"You're so strong and so courageous. I knew I had to love the woman who could hold up under all the pressure of being ladybug."

"But Chat, I didn't hold up. I collapsed beneath it."

…..

Ch. 1

"Aren't you hot?" Marinette drew in a startled breath and glanced to her right, where Adrien was dropping onto the bench beside her.

It was the middle of summer, and Marinette Dupain-Cheng still wore her black jacket over her t-shirt.

She'd known this would come eventually. She had planned for it, in fact. If she could have told her friends she was secretly the girl under the ladybug mask, she could have used the excuse that she had a number of blooming bruises to hide that were from the increasingly tough fights when acting as a superhero. But that was a secret, alongside the real reason she was wearing her jacket.

"I um – I burn really … easily," she stuttered, despite the fact that she'd rehearsed the excuse more than a dozen times in her head. Adrien didn't notice though, probably because he was so used to her stuttering around him.

He smiled and turned away from her, sticking his arm in his backpack briefly before emerging with a tube of sunblock and a gentle smile.

Marinette's heart melted, but there were other feelings stirring there too, ones she tried to force back down.

"I always carry some with me," Adrien explained. "My dad doesn't want me to hurt my skin in case I get called for a shoot." He held the sunblock out to her.

"Oh – uh, no thanks." Marinette cleared her throat and shrugged sheepishly, pulling the ends of her jacket down over her palms subconsciously. "I think I'll be going home soon anyway."

"Oh, okay." He looked her up and down for a moment, a weird expression on his face, before he finally turned to put the tube of sunblock back. Marinette let her breath out slowly.

She stood and looked around her at her friends. Normally, Marinette wouldn't go home until the others did, especially on the rare opportunity that Adrien got to be with them, but she had already told Adrien she'd be heading home soon, and she didn't want to look suspicious if she didn't. The summer heat was making her lightheaded anyway.

"Are you sure you have to go?" Adrien asked, looking up at her, and Marinette's heart did a flip. She wanted to sit down and be with him, especially since he seemed so disappointed to see her go. But, right now, she suddenly felt the strongest urge to be alone, where she didn't have to worry about keeping secrets from anyone.

"Yeah. I bake." Marinette flinched. Apparently, she still couldn't get her words out around Adrien, even when she was preoccupied and feeling depressed. "I mean, I uh … I have to bake! At the bakery. I have to bake my parents." She groaned, covering her eyes with her small hand. "I mean… I have to bake for my parents at the bakery!" She peeked between her fingers at the model. Adrien had one eyebrow quirked up but otherwise did not seem confused. At least she'd been able to say what she meant, even if she'd had to yell it all in one breath to do it.

"Okay. I'll see you later then Mari."

Marinette blushed at the nickname, then quickly turned to leave.

...

She was late to patrol that night.

She was trying to hurry, she really was, but she felt tired. It didn't make much sense to her. She shouldn't be tired when she'd been sleeping so much lately. She wondered idly if maybe she was coming down with something, but quickly dismissed the idea. This didn't feel like sickness, and she'd been feeling this way for weeks.

Her work as both ladybug and Marinette had been weighing on her lately. Could mental exhaustion make her feel physically tired?

She tried to snap herself out of her thoughts when she neared the designated meeting place. Chat Noir was turned away from her, pacing nervously on the edge of the rooftop. His broad shoulders were tense and he gripped his baton in both hands, looking down at it periodically. When Ladybug dropped to the rooftop, he turned to her immediately, eyes wide.

"You're late," he observed in a tight voice, but he seemed to physically relax after his eyes slid over her obviously whole and unharmed body. She felt a little guilty for worrying him. "You're never late," he added, approaching her quickly but stopping before he got too close. Always the perfect gentleman.

Ladybug felt guilty again.

"I'm sorry," she said, stepping past him to plop down on the edge of the rooftop and dangle her feet over. She kept her face turned away as she made her excuse. "I had schoolwork and lost track of time."

She squeezed her nails into her thighs and felt frustrated when she felt nothing through her Ladybug suit. She'd just lied to her partner, her best friend, and not for the sake of protecting her identity.

