it was something huge and furry, with long, sharp claws and glowing eyes.
"Right this way..."
Meanwhile, back in the van, nobody had noticed the flip-flopinator was missing.
#