Stepping Out

Previously in More Than Just A Footnote…The glee club found the landscape at McKinley the same and yet somehow different as tragedy touched their hearts and the seniors prepared their departure for NYC.

2 days before the start of term – Lima, Ohio

Blaine stood outside Kurt's house, he wanted to knock, he really did, but he simply didn't know if he could, it was like knocking on the door would make it real, Kurt would really be leaving today. Obviously he was leaving today and there was nothing Blaine could do to change that, but somehow for a second he wanted to live in the dream world where summer would last forever and Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes weren't about to go to New York, where Santana and Quinn wouldn't be leaving for the same destination in a week and where Mike wasn't already in Chicago, the dream world where nothing changed. The dream world where tragedy hadn't struck, where Blaine didn't have this useless feeling that came every time he looked at Kurt, a dream world where time wasn't playing tricks on them. Carole opened the door and smiled at him, 'Didn't feel like knocking then?' she asked, as always Blaine was amazed at her strength.

He shook his head, 'I thought maybe if I didn't come in then it wouldn't be real,' he admitted.

'I think Kurt feels the same,' she said, 'and Rachel, she was here earlier,' Blaine nodded. 'It's gonna be ok, nowhere is so far these days, and you guys are strong, I know it,' on an impulse she stepped forward and hugged him, for a second Blaine tensed in surprise, but then he hugged her back warmly. 'He's upstairs, go on up,' she said, pushing Blaine towards the stairs.

Kurt was sitting on his bed in his shockingly empty room, it looked somehow naked without the pictures on the walls and with the empty bookcase, 'I thought maybe you weren't coming,' he admitted.

Blaine sighed and went and put his arms around him, 'I'm sorry,' he said.

'It's ok,' Kurt whispered, 'It's just, it wasn't supposed to be like this, you know, he was supposed to be here.'

'I know,' his boyfriend said and brushed a tear away gently with his thumb. 'I know it doesn't compare, but I'm going to miss you.'

'I know, but I'll call you as soon as I get there and it won't be long before you're visiting for the weekend, your Mom is still going to buy you tickets right?'

'Sure, they're so that I can see the city or something,' he tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

'You're coming, that's the most important thing.' Kurt looked at Blaine and knew how much he would miss him too, this summer through it all it had been Blaine who'd kept him grounded, Blaine who he had called when he couldn't sleep because he could hear Carole crying in the next room, Blaine who had made him see he had to go when he wondered whether to stop his plans, it was hard to be the one who was going too, 'I'll miss you,' he said simply and they kissed.

Burt knocked on the door, 'I'm sorry but we really have to go Kurt,' both boys nodded, although they didn't speak, they walked to the already packed car hand in hand and Blaine and Carole waved Kurt and his dad off.

New York City

Kurt opened his eyes lazily, they had been in New York for two days now and today was the last day before they had NYADA induction and Mercedes' first day of work, he glanced at his clock and realised it was still early, but he didn't feel like going back to sleep. Besides if he got up now he was guaranteed no one fighting him for the bathroom for at least half an hour, also he could make breakfast for Mercedes, she deserved that, she had been so understanding of Kurt and Rachel all summer and the last two days. All summer she had been so accepting of all their mixed feelings and he was sure she had moderated her excitement for them, he hoped she had been sharing it with Tina or Quinn instead but he hadn't had the capacity to ask.

An hour later he was just finishing styling his hair and he could hear the shower on, that had to be Mercedes, she wasn't stupid enough to let Rachel into the shower before her when she had to be somewhere at a particular time. This theory was confirmed when he heard her singing a few moments later, he laughed to himself – he was sure Mercedes would give them hell if they did that tomorrow.

He went into the kitchen and living area of their apartment and set the table for a simple breakfast, he prepared coffee for them both and was about ready when she came in, dressed but her hair still drying naturally and hanging in waves over her shoulders. 'Boo, you didn't have to do this,' she objected and he poured her coffee.

'I wanted to, you've been amazing all summer,' he smiled giving her the mug, 'Besides I was awake anyway.'

'Oh, are you alright?' she asked, she knew that Kurt had had trouble sleeping in the immediate aftermath of Finn's death.

'No, you don't get to ask that,' he told her sternly, 'Today is about you, I am fine, I just woke up and if later I am not I am a big boy and I will call my boyfriend, this morning is about you and your awesome new job and how you are going to eat this wonderful breakfast before you go.'

'How do I know it's wonderful?' she teased.

'Because I made it silly,' he grinned and hugged her around the shoulders before they sat down to what they both knew would be the first of many breakfasts together in New York. He kissed her on the cheek and waved her goodbye before she left and she bounced out of the door with excitement, he laughed at her, he had never seen her so childlike.

An hour later Rachel came into the room, still in her dressing gown, 'Morning,' he said looking up from the episode of project runway he was streaming on his laptop, 'you slept late?'

'Not really, I just didn't know what we were going to do today,' she admitted.

'Come sit down,' he said gently, 'We can do whatever you want, it's our last day before classes start after all.'

'I thought I could do this Kurt, but I don't know if I can, it wasn't supposed to be like this,' he nodded and reached forward and paused his laptop before putting his arm around her.

'I know, I know,' he said, because he really did, her feelings were her own and he couldn't understand all of them, but he shared a lot of them. 'All you have to do today is spend the day with me,' he squeezed her gently.

'But then tomorrow I have to go to school and no one's going to know, I have to live my life with all these people who know nothing about me, nothing about him.' She swallowed, 'That's what scares me, it's that moment when someone asks me to sing a love song and I want to cry and no one knows why, that moment when we have to choose duet partners and no one is the same.'

