A/n: I'm the king.
Complicated 6
True Six: The Return of the King
Falco opened his eyes, the cloudiness of sleep slowly draining away. A grey splotch dominated his field of vision. He blinked a few times before the splotch's features became clear enough to see.
"AH HA! WOLF!"
His leg flashed forward in a reflexive kick that flung the splotch back with a howl.
"What the heck was that for?!"
Slippy waved a hand dangerously close to Falco's face, trying to eradicate the cloudiness that was obviously still hampering the bird's ability to think.
"Huh?" Falco asked, rubbing his eyes.
"You just kicked Kain," Slippy explained as he moved over to the Venomian who had curled into a fetal position on the floor.
Falco was suddenly awake with a horrified jolt. "Shoot, where'd I get 'im?"
"In the stomach," Kain groaned through gritted teeth. "Man, you've got quite the leg there."
Falco put a wing over his face in relief and let himself sag against the wall.
"Y'right?" he asked, his voice muffled by his wing.
"Fine." Kain stumbled to his feet, aided by the simulator and Slippy. His brow was still furrowed and he was bent over slightly. "I'm just hoping I don't develop a boot-shaped crater."
"Aw, poor you."
Slippy shot an accusatory glare at Falco, which Kain noticed.
"Relax, bro," the wolf assured the frog, patting him on the shoulder. "Don't take him so seriously all the time."
"But it's the only way I can keep him from being a colossal idiot," Slippy grumbled. As Kain got up to walk off the pain, the frog looked over the simulator.
"That thing's fixed, right?" Falco asked him.
"Yeah."
"I don't remember helping."
"That's because you didn't. You fell asleep shortly after the lights went out."
"Oh." Falco snorted and stretched. "Nerd stuff isn't really my thing, anyway."
Slippy raised an eyebrow. "Wait 'til we get this baby up and running. Are we allowed to use it, Kain?"
"The simulator?" Kain said. "Go nuts. Hang on, I'll get it working." He circled the simulator for a moment before crouching down and opening one of the compartments. He pulled out three headsets. He handed one to Falco and Slippy, and put the last one on himself.
"This ain't gonna fry my brain or nothin'?" Falco remarked as he slipped the headset on.
"No. Unfortunately."
Kain pressed on one of the simulator's panels. A second later, they were standing in a rectangular room with glowing tiles for the floor and walls.
"It feels so real!" Slippy cried. He stomped on the floor, and coloured shockwaves spread out like ripples on water. "What do you think of it, Tori?"
"Eh."
"This is the main hub," Kain said. "You haven't seen anything, yet." The simulator next to him had transformed into something much more aesthetically appealing: a sleek, white terminal with four glowing panels of different colours. He tapped away at one of them, and the trio were transported to a dense rainforest. "Welcome to Equatorial Corneria."
"Damn." Falco whistled, staring around at the canopy above their heads.
Slippy was instantly drawn into examining the nearby vegetation. He turned his head upside down to inspect the underside of some huge red leaves.
"It definitely smells very... rainforesty," Slippy muttered.
"Careful," Kain warned. "Some of these plants eat meat."
Slippy yelped and nearly fell over while crawling out from underneath the plant.
"I was kidding."
"I think you need to stop," Slippy pouted.
"I'll think about it."
"So what are we doing here?" Falco asked.
"The simulator is versatile," Kain explained. "It's usually used to simulate small-scale operations in different environments. You could also use it to sit back and relax, but that would be boring. The tree climbing is much better." He ran up to the nearest tree and used the vines as footholds to shimmy up the trunk and sit himself on one of the branches, dangling his legs over the edge.
"Who would've thought something this fancy was in some dingy old Venomian base?"
"This is one of the few things that makes staying here more liveable. Having friends that aren't total knuckleheads helps, too. I would have invited them here, but they've gone and disappeared again..." He sighed.
"Again? Do they always do that?" Slippy asked.
"It's been happening more often recently. They say they're working on some project or another and I'm pretty sure they don't want me in on it, for whatever reason."
"Maybe it's a surprise?"
"It's been getting harder to entertain that idea."
"Well, you can have fun without 'em," Falco said, crossing his arms.
"Yeah!" Slippy agreed. "You've got us!"
"...Baka."
"What?"
"That was—"
"Appreciated, actually," Kain said. He jumped down from the branch and walked back to the terminal. "As cheesy as that was," he said as he fiddled with the panel, "it was appreciated."
Slippy beamed and stuck his tongue out at Falco.
"...Oh, my." Kain squinted hard at the panel. "It seems we have visitors."
As if on cue, three soldiers—two towering, identical otters and a white gibbon roughly half their height—appeared out of thin air. Kain's expression faltered, but he kept his attention on the panel.
"Heeey, look who it is!" one of the otters said with rising intonation, walking over to give Kain a hard slap on the back.
