So Emily, Alice smiled as she sprinkled a heap of parmesean on Ned's romanesco. How is business? How has it been, going back to full time?
It's keeping me very busy, Emily Wilkins replied, returning her smile as she adjusted the napkin in her lap. I mostly do birthdays, anniversaries, things like that. I'm running all over the place with my orders.
Are you now? Jessica thought wickedly, glancing at Emily from the corner of her eye. Running,? she scoffed silently. Running around the dessert table maybe. Looks like you've been eating all the treats yourself,! she almost said, rolling her eyes as she poured herself another glass of champagne.
She looked around the subdued table, disappointment thudding through her blonde head, that felt heavier with every sip. The only ones having fun at this Christmas dinner were Jake and his two cousins, who were scampering around the house, playing with new toys and dancing to the music in the background. One of the children had managed to hit the repeat button on the cassette player and the same song chimed over and over.
Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, prospero ano y felizidad…..
Jessica closed her eyes for a few seconds, her irritation mounting. This is so boring,! They all look like they don't want to be here. I bet they want to be with her! This is all her fault! She thought back to the day before when she had seen her. She hadn't laid eyes on her…... hadn't been so close to her for over two years now. She envisioned her...…pale flawless skin and ethereally pretty, her features soft yet lucious, her eyes beaming, bright as a new bride.
Jessica took a huge gulp from her glass, then set it down, knocking it against the side of her plate and cutting the silence of the room.
What is this? The morgue? There's more action today in the cemetery than in this place!
Her scattered thoughts fluttered through her mind, increasing her aggravation with every tic of the neon lit digital clock seated on the mantle.
Has that clock always been so damn loud? And so slow? Has it only been five minutes since I last looked at it? Time is not flying and I am not having fun! And why doesn't someone get up and change that stupid song? Do I have to do everything myself?
She sighed loudly, exhaling fully, with enough force to blow a lock of silky hair from her forehead. Well apparently I do because the idiot I have the misfortune of calling husband let the catering crew I hired go home early. That moron doesn't want to pay them for the whole night! He's ruined my party!
It had been almost two hours since the waitstaff had left, Todd had insisted they would serve dinner themselves. A very enraged but more sober Jessica didn't contradict him; she did not want to create a scene in front of her parents so she let it go. But now…...after knocking back one drink after another she was ready for much more than contradiction, she was fully prepared for a missile launch, one aimed directly at Todd.
Her perfectly pretty lips turned sulky as her irrational thoughts turned again to her sister.
She's probably up there at that mansion laughing at me, with all her servants, laughing at how much this sucks! It's all about her! She conjured Elizabeth's image again, seething as she glared at Todd and stabbing with her fork at her uneaten slice of turkey.
We're not identical anymore, she bemoaned sadly between her silent but deadly bouts of anger.
As if I would ever let myself get that white! Or wear clothes that look so bland. All that money and where does she shop? The thrift store? I know it's December but surely they have tanning beds in New York! And that hair. If it's that long the least she can do is wear it loose. Our hair is a thing of beauty, at least I'm not selfish enough to hide mine from the world!
And speaking of hair...I should have taken that dog when I had the chance, she seethed as she refilled her glass. She loves that dog more than she ever loved me!
An evil idea hatched in her head. I'm gonna drive back up there and steal her. Where will I hide her? I'll have to keep her quiet somehow. Then I'll get her to love me more! Let Liz suffer! She's ruined my Christmas by being here, I should return the favor!
Her aqua eyes brimmed with tears that she blinked away, refusing to shed them. Let her see how it is to lose someone you love. Ha! But I don't love her anyway! Not after what she's done!
Then… completely out of nowhere, her mind suddenly snapped to attention at a new thought.
Why…..she's pregnant!
She didn't know how, she didn't understand where she had gotten the insight, but the knowledge was certain that Elizabeth was having a baby. Time seemed to stop and her heart thumped at this revelation. A feeling of loss overwhelmed her, pounding and burning through her head with a sensation of melting, pieces of her floating away and out of her grasp.
Are you alright Jess? Ned asked suddenly, trying to hide his concern that his daughter was downing one drink after the other and looking like she wanted to commit mass murder.
I'm fine, Daddy, she practically glowered. Ned frowned silently, giving Alice a worried look. He knew better to engage with Jessica when she was clearly in such a rotten mood. Their younger daughter made a pretty picture, golden hair flowing over a spaghetti strapped red silk dress embellished with silver beading, matching heels, and a green emerald and white gold choker at her slender neck. He thought wistfully of past Christmases when Jessica was always the merriest, brighter than the Christmas tree, the most enthusiastic at opening her presents and spreading cheer. Her beauty was all in vain as she failed to hide the sour expression that refused to leave her face.