Chat Noir took a seat beside her and pulled her hands from her lap, either not noticing her small bit of personal violence, or simply not commenting on it. He held her hand in his, and he did not pull it to his lips to flirt with her.

How was it that Chat could read her so well?

She'd always thought of him as just a goofy flirt, in love with a girl who wasn't even real. But she had to admit in moments like these that, even if he was silly and was a flirt, there was more to him. It was moments like these that, if she weren't entirely hung up on Adrien, she could see herself giving into his embrace and his comfort. At least once.

She pulled away and Chat Noir sighed, probably knowing that she was thinking of another guy.

"Can I ask you something, M'lady?"

"Chat, you know I can't tell you anything that might compromise our identities…"

"No, no, M'lady. No worries there. You know I will be purrrfectly respectful of your purrivacy."

Chat Noir glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, grinning at his pun, and Ladybug cracked a small smile despite herself. "Fine. You can ask. I'll decide if I can answer or not."

His smile faltered for a moment, a ghost of an emotion playing in his eyes. "Are you alright?"

Ladybug flinched in surprise and felt warmth rise to her cheeks when Chat squeezed her hand in response. He must have really been concerned about her, to get so serious. Chat was rarely serious.

"I'm fine," she answered, and it was only after the words left her lips that she realized she'd said them too fast and had looked away from her partner's inquisitive eyes. Even he would be able to read that there was more than she was saying.

"Bugaboo … you've not been yourself lately. Please don't insult my love for you by thinking I wouldn't notice." He paused and brought her knuckles up to press to his lips. His lips quirked up, a ghost of his typical playful behavior. For some reason it made her relax. He kissed her hand again. "M'lady, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

This made her tense again, which in turn made Chat's ears flatten slightly in confusion. What he'd said shouldn't have upset her so.

"I can't tell you, Chat. Not this."

She left her reasoning unspoken, and she let Chat assume it was because the answer to his question would come too close to revealing her identity. She didn't want to admit her real reasoning. What she couldn't tell him wouldn't really reveal who she was under the mask. She couldn't tell him because she was ashamed. Chat Noir thought more of her than anyone else in the world did. Out of everyone, she couldn't tell him the truth. She didn't want to watch his disappointment or see his face when his dreams of the perfect Ladybug were crushed and he fell out of love with her.

Chat stood, obviously frustrated. Ladybug didn't know what she'd let show on her face, but Chat turned away in response. His shoulders were tense again.

He clenched his fists and Ladybug worried about his rising emotional level. Neither of them had been aluminized yet, but it certainly could happen. She stood and looked around her nervously. Between the two of them, certainly Hawkmoth would feel the negative emotions and try to use them. But no butterfly emerged and Ladybug thought that perhaps Hawkmoth was already asleep. Ladybug looked back at her partner. He clenched his fists and stared hard at the ground.

"Keeping our identities a secret can't be worth this," he ground out. "I can't even help you! If I knew you were okay, it would be one thing … but you're not. I can clearly see that!" Chat Noir wouldn't look at her, and Ladybug's heart squeezed. She was hurting her partner and her best friend, but she couldn't help it. She didn't know what else to do.

Chat's ears flattened entirely to his head as he stood there, completely dejected. Ladybug thought that even if rain suddenly began pouring down over him it couldn't make this scene any more heartbreaking. She wanted nothing more than to ease his mind.

Stepping forward lightly, Ladybug touched his shoulder in reassurance. "I'm sorry, kitty. I didn't realize how much this was hurting you. It isn't anything that serious. I've just been tired and I …" When she hesitated Chat turned around quickly, grabbing ahold of her hand. Even though she hadn't shared much, the indication that she would give him something, anything, brought a hopeful, yet still concerned, gleam to his eye. His ears twitched up.

"You what? Just tell me what is bothering you. I can't stand being helpless."

"I shouldn't …" Ladybug hesitated, thinking about what she'd been about to tell him. She wasn't going to tell him what was really bothering her, that was for sure, but she was contemplating divulging a few of her stressors to her best friend, one of which was about a particular green-eyed wonderful boy who held her heart. "I shouldn't talk to you about this, Chat. I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care. You can trust me with anything, whatever you want. Don't worry about me, Bugaboo."

