Author's note Dear Reader, as expected unless original characters (such as Uncle Wallace) all characters and background plots are the property of WB, Lois & Clark TV show, and who ever else has rights and ownership. This is simply an exercise in writing that I hope you to enjoy and except for seeing a story accomplished this writer has no gain from writing this except to offer you - reader - something to enjoy reading.
The prompt that intrigued me and set me about this story was a question I saw on the Lois & Clark Message Boards that ignited my imagination. Half way through the first season there's an episode called Pheromone, My Lovely, where everyone but Clark Kent gets affected by a spray making them obsessed with love and romance, and Lois Lane throwing herself at Clark Kent. Now what would have happened had Clark Kent been affected. Not in the episode, but long term, how would that have changed all the episodes that came afterwards? Personally, I think he would have been the complete gentleman and asked Lois Lane to elope. Obviously as each chapter deals with how that episode would change, I pulled heavy from observing the tv show episodes and reading the scripts as the question is how would the episodes have changed. So here is the story, I will be updating 1-2 a week until all 12 chapters are up. The first 9 chapters are finished and I am currently editing them now.
This chapter is based on "Pheromone, My Lovely" written by Deborah Joy LeVine.
Chapter 1: Pheromone
DATE: Wednesday, November 23, 1993
V-Day is here!
The words seemed to scream to Lois as she woke up. Squinting, she swore they were written in the air with bright red lipstick. Confusing, she thought as she looked about before quickly closing her eyes due to the headache coming on. Just a dream with a bad hangover. Lois Lane never looses control, she thought. It was just a bad dream…
Take stock, she thought a few minutes later. She had on what felt like silk; likely the maroon slinky bias silk slip, but nothing else. She wasn't alone in the bed, she was being snuggled. Only word for it. Like she was some little kid's teddy bear.
She wiped her face to clear away the cobwebs that seemed to fill her mind, only to find her left hand caught in her hair. I'm never going to get used to wearing that ring. Ring? Frantically she freed her hand to stare at her left hand. It sure was incriminating. Platinum, with three beautiful but small diamonds set in a row. Oh no, she thought, what idiotic thing did I do? A ring. Was I drunk enough the night before to get engaged, or worse married? And to whom? Engaged, must be engaged, she thought. Lex or Superman. Hopefully Superman.
She looked about the room, and at the dark head next to hers. No such luck, just Clark. They were in his apartment, in his bed. She groaned. The man looked like a puppy dog, shaggy hair, even sleeping with his glasses on. Lois rolled her eyes. Hopefully they'd been drunk enough that nothing happened. They must have been drunk out of their minds, she thought.
Somehow she had an image, a movie perhaps where she'd seen something like this. Matching his and hers pjs. Waist high Pajama bottoms for him, and matching top and panties for her. No, she sighed, no such luck. Just the sexiest, slinkiest slip she owned and him, she sighed, probably in nothing. Still it was better then both of them in the all together.
Lois tried to pull herself out of his grasp. The man just wouldn't stop hugging her in his sleep. She tried to push away his arms, but he just held on tighter. She just had to get up, get dressed, make sure they forgot their night of stupidity and go back to just being friends and partners at work. The man was even smiling in his sleep.
Groaning, she shoved him. "Wake up Farm Boy."
He moaned. "One more minute, Ma." Clark tightened his grip on her, as if she was the little teddy bear he'd won for her back in Smallville two months before. "I'll milk Betsy in a minute."
She tried one more time, shoving him with all her force. She yelled though when he grabbed her, squeezing so hard she could have sworn he'd get milk out of her. Screaming in pain and horror she shoved him finally off her. "Clark Kent, I'm going to kill you!"
"You're… not… Betsy." He stared at her, blinking as though he'd expect her to moo at any moment.
"Damn right I'm not." She jumped out of the bed. "I just hope that's all the liberates you took with me Farm Boy."
His eyes went wider. "I'm really sorry Lois." Clark fell back on the pillow. "Why does my head hurt?"
"It's called a hangover. We must have drunk too much last night."
"I've never gotten drunk."
"You did this time."
Clark sighed. "Guess I did. I've got a few vague memories. Gosh did we share a chocolate milkshake at a diner?"
"Huh? Don't remember that. You talked me into playing hooky, no doubt to get me into bed, steal my story."
"Did not." He sat up in the bed, swinging his feet onto the floor. Thankfully, she thought, wearing a pair of boxers. "I'd never steal a story from you."
"It's a bit hazy for me too Clark." Lois sighed as she raked her fingers through her hair, causing Clark to gulp. "But what ever happened, it never leaves this room." She hid her left hand behind her back though, wishing it would simply just disappear.
"So what are the facts? 'V-Day is here.'" Clark read the scribbles on the window. "Some shade of lipstick you've got Lois. We didn't?" He turned to her, eyes wide.
"I hope we just wake up from this nightmare and discover it was bad Chinese food."