"It's Kain Iyne!" the other otter said. "We've come to join the party!"
"Gatecrashers?" Slippy whispered to Falco.
"Oh!" the first otter exclaimed. "Looks like you've made some new friends, Kain!"
"Yeah! Where did your old ones go?"
Kain's tail twitched, but he said nothing.
"Hey, it's okay! We're here for you, Kain."
The wolf suddenly spun around to stare at the gibbon, who had so far not uttered a peep.
"Did you override the settings again?" Kain said, bordering a snarl.
The gibbon's smirk turned his round, silver eyes into slits.
"You're gonna get caught one—"
"You won't report Felix, will you?" the first otter said, standing taller and puffing out his chest to look down at Kain.
"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm smart enough to know where it's safe to poke my nose."
"Great!" Another powerful slap on the back nearly toppled Kain.
He tapped the panel a few more times before some vests materialised on all six present.
"We're doing paintball," he said emotionlessly. "Two teams: you three versus us. Winner is the team who gets shot the least in one hour. Timer and boundary are visible on your comms. One kilometre radius, further than that is out of bounds and your position will be shown to the opposing team for the rest of the session. One weapon each. Ammo refills at the points marked on your radars if you want to waste precious time. You have fifteen minutes to prepare.
"Now, get lost." He waved them away.
The otters whooped and vanished into the undergrowth, with the gibbon trailing silently behind like a phantom.
Kain exhaled loudly.
"Judging by your reaction," Falco said "those are some of the 'knuckleheads'. You didn't even introduce us."
"Mach has the chip in his ear, Tosh is the other one," Kain said quickly. "Figuring out if they're the annoyingly enthusiastic and or condescending kind of knuckleheads drives me mad. Avoiding them is harder than whatever work or drills I'm actually given."
"Then why do you stay here?" Slippy asked.
Kain shrugged. "The world's a big place and I don't know where to start.
"But maybe we should get started on a game plan."
*.*.*.*.*
One minute remained before the paint would fly.
"Let the game begin," Slippy remarked.
"Remember the plan," Kain said. He offered up a fist and the three exchanged fist bumps.
They split up just out of each other's range of vision. Falco and Slippy stayed stayed hidden in the ferns while Kain took to the trees. Then it was silent, save the tittering of the virtual rainforest.
Slippy's comm started beeping when the timer reached zero. The frog yelped and fumbled to mute it while Falco shook his head.
"Sorry," Slippy squeaked.
The sound of leaves rustling startled them. Kain's head popped out from the leaves with a thumbs-up before disappearing. They watched the rustling slowly leave them.
"Shit, Kain," Falco muttered. He gave a thumbs-up to Slippy. He nodded, then they went their crafted ways.
*.*.*.*.*
Kain heard the crack of a paintball shot.
"Good, Baka," he whispered into his comm. "Remember not to do it too often, otherwise they'll pinpoint our location."
"... What?" came the reply.
Kain's claws dug into the wood of the tree he was perched in.
"That wasn't your shot?"
"No... Should I shoot?"
"Not yet. Don't make a sound. I'll keep scouting."
He strained his senses for signs of the enemy. Nothing.
"Baka. One shot, please."
"Coming right up."
One distant crack, then three more followed.
"They're near you," Kain said to Baka and Tori. "One of you hold your fire so they don't find you both."
"I'll hold," Baka said.
"I'll fire," Tori said at the same time.
"Good to see you've got yourselves organised," Kain remarked. "I'll see if I can flank them."
He descended the tree without a sound and made his way low along the ground, taking cover behind the huge ferns when possible.
"Baka, Tori."
"Yes?"
"What."
"I sorta know how these guys work, so listen. They're quick, despite how rowdy they are. If they start singing folk songs, don't join the choir, because once they find you, they'll bull rush you. Your best chance is to get out of their way and shoot while they're in the moment."
"What about the gibbon?" Tori asked. "He looked shifty."
"Ambusher. Sniper. You won't know he's there until you—"
Crack!
Kain felt a sting on the back of his head, and immediately ducked behind a thick tree branch.
"He's here!" Kain hissed into the comm, scanning the undergrowth for the gibbon.
He didn't need to search for the twins.
"Kain, we'll throw you a welcome party!"
Mach.
"Yeah, Kain, we'll let you choose the music!"
Tosh.
He suspected that the music they were referring to wasn't the music of his own sweet victory.
Tori and Baka's dots parted on his comm. Hopefully the otters wouldn't mess with tradition and charge ahead together.
But Felix...
A paintball smacked onto the trunk right next to Kain's head. He sidled around the tree and took a diverting pot shot before leaping over to the next tree. A trail of paintballs tracked right behind and the rebounding droplets splattered his tail.