Todd studied the scene in front of him, trying to ignore the awkward looks from his mother and the "I told you so " stare from his father.
What could be described as a growl from Steven indicated that he wanted him to pass the gravy. Steven had been mumbling his words…..practically grunting all night, throwing barely intelligible sounds directly at him, mixed in with small sarcastic venom filled jabs, none of them overtly hostile, but enough to make him aware that his company on this special holiday was anything but desired. Jessica was clearly miserable, and the Wakefields were looking for someone to blame…... And their collective fingers were pointed straight at him.
He looked around at his in laws. This family is something else, he told himself. Who do they think they are? This is my house, my table, they're going home with gifts my money bought and eating gourmet food that I am probably going to end up paying for, and I am treated like a third class citizen! Like a leper in my own home!
This is the same family who would treat him like a son, who always welcomed him in their home. He frowned loudly, gaining Alice's attention. Their eyes met and her face softened with sympathy and a hint of embarrassment. She was the only one of them who looked like she genuinely meant the Merry Christmas greeting when they entered his home earlier. He sent a grateful glance at his mother in law. At least Alice was trying her best to keep the conversation going. Her pale azure sweater with a fat red Mrs Claus in the center brought out the blue and the warmth in her eyes. A brand new diamond ruby spray necklace, courtesy of Ned, draped across her throat, and although she had lost some of the youthful plumpness on her face, she was still quite a beauty and could squeeze into Jessica's clothes if she wanted to.
Just like Elizabeth, he sighed longingly. Elizabeth…….. Always trying to include everyone and put everyone at ease. Where is she now? What is she doing? Is she with…...him. Is she in his arms? Is he kissing her under the mistletoe?
His hands unknowingly tightened around his dark red napkin, his knuckles white. I bet they all love him…just like they love Cara. But they all hate me. Of course they love Cara. Because she loves Steve. And it's obvious Steve loves her…...Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be? Home, family, love?
Steven was outwardly hostile with his glaring, Ned and Cara couldn't even look at him, and Jessica….. his lovely wife looked like she was plotting to stab him in his sleep. He could barely muster a smile far less a laugh as he watched Jake at the corner of his eye, jumping up and down on his new giant teddy bear. He avoided his mother's eyes, but he could feel her stares, knowing he was unhappy.
Mommy, Nathan ran up to Cara, putting a sticky little hand on her arm.
Firsty.
Cara smoothed a lock of dark hair out of her son's eyes and kissed his forehead.
Thirsty? Have a bit of this, she offered as Jake ran into the room struggling to carry his floppy new friend, with Karen trying to keep up by scooting and crawling on the carpeted floor.
You three haven't been playing with the tree have you? She held up her glass and let him gulp down her water, wiping the spill that ran down his neck as she examined his face, that was dotted with the tiniest sparkles.
No, Nathan giggled, his lips curled in mischief, the silver and green sequins from the tinsel evidence of his guilt.
What a thirsty boy, Emily remarked. She looked at him, her eyes kind. He's gotten so big.
He's a little over three feet, already more than half my height, Cara laughed.
Oh I know, Emily returned. They grow so fast. Todd was like that. I hope Jake will be tall like Todd too, she added.
Gross! Jessica thought, refilling her glass with a newly opened bottle of Moet & Chandon and taking a sip.
Santa if you're listening, please let him be nothing like Todd. He's already off to a good start by looking just like me!
So did you get everything you wanted for Christmas Nathan? Emily continued.
Huh? Nathan said, grabbing a toy hammer as he plopped down on the floor.
You know. Emily prompted. Did Santa bring all your presents?
No! he said, grabbing the table leg and hesitatingly meeting her direct stare.
No? Oh no! What did Santa forget to put in your stocking?
I want a doggy.
A doggy ?
He bounced up suddenly, stepping closer to Emily, no longer bashful and happy to be the center of attention.
A big doggy…….he twirled around, playing with his hands. In the castle. With the yellow doggy.
Castle? You went to a castle? Emily smiled encouragingly.What castle?
Aunt Jessie castle ….. big yellow doggie.
Aunt Jessie's castle,? Emily repeated, confusion on her face.
Aunt Lizziebeth doggy in the castle, Nathan attempted to correct himself.