"Lois." Clark spoke slowly. "I think we watched that old Doris Day and Rock Hudson film I checked out from the video store last weekend…"
"So?"
"I think we got some ideas from that movie."
"Yeah. V-Day is here. We were drunk Clark."
"Marriage license." He held up the official document for her to see.
"What?" Lois ran towards him. "Drunk enough to get engaged is one thing." She held up her left hand. "But Married?"
"Says it was issued on the 23th, at 4pm."
"That's today." Lois let out her breath." Just a prank. How'd you get the ring on my finger and the certificate. Looks real. That and you got me drunk, well us drunk, and in your bed, and you couldn't do this alone…"
"Lois." He said slowly placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her from verbally plowing into him. "I think it's real. Things are starting to come back. I don't think we were drunk, we were definitely…"
Lois felt a tear fall down, as she quickly cut him off. "Drunk on love." Dropping to the floor she stared at the sheet before her.
"How about I get breakfast started?" Clark asked as he stepped to his dresser to pull out a tee shirt. "We can then assemble the clues as to what happened and what to do next. Get something for our headaches too." He patted her shoulder awkwardly. She only nodded to him, not following him, or even registering that he'd started the kettle.
Lois Lane, though few knew it, always dreamed of marrying the man of her dreams. Certainly not Clark Kent. He'd sweep her off her feet, and it would be a night never to forget. It would be a happy life, with the love of her life. Someone who would protect and cherish her… Not goofy Clark Kent, her friend and co-worker. She rushed into the kitchen, when the kettle hissing startled her out of her thoughts. "Clark, you think anyone knows about this? I'll never live it down."
"What?" Clark asked pulling his head out of the fridge. "Being married to me, what's so awful about that?"
"We're not married, just a technicality. We were drunk on something." She snarled.
"A perfume I think." Clark scratched his hair. "I think it was that awful smelling stuff the blonde woman sprayed. I think we were even trying to find her. To quote you, to thank her for helping you to realize the love of your life…"
"Ha." She glared at him.
"I think we went to city hall alone because I remember something about Perry singing Elvis non stop to the janitor? Jimmy mooning over his pictures of the model. Fact, I doubt Cat and her conquest have left the copy room… What ever hit us, hit everyone."
Lois sat down suddenly at the kitchen table. "Yeah, everyone was too busy being in love to realize we were so drunk we were eloping." Lois fiddled with the ring on her finger. "I think I was planning on moving in too. That's two of my suitcases there. Insane, only word for it. And did we go back and announce we were going to live happily ever after to which Perry sang us Love Me Tender?"
"Unique first dance."
"You don't think Perry will know about our eloping? Remember anything?"
Clark shrugged. "I don't remember telling him, just that we were in love and taking the afternoon off… I looked at the paper too, no mention." He pointed towards the table. "Did you see the paper?"
Lois looked at the front page, "Everyone was out of their minds."
"Maybe not us." He pointed to their article under the fold. This one, though much softer then even Clark's normal, actually read professionally.
"The Courts of Metropolis against Love." Lois read. "We'd didn't. We didn't cover the front page with the fall of the American family and the ease of annulments and divorces? We didn't dare the city of Metropolis that it doesn't encourage couples to stay married? It's failure to impart the seriousness of marriage on couples who are being married in Metropolis calling them to provide measures to keep marriages together rather then apart…" Lois glared at Clark. "Just what were we drunk on?"
"Drunk on a perfume I think."
"Huh?"
"That awful smelling stuff, you remember. Smelled like gym socks." He brought over two omelets to the table. "We were researching it yesterday. The woman who sprayed us, she's in an ad on one of those magazines on the coffee table."
Lois turned to look. "I'm going to kill her. Who is she?"
"Miranda." Clark said between bites. "Has a shop other end of town. And don't kill her Lois, I think Perry already is likely already in jail for chasing the janitor, best you don't go too."
"Let's get a sample, prove it, get her behind bars, and get out of this mess." Lois took a bite. "Yum. Perry in jail? You seem to remember a lot more then me."
"I think Rehalia the janitor pressed charges. Though once we explain it to her, and Perry apologizes I think she'll drop them."
"Once we get proof we'll get our stupid marriage annulled too."
"It's not stupid." He sat his fork down. "Lois we might have jumped the gun, but never call us stupid."
"Fine." Lois crossed her arms. "The marriage, not us is stupid."
Clark shook his head. "We must have convinced city hall we were in our right minds."
"They'll be having us play happy families until we prove them the perfume was at fault. Simple answer."
"I don't know Lois…"
"We'll figure it out Clark. First thing is find that woman so I can prove she's to blame." She stared at him daring him to respond, causing silence to fall in the apartment as they ate. Five minutes later, Lois pushed back her plate, and rose. "Let's go." She turned towards the door.
