It was surprisingly domestic, the way that Eddie locked the house up while Rachel flicked off the lights, and they followed each other upstairs with barely a word exchanged between them. Eddie used the bathroom while Rachel quickly stripped off the work clothes that were becoming rapidly uncomfortable, and by the time she was dressed Eddie had emerged and they swapped places. Eddie had turned down the duvet and flicked on a single lamp when Rachel re-entered, and she slipped into bed next to him, both taken off guard and unsurprised when he immediately pulled her close to him, glad he didn't seem to notice the way she flinched slightly at his touch.

"You could have died today."

They were pressed together, bodies touching and she brushed her thumb over his cheekbone, both glad she could see him and wishing they were in darkness. "So could you."

"How did this happen?"

"People do foolish things when pushed to the edge."

"Foolish?" He sounded incredulous. "Amy, today was more than foolish."

She was glad, suddenly, that she hadn't told him everything Stuart had done before he'd gotten there. "I'm tired, Eddie," she murmured eventually. "Let's go to sleep."

He reached over and flicked the light out but never loosened his grip on her and she fought back the nausea, the way her mind jumped to Stuart and the feel of him pressing her against the wall. She clamped down on a shudder, but felt goosebumps trickle down her body instead. Eddie mistook the small motion she made for something else, and allowed his hand to drift down her torso, across to her hip, inadvertently mimicking the same path Stuart's hand had taken that afternoon.

This time, she couldn't hide the flinch. Eddie paused, and she swallowed. "Ticklish," she whispered quickly, and felt him relax.

She rolled over in his arms so that her back was to him and quickly reached out, interlocked their fingers. He pressed himself to her, and she thought it had worked. Until she felt his lips land on the nape of her neck, moving slowly across her shoulder and this was fine, she told herself. It was Eddie, and this was nothing like what Stuart had wanted to do.

It was Eddie. He'd never hurt her. It was only Eddie. There was no reason for the sick feeling in her stomach. He'd never hurt her. It was only Eddie. Not Stuart, not anyone else. Just Eddie.

"Rachel?"

His voice had her blinking back into awareness, and she had no idea how much time had passed, how long she'd spent with her mantra inside her own head. Had he noticed? His hand was between her thighs and she didn't even know when he'd unlocked their fingers. She swallowed thickly and not trusting her voice, hummed an acknowledgement.

Eddie pulled away, hurt colouring his voice. "Why didn't you tell me to stop?"

"What?"

He was frowning through the darkness. "You obviously don't want this tonight. Why didn't you say something?"

"Eddie..." she began but faltered, because what could she say? He sighed, wrapped his arm around her waist.

"I love you. That isn't going to change, Rach, you don't owe me anything."

He had no idea. She closed her eyes for a moment, heart aching. "I love you." It was a whispered confession into the darkness, said with an entirely different tone to all the times before. Eddie pressed a kiss to her neck and settled down to sleep behind her, never knowing that Rachel was wide awake and staring at the wall in front of her.

How many men had she been with who would have carried on regardless of her feelings? Who would have angered if she'd dared refused? And then there was Eddie, who was angry she hadn't. Every time she thought she had him pinned, he turned around and surprised her again.

He was genuinely good. Not perfect, who was? But good, with a heart of gold. And he deserved so much better than her.

The first day of the summer holidays was always a thrill. The ability to sleep in, safe in the knowledge that a whole six weeks without teaching was stretched out before you. Eddie had been particularly looking forward to it this summer- the year had been more stressful than most. Part of his excitement was waking up with Rachel next to him. He had every intention of using this summer to recapture old memories, taking her on all the dates they'd talked of going on one day, as well as redoing many of the ones they'd actually made it to. Which was why when he stretched his arm out searching for Rachel only to be met with empty sheets, his eyes flew open and he was suddenly much more awake.

The bed next to him was cold, but there was pale sunlight streaming through the small gap in the curtains so maybe Rachel had just become tired of laying in bed and wandered downstairs for tea. Years of waking up early had turned her against lounging in bed unnecessarily, even when she had absolutely nowhere to be. But still, this was excessive even for her, the sun wasn't that bright yet, it couldn't be too late- he turned to check the time, but instead of the illuminated numbers he was usually faced with, he found a sheet of paper, folded with his name written starkly in black across the front.

It could have had a thousand innocuous implications. He was out of milk and she'd popped to the shops, Melissa had called and she'd gone riding to the rescue, any number of perfectly innocent and reasonable explanations.

So why had his stomach just fallen through the floor?

Eddie,

I know how much your family means to you, and I can't be the reason you lose them. You deserve so much more than me.

Forgive me.

Amy

Eddie sat on the edge of the bed, paper in hand, and simply stared at it for an immeasurable length of time. Until slowly, deliberately, he flexed his hand and crumpled the note into his fist.