RICK.
Am I going to disappear? The thought crossed Ren's mind over and over again as he made his way to the hospital. He had tried to assure the Director and the crew that he was okay now and that he didn't need to be checked up, however, they were adamant on him visiting a hospital just in case.
Upon examining him, the doctor concluded that there was nothing wrong with him. That finally got Yashiro and Ogata a little relieved. Yet, Ren wasn't satisfied. It wasn't his health he was worried about. But how he had totally lost himself back there.
One minute he was Ren Tsuruga, driving, and the other, as he tried to dodge crashing into the boy, he was Kuon again. According to what the others told him, he remained paralyzed like that for about fifteen minutes afterwards.
He closed his eyes, and the horrible memories darkened his mind once again. Rick's accident, Tina's tears, it was all his fault. Since five years has passed, he thought he had finally moved on. But turned out, he hadn't.
He shuddered even imagining how things would've ended up if Kyoko hadn't been there to save him.
Would I have stayed stuck in that trance? He wondered. Or would I have lost myself, being crushed by Kuon?
However things would've ended up, one thing was clear: he wasn't remotely ready to face his demons yet. It made him wonder if he had shown haste in agreeing to play the part of BJ, since he wouldn't be able to reach the depth of the character, unless he used all his potential, and that included letting out Kuon and facing what he was most afraid of.
The first time he had been defeated by Kuon, it was the President who had saved him, and this time it was Kyoko. If he always needed to rely on others to be saved, would he ever be ready to face this monster inside of him?
Takarada had assured him he was ready, but the President had also said that he wouldn't be able to do this alone, that he needed her if he truly wanted to challenge this darkness and battle it out.
If you ask me, I think you need her. That girl is your lucky charm. Only she can help you if your past self takes over.
Now that Ren recalled Takarada's words, he was finally starting to understand why the President had created Setsuka. Telling Kyoko that her job was to make sure Ren didn't skip his meals, it was only an excuse. The real reason Takarada was sending her with him on the Tragic Marker set was because he knew how much Ren needed her.
A lucky charm? That's what he had called her. After what happened today, how Kyoko had saved him, Ren couldn't agree more.
After the stunt, he had been completely frozen, surrounded by the demons which had been haunting him for years. He was so cold that he his blood might have turned to ice in his viens; he was chilled to the bone. When all of a sudden, a warmth caressed the skin of his hands and it slowly suffused through out him. His vision resettled, and the first thing he saw was Kyoko's face. Finally coming to the realization that it had all been just a dream, he had smiled from relief. It was then he knew, no matter what was up against, he needed her if he wanted to succeed.
Nobody had even that kind of affect on him except for her. This was proof enough that he wouldn't be able to fight Kuon without her.
His brows creased into a frown. Sooner or later, he'd have to let Kuon resurface, even though he had kept him locked up inside of him all these years. Only thinking about it was enough to let the discomfort show on his face.
"Anything wrong?" Ogata, who had been sitting beside Ren in the car, wondered aloud, reading his face. "You're not feeling sick, are you?"
"No, I'm perfectly fine. The doctor said so too." Ren allowed an easy smile on his face to prove his words. "Sir, once again, I'm really sorry for causing the delay."
"Oh, hush now! It's wasn't your fault! It's wasn't anyone's fault!" The Director sighed. "We can reshoot the scene whenever we get the permit to use the road again." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ren, don't get me wrong, but I think it would be best if you let a stuntsman do the job after all."
"I thought you said I did okay?" Ren was baffled.
"It's not your skills. It's the risk. I can't let my actors risk their lives like that. Would you please let a professional handle the stunt?"
Before Ren could try to protest, Yashiro, who had been driving the car, agreed with the Director.
Though it took some time, but after a lot of convincing the manager with the help of Ogata, was able to convince Ren to give using a stunt double a thought.
The actor didn't agree right away, but being backed into a corner, he acquiesced, saying he would consider it.
That day, Yashiro cancelled the rest of his appointments and told him to go rest at home. Ren, knowing it was no use to argue, did as he was told.
Once he arrived at his apartment, he once again found himself thinking about Kuon, and he slumped down on the couch. After what had happened, Ren knew Kuon could slip out any moment now. And the worst part was: he wasn't sure if he would be able to lock him up again.