"That doesn't count!" Kain cried to the understory. Ignoring his Neapolitan tail, he watched Baka and Tori's dots waver to the sides as the otters crashed through the undergrowth.
It was tradition. Good enough.
Kain pummelled the space ahead of their beeline and his headset registered seven hits. Then he registered the silence in his ears.
He slid down the tree trunk. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he was shot three times in the chest. There was a quick rustle of leaves a few feet in front of him that stopped as soon as it had started.
Classic Felix.
Kain was ground-bound, now, with the two buffoons parading close by. It was their advantage. He ducked behind a fern and watched as Tori closed in on them and registered ten shots. His breath caught in glee before he got back to his feet and made a run for it. He needed to disappear like Felix and find a new vantage point.
*.*.*.*.*
"Guys, Felix shot at me from the east. I'll take him. You work on the brothers."
Falco scowled at the numbers underneath Felix (zero) and Kain's (non-zero) names.
He could barely hear himself think over the apple-brained brothers' collective crusade through the undergrowth. It was sickening that he couldn't punish them for their asinine move, because at the moment, he was part of a team. Any other day, he would say, screw team work, but the puppy-dog eyes of the wolf kid (they were around the same age) were stuck in his brain (for some reason). He smacked himself in the head.
Too hard. Skin under feathers stinging. He hissed.
Cut south. That's all he had to do, right now.
Cinch. But, like any other day, he doubted Slippy's ability to keep a cool mind.
*.*.*.*.*
Slippy needed to figure out how to install a circuit breaker in his mind because it was not cool at all.
There was so much noise down on the ground, in the understory, and his own clammy, amphibian head. It was like a big pot of overcooked stew spitting out globs of liquid that hissed onto the hotplate angrily. A waste of food, and he was gonna need goggles to reach out for the heat knob. And he had no goggles because he was stuck in an enemy base and trapped between reality and unreality that had deprived him of the ability to prepare such protective equipment.
How quickly had he grown so rusty?!
He was nearing the north-western border of the forest, too close for comfort (which was also currently very easy to breach). He hopped eastward through the trees and listened as the brothers' rustles faded into the distance, straining to hear over his heavy breathing. He mustn't have killed enough virtual animals lately.
He looked to his comm to see that Falco was following their plan. The little blue flag was making a beeline for the south-east. Seemed like he was under cont—were those enemy flags?
He let out a scream as high as a dog whistle.
*.*.*.*.*
Despite being a solid colour, the gibbon was stunningly hard to track. It became all the more harder when the wind picked up and the tropical sun began strobing through the canopy, searing Kain's retinas in hot pulses. Which was bloody weird, because he hadn't told the simulator to sic tornadoes on them. Maybe the punitive sleep deprivation had possessed his hand.
He gritted his fangs and imagined himself tearing a new one into the gibbon. But not for long, because the real simulator was swiftly turning against him.
A paintball nipped his toes and the rebound flew straight into his eyes.
"Felix, what the hell?!"
He felt like he'd lost a game of go-cart and held in a howl in fury. He slid behind a tree trunk and fired blindly into the undergrowth.
Felix answered with more shots that came too close for comfort.
"We're playing cat-and-mouse," Kain growled into his comm. "Keep the other two occupied!"
"Keep yourself alive," said Tori. The calmness in his voice plastered a red film over Kain's eyes—
No! No way in hell was this the way to engage Felix.
In truth, there was no way. With the cyclone laughing around him, he held on for all his sorry life was worth to the little blue and green flags on his comm—
Oh no.
*.*.*.*.*
How. How had this happened.
Those blasted brothers had spotted him from too far off and raised their guns, cheering for new blood.
Falco had a split second to think. He decided to play chicken.
Not quite chicken. He leapt down the tree and swerved off to the side as the brothers barrelled towards his previous spot. They overshot, as before, and Falco circled around them before they regained their bearings.
"Falco!"
His blood ran cold. He slid under a burrow at the base of a huge tree root that was strangled by vines and became like the pill bug.
"Sli—Baka!" he hissed. Slippy was stammering unintelligibly. "Baka, Baka!"
"Oh, I've damned us both!"
"Baka. That's your name."
"Fa—Tori, why can we see them? Can they see us?"
"Probably. Stay on your toes. Might have to throw out the plan."
"Only Lyla can save us now, Tori."
"Don't go born-again on me, Baka!" Falco twisted the feathers in the side of his head. "Listen, you're the bait. I'll circle and rack up shots."
"Bait?! I'm not your sacrificial offering!"
"Stop projecting your religious heel turn! Take a breath and get to work. We've got fifteen minutes left, and we might descend through all seven hells in that time."
In his current mood, this was the closest Falco willingly flirted with team work.
*.*.*.*.*
Kain found the ground smiling up at him.
Someone had swept leaves to the side of the trail and shot a multicoloured, excrement-eating grin into the exposed rainforest floor.
