06/30/2021
For more than a Sixty Million Years Gork and Mork have watched and took joy in the antics and battles of their Boyz. The Orkz are Masters of the battlefield by the Will of their shared beliefs and Conquerors of Millions of Worlds by the might of their inexhaustible armies. They are the laughing and feasting Boyz dancing on the rotting carcasses of other races. Using Technology not even they understand, they are the Lords of War and Destruction, for whom millions of souls die every day, for whom blood is spilt and flesh is broken.
Everybody's blood and Everybody's flesh, the stuff of which a WAAAAGH is made.
To be alive in such times is to be one amongst untold trillions and trillions. It is to live in the greatest and most bloody times imaginable; this is a tale of one of those times.
Kappen Konna did the Un-Orky thing and used a series hand signals to inform his Kommandoz where to set up and which Standard Operating Procedure, also very Un-Orky, ambush to use. Everyone silently moved out and got ready.
Kappen Konna grabbed Louie Lewy and said, "Not youse. Iz need youse to go back and tell Genirally Hagob da Smasher, wez ara bein invaded."
Louie Lewy did not show his disappointment at missing the scrap coming up. Instead he just gave a fast salute and started to head back the way they had come. Before he could turn to leave, Kappen Konna grabbed his arm and said, "And tellz da Genirally toz send more Boyz. This iz gonna be a bigun."
Louie Lewy again did not say anything. He did feel much better since he now felt there was going to be some fighting left for him when he got back.
As Louie Lewy took off at a fast low pace, Kappen Konna looked around. Everyone was in position. He took a moment to size up the enemy.
They were all Humies or at least mostly Humies. They were forming up into four groups. Each group looked to be made of Humies of the same type or at least they were all wearing the same color. In the center of each group stood a larger Humie carrying a pole with an icon on top. For some reason Kappen Konna found he could not look at the icons for more than a few seconds.
That would not do at all. Orkz were not supposed to be afraid of anything and Kommandoz were the bestest and bravest Orkz of all. Kappen Konna flashed a few hand signals to make the icon holders the primary targets. Then gave the signal to fire.
By Gork and Mork the first volley took the Humies completely by surprise. All four of the Humies that carried the icons were hit and fell. Kappen Konna was overjoyed to be back in battle. Weapons firing and enemies falling, there was nothing better for an Ork. Especially for a Kommando when their carefully laid plans and rehearsals all came together.
That lasted for about five seconds.
The Humies did not act like Kappen Konna thought Humies should act. Some of them acted just like Orkz, they ignored the dead and wounded around them, instead immediately charging toward the Orkz. Others of the Humies raised weapons and started to fire. Most of them aimed where the Orkz were and even hit some Orkz. They hit more of the Humies charging at the Orkz but that did not slow the charging Humies down at all.
Other Humies bent over their own dead and using various choppas cut off their heads, holding them up high for all to see. They also let the dripping blood fall all over themselves.
Kappen Konna had his attention drawn toward another group of Humies who were bunching up together and chanting. He could not understand what they were saying but could see what happened. As they spoke a flock of buzzing insects rose from them in a huge cloud, heading straight toward three of his Kommandoz.
Kappen Konna watched as the swarm of bugs engulfed his Boyz, stinging them repeatedly. Not to be outdone, the three Boyz started to chomp away at the bugs having a snack in the middle of a scrap. At the moment it looked like this could go either way, but Kappen Konna had other things to keep him entertained.
The first of the Humies charging him were right in his face now. Kappen Konna raised his slugga, firing it point blank into the Humies' head making it vanish in a puff of red vapor. He did not stop to enjoy the fragrance of blood, instead he wheeled immediately stabbing the next Humie twice in the chest. At least he had aimed at the Humie's chest, but this Humie had four arms, so his blows landed in her second shoulder area.
Having better things to, he raised his slugga and fired a round into each of her shoulders. Raising his hand while firing he gave another of his hand signs. From behind the Kommandoz engaged in bashing, stabbing, punching, biting, and shooting the Humies, a second line of Kommandoz let loose with a couple dozen stikkbombs.