"Lois." Clark placed a hand on her arm to stop her. "Best we get dressed. Not that I complain, but as long as you're my wife. Mrs. Kent, that silky thing is for my eyes only. I don't want any other men getting ideas about the most beautiful woman."
"Clark," She spun quickly to face him. "You're still drunk on love. And that's a technicality. Once we prove that the woman made us act so idiotic, and in love, we'll get it annulled, quickly and quietly. Actually it's a slip Clark, I'll just slip a dress over it, plus a bra and panties…" Lois trailed off, both of them going red. "Best I get ready. We didn't, did we?"
He shrugged. "We did something, but I don't know what's my imagination and what happened, too many things are still fuzzy."
"Well, we didn't." Lois nodded. "I'm deciding that, as of this moment, we didn't." She pushed her hair out of her face.
"Well, I think you did seduce me."
"Did not."
"After we were married." His grin was so wide, Lois could have sworn he'd swallowed the cream and canary.
Lois rolled her eyes. "Clark Kent, a technicality, far as I'm concerned, we woke up with clothes on. It wasn't consummated, not saying we didn't try, but it wasn't. If you ever infer that it was. You'll rue the day you met me. We'll get it annulled ASAP, and this," She held back the word stupid on her tongue. "Marriage will be a secret. We're never telling anyone. It's never getting in the paper, in the news room, or anywhere. I find out you told anyone, I'll expect your resignation on Perry's desk within 24 hours. Understood?" She glared at him, with each word she'd approached closer, until at the last nearly nose to nose with him.
"Loud and clear."
"Good. We'll go see Uncle Wallace, he'll take care of everything."
"Uncle Wallace?"
"Wallace Harper, not really my uncle, one of Mother's cousins. Best lawyer in town, and trust me you can count on four things with Uncle Wallace." She held up her hand counting them off. "One, don't ask me how, but he already knows. No one else in the world will know, even who ever married us will have forgotten, but he'll know. We'll show up for tea and he'll ask how we're liking marriage."
"Swell." He said under his breath. "Just swell."
Lois ignored him, continuing. "Two, both he & his wife, Marian are the soul of discretion. Neither will never tell a soul. Twenty years from now still no one will know. Three he's the best lawyer in town, if anyone can get a quick quiet annulment for us, it's him. Four, you'll like him, he's as crazy about tea as you are."
"Can't wait to meet him." Clark grinned.
"I'll call him before we leave." Lois spun around towards his bedroom. "I plan on this marriage lasting as little time as possible. The bathroom is mine, you walk in, you're dead. Clean up Farm Boy, when I'm done, the bathroom's yours."
Clark just smiled at her, watching her slip and hair bounce about her as she marched towards his bathroom. What a marriage, he thought, if only he had his way, he'd never wake up from this dream.
She stopped at the doorframe to his bedroom, quickly turned towards him. "Remember Clark Kent. You tell a single soul, even you're parents we're married… I'll personally kill you, sue you for slander, and expect you to resign from the planet. We are friends, work partners, not lovers. It'll be hard enough to get back to normal without anyone finding out. I'm going to find something in my suitcases that's gag proof. Everything I can remember packing was disgustingly romantic or beyond sexy."
That was just it, Clark thought, he wanted to shout it from the roof tops. The fiery Lois Lane, the love of his life, was his wife. He thought of slipping out, flying up into the sky to shout it, but shook his head. Even if only some stray birds heard, Lois Lane would find out, then armed without kryptonite, she'd do him in, or at least break his heart.
He used super speed to clean up breakfast, before a quick patrol while he kept one ear to the mutterings and cursing coming from his bathroom and bedroom. It didn't take long though, what with the patrol from the night before and the city so quiet. Clark didn't remember it all, but he'd slipped out of Lois's arms, pulling out a suit from the secret compartment and rushed off to stop a bank heist that had spiraled out of control, then then he'd rescued Jimmy on his way home. That boy had walked right into a moving truck. Once back home, he'd slipped on a pair of sleep shorts from one of the drawers, threw the suit back into the hidden compartment, and curled back into bed with his wife.
Clark returned, and spinning into fresh clothes, the air barely settled down as Lois marched out of the bathroom. "Good you're dressed." She stepped past him towards the door, dressed in a red suit with a hint of maroon with each step. "Let's go." Clark stood there, taking her in as she stared at him. "What?"
He shook his head, trying to shake out his thoughts. Finally, "The ring. You don't want anyone to know."
Lois looked down at it. "Looks like the real deal, must have been expensive."
"Family heirloom." Clark said. "Always meant to give it to my wife." He let the words hang in the air, allowing for a minute his frustration of her turning him down to surface only for a minute.
Lois quickly took it off, not looking him in the face. "Then give it to your real wife." She shoved it into his hand. "Not a paper technicality. Lucky you, no ring to take off."
"Doubt we had time to find one. Surprised Grandma Kent's ring fit you so well." Clark closed his hand around her's and the ring, but she slipped it out. Clark took a deep breath. "Well, we've got a story to write, and front page one at that."