After considering the intrinsic value of public art for a moment, he kicked some wet soil onto it and ran.
He was being corralled. Felix was slower than him, but that hadn't stopped him from nudging Kain closer to the southern boundary.
He turned around and coated the ground and trees with paint. Felix liked the trees. Might appreciate the paint job before his ass hit the ground.
Baka's flag was wavering in an anxious circle. The brothers' flags were headed towards him. Tori swung wide and was registering shots every few seconds.
For now, the brothers' total well exceeded Kain's own.
The world slowed down as he saw a flicker in his peripheral vision.
A second later, the side of his head was dripping with paint.
He shot an enraged, unfocused volley in the direction he had come and ran again, clambering over titanic vines and rotting logs. Heading north-west could allow him to meet with Tori on his next round, as long as he could outpace Felix.
He was losing his breath and his legs were starting to burn. The brothers' flags turned in Kain's direction.
"Baka, Tori, get them while they rush me!"
"Roger."
"R-roger that!"
His doom was closing in. The brothers' numbers continued to climb, but they were pushing him right against the eastern boundary.
Paintballs splattered against the base of his neck.
He collapsed to his knees. Dug his claws into the loose dirt and heaved himself into a nearby ditch.
All three opponents were within his field of vision. Felix's eyes finally flashed out at him through the leaves like needles. The brothers were yodelling.
Kain grabbed a fallen branch and tossed it like a spear in his opponents' general direction. He sidled around a tree trunk, felt for a loose root, and squeezed against it like a lover.
"Kain, you were late to the party!"
"Now the party has come to you!"
Then, as if on cue, there was a huge crack above the rainforest as fireworks went off.
The forest tilted and also turned into fireworks before washing away in a digitised downpour.
*.*.*.*.*
All six of them were back in the now-cramped yellow simulator room.
Tori and the brothers groaned, face-down on the floor. Felix's face was scrunched up tight. Baka looked like he was about to throw up.
Kain flopped against the wall like a sack of potatoes and looked at his comm, at the number under his name.
"Oh, real funny, Felix," Kain spat, throwing a venomous look at Felix. "Sixty-nine?"
Felix snickered and said nothing. Smug bastard.
Tori lifted his head off the floor and held his wrist in front of his face.
"What the hell is this twenty under my name?! And no way did those apple-brained holes get zero."
"Maybe we messed up the simulator even worse," Baka lamented. "I don't wanna get in trouble again!"
"No, this asshole programmed the scores to change at the last minute," said Kain, jabbing a claw in Felix's direction. "Can't you go screw with someone else? Or do it in a more metaphorical way, because this is going to mess up our records and no one around here has the sense to do that job."
"Hey, don't yell at Felix," said Mach, expressing what was closest to a genuine emotion he'd gotten within the past hour and a half.
"Dude, don't be a sore loser," said Tosh.
"I bet you made the tornadoes too, didn't you?" Kain muttered. He pushed himself to his feet and lunged towards Felix with a fist raised.
A shadow rose above him, and before he knew it, a fist had slammed into his cheek and smashed him to the ground.
"The fight's over, Kain!" Tosh admonished.
Kain spat out a bloody fang and squinted at Tosh through his spinning vision. A blue blob flew up behind the otter's head and knocked him to the floor, nearly on top of Kain.
"Tori, you didn't have to roundhouse him!" Baka shrieked.
"Hey, you looked like you wanted to kill a man yourself," said Tori. "You're welcome."
Baka went bright red.
Felix and Mach pulled Tosh to his feet, who kept his arms around them.
"Go get your beauty sleep, you three," grumbled Kain, looking at his knees to hold off kicking Felix in the shins with his steel-capped boots.
"Sweet dreams, you three!" said Mach.
"What a riot, Kain Iyne," Tosh slurred. "Let us in on more of your beatdowns, won't you?"
"You're messed up," said Kain.
Felix threw them a wink over his shoulder before the three buffoons stumbled out the door, leaving the other three with the low hum of the simulator. Kain picked up his tooth, wrapped it in a handkerchief and stared through the closed bundle. Tori glowered at the floor. Baka put his head in his hands.
"Guys?" Baka squeaked.
"What?"
"He's hot."
A/n cont.: Kain Iyne. Canine. I was gonna do 'Canis' but it was uninspired.
Eight years means new a/n formatting!
For a while I didn't realise I had the first bit of this chapter drafted and saved locally because it wasn't on my FFnet. I was funnier at 15 than I am now lmao.
Okay for real, I'll just be continuing where I left off, possibly sloppily. At worst, I'll provide notes/a summary of how this was supposed to end, because I've known for years but couldn't figure out the journey there (my original a/n testified to this). No rewriting, no retconning, maybe just minor edits and removing the slurs I used in the earlier chapters because wow we don't need that. And like, have a good one.