In a rare moment of outward love toward the cat superhero, Ladybug's eyes softened and she squeezed his hands. "But I do worry about you Chaton. You're my best friend."

Chat beamed at her admission, but he still didn't break eye contact. He obviously wasn't getting distracted that easily. However, Ladybug had lost quite a bit of her tense and depressed aura at his insistent concern. She had to admit that seeing him care about her so seriously made all her loneliness feel less daunting.

"I've just been experiencing some boy drama," the female superhero finally admitted, shrugging nonchalantly. Although there was much more to it than that, she had been calmed enough by her partner to be convincing. Chat still seemed to expect her to share, so she added, cringing imperceptivity at the lie, "There is nothing more going on. I promise."

Chat Noir seemed satiated, at least in part. He let go of her hands and stepped back, but his eyes still seemed particularly attentive. Ladybug knew she would have to be careful to better conceal her emotions for a little while.

She sighed loudly and stretched, trying to encourage her kitty to let go of some tension. "Ready to go on patrol now?" she asked, grinning at her partner when his demeanor perked up at the idea. He'd always loved patrol, and Ladybug had to remind herself not to think too much about why patrol seemed so freeing for him. She couldn't risk discovering his identity. "I don't know about you," she admitted, "but I could do to get out and get some exercise."

Chat finally grinned back at her. He bent down and leaned on his baton, tilting his head flirtatiously. Ladybug rolled her eyes at his antics. "How about a race?" he suggested, and Ladybug laughed, causing the cat's smile to only brighten further. Ladybug noticed this and was glad she'd been able to turn her spirits around for him, even if temporarily.

"You know I'll just beat you, kitty," she gloated.

"Not this time." He grinned and winked and then suddenly took off, hopping across rooftops with absolutely no warning.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Ladybug shouted after him, but gave herself a moment to laugh before she swung after him.

At first, both superheroes went about their typical patrol with a carefree attitude. They were racing, in part, but not too seriously. Both knew that Ladybug would win, not necessarily because she was better than him, but there was a bit more advantage to swinging versus jumping and running. So, neither really moved as quickly as they could have. Instead, Ladybug took the opportunity to enjoy the freedom of the night. She could forget all of her responsibilities which had been weighing her down a lot lately, and with Chat beside her, she could, for the moment, ignore just how lonely she'd been feeling.

Chat Noir also seemed to be enjoying the night out. Yes, they were doing their job, but Ladybug was happy to see him looking up at the sky or glancing around the Parisian horizon contentedly as they continued moving.

Ladybug was sure they would notice if there was trouble if they swung by it, even if they were not paying as close attention as they often did. So, she let herself relax.

However, as they continued through the streets of Paris, Ladybug eventually became aware of Chat watching her from the corner of his eye. She'd come to pull up beside him streets ago, and since then she'd mostly kept pace so they were moving roof by roof beside each other. She tried to ignore his passing glances, but every time he looked, he seemed to get tenser and tenser, until finally she thought she heard him muttering under his breath. "Boy problems?" he seemed to be questioning to himself, and Ladybug tensed in response. Was he second guessing the reasons she had given him? She hadn't been lying, but she hadn't been completely honest either.

She didn't want to have to come up with even more excuses. She didn't have the mental energy. Ladybug took a deep breath, trying to put to rest the weird feeling rising in her stomach. Her mind drifted away from what she was doing, allowing muscle memory to take over her movements, even if it slowed her down. Her mind was preoccupied on her fear, her fear that Chat might find out the truth about how weak she really was. The fear that he wouldn't and she would be stuck with this slightly lonely feeling for the rest of her life.

Ladybug finally pulled to a stop as her feet hit the top of the roof they had begun patrol at. She stopped automatically, her mind still stressing over her circular thoughts.

"Ladybug?" Chat questioned, pulling the girl out of her thoughts when he placed an unsure hand on her arm. Ladybug jumped a little before finally looking around her and then turning to meet her partner's eyes. Had he just called her Ladybug? Not a pet name?

Had he already begun to become disenchanted? Was this the beginning of him losing the love he had for her?

Ladybug's heart lurched and she reached up as though she could hold it in her chest.