As the explosives flew overhead, Kappen Konna dropped to the ground quickly followed by the rest of the front line Kommandoz. Kappen Konna listened with joy to the explosions, like a regular Ork. More joyfully he stood back up and finished up any Humies still crawling around. There was nothing like a good double ambush to bring a smile to his face.
Then he heard the whine of the teleporta pad and the robot at the controls, who had managed to avoid taking any damage so far, as he said, "Next group arriving, please ensure the pad is clear."
Kappen Konna thought to himself, "Louie Lewy besta bea movin hiz feetz."
BACK AT DA DEN
Hagob da Smasher was really enjoying himself. He was touring the new weapon shop, eating squigs and getting to know his new Nobs. In the back of his mind, Hagob was trying to think of where he should lead his WAAAAGH to next. As far as he knew all the Ork Warbands were now with him. Still there was the Humies he had met before. They had been fun to fight. Some of the Nobz had been telling him about their adventures in farther reaches of the da Rok against quite a few different races. Some of them sounded pretty interesting and fun.
As he reached out to pick up an interesting looking Big Choppa, a hand reached out and grasped his. Looking up he was surprised to see it was Litehead standing next to him. The Weird Boy usually never came out to interact with the other Orkz since all the Boyz gave him a headache when he was around them. This gave him a feeling that something was about to happen, and he might not like what it was.
Before he could say anything to Litehead, a loud voice called out from behind him and said, "Genirally Hagob da Smasher, Kappen Konna needz youse and all da Boyz. Wez iz bein invaded!"
Turning toward the sound of the voice, Hagob saw the Kommando Louie Lewy rushing toward him knocking other Orkz out of the way. He had guessed who this was since only the Kommandoz had started calling him by that title since he came back from Da Pit. He waited until Louie Lewy came up to him. Then waited some more while he saluted him.
Louie Lewy dropped his salute and then said, "Sir da Humies are coming in over da teleporta pad. Kappen Konna is holden dem now. He sayz he iz gonna needz sum more Boyz ta breakem."
As Louie Lewy spoke all the Orkz and Gretchin nearby stopped talking and stood waiting to see what their leader wanted to do. They all knew what they wanted to do. Hagob's first thought was to lead a charge there and smash some heads himself. Litehead's hand was still on his arm and that reminded him he should look at the bigger picture.
Looking over the groups of Boyz around him he started pointing and barking out orders. He said, "Youse take all dem Boyz dere and go to dat odda teleporta. Youse take youse Boyz and go to da teleporta onna dat odda level. Youse goez up and check out dat big tunnel. Youse go down two levelz and check out dat little tunnel."
Hagob did a few more assignments and then turned to find Bush. He spotted him at one end of the crowd. He pointed his Big Choppa at him and said, "Ridez back fasta as youse can and get da rest offa da Evil Sunz scouting. Dem sneaky Humies might be trying sumting else, sumwhere else. Find dem."
As the Orkz he had told to go moved out, Hagob was about to gather those left and go join the fight with Kappen Konna when something happened that had not happened in a long time. He began to feel a burning in his chest. There was a big fight going on and there were about to be fights all over the Ork section of da Rok, but this burning feeling was telling him to not be a part of any of them. It was telling him to go somewhere else.
A look from Litehead convinced him to follow that feeling, so he said, "Nob squad, Litehead, Sou and Iz follow me. Louie Lewy take all de odda Boyz and Gretchin to goez head back to Kappa Konna."
Raising his voice to a steady roar, Hagob then said, "Come on Boyz, da WAAAGH has started. Youse donna wanna mizz out."
All the Orkz, Gretchin, Snotlings and even a few of the brighter squigs started cheering, whooping, hollering, and firing various ballistic and energy weapons into the air and ceiling. As bits of rock fell on their heads, they moved out in a totally chaotic but precision way. If the Commissars of the Imperial Guard witnessed the way the Orkz had been given their orders and moved out they would have been both horrified at the simplicity and impressed at the execution. Orkz communicated on an entirely different level.
As they divided up each heading a different way, Hagob found himself being drawn to a series of side corridors. At first they were well traveled. Later on the tunnels had several centimeters of dust on the floor. Most were only a little narrower than the usual tunnels he traveled in but a couple he could barely squeeze through. Still his Nob squad, Litehead and Iz had no trouble getting through. Sou in his Killa Kan made it through with only a little scraping.