At first, whenever he needed to show his dark side for an act, Ren would let Kuon out himself to harness his energy in the portrayal of his character, and as soon as he was done, he would lock him up again.
This had been his plan all along in order to play BJ. Now however, he wasn't sure that after letting Kuon out, if he would be able to seal him off again. The lid he had used to shut him inside himself wasn't at his disposal anymore. He had lived as Ren Tsuruga for years, yet the thought still scared him, that he would lose himself to Kuon if his predecessor ever made an appearance. Just like he was about to loose himself today.
He instinctively reached for his wrist watch and stroked it, remembering that fateful night, when Rick has passed away. Before the guilt could kick in again, as if on cue, his cell phone started ringing. It was Kyoko.
It had taken her all the courage she could gather to finally call him. She had decided not to bother him since he might be in the hospital, but her insane thoughts kept popping up the worst-case scenarios in her mind, and so, in the end, she gave in and called him anyway as she was making her out of the agency.
The seconds ticked by and her heartbeat grew faster while she waited for him to pick up the phone. What if he's asleep? What if he's admitted in the hospital? What if he's too sick to answer the phone and I'm just disturbing him?
But it was too late to back out now, so she left the phone pressed to her ear, her pessimistic thoughts rising with each heavy and distant sound of the bell. Her footsteps slowed to sluggish floundering.
When Kyoko was about to chicken out and disconnect the call, the phone was answered, and her heart wildly hammered against her chest.
"Hello?"
"It's me." She murmured. "How are you now?"
"Kyoko," he sighed her name. She detected a pinch of relief in his voice as he spoke. "I'm fine now. I'm sorry for making you worry like that."
"Are you in the hospital right now?"
"No, I'm already back home. The doctor said there was nothing wrong with me, so I'm back."
"I..." she hesitated, "I'm so relieved."
"Kyoko, there's something I'd like to ask you. Are you free right now?"
"Yes. What is it?" She clutched the phone tighter.
"I've a favour to ask. I know it's a very odd request out of nowhere, so feel free to say no, but..."
"Ren, what is it?"
"Meet me by my apartment and I'll tell you."
Kyoko would've been less surprised if Ren had called her there to coach him how to act. But nothing could've prepared her for what he actually wanted.
"I felt like eating Omurice," he explained with an easy, carefree smile, once Kyoko made it to his apartment. And the following words tumbled out of his mouth: "I thought I should call you over. We could eat together."
The notion alone of Ren Tsuruga actually asking himself to be fed was so out of the blue that Kyoko nearly fainted with worry. This was such a big shock that she wasn't prepared at all for what came after it.
Ren led her to the spacious and unused kitchen in his apartment. Kyoko expected that he had called her to cook for him, but instead he made her sit down at the dining table and asked her to wait while he cooked himself.
Kyoko's jaw fell to the floor. Being too stunned to object, she slumped down on the chair and gazed at Ren with exaggerated shock while he hastily chopped something to pieces on the chopper board. She couldn't exactly see what it was since his back was blocking the view.
Though she could see the stove, on which some eggs were set to boil.
"I'll be done soon," he passed her a sideway smile. "Just wait."
Kyoko blinked. Who are you and what have you done with Ren? Maybe he was actually sick, and the doctor didn't examine him probably. He might have hit his head somewhere during the crash, it was the only plausible excuse.
It took him a better part of half an hour to prepare the meal. When he was finally done, he sauntered over to the dining table where Kyoko awaited him, with a large plate in his hands, on which, his Omurice of very unusual colour was laid out.
"Voilá," he set the plate down. "Bon appetit."
Kyoko studied the dish with curious, and partly concerned eyes. She could see a few pieces of chicken sprinkled along with the topping.
"If you were going to cook it yourself, then why did you say you needed my help?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.
"I do need your help," he affirmed, passing her a bottle of ketchup. "Could you put it on?"
Her frown deepening, Kyoko regardlessly accepted the job and spewed the ketchup on top of the rice in a zigzag pattern.
"Is that enough?" She looked up.
"Yeah," he smiled. "It's perfect. Thanks."
"Don't tell me you called me here just to put ketchup on this?"
"Don't be silly. The real work is just starting." Seating on the chair opposite her, he pushed the plate towards her. "Aren't you digging in?"
