Hello everyone, thank you again!

I forgot to put a reminder in the last chapter that Lavinia's husband is a character from another show called Bridgerton. I figured sweet Lavinia deserved someone...well, like him to be married to. ;). If you aren't sure who he is, you can google Simon Basset or Duke of Hastings...if you add with a spoon, you won't regret it.

Anyway, thanks so much! Enjoy!

Chapter 10

He was worried. It seemed that was the norm for him now being worried about or for Anna. Over the past twenty four hours, she had been withdrawn from everything. John didn't believe that she was angry with him, because she did allow him to hold her when the tears would come or when she just would sit there, silent.

Right now she was curled onto her side, rubbing the top of her belly with her hand. John slid into the bed next to her, bringing himself up to her and resting his hand over hers.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, for likely the hundredth time. While he knew this wouldn't be easy for his wife, he hadn't expected this sort of reaction from Anna. She had no relationship with her mother. But perhaps, that was what made it hurt the most. All he could do was be here and make sure she ate what she needed to eat and got her medicine.

Anna turned onto her back and met John's eyes. Her lower lip began to tremble, as she reached over to slide her fingers between his.

"I didn't expect it to hurt this bad. I knew this would happen one day; I had even thought I was prepared. But….I wasn't…I'm not. It….it hurts." Anna took her extra hand and pressed it over her heart.

"Oh my darling, the last thing I want is for you to be in pain," John muttered, rubbing his knuckles over her cheek. "But there was a lot unsettled between you and your mum. You never got to tell her how you felt. I believe you're not only mourning that, but also what you wish she had been for you. I don't believe you ever got to do that when you left home at fifteen. You were in survival mode, Anna. You had to focus on what comes next. But now here you are, a mother, and you love our children fiercely, Anna. I am sure that it hurts that your mother never loved you like you deserved."

A fat tear rolled down Anna's cheek and John brushed it away with the pad of his thumb.

"You deserved so much more, my darling," he whispered.

"Why couldn't she love me? What was wrong with me?" Anna cried, more tears sliding down her pale cheeks. John sighed, shaking his head and bending forward to kiss the top of her head.

"There is nothing wrong with you, Anna," he ardently stated. "Nothing. She was the one who wasn't quite right."

"What…what if I had allowed her back into my life? Maybe she could have changed, maybe…."

"No," John simply replied, forcing her to look at him. "Your mother was not well. The woman who told me of her death said your mother told her all sorts of stories about how the two of you were close. She never accepted the truth of any of it. Had she, she would have known what she did. She would have apologized for not being the mother she should have been. She would not have lived in some fantasy world. I know this is hard, but you must know that she wasn't going to change; that you were making the right choice."

Anna sniffled, inching closer to John. He brought her even closer and allowed her to cry against him, once more. He just held her close and ran his hand up and down her back. He would do this for as long as she needed.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The dinner table at the Duke of Hastings' house was quite the crazy affair. Mostly, when Matthew and Mary went to such places and had dinner, the children were off with a nanny and the adults had a nice, quiet meal where they could discuss adult things. However, apparently, that was not how it was with Lavinia and Simon. They insisted that the children dine with them. At home, Mary and Matthew ate with George, but they were not accustomed to such a meal with all the adults, especially when all the children were under four.

Mary helped George with his plate and then turned to give Matthew a pleading glance to help her. He nodded and turned his attention to their hosts.

"So, do the children stay all night with the adults?" He questioned. Lavinia smiled, lifting the baby from its highchair.

"Yes, until bedtime. We do so enjoy eating with the children."

"I see," Mary said through gritted teeth and a false smile. "Yes, a proper meal with children is…it's so fun."

"Mummy, what is this?" George questioned, pointing to some purple mush on his plate.

"I don't know, darling," Mary whispered back to him. "Just eat what you like on your plate."

"We think so," Simon agreed, smiling.

After dinner, it was the children's bedtime. Their nanny came to gather the children for bed and Matthew took up George to sleep, as well. Mary followed Simon and Lavinia out to the back porch. They had a nice set up and some desserts set out for them.

Mary watched in awe as Simon lifted up a cup of pudding and began to eat it. It was a sin at how gorgeous he could look by simply eating pudding. She gulped.

"We're so glad you've come to visit," Lavinia interrupted Mary's staring. She quickly turned her head and gave Lavinia a smile. "Though, I am guessing this has more to do with this whole ordeal with Pamuk."

"It does," Mary replied. She might as well tell them the truth, or at least some of it. Thankfully, Matthew was right beside her before she had to continue on. She would need his strength to help her through all of this.

"It's a terrible business," Simon agreed, frowning.

"What sort of event were you hosting?" Mary asked, wanting to focus on the details.

"A charity event," Lavinia answered. "We had many people here at the house. Several stayed the night and others stayed at a hotel nearby."

"Did you invite Kemal Pamuk?" Matthew questioned them. Simon's head shook.

"No, he came with another guest," Simon explained.

"Was there a way that he knew Mabel Lane Fox was going to be here?" At Mary's question, Simon set down his pudding. He slid forward and pursed his lips together.

"Why do you ask that?"

Mary inhaled sharply. This was it. She was going to have to tell her truth. If she didn't, they might think she was just here for the gossip.

"I am assuming she was the one who woke up with a dead Pamuk." Neither Lavinia nor Simon said anything. "I was given a list of names, which I assume was in the book. You see…my name was in that book too." She blinked harshly, trying to hold back the tears. Though she found a sort of relief by stating this out loud, by taking charge. It hit her oddly and she grasped out for Matthew's hand, reminding herself to tell him about that feeling later.