Lois laughed, hurrying up the stairs. "That's right Farm Boy. Miranda will rue the day she stepped into the Daily Planet. No one messes with Lois Lane." She reached back, grabbed his hand. "Come on slow poke."
It was nearly eleven when they left the perfume shop. Walking quickly down the street, Clark bit his tongue after his comment about how fast Miranda's heart had been going, but with managing to brush it off as just one of those phrases, Lois had spent the next five minutes prattling on about how she certainly was not attracted to him, giving his slip up no thought.
From the time they arrived at Dr. Freeman's office at Starlabs, until he called them an hour later in the midst their lunch, they continued to argue over the reality or not of their feelings. Both of them eager for answers, they had tossed money on the table rushed back as soon as Lois was paged.
"A Pheromone," Dr. Freeman said. "Not very strong, only a small percentage of the perfume. My guess, from your report of what happened at the Daily Planet and my study here… It likely only lasts forty eight hours, depending on metabolism. A stronger dose, though, it could last much longer. Perhaps, even permeant."
"Pheromone?" Lois asked, swallowing back vile at the memories of Rock Hudson and Doris Day type life with Clark, she could have sworn she'd poured chocolate on his ear and then eaten it…
"Animal magnetism." Clark animated with his hands, causing Lois to jump out of her thoughts. "There has to be some sort of attraction for it to work."
"Quite right." Dr. Freeman ran his fingers down the edges of his lab coat. "It's like you're going into heat."
"Lois rolled her eyes. "You're saying I'm attracted to you?" She poked Clark. "We know you're attracted to me, but you?"
"Admit it Lois." Clark said as they walked out of Dr. Freeman's office. "You think I'm handsome. Anyways it was you who suggested we…"
"Don't you dare say that…"
"Alright, well, I found out that Miranda's research was funded by Luthor Industries."
"I'll ask Luthor tonight if he knows anything on our date."
"You're not still going with him?" Clark asked, his eyes taking on a haunted puppy look.
"Course I am." Lois placed both hands on her hips. "I am not changing my life because something stupid I did under that spray. Once we get that proof, we'll have everything we need to put this mess behind us for good. We're friends, work partners, not more, never more."
"Clark sighed. "So when do I get to meet Uncle Wallace?"
"After we stop by the planet. He's expecting us at 3pm. Just in time for tea. Of course, hopefully by my dinner date, this will all be history and we'll both be single again."
Somehow, Clark hoped, it wouldn't be. Annulling a marriage to Lois Lane no matter what had influenced them to jump into it was only marginally less appalling then Lois dating Lex Luthor. Few things he could think of were worse.
It was at five minutes to three when they arrived on the front steps of Uncle Wallace's town home in the outskirts of Metropolis. The brisk air was picking up, causing Lois to shiver. Clark, automatically took off his coat, placing it on her shoulders. "You really should have worn a coat." He said.
"Thanks."
"Are you certain about this?"
"For the thousandth time, of course I am. Uncle Wallace is the best." She flicked her hair out of her face.
"You really think he already knows?"
"Ugh, we've established that yes. Any secret you have, he already knows. No one knows about my novel, except for you, and he asked me about it, and whether Wanda would find true love. No one's read it, but he seems to have. He always knows."
The door opened, and an older woman ushered them in. "My now Lois, come in, come in, Hurry up now, I'm making jam for the fundraiser and I can't leave the pot but a minute. Give me your coat and I'll hang it up here in the closet. Wallace is expecting you, told me this morning you'd be calling on us today."
"Thanks Aunt Marian." Lois handed her Clark's coat. Lois leaned towards Clark. "Uncle Wallace's wife. Longest marriage in the family, by a long shot. Something like 50 years I think."
"57 next June Lois." Uncle Wallace stood in the doorframe to a room that could only be called a parlor. It had such an old fashioned air that Lois always wondered if the room had changed at all in the last eighty years. At least, as long as she could remember, it hadn't. "So good of you to come Lois dear." He stepped forward, kissing Lois's forehead. "Lois, I hope this is the start of many more visits. No hats and only one coat? A gentleman and Lady always travel with coat and hat. You're almost as bad as your mother, my cousin Ellen, about visiting."
"Sorry Uncle Wallace." Lois smiled at him, kissing his cheek. "The Planet keeps us busy you know."
"Yes." He turned to Clark, "You must be her Clark Kent." The two shook hands. "Good firm handshake, good. Always judge a man by his handshake. Quite the catch, Lois you've done well for yourself."
"He's not a catch, he's just Clark, my partner - at work, and my friend." Lois marched past the two men.
"Well do come in." Uncle Wallace said. "Lois is like all the women in our family, fiery and headstrong. Our women are the best though. They are like cats. Wild, free, but quite protective of their mates and cubs." He pointed to a beautifully carved tea set. "A friend of mine, sent me Masala chai, from India. Quite a unique tea. Would you care for some."
