A/N: I own nothing of the Avengers…

Holding Back Chapter 3

PREVIOUSLY: "Geeze Tony what all did you order?" Bruce asks as he hands Tony the bags of food to take into Steve's apartment and returns with Clint and Natasha to help unload the rest of the supplies from the elevator into Steve's kitchen, only to be met by the soldier himself standing there confused as he stares at everything and seemingly back as an adult self. "Hey guys…um…what'd I miss?" Steve asks shyly rubbing the back of his neck. "Steve buddy, how old are you right now?" Bruce asks. "Um…27….why?" Then it clicks in Steve's mind and his eyes go wide, "no, no, no, no….you're not supposed to know….oh god" Steve sobs out and runs back into his bedroom slamming the door. "Well that could have gone better" Clint comments causing everyone to huff at him and Natasha to cuff the back of his head, "What, I'm just saying?"

Tony and Bruce look at each other and then at the closed bedroom door not sure how to proceed, but they need answers sooner than later.

Tony turns to Clint and Natasha, "Can you guys unpack the food and set it up in the living room, we're going to try and pry Steve out to at least eat and then see where we go from there.

"Sure" Natasha answers grabbing Clint and the bags of food to get things set up while Tony and Bruce make their way towards Steve's bedroom; Bruce gives a gentle knock on the door.

"Steve bud it's just Bruce and Tony, can we come in?"

No answer so Tony tries.

"Stevie, we're not mad and you're not in trouble okay. We ordered Chinese and I know for a fact big guy that you're hungry" Tony tries when they hear the door click open just enough to see a portion of Steve's face through the crack, blue eyes panicked and scared.

"Ah there you are, can we come in" Bruce asks and Steve pulls the door open for them then quickly closes it.

Steve looks everywhere except at Bruce and Tony, nervous about what they are going to say so watches them from his peripheral vision as Tony begin to fold up the Avengers blanket and lay it across the bottom of the bed, Bruce grabs the Iron Man and Hulk toys and lays them on top of the blanket along with the paci he finds on the floor that Steve must of spit out when he woke up as Adult Steve.

Steve could only stand there and watch, his panic rising.

Bruce takes notice of Steve's upset and tries to reassure him, "Steve, what we said is true, you are not in trouble and we are not mad, will you come out to the living room and eat please? Tony ordered from our favorite Chinese restaurant, made sure to order extra orange chicken just for you" Bruce tells Steve.

Steve looks down at the bed where the toys sit then back up at Bruce, "Not really hungry right now"

Tony huffs knowing that's a big lie as they both can hear Steve's stomach growling, "Steve, come on it's just us, Clint and Natasha. Just come eat and we will see how things go okay"

Steve's stomach lets out another loud growl as he rubs his hand over his belly hoping it would quiet the rumbling down, but no luck and nods his head in agreement as the three of them exit the bedroom and into the living room. The three men were hit by the overwhelming smell of Chinese food, Steve's stomach growls loudly again knowing it's about to be fed making everyone chuckle and snicker.

Steve sat at the end of the couch tucked up as far into the corner as he could go, Tony took the arm chair to Steve's left, Clint the other end of the couch stretched out with feet up across the cushions, Nat took the arm chair next to Clint and Bruce sat cross legged on the floor on the other side of the coffee table facing the couch. Not much was said as the plates and cartons of food were passed around and everyone began eating, the tension was thick as no one was ready to address the elephant in the room and tries to not openly watch Steve but their curiosity was about to boil over, it was just a matter of who is going to break first.

Steve only ate about half his plate of food before he let out a rather depressing sigh and placed the plate on the table catching everyone's attention and then sighs again.

"What happens now?" Steve asks in a tired voice as the Team watches Steve pull his long legs up onto the couch and wrap his arms around his knees trying to make himself look as small as possible and hide behind them.

Tony reaches over and pats Steve's knees, "Hey none of that huh, come on. We just want to understand so we can help okay. Can you tell us when this started, was it before or after the ice" Tony asks gently as he finishes off his last egg roll before placing his now empty plate on the coffee table.

"Before… right after my Ma died" Steve whispers to the group.

Bruce nods his head with understanding, "Did you have someone to help you back then, a caretaker?" Bruce asks hoping that he did and gets a shy smile from Steve, lost in a memory.

