Chapter 2
"What the hell is going on here?" Jaffen asked, obviously frustrated and overwhelmed.
Regaining her normal poise and certainty, Kathryn stepped toward him, straightening as much as the lingering pain in her shoulder would allow. "I'm not from this universe, Jaffen. I don't belong here," she said. "Check my quantum signature. It won't match this universe."
"How is that possible?" Belanna asked, glancing warily at their new prisoner.
Kathryn gathered her thoughts for a moment and then explained, "In my universe, a team of dilithium miners had just discovered an alien device when we were attacked. Just before the attack, though, I got some interesting readings. I didn't recognize them at first, but I remember what they are now. In Command Training, officers are taught about unique quantum particles that are present wherever two universes overlap. Until now, they only existed in theory."
"Incredible," Belanna breathed, curiosity overtaking caution. "And there's a device that makes the transport between universes work?"
"I think so," Kathryn confirmed wryly, "although the trip wasn't pleasant. There has to be something similar on this side. If we can find it, I might be able to get back."
They were interrupted when Jaffen cursed softly again. It was something Kathryn had rarely heard her own Jaffen do, but she still tried to maintain her calm as he disabled the forcefield, turned his back again, and muttered, "I'm sorry. I should have listened to my own judgement. I knew you didn't look exactly like her. It's just…damn!" He slammed his hand against the table. She couldn't help being startled ever so slightly.
"Jaffen!" Chakotay raised his firm voice just a hair. "Calm down. We'll figure out something."
"Children are dead, and we didn't accomplish anything," Jaffen stated coldly. He stormed out abruptly, leaving the other three people standing awkwardly in silence.
After a quick visit to the small, understaffed, and ill-equipped infirmary, Chakotay guided her protectively through the stone tunnels in the base. Word of Kathryn's arrival from another universe didn't take long to spread among the rebels. Most gave her suspicious glances as they turned their backs. She couldn't blame them after what she had seen, but her heart still thudded uncomfortably hard in her chest whenever a hand went to a phaser holster in automatic defense. These people were desperate, and they did not like strangers, especially when the stranger looked like their worst enemy.
Chakotay left her in temporary quarters, but as he left, she heard him murmur a stern warning to the two soldiers outside. She smiled inwardly at the fact that in any universe, Chakotay seemed to be her guardian angel.
About half an hour later, she sensed Jaffen's presence in the doorway. Hesitantly, she rose, and he approached her. He cleared his throat. "Hi," he began wearily. The lines on his face showed the years of strain. He apologized, "I'm sorry about earlier. I don't normally lose it like that, but I thought I was so close to ending all this. I…we're all under a lot of pressure."
"It's alright. In my universe, I'm the captain of a starship lost in an unknown quadrant. I know it's difficult with the hopes of so many people riding on you," Kathryn replied. She stood quietly for another awkward moment as his gaze rested on her. Then, she added, "My home quadrant is at peace. I'm part of an organization called Starfleet, and their mission is to promote unity and justice. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through."
Finally, he grunted, "No, I don't suppose you can."
Kathryn sighed, "I don't blame you for not trusting me after the little I saw of…her. But please, I promise that I'm not the same as she is."
"Don't you think I can see that? But how can I even begin to trust you? I just met you," Jaffen replied. "We're a very tightly-knit group of people. We can't afford to just welcome anyone, yet we can't send you back where you came from. We barely have the resources to keep ourselves afloat."
Kathryn had no answer. She could only think of her Jaffen and wish that she was back on Voyager with him. She felt tears beginning to build pressure in her chest, but she quickly replaced the thoughts and feelings with her command mask, taking a deep breath. "I know. I've seen…Jaffen, I'm so sorry."
"For what? You got thrown into this mess against your will," he quipped. Then, he finished, "Still. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to keep you confined here until I figure all this out." With that, he left. Kathryn's lip only quivered by a micrometer before she buried the emotions once again. She was a captain. She had to be strong and find a way back to her crew.
About a week passed, and Kathryn had gained the freedom to walk around the base, although she was still under guard. Either Jaffen or Chakotay spoke with her each day. During their discussions, she told them about the Federation, Starfleet, and Voyager. She learned bits and pieces of the war that was currently raging across their galaxy. It was a struggle for freedom from domination by the human race. The concept was so utterly foreign to her, and she felt her loyalties aligning with the rebels.
One day, while they were all conversing, Jaffen drew in a large gulp of the slightly stale air, and he asked, "Kathryn…will you help us? I know it's a lot to ask…but…you are the perfect impersonator. You could make our last mission, the one that could end this war once and for all, really succeed," he begged.
"I can't," she answered slowly. "Starfleet's Prime Directive forbids officers from interfering in the affairs of others. I can't do anything that would significantly alter the situation here."
"You're a long way from Starfleet. Why do you keep holding to these ideals when they aren't right in this situation?" he pleaded.
"I'm sorry. I want to help you, but I just can't do anything along the scale that you're talking about! I'd be shifting your reality in ways that might have serious repercussions, and who knows where we'd be, then?" she exclaimed.
"I'm willing to take that chance."
"I'm not."
He stalked off a couple paces in obvious disgust. "How many times have you crossed the lines to get your crew closer to home, though, Kathryn?" he asked. "How many captains in your golden Starfleet history have flat out ignored the rules to do what was right?"
"There are too many to count," Kathryn answered honestly.
"You see my point?" he pushed. "Why should this be any different?"
"It just is." Kathryn said. "I need to find a way back to where I belong before I change your universe too much. I don't belong here, Jaffen; I never did. The sooner I get back, the better for all of us."
