"I feel like we're getting off-track," Opal announced in the middle of the weekly OSMU popcorn party. "We were supposed to be trying to get more fanfiction written about us."

"Fine," Oswald sighed wearily, pushing away his microwaved Orville Reddenbacher With Extra Butter. "As long as we can get someone other than this guy to write it."

Omar continued his noshing. "Well, there's that fanfic on that other site where you have a girlfriend..."

"I have a girlfriend?" Oswald perked up. "Who is she? Is she pretty? It's not a villain, is it? THIS guy would fix me up with a villain..."

"ANYWAY," Opal interrupted. "We need to find a way to generate more fanfiction. What stories are big right now?"

"And what stories should we avoid?" Omar added.

The team skimmed over the fanfic sites, stopping finally at one specific tale.

"Well, this one has a pretty bad reputation," Omar commented. "It has Otto getting Olive pregnant."

They all mused on this a moment. Then Oswald's eyes widened with panic. He leapt to his feet.

"NO! NO! Do you hear me, freak-o who's writing this? NO! Nobody on this van is getting pregnant!" The others stared at him in confusion as he continued his rant. "OPAL's not getting pregnant, ORLA's not getting pregnant, OMAR's not getting pregnant..."

"I am sure not getting pregnant." Omar shook his head.

"And I am definitely not getting pregnant! So just forget it, okay? Just get that thought right out of your head! No! No way! Uh-uh! Not happening!"

He sat back down and buried his face in his hands.

"Aw man, I'm gonna get pregnant..."

#

The next day, Omar was sweeping away the leftover popcorn with a push-broom. He noticed a miserable-looking Oswald sitting at the table going through some books and making notes with a pad and pencil.

"Hey, Oswald. What're ya doin'?"

Oswald sighed. "Trying to decide on what to name the baby. I kinda want something classical, but not too outre..."

"Baby? What baby?"

Oswald sighed. "Look. You know that freako's gonna decide it'd be hilarious if I had a baby..."

"Oswald, for Pete's sake, he's not gonna..."

"So I'm trying to get ready for when it comes. I'm thinking maybe Marcus if it's a boy and Deborah if it's a girl..."

"For crying out loud, no way is he... Marcus? What kinda name is Marcus?"

"I'm not showing yet, am I?" He tugged at his jacket. "I thought this morning my clothes were a little tight..."

Orla entered, rubbing her hair dry with a towel. "Ah! There is nothing more invigorating than a morning swim in the icy mountain spring room! And what are you two up to today?"

"Oh," Omar shrugged. "Oswald's decided he's pregnant and he's picking out baby names." He let Orla absorb that and continued. "I dunno, I've always liked the name Jayce..."

"Jake?"

"No, Jayce, with a Y."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Orla held up her hand. "Oswald is still concerned about fanfiction? I assure you, no writer would dare do such a thing!"

"Yeah!" Omar sat down by Oswald. Orla sat across from them. "Besides, even if he were gonna do a story like that, wouldn't he make one of the girls have the baby?"

Orla nodded in agreement. "That is the usual manner of doing things."

Oswald shook his head. "You know that guy. He always goes after ME. Terrifying moments, public humiliation, it's always me. The guy has it in for me."

"But that doesn't mean he's gonna make you pregnant!"

Opal entered just in time to hear the last part of that sentence. "Um... WHAT?"

Quickly, the other two agents filled her in on Oswald's anxiety.

"Oswald..." Opal took a deep breath. "First of all, you're a boy. I know this is Odd Squad but you're a boy."

"Well, there was this case in Venezuela..." Omar mused. "I'm pretty sure it was a hoax, though..."

"Second, I'm pretty sure you can't have a baby without doing... certain things. And you haven't. Have you?"

"Wait a minute," Omar was still puzzling it out. "If he's gonna get pregnant, wouldn't he...? I mean, how would he... I mean, would he..."

Oswald's eyes narrowed. "I'm not seeing anyone at the moment."

"Perhaps amongst our gadgets there is something that could do the trick," Orla speculated. "Really though, I should think they would label such a device..."

Omar shrugged. "Maybe it's a side effect."

"GUYS! NOT HELPING!" Opal continued. "Anyway, he wouldn't be able to write anything like that! It wouldn't fit the continuity of the show!"

Oswald looked up. "What show?"

"Never mind," Opal shook her head. "I can't believe I have to say this, but Oswald, you are NOT pregnant! So relax!"

Oswald nodded. Then he slid out of his booth.

"Now where are you going?"

"To the kitchen. I have this craving for Cheerios and jalapenos in Seven-Up..." He disappeared through the doors.

A second later, Orla followed him. "Hmmm. Sounds refreshing."

#

Hours later, Omar and Orla were still pondering.

"What I wanna know is, how would the baby get out? I mean, he's a guy!"

"I would assume they would have to remove it surgically," Orla took another sip of juice. "I understand you have nethods of performing surgery now which are less agonizing..."

"GUYS! PLEASE!" Opal clipped her badge-phone back on her tunic. "I've just scheduled Oswald a check-up with the Ottawa Odd Squad doctor. Hopefully, that'll get these crazy ideas out of his head..."

"But what if they don't?" Omar asked. "What if they find out Oswald really is pregnant?"

Opal thought a moment. "It would make a really attention-getting fanfic..." She shook her head. "No, no. We just gotta get through to him..."

Oswald wandered in, hand on his belly. "I just felt it kick. I'm sure I just felt it kick."

Opal face-palmed. "Oswald, you just ate a whole bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios in Seven-Up with jalapeno peppers! If I was your stomach, I'd kick too!"

"Yeah..." Oswald considered. "Surprisingly bracing, though..."

"I felt it could do with some diced pineapple..."

"I'll have to try that..."

"GUYS!" Opal was about to tell Oswald about his doctor's appointment when Van Computer interrupted.

"AGENTS! YOU HAVE AN INCOMING CALL FROM THE BIG O!"

The monitor screen with the Big O's picture dropped down.

"I really oughta tell the Big O about my condition..." Oswald considered as Opal winced. "I'll probably get kicked out of Odd Squad, though. I don't even know their policy on unwed fathers..."

The Big O's face peered out from the monitor. "There you four are! Something very odd has happened!"

"I'll say it has," Oswald muttered. Before Opal could restrain him, Oswald started. "Big O, I..."

The Big O interrupted. "You're not pregnant, Oswald."

"I'm not?" He almost melted with relief. "Wait. How do you know I'm not?"

Big O smiled gently. "I talked with the writer. He promised he'd never do that to you. Oh, and he wanted to apologize for that whole teleportation thing. He still feels bad about it."

"Well... Okay..." Oswald answered cautiously. "Just as long as he doesn't try anything else..."

Orla butted in. "You had a mission for us, Big O?"

"Thanks for reminding me! Go to the Main Odd Squad Library and pick up Agent Octavius. He needs the Mobile Unit's help securing an Odd book!"

#