"Bucky, he….he was by best friend and single, though he did bring his share of dames home, but after my Ma past away I moved in with him. At first when it started I hid in my room till I came back to myself, but eventually Bucky caught on and just….just went with it and didn't have to hide as much, he never really asked a lot of questions. I was so sick back then so could only find part time jobs on a good day so mainly stayed home and took care of the apartment while Buck found work where he could, usually on the dock"

"Then the war came" Clint comments.

Steve looks up at everyone, "Yeah….Buck enlisted and well that was that. I didn't blame him, it's well documented how many times I trying to enlist" Steve says with a chuckle causing everyone else to chuckle and smile as they all know this part of Steve's story.

"I still kept that side of myself very private….very secret, only allowing myself to fall when I was safe at home. It could never be known back then or….or you would be labeled and sent away to find a 'cure', much like the homosexuals were treated in my time. I was afraid of being caught so learned how to control it the best I could when out in public and how to take care of my needs on my own. With Bucky now gone I barely had enough money for essentials to say nothing about extra things" Steve tells them shrugging his shoulder.

"Steve, you know it's not a disease right, there is nothing wrong with you. There are businesses out there now in the open that specialize for the needs of a little, organizations that help find caretakers and match them up with a little in need." Bruce informs Steve who frowns with confusion not quite understanding, but just continues on with his story as though Bruce never spoke. Bruce glances over to Tony.

"And when Dr. Erskine approached me and explained about the project and serum…well I figure maybe it would fix me….and it did for a while" Steve says laying his head back on the couch.

Once again the silence in the room was deafening.

"Till…" Natasha prompted.

"Till I was sent overseas, first as a glorified chorus girl" Steve says smirking when Clint chokes on his mouth full of food, watching as Natasha pounds on his back, "then when I started seeing real battle" Steve looks down at this hands folded in his lap, the urge to suck on his fingers is slowly growing, Steve takes a deep breath and lets it out as he flexes his hands into a fist then releases.

Steve looks up at Tony for a minute and then back down to his lap, "I think Howard figured it out, that there was something and then Peggy….she was no slouch in the brain department either" Steve says chuckling to himself, "did you know she shot at me when she thought I kissed another dame, Howard was showing off his new shield prototypes….thank god. Of course I was under the impression that they were 'fond doing' together so….yeah"

Tony's eyes go wide and then barks with laughter, hearing about his Dad and Aunt Peggy 'fond doing' together whatever the hell that is, forgetting sometimes that Steve knew them before and what was a life time ago for Tony is only a few months ago for Steve.

Tony reaches out and pats Steve on the arm, "Howard was an egotistical ass, but Aunt Peggy was always fiery, quick with a pistol and had a will of steel when trying to keep Howard in line and on track"

Steve smiles up at Tony and whispers, "she was a beautiful dame" Steve chuckles to himself again.

"Steve what made you believe that Howard and Peggy knew something" Natasha asks.

Steve shrugs his shoulder as he reaches for his plate of food again, still feeling the pangs of hunger. Bruce looks over at Tony with a quick wink and smirk hoping no one noticed that Bruce had added a few more things to Steve's plate while he was talking with the hopes that he would pick it up again to continue eating.

"They always just seemed to be around when I came back from a Hydra base raid you know. Made sure I ate and I had undisturbed private time in my tent afterwards, but nothing was ever said out loud not even by Colonel Phillips" Steve tell them with another shrug of his shoulder.

"When I heard about the 107th, Bucky's unit being captured….I had hope again that maybe I could get Bucky back" Steve shrugs, "but he wasn't the same…he… Hydra did something to him and the first time a fell after he was back, he just…." Steve stops and stares at his lap again.

"What Steve" Bruce asks as Tony lays his hand on Steve's arm again.

"He looked at me with disgust; like he didn't even know or remember this side of me…..I just got him back so I forced myself not to…." Steve mumbled, "Then I lost him again just as quick on the train and you all know the rest of the story from there" Steve wipes a tear from his eye cheek as they pool over from those hard memories.

"Steve it's a different time now, yes there are those who still look down on this which we'll get to in a minute, but for the most part it is openly acknowledge and widely accepted and supported along with homosexuality just in case you are wondering" Bruce tells Steve who silently nods with understanding.

"Which leads us to the next dramatic segment of story time, Fury and Hill" Natasha states as everyone watches Steve curl up on himself again, fingers inching towards his mouth but Tony was quick and instead holds Steve's hand in his as Bruce hops up from the floor and goes into the bedroom to grab the toys. Bruce holds them out to Steve as he releases Tony's hand and grabs both toys, wrapping them in his arms; his knees still drawn up and now can hide behind them.