"You are here, and you can't sit back and do nothing! Don't you feel anything? Can't you open your eyes and see what surrounds you here?" Jaffen argued. Kathryn could begin to feel the stares of the guards, and she saw Chakotay shift uncomfortably. "Then again, I should have known. I should never have even tried to ask for your help. You're not one of us. You're one of the privileged people who don't care how the rest of us struggle to survive."
A fiery flare of rage in her chest took over. Kathryn hissed, "I may come from a better place, but maybe it's you who can't see anything but your own problems. If I hadn't ended up here, you would find another way. I don't answer to you. I'm not one of your soldiers." Even as she said the words, they sliced through her, and the anger died. She could feel her body and her resolve trembling.
"You have no right to lecture me," Jaffen muttered under his breath. "You haven't lived the life I have for eight years. You haven't seen what I've seen. You. Don't. Know. Anything! You never will. You'll never understand what it's like to be hunted like wild animals, what it's like to watch your galaxy be crushed under oppression and be powerless to stop it, what's it's like to have a mirror image of your worst enemy there, day by day, and constantly remind yourself that she's not her!" He shouted, "I've tried. I've been wrestling with that this whole time, all the while hoping that you'll understand, but you don't!"
"Jaffen, I appreciate that you've tried, but just look – really look – at me for who I've proven myself to be!" Kathryn exclaimed. "I know I must remind you of everything you've learned to hate over the years, all the death and destruction you've witnessed. But I'm not her. It may sound crazy to you, but in my universe, we fell in love almost at first sight. Every time I look at you, different though you may be, I still see him."
"I know that, so why are you still refusing to come with me? Kathryn, you know I can't succeed without you. It'll be suicide," Jaffen retorted. "You'll be sending me and everyone with me to our deaths. You will."
Kathryn stood in shocked silence as she absorbed the verbal blow. Then, feeling the inevitable tears and being unable to suppress them, she turned abruptly and left the room. She made her way up through the base and to the surface, where the ocean's salty taste rested on the fresh air. She breathed deeply, trying to ease her fraying nerves.
"Is this a bad time?"
Kathryn opened her eyes and faced Chakotay. "Depends on your definition," she remarked wryly.
"Hmmm," he replied, coming to stand beside her and gazing out towards the setting sun. "Your shoulder's still bothering you," he commented.
Kathryn realized she'd been rubbing the spot, and she brought her hand down. "It's just muscle tension. I'm used to it," she sighed. "I guess I could really use someone to talk to. Someone other than Jaffen, that is."
"Then talk," he encouraged gently.
"I don't know, Chakotay. I've never argued with my Jaffen like this before," Kathryn blurted.
"I think he only lashes out at you because he made a mistake in capturing you, and he can't help you. He's blaming himself for it. Plus, the things he can't say to her, he can say to you, and all of his bottled-up emotions are being displaced onto you. I'm not saying it's right, but I wouldn't take it personally, Kathryn. It may be happening unconsciously, simply because of the strong physical resemblance." Chakotay explained.
"But, I don't sense the same emotions from you, Chakotay. Being with you is like being with my first officer," Kathryn pressed. "I don't feel any regret or hatred when I'm with you."
"Jaffen has been fighting this battle from the very beginning. He seems to have an enormously deep personal stake in this, even more than I do," Chakotay answered. He laughed, "To be honest, I've never seen him like this before. He's normally the one who keeps his cool. You're so innocent while the rest of us aren't, and I think you're affecting him more than you know." He added softly, "Love can be mysterious."
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean that he may be fighting with you because he thinks that he can't allow himself to love you, even when he does love you."
Kathryn let that sink in, and then she asked, "What about you? Love, I mean. What happened between you and the queen to make you join the resistance?"
Chakotay hesitated for a moment and breathed deeply.
"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked," Kathryn backtracked quickly.
"No, it's alright," Chakotay said. "I'm…uh…I just didn't think it was that obvious, but I guess you can probably sense it from a mile away, can't you?"
She nodded sheepishly. "I've been getting nothing but care, concern, and love from you since I arrived," she answered, noting how strange the word "love" felt on her tongue when she said it out loud to Chakotay.
He chuckled slightly before continuing, "You see, she and I did love each other once, but over the years, she changed. She became more distant and colder. I started to see her youthful energy become dim in her eyes as we climbed the ranks together, but I ignored it. We bought into the lies that the Imperium was telling us. She became ruthless, and I stood proudly by her side. She pursued power, and I gained it with her. But one day, she launched an attack on a completely defenseless planet. She gave the orders I never actually imagined hearing, the ones I'd never prepared myself to follow, and suddenly, I realized that the kind spirit I'd fallen in love with in the beginning was gone." He looked away toward the fiery orb sinking beneath the ocean. "I sabotaged the weapons systems instead of powering them. She almost killed me right there and then out of fury, but I escaped."
"Is that what I remind you of when you look at me?" Kathryn whispered, horrified.
Chakotay turned to her and breathed, "Spirits, no! When I look at you, I see the woman I fell in love with before. I see the kindness that triumphs over all hatred. I see the light that illuminates all the darkness. I see the life that made her beautiful. You remind me of hope, Kathryn. That's not something I'm reminded of often, and it's precious."
Kathryn was overwhelmed by the warmth in his words, and she had a fleeting thought that if he could, her first officer might say the same things. Affectionate tears welled up in her eyes as she said, "Thank you."
"For what?" he asked.
"For being so open and honest with me," she said, "and for helping me realize what I need to do."
"I think you already knew what to do, Kathryn," Chakotay replied knowingly.
She smiled and put a hand on his shoulder appreciatively before turning to go back into the building. Suddenly, the ground began to vibrate. She looked back and saw the ocean begin to ripple.
"Air strike!" Chakotay's voice echoed off the rocks. People below started the scramble for shelter. He grabbed her hand and ordered, "Run!"
They dashed into the mountain tunnel together.