Lavinia frowned. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I had no idea. We never saw the book. It was snatched up at the party. So many people were here: reporters, gossips. I'm sorry that information got out about you. I promise we had nothing to do with it."

Mary waved her hand in the air and sat up straighter.

"I never believed that you did. You see, I have a theory about Mr. Pamuk. I believe he chose his victims in advance. If I am right about him knowing Mabel was going to be here that evening, then that can prove that theory."

"But what do you hope to gain with that?" Simon questioned, thoughtfully. "He's dead. We can't very do much more to stop him now."

"No," Mary agreed, "We cannot. But it can give me some peace about what happened to me, answer some of the questions I have had for years."

Lavinia stood and went to a drawer. She began searching through it and then brought a folded paper over to Mary. It was then that Mary saw it was an invite to the charity event. Right on the front page was a picture of Mabel.

"Everyone knew she would be here, she was the host of the event. She had only asked if she could have it here."

Mary took the invite. She ran her fingers over Mabel's face.

"Poor dear," she murmured. A thought hit her then. "Was anything else found in Pamuk's room? Drugs, perhaps?"

"We wouldn't know," Lavinia honestly told them. "The police came and took most everything. I know someone snuck off with the book before the police arrived. It's possible if there were drugs that person also stole them or that the police have it in their custody."

Mary nodded.

"So it is likely Pamuk planned this all in advance," Mary quietly said, more to herself than anyone else. It wasn't concrete evidence, but it fit. If Mabel's name was in the book with no information next to it, which would prove that she was right, at least about Mabel. But Pamuk would have known in advance about her being at Downton that night when she was attacked.

Matthew squeezed at her hand.

"Thank you," Mary sincerely stated. "This…this is helpful."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Anna sat at the small bar at their restaurant. She nibbled on her lunch, knowing that she had to for her own health and the babies. Tomorrow they would officially be moving into their new home. So many major events had been happening lately and Anna was growing weary. This should be an exciting time in her life, but it was shadowed by her sickness, worry for her babies, and now the death of her mother.

John sat down next to her and ran his hand down her back. She gave him a small smile.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Tired," Anna honestly answered. "I am so tired, John." His brows furrowed in concern and Anna began to feel guilty. She didn't want him stressed over her, but she knew he was.

"A lot has happened recently. The restaurant is closed for the next couple of days for our move. What if today we dropped Jack off with the Carsons and you and I went to the movies? You always enjoy the movies."

"I do," Anna agreed.

"You can even eat all your favorite treats. The doctor told us how to watch your sugars; so we can make sure you stay within the bounds you need to in order to remain healthy. We'll just forget about everything else for a little while. How does that sound?" Anna smiled.

"That sounds wonderful."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

As Mary slipped into the bed that evening, she had an epiphany. A smile spread across her face and she felt freer than she had in over five years.

"Well, this is different," Matthew said, smiling in return.

"I think I know what I want to do," she told him.

"What's that?"

"I want to tell my story. I want to expose Pamuk for who he was. I want to help others who have been hurt like I have…like Anna has," she paused, her cheeks paling when she realized she had given her friend's secret away. "I didn't tell you that," she quickly added. Matthew placed his finger over his mouth.

"It's already forgotten." Matthew eyed her carefully. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I am. I'm tired of giving Carlisle control over me. If I take the control, then I get to tell my story in my words. Perhaps, I can even find more women who want to share, maybe even some who were on that list. I want to help people, Matthew."

"You're magnificent," Matthew breathed, leaning forward and catching Mary's lips with his own. "I want to have another baby with you."

Mary sat back then, slightly. "Let's not talk babies right now. I'm in a good mood and we know the trouble we've had."

"Yes," Matthew agreed.

Mary grabbed something off the side table and Matthew's eyebrow lifted when he saw what was in her hands.

"Eat this," she demanded, shoving the cup of pudding with a spoon in it into his hands.

"Pudding."

"Yes, make sure you really enjoy that spoon," Mary added. Matthew chuckled.

"Is this some Simon thing?"

"Just do it!"

Matthew continued to laugh, but he did as was requested. In his attempts to look sexy, he only ended up looking silly. Mary twisted her lips to one side.

"You're not doing it right and you got it all over your lips."

Matthew placed the pudding on his bedside table and pulled her closer.

"Then lick it off."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"I feel better," Anna said, as they got into their bed that night. "I'm still sad, but you were right. It hurts that my mother couldn't be who I needed her to be. But she never has been." Anna sat herself up slightly and met John's eyes. "I've known that for a very long time. I think it just hit me harshly when I realized it would never be resolved, that the chance of it being resolved was gone."

John nodded.

"I wish I could make it better."

"You do," Anna smiled, bending over to kiss him. "You've made my life infinitely better. You've given me a home, Jack, our twins….I would be lost without you."

"I would be lost without you," John replied in response. He kissed her back.

Anna deepened the kiss, bringing her hands up to his chest.

"Should we be doing this?" John asked, pulling back slightly.

"Yes," Anna simply answered, beginning to tug at the edge of his top. "Please, John….make love to me."

"You don't have to ask me twice."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Mary rested under the covers and smiled, glancing up at the ceiling.

"See, same results," Matthew teased, running his fingers up and down her bare arm. Mary glanced at him and chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose," she playfully stated, moving closer to him. "Perhaps, you should eat pudding more often."

"I will if it leads to this."

Mary laughed heartily. "I think I'm going to be alright, Matthew."

"Yes," he agreed. "I think you are."

To be continued...