There was also thirty good sturdy Goff Clan Ork Boyz following Hagob who had no trouble getting through. Hagob had not told them to follow him, but he was glad they had come. It just wasn't a good scrap unless there was a whole mob of Goff Boyz taking part.
The entire time he led his Boyz down the strange tunnels he could feel the burning in his chest guiding him. While he tried to keep his mind on matters of WAAAAGH and the upcoming fight, one thing kept creeping into his mind. Had he been born to lead the WAAAGH? Or was he one of many with this feeling but the only one to pass the four strange Ork test. It made his head hurt to think about it.
That pain went away quickly when he turned a corner and entered a large chamber full of humming machinery and Humies. He did not think about the floor to exceedingly high ceiling devices much but did concentrate on the Humies there. They were of two vastly different groups. A few of them were the half Humie and half robot ones he had first meet long ago, in one of his first battles.
The others were some very strange looking Humies indeed. They were dressed in flowing robes or blue, pink, and red; some solid while others were many shades mixed together. A few were nude although it was hard to tell since their skin had been dyed so vibrantly in those same colors. All of them wore masks with long bird like beaks on their heads. Each of the masks had a long tube going to a tank on their backs. They were also heavily armed with lasguns, wicked looking daggers and some with long scythes.
As more of the Boyz came around and joined Hagob, he let out an outraged bellow and said, "Just whatza goin on here?"
Most of the Humies turned to look at him but none answered his question. To his surprise Iz moved up next to him and did answer his question and said, "Hey boss, I alwayz wondarred where theze livin supportta tings were. Thankz for findting dem."
While that was not the answer Hagob was looking for, he turned and gave Iz a grimace look. If the Mek Boy noticed it he did not react and just continued while saying, "These are da machines dat cycle da air wez breath all ova here. Ifin Iz was ta guess dez guyz are about ta shut da air off anna killz us all widoot a fight."
It took Hagob only a moment to realize the full implication of that statement. The Humies were cheating. They were not going to give his Boyz a good stand-up fight. They were going to shut down the air and let the Orkz die completely unworthy deaths instead of the proper death fighting. This was the one thing that could not be allowed to stand, ever.
Hagob did not give any orders or shouts of encouragement, he just raised his slugga and fired off the entire magazine into the nearest group of Humies taking several of them down.
His Nob squad, Goff Clan Boyz, and Killa Kan Sou immediately followed suit and charged forward firing and yelling out war cries. The Humies remained silent but joined in the fight firing their weapons and charging right back at them.
Iz grabbed Hagob's arm to get his attention and said, "Iz gonna stop dem Humies from breakin our air. Coverz me."
Hagob was about to respond when he noticed one of the most colorfully dressed Humies raise her scythe and then a glowing ball of light streaked from it, heading straight for Hagob.
Before he could react to this strange attack the glowing ball exploded without doing any harm to anyone. From Hagob's other side Litehead's voice simply said, "Thata one iz mine."
Hagob had never been a big fan of psykers. He just nodded and then grabbed Iz and said, "Letz make sure wez can breathe, move it."
The first two Humies Hagob da Smasher learned what his name was as he ran over them and then smashed both of them under his heels. The next three stood their ground, raising lasguns decorated so highly even Hagob took notice of them. That was almost a fatal mistake. With the sound of a Grot wheezing like crazy after a hard run Iz came to his rescue. The Mek Boy let loose an entire bucket of rivets from his shoulder mounted rivet gun. Strangely as Hagob watched the rivets penetrate the trio, they seemed to be enjoying their deaths. Funny most Humies did not enjoy dying. These were some strange ones.
Moving forward again he was stopped in his tracks by one of the Humies who were more machine then living creature. This one was bigger than most Humies and made even taller by the huge mechanical arm attached to his back. Hagob didn't have time to deal with this one. He could see the dark robed robot Humies were still working on a control panel ahead of him. He had no idea how much longer it would take them to cut off the air supply. Still he did not want to give them any more time to complete their cheating ways. Dishonorable Gits.