"He's not my mate." Lois said.
"Of course." Clark said at the same time.
"Yet you eloped." Uncle Wallace said as he poured three cups. "Quite sensible with Ellen. Her own mother controlled her wedding, as did our grandmother hers, and I always could see the signs, Ellen would do the same to you or Lucy. Much less fuss, elope and celebrate afterwards.
"We weren't in our right minds." Lois said slowly through gritted teeth."
"Mr. Harper," Clark said. "You really keep your ear to the ground, I believe no one knew."
"Clark," Uncle Wallace said handing him a cup of tea. "Call me Uncle Wallace. Everyone in the family does, and you're family now. I always know and that's my secret. You've got enough secrets on your shoulders to deal with, no point in adding mine."
"I want to know." Lois perked up.
"Lois," Uncle Wallace ignored her. "I'm quite sad you're not here to celebrate with old family members, though likely if I were to ask I am sure Marian already has a wedding cake made for you. I wish you would take stock and not rush after an annulment. Quite the best of the men who've been in your life lately I'd say. Much better then Lex Luthor or Superman."
Both of them, their eyes went wide, each for their own reasons. "Uncle Wallace," Lois slowly said. "We were under the influence of a pheromone spray, might as well have been drunk, it made us so loopy with love." She took a sip of her tea. "We eloped, not in our right minds, we need it annulled, quietly and quickly. I don't marry, date, etc. anyone from work, one of my rules. Certainly not Clark."
"An annulment." Uncle Wallace said, leaning back, studying both of them. "You won't qualify, and anyways after that article you wrote, making a laughing stock of City Hall's ability to discern people of sound mind and the courts not supporting marriage... Any divorce or annulment proceedings now would simply lead to a high profile case. It certainly wouldn't be quiet, or quick."
"There must be some way." Lois said, leaning forward. "I can't stay married to Farm Boy. We'll get it annulled, we didn't consummate it."
"A lack of consummation is not grounds for annulment, not as though you'd qualify if that was a grounds for annulment." Uncle Wallace said. "Being drunk or under the influence of a drug is a shaky ground for an annulment. Not only that it would forever be on your records." Uncle Wallace stood, walking towards his desk. "A quick divorce is easier then an annulment. Even then, we would have to have proof of one of you being at fault. Adultery that the other one can not forgive, or abandonment, or the threat to your life or safety. He's never hit you, cheated on you Lois?"
"Course not Sir." Clark cut in. "I'd never."
"Yea, he's my friend." Lois said. "But not my husband, or husband material." She drank the last of her tea. "Maybe another lawyer can help us, Ugh, I don't want anyone else knowing but if I have to. Maybe Lex can help."
"No." Clark said. "We tell no one. Unless that ring is back on your finger, we tell no one."
"That wasn't our agreement." Lois said.
"That's my addition. You say no one is allowed to know. Well, I agree. Unless we're ready to announce we're really married, no one knows. Especially not Lex Luthor." He spat out the name.
"A legal separation agreement filed with the court is the quickest and most painless way to get out of a marriage here in New Troy. Of course," he continued "you'll be required to attend counseling, and along with your marriage certificate, will be public record. Far less public then going to court would be. I am certain if the Daily Star got ahold that the Daily Planet's star reporting team was under the influence of a pheromone. Wrote a scathing article on the failure of the marriage system to ensure marriages in New Troy last, eloped, and then within a few days tried to dissolve the marriage..."
Lois collapsed back into the sofa as Clark placed his arm around her. "We're doomed." She said.
"Not necessarily." Uncle Wallace said. "In a few months we can draw up a separation agreement that will fly under the radar of even that Toby Raynes of the Daily Star. Attend the year of counseling sessions, and perhaps in fifteen months will be able to be divorced."
"Fifteen months?" Lois stared wide eyed. "I can't last that long. What if Lex or Superman proposed? I mean, what if Superman asked me to marry him. I'd have to ask him to wait."
Clark began to choke on his tea. Uncle Wallace nodded as Lois thumped Clark's back. "Wrong pipe?" As Clark began to settle his breathing down, Uncle Wallace continued. "Although, an agreement about your marriage for the next few months in writing and signed by both of you might give you each some peace of mind. If you insist on no one knowing, the rules of your marriage should be spelled out. Even the most unusual marriage should have boundaries. If you do not communicate your expectations, and what you will each do in your marriage."
Lois said. "As much as I hate to agree, we will be front page news if we filed anything now." She turned towards Clark. "An agreement for now?"
"Yes." He grinned. "Where should we go on a honeymoon?"
"We're not going." She turned to Uncle Wallace. "Rule number one. No one outside those in this room are to know about this marriage. It's strictly need to know. If they find out, it's because they dig into city records. Not because someone blabs. You won't Uncle Wallace, I know, nor Aunt Marian."