"Hey bud, don't hide behind them, we still need a little bit more information…okay" Bruce says with a raised eye brow to get Clint to move his legs off the couch and sits down next to Steve and begins rubbing his arm and shoulders trying to relax Steve a bit.

Steve nods his head that is still buried in the toys.

"Steve can you tell us about Fury and Hill, what we saw up on the landing pad today while you were in your little space was not right, you know that right?" Clint asks.

Steve sighs and sits up a bit trying to hold on to Adult Steve for a little longer, but it's hard.

"I'm not sure how Fury found out, but when I came out of the ice I was kept isolated but still watched I guess, I don't know maybe he did some digging or someone saw something and reported back to him, but the handful of times I did fall before we all met to fight Loki, he sent in Agent Hill….my….my other….my little self doesn't like her much" Steve whispers the last part.

"What did she do?" Clint asks really not wanting to know but they needed to if they were to protect Steve.

"Punishment"

Bruce gently runs his hand through Steve's hair, wanting desperately to just cuddle Steve up and protect him from the world and strangely enough the Hulk is being quiet and just watches and listens, "what punishment Steve, can you give some examples"

Steve shrugs his shoulders again, "don't really like small spaces even when I was a kid, can't breathe especially now since the ice….and ….and there's the belt…..I know I'm stronger, could easily push her off but when I'm …..when I'm…..all that goes away you know …and I just…. Says I'm disgraceful, the shield should not be carried by someone so weak….but I'm not I promise…." Steve begs for the Team to understand and not to look at him that way, the way Bucky did or the way Fury and Hill do.

Natasha sucks in a breath of air "I'll kill her"

"No….she is under orders Nat…can't have Captain America appear weak, besides I heal quick enough there would be no proof, my word against theirs and who's going to believe me...if this got out" Steve parrots out, but the Team recognizing the words for what they are, a threat that has been drilled into him.

"I don't care and you are more than just Captain America Steve, that uniform goes on to work and you do a hell of a good job taking care of the mission and the bad guys, but any other time you're Steve Rogers and Steve Rogers has a right to be who he wants and needs to be….damn it" Natasha growls before she gets up and walks into the kitchen for a minute to clear her head, quickly followed by Clint who holds up his hands at Bruce and Tony to give them a minute.

"Nat?"

"It's the damn Red Room all over again Clint, god I thought SHEILD was different. They will break a vital piece of who he is just to have their icon, their figure head and at what cost" Natasha rants and Clint quietly listens as does Tony, Bruce and Steve since it's a small space, easy to over hear things.

Clint, one of the few people who can stand defiantly in front of Natasha and not get stabbed, "So, what are you going to do about it?" As he crosses his arms over his chest, like he's expecting an answer.

Natasha just huffs at him and crosses her arms also as they have a stare down with each other.

Tony leans over to Steve and stage whispers, "You think they're going to kiss, hmmm do ya?" Tony says trying to get a response out of Steve who just chuckles burying his head into to his toys and blushes darkly while Bruce rolls his eyes at Tony.

After a few more minutes Nat and Clint return to the living room, "Sorry about that Steve"

Steve just looks up at Natasha and smiles kindly at her, liking that she got angry on his behalf.

"So, what happens now?" Steve asks for the second time.

"Well, Natasha has a report to write up for Fury and if you can scribble something out as well Steve it would probably grease that particular squeaky wheel a bit" Tony says with a chuckle.

"Yeah"

"Then…." Bruce continues on from Tony, "Tony ordered you a few things that we could unpack and see what you like and don't like" Bruce tells Steve.

"Tony?" Steve whines.

"What? Adult and little Steve are in desperate need of stuff, it's just stuff Steve, but we as in the Team want you to be comfortable and happy here, that's all it is" Tony says.

Everyone waits patiently for that to sink into Steve's mind and couldn't help but chuckle and smirk when they see Steve look over at Tony to ask, "What kind of stuff"

Tony leans over and drops a kiss on Steve's blond head.

"Oh kid you're going to love it, Tony got a little bit of everything" Clint tells Steve as they watch Steve eyes go wide as he leans over trying to see into the kitchen were all the boxes and bags were left earlier.

"Oh boy"

A/N: Good….Bad…. Another Chapter? Read and Review! I'm thinking there needs to be at least one more of Steve dropping into little head space and just having fun with the Team….Let this writer know what you think?