Hagob swung his Big Choppa and prepared to moved forward when he couldn't. The robot Humie's metal arm swung around and had not only blocked his blow but the giant vise grip it ended in had grasped his Big Choppa. Hagob found himself desperately trying to hold on to the Big Choppa. Raising his slugga he went to fire, the robot Humie beat him to it and grasped his shooting arm with both of his hands. He pushed the shooting arm up as Hagob found himself in a wrestling match he was rapidly losing.
A quick look around showed him his Boyz were holding their own against the cultists. Killa Kan Sou had not fled and was beating one of the dark robed robot Humies down better than Hagob currently was. He could feel the psychic battle still going on between Litehead and the Humie Weird Girl. Over the shoulder of the robot Humie, Hagob saw Iz working on a control panel. He could also see two of the dark robed robot Humies were moving toward Iz, each carrying a large staff.
Knowing he had to save Iz so Iz could save them all, Hagob used the only thing he had available to him at the moment. He stepped forward and head smashed the robot Humie in front of him with his special skull helmet. Hagob had worried for a moment the ancient thing might not stand up to the punishment.
He was incredibly surprised when the ancient skull crunched straight through the flesh, bone, metal, and circuitry of the robot Humie right down to his chest bone. As what remained of the robot Humie fell to the floor like a deflated balloon, Hagob pulled his arms free and tried to wipe the blood and gore out of his eyes. He also had some metal bits stuck in his teeth, but he ignored them for now.
When he could see again, the first thing he saw was Iz still working on the control panel. He was soldering some wires together and not paying any attention to anything else. The two dark robed robot Humies were engaged by half of Hagob's Nob squad. Hagob knew his Nobz were good, but he could plainly see they were no match for the two dark robed robot Humies.
Not wasting anymore time, Hagob raised his slugga and fired as he charged straight for the pair. He was not sure if it was his shooting or the Mighty "WAAAAGH" he let out as he moved at his top speed toward them. Either way both of the two dark robed robot Humies turned and looked at him. This was not the thing they should have done.
The further away dark robed robot Humie missed the blocking the blow of the Nob squad member in front of him. The Nob squad member stuck a stikka into the dark robed robot Humie's chest. The blow bounced off doing no damage to the dark robed robot Humie. It did distract him long enough so two other Nob squad members to start shooting their sluggas into his back. Out of his front six holes appeared, each shooting out a fluid of a distinctively different color; red, black, clear, glowing blue, Ork green and mauve.
The other dark robed robot Humies stared down Hagob as he moved closer. The other two Nob squad members tried to take advantage of the distraction Hagob provided and stab the dark robed robot Humie. It did not work out well. First a servo arm like the one on the robot Humie Hagob had head butted appeared out of his robes. It grabbed the Nob squad member and threw him up and out of sight.
Also from under his robe, a series of tendrils each ending in a scalpel blade appeared. Quicker than an eye could follow they whipped out, striking the other Nob squad member in a blur of motion. Before the Nob squad member could react both his arms were laying on the floor in a puddle of blood.
All this while the dark robed robot Humie continued to look straight at Hagob as he charged. Hagob was not sure what the dark robed robot Humie had planned and did not care. He had his own plan. Most combatants charged up to their opponents and then stopped to fight. Hagob figured that was what the dark robed robot Humie was expecting. Instead Hagob roared again with a Mighty "WAAAAGH" and somehow accelerated his pace. Then he just did not stop.
The dark robed robot Humie brought up his staff to attack but it did not help him at all. The collision of the two warriors was so loud, everyone still alive in the chamber stopped fighting for a moment and looked over at the pair. Hagob was still on his feet. The dark robed robot Humie was also still on his feet but while Hagob was getting ready to swing his Big Choppa, the dark robed robot Humie was sputtering, leaking in places and smoke was coming from a couple of his joints. Hagob held back his swing and with a short yelp hit the floor himself.
The dark robed robot Humie did not really explode. There was a loud bang and a few pieces of him did go shooting off into the distance but mostly more smoke poured out of him, and he just collapsed onto the floor.