"M'lady?" he questioned again. Although she knew she shouldn't be encouraging Chat's romantic tendencies in her direction, the familiar way he said the name that she knew was only for her from him calmed her. She let her hand drop and smiled at him. "Sorry, I got a little lost in my thoughts there."

She knew it wasn't quite up to her usual standard, that smile, but it wasn't totally unconvincing either. But, although Chat seemed a little soothed by her words, he was still frowning. She thought his concern for her tonight was over, but obviously she was wrong.

"Yes…." He trailed, "I can see that." He let his eyes roam over her and Ladybug huffed, crossing her arms and looking away.

"What is it now, Chat?" she asked, clearly annoyed.

"It's just … you were late tonight."

"And?"

"And … you lost our race."

Chat Noir didn't need to say anything more, but Ladybug didn't want to understand what he was hinting at. True, she had never been late to patrol, and she always beat him in their races, but she had a lot on her mind and Chat should respect that. She groaned and rolled her eyes over to meet his, trying to show her frustration.

Usually, her sassy attitude tended to turn Chat Noir on. But this time Chat didn't take the opportunity to tease her, and he didn't provide her with his famous Cheshire Cat grin. He only stared at her, squinting, before looking down to inspect his open palms.

"M'lady, I need to ask you something else."

"Chat, you know –"

"No," he said, cutting her off, and Ladybug was shocked into silence. He had never interrupted her before. She frowned. She was changing Chat, and not for the better. She needed to get her act together before it started changing her friends for the worst.

Chat took a deep breath and moved forward, taking her small hands in his own and leading her to sit back on the edge of the rooftop. She noticed how small her hands were in his. They completely engulfed them so that they were securely and comfortable hidden within his own. When had he grown like this? When had she begun to feel so comfortable with him protecting her?

"This boy you like …" Chat Noir trailed off before meeting her eyes, "he loves you, and he treats you well, right?"

Ladybug's eyes snapped up to meet his. This was not the line of questioning she'd expected. "What do you mean? Why would you ask that?"

Chat Noir's ears dropped a little as he frowned. Ladybug absentmindedly reached to pet him behind his ear, knowing that usually calmed him. However, his demeanor didn't change much. She sighed. "Kitty …"

He stood abruptly then bent at the waist so his eyes were mere centimeters from her own. "I just want to make sure M'lady is treated as she deserves. Lately, when you talk about him, you seem sad and you've been very distracted lately. I don't want to find out he has hurt you in some way or … you know."

"I know? I don't understand."

Chat groaned and ran his hand through his hair in a gesture of frustration she had never seen on him before. "I need to know that he hasn't hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Ladybug questioned. She stared at him, wide eyed, astonished. She was so entirely lost that everything that had been weighing her down lately was forgotten. She had no idea where these questions were coming from.

When Ladybug said no more, Chat began to ramble, looking up at the sky with his hand still gripping is fluffy blond locks. "Bug, you told me you were in love with another guy, and as much as it hurts me that you are, that's fine. I can deal with that. I just assumed that if you loved someone, you, Ladybug, then he would have to be at least a decent guy, hopefully worthy of your love. Thinking about you two together … it's painful, but I can handle it if you can at least tell me I was right to be assuming all this time... If you can tell me he treats you right. Because if he doesn't …"

Chat Noir turned to her, dropping his hand from his head and crouching in front of her. He gripped her shoulders and brought his face close enough to study her eyes intently.

Ladybug's eyes were still wide and uncomprehending. She didn't quite understand what was going on. Chat was not normally like this. She'd never seen such an expression on his face, and for the first time she was understanding just how deep his love for Ladybug went. Instead of making her feel loved, it suddenly shot her with a bout of loneliness. She'd never been looked at like that as Marinette, her true self. She probably wouldn't ever.

Chat was totally attentive. His eyes were trained on her, studying, trying to pick up any trace that she was hiding something. His face was soft and intent and terrified and sad all at the same time. With an expression like that, she suddenly felt a strong urge to kiss him. Maybe that would make her less lonely?

She pushed the thought down as Chat continued, still looking at her like he was soaking in even the smallest expressions in her eyes. "If he has hurt you in any way, you would tell me, right?" He gripped her tighter, trying to shake her out of her stunned silence. "Bugaboo, please tell me he isn't hurting you."