"Rule two." Clark continued. "No one knows unless I get to put my ring back on your finger Lois."
She rolled her eyes. "Not going to happen. Rule three, life continues as normal. There is no joint marital assets. Yours stays yours, and mine stays mine. And Rule Four: Because technically we might be married, that doesn't mean I can't go out with say Lex Luthor, or Superman. Or you with other women."
Clark laughed. "Won't, but ok rule number five. After any date. Whether with me or Lex Luthor, or someone else, I get to take you to desert at an all night diner for a chocolate milkshake. That means, I'll pick you up at your place at 11pm tonight for our milkshake after your date with Luthor."
"What if I already had desert?"
"Sorry." Clark smiled. "I'm desert. Any other guy can take you to dinner, only I can take you to a diner for a chocolate milkshake for two. After every date- with me, or someone else."
She rolled her eyes. "What you expect me to take you out to some cheesy dinner at 3am, too after you go out with say Cat?"
"Sure."
"Well then," She continued. "Rule six. You're not getting lucky."
He nodded. "I'm not planning on it unless that ring is on your finger for good. Same goes for you."
"And rule seven, if you ever mistake me for Betsy again... I'll castrate you."
"May I make a suggestion." Uncle Wallace said. "An unusual but good start. May I suggest that you both agree to respect the marriage bed? That if you will not be sharing it, you won't share it with others as long as you are in this marriage? Affairs hurt. Don't make your parents mistakes, Lois."
"So Cat's off limits?" Lois's eyes started to sparkle.
"What? I can't take her to dinner?" Clark asked jokingly.
"Cat? Sex is what she considers dinner." She turned to her uncle. "Yes, that sounds good."
"I would suggest that you establish in this document, though, procedures should one of you get ill. You are now each others nearest kin. Lois, what are Clark's wishes in terms of medical care?"
"Stay away from doctors. He doesn't like them, hates needles."
"If he needed continued care?"
"I'd take care of him. He can be a real baby when he gets hurt. He got a paper clip one time, and his shock. I'd likely call Superman and ask him for a favor to fly out Martha and Jonathan out to help me. Nothing changes because we're technically married. We're partners, we go into dangerous situations. They know to call our partner when we're hurt. If I got hurt, you know Clark would take much better care of me then mother. He's my emergency contact."
"Ah yes." Uncle Wallace said. "A start that will do for now, but I ask you, what will you do, Lois? What will you do Clark? How do each of you honestly feel about this?"
"What I'll do, what I feel? Didn't we just go over that?" Lois leaned back groaning.
"In part. Though your inhibitions might have lowered for the pheromone spray, you were in right enough mind to convince Alice Lim of city hall that you were of the right mind. Anyone else in city hall, your marriage would be on the front page of the daily star, yet her. No, she knows when couples are of sound mind. Some how, despite what you claim, you convinced her you were of sound mind. That means, that whether or not you two choose to fight for or against your marriage, it all depends on what each of you decide, you stepped into it desiring it."
"So what are you saying." Lois glared.
"If Alice Lim married you, that means you proved to her you both truly were ready for marriage. Your article might have been accurate about much of the city, but not Alice Lim. Now do you really desire this divorce?"
"Stop with the psych talk Uncle Wallace, you're a lawyer not a shrink. I don't do shrinks, just because your marriage is twice as long as anyone else's in the family."
Uncle Wallace raised an eyebrow at her, then turned to Clark. "And you?"
"Well," Clark said slowly. "It's not how I'd like to have gone about it, but I take marriage seriously. I do want to give us a chance."
"Clark, I can't loose you as a friend. Uncle Wallace and Aunt Marian are the only couple in our family to make it long term. I can't settle and neither should you. We've got rules, we'll make this work in our own way. I can't commit to staying married, not to something I didn't mean to do. Anyways, I'm not in love with you, it wouldn't be fair to either of us."
"Love, the emotion tends to ebb and flow, but I think thats' enough of my imputs. Well, then we will stick to the list then?" Uncle Wallace asked, taking in the couple on the couch across from him, Lois's hand on Clarks, as Clark seemed to sit there biting his tongue. "Let me read the list through, I've refined things a bit for clarity." He smiled at them as he finished reading. "That should hold up nicely. I had to make sure my dears that it holds up to a court of law. I simply can not insert in the document no one may get lucky or is to be treated like Betsy the cow. As to my fees. Tea, likely for the next 15 months. Humor an old man. In three months we'll draw up a new agreement for separation that I will file, or perhaps…"
"Nope. We're not staying married. It's only a technicality."
"This though, should we ever require to take it to court, will hold up." Uncle Wallace finished writing the last line in his neat hand.
Lois sighed. "Alright, give it to me, I'll sign."
"One minute." Uncle Wallace said. "Let me call in Marian to witness."