Hagob took a few steps back and looked around. With the two dark robed robot Humies down the rest of the robot Humies were falling back out of the fight toward a doorway. Through it he could see a room with a control panel. He quickly realized it was not a room but a lift. Now he knew how they have arrived here without anyone noticing. He would now have to find a way to stop that from happening again.
Then he thought to himself, "Howz many odda wayz are there to get in the Ork place Iz donna knowz aboot?"
By the sounds around him the fighting was over. He took his eyes off the retreating robot Humies to survey the chamber. None of the weirdly dressed Humies had made it out. About half his Goff Clan Boyz were down. Others were picking up various limbs like his one Nob squad member who was getting help from the other Nob squad members. Codt would be busy today.
Sou was down. The little Gretchin was standing next to his Killa Kan which was missing both its legs. Hagob wondered where the legs had gone, since he did not see them nearby. He did see Litehead sitting down in a far corner holding his head in his hands. Otherwise he looked none to worse for wear.
Iz came up behind Hagob with the widest grin on his face and said, "Boss diz place iz da greatest. All dez devices control da air anda da water and more. Wid dez wez can make it betta for growen squigs and Orkz. Diz place iz the bestest. Wisht wez knowz aboot it soona."
Hagob thought on this for a moment and then said, "Anyting else I should knowz about dis place?"
Iz rushed right back in and said, "Iz needz to tinker wid it sum more butta wez cannot letz da Humies get back inna herez. Diz place iz too important."
Hagob pointed at the lift door and said, "Canz youse makez it so da Humies canna use that again?"
Iz just nodded and immediately headed off to the doorway.
Hagob turned around and then in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear, he said, "All youse whose needa see the Doc comez wid me. All youse Boyz who can still fightz stay here and guardz diz place and Iz. It mighta getz boring but wez can't let dem sneaky gitz come back here and shut off our air."
No one questioned the orders as all the Orkz started moving to follow them. Hagob's mind started to race as he began to put together plans to deal with Humies who did not fight fair. That and not knowing how many ways there were to get into the areas he already controlled did not give him a good feeling. He would really need the Evil Sunz to start zooming around and mapping all the tunnels for him.
As he started to head back, two things did make him feel good. One was the burning in his chest had led him here and prevented his and his Boyz sudden death. He was certain it would guide him to other important battles soon. The other thing was that with the Humies on the march there would be many, many more scraps ahead for him and his Boyz to take part in.
BACK AT THE CATHEDRAL OF DIVIDED UNITY
Librarian Presdicon marched into the war room and straight up to Goriel. Ignoring the other Heretic Astartes commanders and leaders of the various cults gathered there, he raised his hand to focus their attention and then said, "Sir report from the survivors of the Life Support Chamber raid. They were unable to commit their sabotage. They were soundly defeated when the Ork leader, one Hagob da Smasher, himself arrived to lead the fight. Only a few of the servitors and Enginseers returned alive."
All other conversation in the war room stopped at this announcement. The followers of Tzeentch were now getting ready to employ the leg of their scheme for if the raid had failed. Tzeentch always planned for everything The other commanders from the other Chaos Gods were getting ready to implement plans to seize the glory the Tzeentch followers had lost.
Goriel ignored them all and turn to look only at the leader of the Dark Mechanicus and said, "High Tech Priest Rho-Chi 79326 since we did not slaughter the Orkz by suffocation, we are going to need all those new weapons you promised to deliver."
Turning to address the whole room, Goriel continued and said, "Our Lords and Masters have shown us the path we must take. No short cuts and devious plots, we shall fight the Orkz as they should be fought and win glory and honor for us all."
This brought a cheer form the gathered commanders, even the Tzeentch leaders.
High Tech Priest Rho-Chi 79326 smiled inside himself, since he had no flesh muscles left in his face to smile with. This could not have gone better. The upstart Tech Priest he had sent on the mission had been killed and removed as a threat. Now he would now have the resources given to him for his grand experiments in weapons.
If he kept playing the various Chaos commanders against each other then he would soon be running the Cathedral of Divided Unity and not these ignorant warriors. He was also looking forward to the finally having Orkz to experiment on. They were such fascinating creatures.