At his words, the planet stopped.
Jessica took a large gulp at his declaration, almost sending the contents of her glass down the wrong pipe. She glared around the table, suppressing the cough that wanted to burst as the expensive champagne tickled her throat. Her nephew might have well had dropped the F bomb with the uncomfortable silence that hung over the diners like a cloud of doom ready to burst.
The traitors!
She looked around as they collectively averted their eyes, guilt written all over their faces. So they went to see Elizabeth! Really? I thought they came here straight after leaving the house! She stole a glance at Todd. That blanched, pained look crept into his eyes, the one he tried desperately to squash every time a hint of Elizabeth came up. The one he thought she didn't see. The one that…once upon a time might have made her jealous. But not anymore.
He's so pathetic. Loser! Is this really my life? How on earth did I get here? Married to this loser! My life is just about to begin. Just wait till I become a big star. I would prefer coal in my stocking for all eternity than spending a minute more as his wife ….
Lila dug into her yule log, delivered directly from Paris, her taste buds begging for more of the delectable cream filled center. It wasn't the million dollar mocha that Roger had banned her from having, but the hint of coffee extract was enough to alleviate her unrelenting cravings for her favorite ice cream.
Excuse me Mr Roger, the new maid Giselle moved discretely along the table. A phone call for you sir.
Who is it?
It's Mrs Patman. She says it's important.
Lila groaned as Roger squeezed her hand and rose from the table shrugging, his grey eyes apologetic.
I'll take it in the hallway, he announced, walking towards the door.
Bruce's dear mother strikes again,! Lila bristled silently. She hated how he would drop everything for those people, especially his not so dear Aunt Marie! The same woman who treated him like an unwashed peasant when he moved into their home. She flipped her hair back, conveniently forgetting her own transgressions against Roger.
Ya Ya, an almost three year old Georgie interrupted her thoughts as he pointed to the cherry red and green jello wreathes next to her.
Want a jelly!
No Georgie, she shook her head. You've already had two.
Too much sugar, especially after those cookies! Grace added sternly as her brother, secure in his high chair started kicking his little legs in protest. Before Georgie could inhale enough oxygen to begin bawling at his mother's denial, Roger reappeared, his face ashen.
I have to go to the hospital, he announced to the room.
What's wrong? George Fowler asked, rising from the head of the grand mahogany table.
That was Aunt Marie, it seems Babette was rushed to Fowler Memorial.
What's the matter with her? Grace asked.
I'm not sure, Roger answered, his eyes perplexed as he hurriedly kissed Lila's cheek and grabbed his jacket with his car keys. I'll be back as soon as I can, he promised.
Call me, she nodded, holding his hand as he pulled away from her and out the door.
Lila scowled. It was just like the Patmans, Marie especially, to summon Roger whenever they had a crisis.
I see you've been eating for two dear, Marie had remarked smugly just last week, looking her up and down while Lila's face turned scarlet.
The witch jumped off her broomstick just to insult me, probably still stung over the fact that Bruce hasn't given her a grandchild yet! And now here she was interrupting their family time by taking Roger away. Especially now when she needed him the most. Just last night she was in a state of hormonal meltdown when she realized she didn't fit into the new hunter green silk velvet dress she had bought just for the holiday. She was feeling insecure about her accumulative weight gain, disappointed in herself, emotional and vulnerable and loved his constant attention and reassurance.
She loved all his tenderness towards her. She caught a glimpse of herself in the pier mirror by the window. Unlike Amy and Jessica, she was pregnant everywhere. Her arms, belly, her thighs, even her feet. Her thighs especially! Small light brown patches of color had suddenly stained her cheeks, and she was constantly examining herself, hoping they would fade as soon as they appeared. Her own mother had not gained nearly as much as she had when she was pregnant with her little brother, who now was well on his way to a full blown tantrum.
I want jelly, he yelled, eyes brimming with tears.
Georgie, do you want Santa to take away all the presents he brought you last night,? Grace threatened.
NOOOOOOO, Georgie wailed as their mother covered her ears. Lila watched as her father rose up from his seat and went to soothe Georgie's tears away, igniting a streak of jealousy in her heart. As much as she tried to hide it, she couldn't help but feel some resentment for her parents on holidays. She looked at her father, dressed in casual tailored slacks. She had to remind herself that it was really George Fowler, the same man who she seldom saw in anything but a designer suit when she was a child.