"Looks good to me." Clark said at last. "So I get the last date tonight." He turned, grinning at Lois as she shook her head laughing.
"Fine. But no diner milkshake tonight. After what I've been through today, it better be the best chocolate there is Farm Boy."
"For you, always the best. I'll take you to that diner on Thirty Eighth and Market."
She poked him in the chest. "Do that and I'll take Lex with me."
"Well, you're right it has been a rough day. I'll bring over double chocolate cake to your place and wait for you there when you get home."
"Lex might want to come in for coffee."
"Sorry, not happening. You're going to tell me all about the date and what Lex says about Miranda and we'll enjoy alone some simply divine chocolate."
"Alright." Lois rolled her eyes as Aunt Marian came in, wiping her sticky hands on her apron. "Good. Here, I'm signing. Signing my life away, one chocolate date at a time."
He grinned grabbing the pen from her. "You'll be going out on dates just to come home to my chocolate."
"Yeah right."
Aunt Marian and Uncle Wallace signed under their signatures and he then walked to a copier hidden behind a closet door to make each of them copies. "Now my dears, I'll see you within the month. I will have a new tea for us, and we'll have a lovely afternoon. Do come often, you brighten up the life of an old couple. Perhaps even, you might join Marian and I for supper one day."
Lois hugged him, after Clark shook the older man's hand. "Glad someone can congratulate us." Clark whispered. "Hopefully, one day. We can have that wedding cake."
Lois rolled her eyes. "Come on Farm Boy. I've got a date to make, and you've got chocolate to find to make up for ruining my date."
He grinned. "I'm not ruining it just giving you a better date for later." He turned to her. "Even if we do nothing else, with being partners and friends… best we give each other the spare keys to our places."
"You just keep yours under the mat." Lois said as she slipped on Clark's coat. "You live in the city. Likely you'd put mine there too." She sighed. "I don't know when I'll get home, and if you're so stubborn to wait up for me rather then waiting for tomorrow morning you might as well. I keep my spare behind the upper left drawer in my desk at work. I never know when chasing down a lead, I'll loose my purse. It's taped to the back."
"Course," Clark said. "I'll see you tonight. I'll be the one with the chocolate."
"Clark," Lois said. "I think you're still affected by the pheromone spray."
"Maybe." Clark said slowly under his breath. "But maybe I'm not. Maybe I'm just convinced you're the gal for me." The last words he almost sang, to the tune of some old musical he saw years ago.
Lois entered her apartment earlier then she'd expected. Yet she was exhausted. She worked at opening the locks on the door before entering her apartment. Lex's limo had dropped her off, causing the usual comment from her busy body landlord on the first floor. After a strange evening where Lex had seemed enraptured by both her hands and her eyes, confessing a man could drown in them, she shook her head. He'd fallen asleep at the table, and Nigel his butler had seen her home, dropping her off in the limo. She was equally as tired, ready to kick off her shoes and skip everything, even brushing her teeth though she'd hate that in the morning. Clark stood in her kitchen though, with a fat slice of a rich chocolate cake and two forks. "Welcome home," he said. "How was the date?"
She groaned. "Clark, I don't want chocolate, I want to go to bed. We'll do chocolate in the morning and I'll tell you all about it if you want. How Lex compared my eyes to pools of liquid that a man could drown in..."
"If he's so drowning why didn't he even see you to the door."
Lois shrugged. "He wasn't himself." When he wouldn't drop it she continued. "He was a bit odd, tipsy. As though he was sprayed by the perfume. He did say that Miranda had been by. He fell asleep at his chair, and Nigel drove me home. She collapsed on one of the chairs. Ok, I'm awake, let's figure this out what Miranda is up to. Massage my sore feet, I'm eating chocolate." She stuck one foot onto his knee, that he grabbed and carefully managed as she took a bite of chocolate, moaning.
Clark gulped hearing her bite the chocolate. "Chocolate good?" He asked, desperately focusing on her foot in his lap, trying to keep his ears focused on the tick of the clock in the kitchen rather then the soft moaning of Lois Lane eating chocolate.
"Yes Clark, this is good chocolate. Now why would Miranda spray Lex, and what is she going to do next?" She moaned as she took another bite. "Where did you get this cake?"
"My secret. Luther didn't offer any clues."
"No." She sighed. "they have a business arrangement, that is his company funds her but Luther and very little knowledge of her, yet he was sprayed and after us."
He took her other foot. "Maybe they do, yet he doesn't want you to know? Why would she spray him, an old flame that went cold? She'd already proven it's power with the experiment at the planet. We have to find out what they're up to before it's too late. A more powerful concentration..."
Lois pulled out her foot. "Lex isn't a part of it, just a victim like us. Go home, go to bed Clark. We had our heart to heart and chocolate per the agreement. I'm going to sleep, alone."