"N-no." She had never stuttered as Ladybug before.

"No, he isn't hurting you or no, you won't tell me?"

"No. No! He isn't hurting me. Chat!? Why would you think he was hurting me?"

Chat let out a breath like he'd been holding it for a lifetime. He sank down until he was sitting beside her again and he closed his eyes.

"I just – I had to be sure. M'lady, you were just acting so weird. You've not been like yourself at all –"

"What if I have finally been acting like myself?" Ladybug suddenly asked, and Chat turned to give her a confused expression.

"What?"

"Nothing…" she muttered. "Anyways, Chat, I think you have the wrong idea."

"I would hope so!" he exclaimed, turning his piercing green eyes on her.

"That's not what I mean. I must have implied something that wasn't true. I don't know when or how but – Chat, the guy I love and I … we aren't together." Chat was staring at her, his mouth slightly ajar.

"So, when you say you were having boy troubles?"

Ladybug laughed, suddenly realizing how funny this all was. "It's all on my end. He doesn't even know. I haven't even told him that I love him."

Chat jerked his head around to stare out at the horizon, eyes wide. He looked like he was trying to process everything. Ladybug was beginning to feel really guilty. At least she wasn't thinking about that other problem anymore. Boy drama was a lot easier to handle than her own thoughts lately, she thought bitterly. She sighed and turned to her partner. This time she took his hands from his lap and wrapped them in her own. It wasn't the same. Her hands could only fit around his palms, with his long fingers poking out from where her hands held his. Still, she had to admit, it felt nice.

Ladybug shook her head slightly, trying to rid herself of that thought. She was in love with Adrien. And anyways, Chat Noir was in love with Ladybug. He was in love with the perfect girl in the mask who wasn't even the real her.

"Chat," she said, squeezing his hands. He was looking down at where they rested in between them. She searched for the words that would soothe his confusion. "Chat, I am so so sorry. I didn't mean to give you the wrong idea. I didn't think … I didn't know you were imagining me with some other guy like that, and I know it must have hurt all this time, especially to find out it wasn't true. I can't say that there isn't another guy, because there is, but to him I'm nothing more than a friend, if that. I'm so sorry I didn't explain."

She paused, stopping to study him. He had his eyebrows pinched together. He must have been shifting through all these past months and how he'd thought of her in her civilian life. She realized he really must have thought she was with another man. Sure, he had kept flirting occasionally and had always made it clear he loved her, but he'd been extra respectful. More friendly and teasing than anything.

"You don't have to apologize, bugaboo," Chat finally looked up and smiled at her. All the tension that had been in his shoulders all night seemed to have dissipated. "I just jumped to assumptions, I guess." He leaned in and looked at her, but this time his intent stare was more curious and playful than worried. "I don't understand though. Why haven't you confessed to that lucky cat yet?"

Ladybug groaned and threw her hands over her face, leaning back in an exasperated manner. Chat cocked an eyebrow.

"You don't understand," she said, going into her Marinette rant mode. It felt kind of good to do so. She hadn't in a while, feeling too down to put much energy into her crush. "I'm not like this in my civilian life."

Chat scowled but his ears were perked. She knew he was probably eating up any information she was willing to give about her civilian self. "Not like what?" he asked.

"I'm not … brave." She sighed in defeat, hunching her shoulders and burying her face in her hands again.

Chat rubbed her back soothingly. It must have been that he now knew she didn't have a boyfriend that made him so willing to comfort her. Although, she had to wonder whether her relationship status would have ever really stopped him from comforting Ladybug if she needed it, gentleman or not. He waited for her to continue.

"I've tried so hard to tell him. I really have. But every time I try, I can't get my words out or I lose the note or an Akuma comes and it just doesn't happen. I stutter and trip and make a complete fool of myself. I'm sure he's only friends with me because he's too nice. And even if I did manage to confess, I know he'd reject me. He's made it clear that I'm just a friend and I know he likes someone else." Ladybug thought of Kagami bitterly. She folded her hands in her lap and looked down at her interlocking fingers. "I know he's gonna reject me. I know it. But I still have to tell him. I – I have to know if there is even the smallest chance."