Casting one last uncertain glance at Ren, Kyoko spooned out a bite of the Omurice. It took all the effort she could gather to swallow it. The rice were still partly raw, the eggs were burnt, and the chicken was overcooked. In addition to that, the seasoning was all wrong. Kyoko thought no one could make a dish so bad even if they tried.
"So? How is it?" Ren asked, hope brimming in his eyes.
Forcing a smile, Kyoko gulped the food in her mouth, pushing it down her throat. "It's d-delicious."
"Really? Your face is saying something else."
"No, it's really... quite... unique. I've never tasted something so... anything like this before." Pushing the tears down that were threatening to spill out because of the extra spices in the dish, she stretched her lips and gave him a thumbs up.
Ren couldn't hold it in anymore, a chuckle escaped him. "Jeez! If it's that bad, you should just say so!" He pulled the plate back towards himself. "I don't blame you, considering my awful way of making it." With a determined sigh, he picked up the spoon. "Time to defeat the monster."
"Are you saying you purposely made it taste bad?"
"No. It's actually the best I can do. But it still ended up better that my previous attempts."
Scooping out a large spoonful of rice, he put it in his mouth before Kyoko could warn him from eating so much at once.
It tasted nothing like the Omurice Rick used to make, which was what Ren had been going for. After a lot of gagging, he managed to gulp it all down. "Wow, it really is disgusting."
"Don't eat this! I'll make some new for you. Just get rid of this." Kyoko had already sprang up to her feet, but Ren refused, persistently trying to finish the whole plate.
When Kyoko realized that her protests made no affect, she reached for her spoon as well, and joined him. She didn't know the details, but she could guess that there must be a reason Ren was trying so hard to eat it. While he continued, it looked like he was trying to fight someone rather than having a meal. It was the first time she had seen Ren become so serious about food.
Whatever his reasons may be, she decided not to question them and instead, help him with this weird quest. So, wordlessly, she started nibbling on small bites as well.
"You don't have to force yourself. I only wanted you to taste it," Ren said.
"And abandon you at this crucial moment? No way! Since you're going to finish it anyway, and you're not gonna let me make you something else, I might as well help you."
And she kept her word, as they continued to eat together down to the last bite until there wasn't a single grain of rice left.
This Omurice tradition, it had all started with a Chicken.
"This is you, Kuon." Rick had said one day, handing his little friend a rooster, which he was carrying upside down by its small feet.
Kuon's face lit up, and his emerald eyes, which were almost always empty, shone with an unusual excitement. Taking the animal from Rick, he planted it on it's feet and petted it. "I'll name you Brian." He smiled.
"Don't name it! I'm not giving it to you to raise it!" Rick protested.
"Then what?"
"I was saying that this Chicken is all your weakness and fear. Strangle the damn bird with your bare hands and kill it! Eat it, so you can expel it later along with the chicken inside of you!"
Kuon's face fell.
"Don't give me those puppy-dog eyes!" Rick exclaimed. "Your problem is that you're too nice! Those guys would never bother you if you fight back."
His words brought back the customary sadness to the emerald eyes of the younger boy, who looked down to hide his face. "My dad says I should never use my martial arts to hurt people."
"Jeez, I know! If you cause any trouble at all, your parents' career might have to suffer for it. That's why you don't let any scandal happen, but at this rate, you'll never gain the confidence that you need. You'll never be able to become an actor, always staying stuck in the shadow of your parents."
Instead of having the desired affect on Kuon, the words caused a small fraction of the boy's inner feelings to be displayed on his face: which was such darkness that a young boy like him shouldn't ever have had to experience.
Rick's tone softened. "You know what? You kill it, and then I'll make you your special Omurice. That Japanese dish which your Dad used to make for you? I'll make it for you."
On that evening, Rick was making preparations in the kitchen of his apartment so he could cook the Omurice while also waiting for Kuon to come with the main ingredient.
His young friend didn't disappoint him. He arrived soon with a packet of raw meat which he handed to Rick, but before the older boy could respond, he heard the cackle of the same rooster from before as it followed it's master inside.
"What the- you didn't kill it?" Glancing at the packet, Rick kissed his teeth. "You weren't supposed to buy the meat!"
"I didn't wanna kill Brian. I just got him." Kuon mumbled apologetically. "Besides, I got the chicken." He nodded at the packed raw meat. "It's the same thing."