Kurt almost smiled, it was just like Rachel to have been theorising about these situations, working up her fears even more, 'Shush, you will face it when it happens, with grace and dignity like you faced everything else, because you are Rachel Berry, and thinking too much won't help.'

'Ok,' she said wiping a tear away for a second, 'What were you planning for today then?'

'I was planning to go stationery shopping and check out this sweet bakery I heard about,' he didn't tell her he wanted to check it out as a potential date location for him and Blaine, she would probably guess but it didn't seem fair to be explicit about it.

'I guess I should go and get ready then,' she almost smiled as she got up.

'Do you want breakfast?' he called after her, 'I am apparently quite good at it.'

'Just toast and coffee,' she called back, 'I want to enjoy this bakery.' Kurt loved that about Rachel, she could go from almost breakdown to dealing with the day in only a few minutes, he on the other hand as soon as he arrived at the point of breakdown he would be stuck there for at least an hour, usually in tears for most of it, so mostly he tried to stop himself getting to that point, he had had very mixed success so far.

The day that he left for New York he had thought that he had conquered it when he didn't fall apart when Blaine came to see him off, but instead twenty minutes down the road he had inexplicably and without warning burst into tears in the car and he and his Dad had had to stop for an hour while he calmed down. Before the funeral he had sat in Blaine's arms for two hours, hardly even speaking, unable to comprehend what he was feeling, nothing could ever have prepared him for this.

It was their first day at NYADA, and Rachel was nervous, terrified in fact, Kurt looked over at her, 'Don't be nervous Rachel, it's only induction,' he hooked his arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently, she smiled gratefully at him, but didn't say anything, she was please he hadn't mentioned Finn, she didn't think she could take that today, today represented so much to her, more than even moving to New York for her it symbolized the beginning of the life she was somehow supposed to have that would never include him.

When they arrived in the small classroom there were already a few of the new students there, there would only be about twenty in all, this was the most competitive arts school in the country after all. Kurt dragged Rachel over to sit with two guys who were already there; they introduced themselves as Sean and Callum. The four of them slowly relaxed into that brand of conversation that freshers used constantly – they talked about where they were from, their glee clubs, their favourite bands and musicals, even their favourite foods. Rachel knew what had drawn Kurt to this pair, Callum seemed just about as, well gay, as he was, he was certainly as fabulously dressed and had very quickly started talking about vogue with Kurt. Rachel guessed a lot of the guys here would be like that, though the other one with them, Sean, seemed quieter, she wasn't sure about him. She kept quiet a lot of the time, letting Kurt do the talking, she knew that he was right and that it wouldn't have made it any easier if they had sat in a corner and built a wall with their grief not letting anyone speak to them.

After a while the room started to fill up, Rachel was looking around, she couldn't help spending a second wondering who would be her biggest competition in this room, her eyes settled on a tall redhead, who definitely looked like she was starting to command a social circle of other girls, she reminded her of Quinn, she was definitely one to watch out for.

Then their dean arrived – Carmen Tibideaux, she nodded and there was instant silence, such was the respect in the room for the woman they had all auditioned for only months before. She reminded them how lucky they were to be here, and how they still had to prove themselves and they had so much to learn. After that their dance teacher spoke to them and a couple of the older students, and their vocal teacher arrived to give them their first ever lesson.

Kurt sat down on the wall and let his legs swing just above the ground. He typed a quick message to Blaine, even though he knew he would be in the first Glee club meeting of the year and probably wouldn't answer, First day of real classes – need to improve my dance moves and my wardrobe to keep in line here, miss you, love Kurt. Then he jumped down to meet Rachel coming out of class, 'How was your day?'

'Vocal was great, but our dance teacher is mean, I think I should have been in ballet ten times a week judging by the other girls in my group,' she moaned.

'No, no, we are not having a confidence crisis on our first day,' he told her, 'You are Rachel Berry, and you are annoyingly self-confident, I know that you owned it in vocal, Sean told me, and dance will get better, you are incredible, now we are going out for coffee with Callum and Sean and you can't say no because I already called Mercedes and she's meeting us there.' He said with triumph. Rachel smiled and held up her hands in surrender and went with him to meet the other two guys.

'Let's go, there's a great place round the corner that my Mum took me after she dropped me off,' Callum said, 'Oh God that sounded so gay didn't it?' he laughed at himself.

'Yeah,' Kurt said, 'But if the coffee's good who cares?' and the two of them stepped forward ahead of Rachel and Sean and so didn't see them glance at each other awkwardly.

'Umm how was your day?' Sean muttered.

'It was fine,' Rachel said, but unusually for her she didn't elaborate, she hadn't even been able to tell Kurt how she really felt about her first real day at NYADA, she didn't even really know how she really felt. It was true that she had enjoyed her vocal class but afterwards she had had to go to the bathroom to collect herself because she had imagined what it would have been like to call Finn up and tell him about it. Then dance had been even harder than it would have been anyway. The thought at the end of the day that she could maybe be happy here after music theory class, something she had never really studied before, had been a frightening one, being happy again, how did you do that?

'You were awesome in vocal by the way,' Sean told her, 'I wish I could sing like that, well not like that exactly, but well you know, better.' He trailed off, frustrated at himself, her short answers were off putting and somehow he was losing the ability to form full sentences, what was wrong with him, he was an actor, he was better than this and he did not need to be behaving like this.

'Don't be ridiculous, you sing incredibly, I was actually thinking that your voice would really go well with mine,' Rachel said.

'That's a compliment,' Kurt called back, pausing from his conversation with Callum for a moment, 'Just thought I'd let you know because it's sometimes hard to tell with her,' he smiled, there was a tiny glimpse of the old Rachel Berry, maybe they really could both heal here.

A/N - Thanks everyone for reading, hope you are enjoying so far.