My life has always been the same. Wake up, eat, go to work, go home, play and sleep. same cycle same shit.
I wouldn't say it's a shitty life but then i call it the "shittier life" if that's actually a word. I go home to a house filled with 2 men and a woman who comes and goes fuck my boyfriend as she pleases. I hate it when my boyfriend keeps making her depression an excuse to fuck her almost every night. I don't even why I'm doing this to myself like I'm some sort of second choice. Truly I ran out of respect for myself that makes me think I'm the one who's supposed to be depressed.
My life ain't the best but it is still my life, trying my best to live it to the fullest really but with the circumstances I'm living in just makes it harder for me. I keep what I mostly feel inside, afraid of offending someone, afraid of losing wht little friends I have, and worst of all afraid of being what you call a social pariah. If I got the word right.
I am already a sociopath so leveling to a social pariah just means "suicide" for me. The best way to save myself from this hell si to kill myself. But that is the coward's way out. I Ookami Izuna will not accept defeat.
If i want to get back at that emotionally blackmailing bitch I'll show her I can live without her fucking Sugar Daddy, that i can live a better fucking life than her and tell her "you can suck his dick whenever you want now or even shove his face in you're ass, I wont care cause I have a fucking better life than you." I forgot this but I'll also find a better deserving man for me, someone who cares for me, only sees me, and understand the emotional torture I go through everyday. I don't care if He is older than me. All i care is there whenever I need him like I did with my boyfriend.
This all started to become shittier when we moved out of my boyfriend's grandmother's house. When it all went south with his relatives at that house and started screaming at each other. I thought things would get better. Own space, own room, own bills, own everything since I was gonna start my job at a med company. I was wrong , really wrong. I didn't think it would mean She can come and go in our apartment anytime She wants. I didn't think I will become next to nothing for him because of her. I didn't think I will become just a second choice to him.
The amount of self respect that I lost. What am I doing to myself. I don't even know what to do or how to get myself out of the hole i dug myself in.
In this world where I just keep struggling, all I thought is that the only people who will never abandon me are in a game. Not real people. Fictional. The vast world that they live in that is so beautiful that I want to be in there so bad.
That I want to live there.
That I want to see those "people."
That I want to meet "them."
That I want to meet "Lulu" and her telling me it's okay.
That I want to meet "Viegar" and tell me "fuck those people, just Kill them.
If I could be reborn again. I want it to be there. there in Runeterra. There where "they" all are.