"This is not the same thing! Since you didn't kill it, you're gonna have to cook the Omurice yourself. I'm not helping you!"
"You know I can't cook," Kuon tried protesting, but Rick wasn't moved.
"So? You know the recipe! Just try!"
Rick waited at the dining table for Kuon to be done, who arrived soon with his plate of Omurice, followed by a hard, burning stench.
He placed his creation at the table, and Rick's jaw hung below, as he slapped his forehead. "It's charcoal! I don't even see the rice in it!"
"I used the exact same method which Dad did." Kuon spooned out a bite. "Its just a little burnt, it should taste the same." As he lifted the spoon to his mouth, his features twisted in disgust and he threw up into the sink. The next thing he did was reaching for his plate of Omurice to throw it away.
As he neared the dustbin, Rick seized him by the shoulder. "Don't just toss it!"
"It tastes outrageously shitty!"
Taking the plate from him, Rick put it back on the table. "This is your new initiation. Eat this."
Kuon stared at him blankly for a moment, believing he had heard wrong.
"What? The more formidable your enemy is, the worthier it is to defeat him! Look at these charcoal rice, it's like a monster. And you need to conquer it. Only then you can conquer your inner demons."
Being backed into a corner, Kuon began to eat the torturous dish while Rick cheered him on.
"Make sure you eat it all. If you leave even a single bite, then you'll loose."
"And what if I can't eat it?" The younger boy asked between bites.
"Easy." Rick smiled. "Have the girl you love cast her magic on it. There's no way you can't eat it then. Sometimes, a little support is all you need."
"Did Tina help you as well to get rid of your fears?"
A faraway look shone into Rick's eyes, his lips holding a secretive smile. "I'm who I'm today because of her." Snapping out of his reverie, he shifted his attention back to Kuon. "Enough about me. Wait, what's wrong? Why do you look so hopeless all of a sudden?"
"Yeah, well..." Kuon hesitated, "Miranda dumped me the other day."
"What? You got dumped again? She didn't even last as long as Lorraine!" Rick shook his head. "Tsk, tsk! With a face like yours, you're still so unpopular among the ladies! Are you doing things properly there or are you a chicken in these matters too?"
The skin of Kuon's cheeks burnt into a bright shade of pink, and he looked down. "I was doing everything right! She wasn't unsatisfied, but she still dumped me."
"Yeah well, we'll talk about that later. As for now, since you don't have a girl to help you through it..." Rick let his sentence trail off as he left for the kitchen. He soon returned with a pouch of ketchup, "I'll do the magic." He used the red sauce to write the following letters in bold on the rice:
RELUCK
"Ketchup goes with everything, so it'll definitely taste better. And as for the letters, you'll see that once you eat this, you'll feel way positive. Just imaging that with each bite your luck is getting better and better..."
The memories faded away when Kyoko re-entered the room; her presence pulling Ren back to the present. After they were done, she insisted on cleaning up the mess he had made in the kitchen, and despite his refusal, she commenced anyway.
Now, as she came back, she found Ren lying on the carpeted floor with his head leaning against the sofa and his eyes closed. She sat cross-legged beside him. "Ren? Are you asleep?" She mumbled softly.
He gave a slight shake of his head, without opening his eyes.
"There's something I wanna give you," she continued. "I know you might feel weird, since you're the one who gave it to me in the first place, but I think you need it more that me right now."
This time, Ren did open his eyes, and he found Kyoko handing him her pink, tear-shaped locket. "You're giving me Queen Rosa? But isn't it really special to you?"
"That's why I'm giving it to you." A dreamy lustre sparkled in her hazel eyes. "It's because of her magic that I received so many praises as Natsu. But right now, I think you need her magic more. Whatever it is that you're dealing with which is bothering you, with Queen Rosa, you'll end up just fine. Trust me. Better than fine."
Ren reached out both his hands, but instead of taking the locket from Kyoko, he held it along with her hands. His eyes closed again.
Sparks rippled throughout Kyoko, and she blushed into the deepest shade of red. The only think she could focus on was, unlike before, how warm his hands were. They were almost burning against her skin.
"You're right," Ren smiled. His eyes remaining closed. "I actually do feel better now."
To be continued.