He stood up, wondering how to say goodnight, a hug, a kiss on the cheek... She pushed him towards the door when he didn't move. "Goodnight Lois." He said as he slipped out the door. It wasn't the marriage he always dreamed of, Clark thought, but with Lois, it certainly was unusual and exciting.
DATE: Friday, November 25, 1993
Clark did not see Lois until the 9am Morning Massacre began the following Friday morning. He'd rang her apartment to see if she wanted to meet up after the Thanksgiving parade, only to reach her answering machine all day. He'd spent the day mostly in the suit, rushing here and there, any excuse to avoid his parents and the awkward questions that might pop up with them. He was a married man.
She came in after him, setting a container in front of her that she opened to reveal the rest of the cake.
"Breakfast Lois?" Perry asked.
"Course." Clark said, reaching over to grab a large crumb. "Chocolate is what Lois lives on."
"Very funny Clark. My date with Luther went so well the other night that all I had time for was to grab the left over desert. And avoiding my family for thanks giving, I avoided the traditional left overs."
"Must have been some date." Cat grinned.
"Note for you Lois." Jimmy said, handing her a note, before taking his place at the table.
"How are you doing Jimmy?" Lois asked, ignoring Cat's stares.
"Well I'm back to normal, just plain old Jimmy. Lucky you guys. Nothing crazy happened for the two of you. Why you even managed to write something normal. I hear City Hall is starting a program for helping to save marriages that are on the rocks."
Lois grabbed Clark's hand under the table, squeezing as hard as she could, trying to hold back her anger. "Just our luck."
"Anything?" Clark asked, pointing to the note in her hand, distracting her from Jimmy's comment.
'Dear Lois, If you want to know everything about Revenge. I will speak to you alone. Woman to woman. meet me at Metropolis Airport, Miranda.' Lois read to herself.
"No, nothing at all."
"Chief, I assume everything is..."
"Yea she dropped the law suit."
"And Alice?"
"She let me back in, on a trial basis." Perry smiled, before they saw Jimmy jump from the conference table to rush towards the model standing in the bull pin.
Lois left after the applause erupted when Jimmy won his girl. It was a little too close to home, and a little too scary to think of what she'd been up to. "I'll see you later." She told Clark. "I have a few errands to run."
He nodded, thinking nothing of it, until, half an hour later, Lex Luther came running into the news room.
"Where's Lois?" Lex asked, grabbing a pad of paper on her desk and a pen.
"She went to run an errand." Clark said coming over to the man. "What's going on?"
"Well, I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night."
Clark, walked closer silently forcing his fists to unlock. "What behavior was that?"
"That's not important now." Lex brushed off Clark. "What's important now is Miranda."
"Miranda?"
"Yes, She was working under my auspices. Last night she sprayed me with her pheromone compound to make me fall in love with her, but it backfired and somehow when Lois came in…"
"What exactly went on last night?"
"Not important. What is important is finding Superman."
"Superman?"
"Miranda made a threat. I believe she was planning on releasing her perfume Revenge all over Metropolis. Can you imagine an entire city in love?"
"At least it will wear off in 48 hours. Don't worry Luthor you'll be back to normal tomorrow with a hangover."
"Not if she uses the 100% solution. That's permanent." The rest of the conversation was lost on Clark, though he was certain he'd responded. Only Jimmy's reminder to keep the pets inside had knocked him back into himself, giving him the drive to rush out calling out he'd find the hero. He knew where to go.
Superman arrived at the local airport just in time to rescue Lois from a bat of boiling acid. He held her close and asking if she was alright, She nodded. "But the Plane, she's going to spray the city." She held on tightly to him.
He nodded, setting her down in safety, before taking off after the speeding small aircraft, while holding his handkerchief in his hand. He froze the spray nozzles as Miranda began to spray, then covering his mouth and sending up a silent prayer he breathed in the perfume before breathing out again onto Miranda. She was instantly in love, willing to do what ever he desired. The handkerchief seemed to help his mind remain clear, as he lead her down to the ground where Lex Luthor and the police were arriving.
Lois Lane ran to him, like a cheerful groupie, "Superman, good thing that thing has no effect on you. Or does it?"
Superman smiled as he squashed the handkerchief in his hand. Realizing that she thought, like Miranda whom he sprayed, he'd too been sprayed. Then seeing Lex Luther watching them, he gazed at Lois, allowing for once all his adoration to come forth. "Lois Lane, I love you." He said, glad to speak his heart for once. Not with their agreement would Lois Lane ever let him admit his heart so openly otherwise, especially not as Clark Kent. Lois grinned, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him deeply and for what felt like an eternity, until the gagging noises of Lex Luthor brought them back to reality.
They both had been effected by the kiss, and Clark Kent was only able to just tear himself away from her, with the promise of one day his heart said, she'd wear his ring. He'd always keep it, he thought, no matter what he was wearing in an inside pocket. Even if it meant he had to beg his mother to teach him to sew to make all those inside pockets. It wouldn't leave his side until she wore that ring for good.