Chat Noir was silent for a long time, all the time rubbing her back gently. After a little while, he took her chin gently in his fingers and guided her face back up so she was looking at him again.

"Bug, don't give up. I know you can tell him, and I know you are brave. You would have to be brave, even under the mask, to take on the job of Ladybug time after time. And to stay so loyal to this guy for so long." He smiled at her, and there was only a little bit of sadness and jealousy there. "Tell him tomorrow."

Ladybug suddenly chocked on her own spit, totally surprised. Was Chat crazy?

"I can't –"

"Yes, you can. I know you can. You are Ladybug, at least part of the time. If you have to, just channel Ladybug to confess, but you need to do it. It isn't good for you to hold off like this for so long."

Ladybug was glad it was dark enough to hide her blush of shame. Chat thought her inability to confess to Adrien was why she'd been so down lately. Maybe that was part of it, but at this point she didn't think confessing would make her feel totally better. It was everything crushing down on her at once, all of her thoughts trying to smother her. Adrien was just a small part of that.

Still, figuring out how to finally confess to him couldn't hurt. Maybe it would help relieve some of that pressure.

"What if he rejects me, Chat? I don't know if I could handle it."

"Of course you can. You're Ladybug. You can handle anything." Ladybug swallowed heavily. Maybe Ladybug could handle anything, but she didn't think Marinette could. "If he rejects you than he's an idiot. He doesn't deserve you. But anyways, any man my Ladybug could love can't be that bad. I'm sure he won't turn you down."

Ladybug seemed uncertain, but she nodded slowly.

"Let's make a deal," Chat finally said, standing up and smiling. "Tomorrow you confess to your boy. Then tomorrow night you can meet me and tell me all about it, or, if you don't want to talk about it, we can just sit together, you and I."

Chat held out his hand to her. Ladybug at first thought he was going to pull her up, so she was surprised when she placed his palm in hers and he shook it.

"It's a deal," he said, grinning.

Ladybug had to smile a little at that. "I guess it's a deal then."

...

When Marinette got home and detransformed, her smile immediately fell away as though it were a part of her suit. She turned and glanced at herself in her full-length mirror and then tried to smile again. Something didn't look quite the same about it as it used to.

Tikki swooped in front of her and nuzzled her cheek. "Do you really think you're going to finally do it Marinette?" she asked.

Marinette shrugged and then took a deep breath. "I guess I have to. I promised Chat I would, and I don't want to lie to him anymore. And anyways," Marinette looked down at her arm and ran her fingers lightly over the two long scratches there, "maybe it will do me some good to be honest about something."

Tikki dropped down to Marinette's arm to inspect the scratches as well. "You won't do this again, right?" Tikki asked, and Marinette shook her head resolutely.

"No, I won't. I don't know what came over me the other day. I guess I just got overwhelmed, and I read about it on the internet once, and it just felt right. But I don't plan to do it again. I just need to figure out how to fix this." She held her breath and nodded, but she didn't feel fully convinced she could fix it. Because what she really meant was that she needed to fix herself, which seemed like a daunting task.

Tikki was silent for a long moment. "Marinette, I've been thinking," she finally said slowly, looking up at her chosen with concerned eyes, "I think you should share your identity with Chat Noir. Especially if tomorrow doesn't go as well as you hope with Adrien."

Marinette froze in place. Did Tikki just suggest that?

"I think it might help you," Tikki admitted. "It might help you at least not do this again," she continued, running her tiny kwami fingers over the girl's little cuts. "I think one time was enough, don't you? Chat would help you if he knew."

Marinette looked down at Tikki as though she had suggested that Ladybug go out and murder a puppy tonight. The idea of telling Chat who she was, and especially of telling Chat of the ridiculous and shameful thing she'd down the other night, was entirely inconceivable. Chat could never know that. She couldn't bare to look at him if he did.

"No." Marinette shook her head. "You know it's not safe to reveal our identities to each other right now anyways. I can't tell him who I am."

Tikki sighed and shook her tiny little head. "Keeping your identity a secret isn't worth this," the little red kwami said sadly. "Plenty of Ladybugs and Chat Noirs knew of each other's identities."

Marinette just shook her head again and the kwami sighed. "Just think about it, Marinette."