All week, Diana had been conflicted about her feelings. Perhaps it was because of the unexpected fight with Fred. He had made all of her thoughts very real. She didn't know what she wanted out of life. At the very least, she knew what she needed. Jerry had told her happiness was the key to life, and she believed him. Diana just wished he knew what she wanted, then perhaps that would make her happy.

She was sitting alone in her room, sticking her head out the window, and watching the sunset. It reminded her of home. The beautiful colors changing the sky. Diana looked out to the yard to see someone walking far off. It looked like a man in a worn woolen coat. Certainly, nothing Diana would see in Charlottetown. As a gasp escaped her lips, Diana pushed half of her body out the window. Her raven hair fell onto her shoulders as she squinted at the approaching figure. It was hard to see in the thin light of the setting sun.

"Jerry?" Diana called out quietly.

"Hello, Diana," Jerry's voice called back. Diana let out a sigh as she grinned. It was like something out of a fairytale.

"What are you doing here?"

"Ms. Barry sent me a letter," Jerry admitted. "She was doing her usual check-in on my education, but she left a note that had me concerned...about you."

"Me?" Diana said in a whisper.

"Yes," Jerry's voice was quiet. "She said you've been acting strange and asked if...I was still in love with you."

Diana swallowed nervously in avoiding to gasp. It was the very thing she was wondering. "Really?" Did Aunt Jo think she was courting Jerry and they had a fight? She had only visited Jo's once this week. She must write letters fast.

Jerry nodded his head. "I thought you would know by now since I sent along that poodle."

"The porcelain one from the fair?" Diana asked, recalling the memory just before the first kiss. "I gave it back to you."

"You never saw it?" Jerry seemed puzzled. "I sent it along in one of your bags."

Diana turned to her room. She hadn't truly unpacked since her trip. Diana pushed herself back into her room and began digging through every bag she hadn't gone through yet. She shook them open, determined to find what she was looking for. "It's got to be around here somewhere."

She wasn't paying attention to Jerry, because when he grabbed her hands, she jumped up in shock. He had climbed inside her window. Diana tried to let her heart rate slow, but Jerry was now looking at her with his sincere brown eyes. She felt the magnetic force not allowing her to move away. "It's okay, Diana," Jerry grinned. "It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I'm here for you now."

Diana was about to lean in and kiss Jerry, but then there was a loud gasp behind them. Diana snapped herself away from Jerry to look at the window where Fred was about to tap on the glass. His face was now shocked. "Is this why you picked a fight with me on Sunday?"

"Picked a fight?" Diana stood up, Jerry right behind her. "You were the one that was too defensive about your family."

"Who is this?" Jerry asked.

"Fred Wright," Fred proclaimed himself. "I'm courting Diana."

"Not anymore," Diana shook her head.

"You're going to throw away all we've had over this little spat?" Fred asked, crawling through the window. "I've decided to go home this weekend because you inspired me too." Diana was shocked to hear that. She thought Fred was much too stubborn.

"I thought you were done with him," Jerry stated. "Especially since last weekend..." The blood drained from Diana's face. She didn't think this was going to happen.

"What happened last weekend?" Fred asked.

"Nothing," Diana brushed him off.

"Nothing?" Jerry raised his brows. "Our kiss meant nothing?"

"Of course it did, Jerry," Diana turned to him and gave him a small smile. Fred then grabbed her arm and made her face towards him.

"You kissed him before we had our fight?" Fred asked, his voice rising. Diana was thanking the lord that Mrs. Balcmore was gone from the night. Lily was still there, but she couldn't hear anything anyway. Otherwise, she would be kicked from the boarding house for not having just one but two boys in her room.

"I was scared, Fred, and confused," Diana didn't know what else to say.

"You're always confused," Fred put his hands firmly on both of her shoulders. Diana was fearful of him.

"Get your hands off her," Jerry shoved Fred away. Fred was about to punch Jerry, but his fist was easily dodged.

"Stop it," Diana cried.

"Who are you going to choose?" Fred asked. Jerry turned his attention to Diana. "It's obvious you like one of us."

"Don't force her," Jerry shook his head.

"I can do what I want," Fred brushed Jerry aside. "Diana, it isn't like you to associate with folk like him."

"That's the thing, Fred, you don't know what's like me," Diana snapped. "And neither do I if I'm honest."

"This is why I told you to follow your mother's path because you can choose anything for yourself," Fred muttered before moving towards the window. "You're not worth this Diana." With that, he was gone.

Tears began to spring to Diana's eyes. "Diana," Jerry called softly. "Are you-"

"No, Jerry," Diana cut him off. "I'm not alright. I don't think I ever was. Not with Fred here, not with you in Avonlea, not with myself anywhere. I don't know who I am."

Jerry took her hands in his. "You're Diana Barry. You are smart, strong, and confident. You speak French, you play the piano, and your favorite color is blue." He was just stating words to make her feel better. He liked he was about to go on, but Diana stopped him.

"I think it's best for you to take your leave," Diana said kindly at first, but then Jerry didn't move. "Leave me alone, Jerry." He hesitated, but then took a few steps towards the window.