Was her mother, absent for most of her life, really there, cutting up pieces of roasted squash for her little brother and reaching over to wipe his chin? Her earliest memories of Christmas were of having her father away on business and opening her presents with her nanny or one of the maids. Memories flooded her mind of watching Christmas movies alone in luxury hotel rooms and...…on the rare occasions when George was home for the season, hearing him on the phone, investing, merging and financing deals, too distracted to play with her and her new dolls or to watch her model her new custom made clothes and shoes. Her new wardrobe would be quickly put away by one of the servants, and she never had a mother to primp and preen her in her newest frocks from Milan.
I don't even know how to be a mother, she realized in a panic as she looked down at her bulging belly. How on earth am I going to do this?
Roger pressed on the gas trying to get around the eighteen wheeler in front of him. His Aunt Marie's voice was shaky when she called. He rarely heard her so upset. The last time she had sounded so frantic was when…when she found out about his Uncle Henry's betrayal. Being summoned to the hospital always triggered anxiety in him and he dreaded arriving there, his mind hoping for the best but expecting the worst.
His mother's face flashed before his eyes. He wondered what things would have been like if she was still alive. Where would they be now? The plan had been to give him access to his inheritance when he turned twenty one. Would his stepfather have tried to get his hands on it? Would his mother have been able to put her foot down and kick that parasite out of their lives? He sometimes felt angry at her, for not telling him of his birthright, for letting him grow up surrounded by poverty.
But he would then soften at how much she always tried to make a home for him and make the holidays special. She didn't have money or her health but she had plenty of love and perhaps too much pride. Too much pride to ask the Patmans for help. His mind was awash with recollections of decorating their cheap plastic tree with candy canes from the dollar store, her basting the turkey that they got from the charity food pantry, wrapping the second hand toys from the gift drive, clipping coupons and making sure the past due amount on the electricity bill was paid in December so that they could turn the lights on the tree and outside their ramshackle rented trailer. His face darkened as he remembered the not so special moments from his early life.
How am I going to be a father when I never really had one myself,? he contemplated as he followed the green signs on to the freeway. I have no idea what I'm doing. He briefly shut his eyes, the memories haunting.
To save electricity he'd usually sit in the living room to read and study because he didn't want to turn on the light in his bedroom.
Linda, his voice would yell, reverberating off the thin walls. Where's my bottle of Jack,? he would demand, forgetting that he already drank it all.
Hey kid, he would interrupt while a very young Roger was attempting his homework, handing him a twenty.
Go to the store and fetch me some Jack will you? Get the biggest size. And a six pack of coke. And a forty. The one in the blue bottle. And some chips. Oh and hurry up. The fight is about to start and I got some friends coming over. Oh and make sure you bring home all the change. Don't even think of going to the candy dispenser. It's bad for your teeth! And you'll need quarters for the cigarette machine….
He would dutifully leave the house and walk to the sleazy dive that functioned as the neighborhood supermarket, illicit pharmacy, check cashing agency and liquor store all rolled into one. Of course there was no one there who cared about selling booze to a minor.
He guessed he could count himself as lucky. His mother's sorry excuse for a husband was seldom home and when he was, he was pretty much ignored, unless it was to ask him to fetch his booze, or as he got older, to stick his grimy hand out and grab his pitiful paycheck every other Friday. The man from whom he had gotten the last name Barrett had not left any physical marks on his life, except the whiff of stale cigarettes and booze in their shabby home. He was never violent, but always pitiable, with one excuse after another about where their paltry savings went to or why he could never hold down a steady job. It all seemed like a blur….the time after his mother's death and moving to the red brick mansion on the hill with servants in every corner, antiques that were worth more than a year of his and his mother's yearly salary combined, and new family that considered him a nonentity.
After months of living there, his proud, stuffy Aunt Marie had subtly warmed up to him. She picked out his clothes, helped with his college applications, taught him to play chess and bridge on lonely nights while Bruce had been out chasing skirts. It was when she started ordering his wardrobe along with Bruce's and actually asking for his opinion that he realized she had grown more tolerant of him, amidst fixing his tie and smoothing back the stubborn lock of dark hair that was always falling in his eye.
Over time he almost forgot what it felt like to be that scruffy urchin who showed up on their doorstep with his one suitcase packed with raggamuffin clothes. Lila could never truly understand his loyalty to the Patmans. But he fully understood that without them and upon coming of age, he would have likely taken that money and naively blown it all away. His uncle taught him how to save, how to invest, how to handle the pitfalls of wealth combined with youth and how to keep an eye out for vultures...