Before he left, he turned his head back to her. " You may not know who you are, but I do." Without another word, Jerry left. In a rage, Diana ran over and shut the window hard. Tears then began to stream down her cheeks. She slid down to the floor and sobbed.

She fell asleep there, giving Anne a small fright when she came back home. Anne wondered what was wrong, but instead of provoking her, she placed a blanket over her bosom friend in hopes that she would be okay.

In the early morning, Diana's puffy eyes fluttered open. She had slept on the floor all night. Diana twisted, noting that her body felt aching. After laying for a few minutes, Diana flipped to her side. She blankly stared under her bed until something shiny had caught her eye. Diana let out a small gasp as she crawled to her bed and reached for the object.

When her hand retreated, it held the small porcelain poodle. Diana swallowed, remembering last night. She wished it was a dream, but now Diana finally realized what the true matter was. She didn't know herself. Diana had lost her true self, and she didn't know how to reclaim it.

Diana let the days pass, letting everyone think she was alright. She had assured Anne many times the false, but it was better that way. She didn't need to upset Anne while she was busy studying for her first semester finals. Diana felt like there was nothing Anne could do anyway. It was Diana's fault for what had happened, not Anne's.

Diana was sitting in her room again, all alone. She had placed her desk chair by the window so she could stare at the world moving outside. Diana wished she could move forward, but it almost felt impossible now. Her thoughts moved very little from the realization of her loss. Diana played the scene over and over in her mind. It made sense now, why she had felt so empty. But one thing she couldn't place was why Aunt Jo had written in her letter to Jerry her concern.

For the first time in days, Diana allowed herself an idea to take over. She got up from her chair and went out in the November afternoon. She walked all the way to Aunt Josphine's mansion. When she got to eh doors, Diana stopped, wondering if she should've come here. But before she could knock, the butler opened to door. There was no escaping it now.

Once she was let in the house, she was led to the parlor to wait for Jo to ready herself. It was the middle of a cloudy afternoon, so Diana could understand the old woman's grogginess. It could be a while, so Diana allowed herself to look out the window. The clouds reminded her of when she had run from her house, the wind whirling, her hair falling from its pinned hold.

Diana hadn't even bothered to put half of it up today.

As she leaned closer to the window, Diana had bumped the piano with her arm. She looked down at the exposed black and ivory keys. She hadn't played in forever. She never really liked to play, because everyone had always expected her to. But then, Diana realized there was no one to play for but herself. Taking a quick glance around the empty parlor, Diana sat down at the bench.

Her fingers placed themselves on the keys, readying to play a classic, but then Diana dropped her fingers.

"You don't need my permission to play," Aunt Josephine said as she walked in.

"I don't know what to play," Diana admitted. Her mind had gone blank from all of the classics she had memorized. "I-I'm sorry." Diana didn't intend to cry, but tears began to spill.

"Oh, Diana," Aunt Josephine made her way to her niece. "It's alright, child. No need to cry."

"But it's not alright," Diana shook her head. "I've lost myself completely." She continued to sob, but Jos' shaky hand turned her chin up.

"Diana," Jo shook her head. "You haven't lost yourself."

"But I don't know what I want with my life," Diana shook her head.

"That's the problem," Jo said in a caring tone. "You are focused on who you want to be, not who you are. You are just simply a conflicted child, by what you are told to do, and what is right for you."

"How can come back?" Diana asked, wiping her tears. Aunt Josephine looked at her with loving eyes.

"Close your eyes," Jo commanded. Diana obliged. "Now, think about a time when you were truly happy."

...

Song Suggestion: Kindred Spirits (Ari Posner & Amin Bhatia)

...

Diana's mind automatically went to the first day she had met Anne. They were walking together along a path, both just getting to know the other. That was when Anne held out a dandelion, and together they swore their friendship. Little did Diana know that her life would change forever after that moment.

"I want you to extend that memory, and place it with similar ones," Jo whispered.

Diana thought about the tea party when she and Anne got drunk. When she, Anne, and Ruby would gather in the secret hideout for the story club. How she played the fairy princess in the Christmas play. When she played the piano and sang a duet with Mr. Dunlop. Then listening to the pianist at Aunt Jo's party. Anne and Diana dancing together under the lights and flowers. Music was quite prominent in Diana's memories.

Diana suddenly opened her eyes when she realized that the music wasn't from her memories. She looked down at her fingers to see that they were placed on the keys, playing a tune Diana had never heard before. She stopped in an instant. She didn't know what had come over her. A thrill washed over her. She hadn't felt anything for days. And yet just simple memories made her feel something.

"Well, I'll say," Jo said in a quiet voice. "Your happiness is connected to music."

"But I-" Diana was just amazed at what had happened. "I was just thinking about all of these times when I was happy. At first, they had nothing to do with music."

"Diana," Jo said calmly. "You may not have thought it possible to find yourself, but you are here. I heard you, in that song. You are here, in these keys." Diana looked back down at her fingers. The thrill that was sent through was like nothing Diana had ever felt before, and it was expressed through the piano. Her confused feelings were becoming clear with the notes.

The instrument that she always felt was a forced burden, now was her savior.

Perhaps she could find herself again.