SBIGlets

Chapter 10: AMC Presents: The Walking Meth: Part 3

Beginning AN:

Hey sorry for rushing this.

This... definitely the finale of the Walking Meth trilogy, if not all of SBIGlets.

This is primarily a fanfic of: Breaking Bad

So then Walt and Jesse were just kind of puzzled. Well Jesse as usual being a dumbass didn't know what was wrong when there was very obviously something that was.

"What's wrong, Mr. White?" Asked Jesse.

"We need a new Kingpin now that Gus is dead." Walt snapped his fingers. "Mike! Look in to whoever is there."

Then someone knocked on the door of the MNeth Lab.

"I AM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS! Shouted Walt, who shot hrough the door and killed someone. "Mike get that please."

Mike opened it. There was a dead Nazi shot through the forehead! (By Walt.)

"Oh wow we shot a Nazi." Said Walt.

"Are they going to be mad at us?" Asked Jesse.

"Um no acually." Said Jack, who snuck up on them. Walt, Mike, Jesse, and even Saul - who were all there at the Meth Lab regrouping after Gus's fall - jumped in surpris. "We're honored that you managed to kill one of our own. It's the Nazi Initiation Ceemony, you kill a Nazi, you get to be a Nazi. Kind of like Hitler'ssuicide."

"I'm manlier than you are." said Walt. "I have the bigger penis to prove it."

"What about the time you were turned in to a chicken?" Asked Jesse. "A girl chicken?"

"We make meth and want to work with you." Jack said, ignoring Jesse because he thought he was an idiot. (He is but I don't want ot ssay Jack is right because Jack is a Nazi..)

"Okay how do I know it's better than us working just the four os uf?"

"It's a lot of Nazis making meth. We have the entire Areola Brotherhood working that's a lot since there's a lot of Nazis."

"How much?"

"Obviously not all white people." Jack nodded. "Unlike what some Tumble people say, while all Nazis are white people, not all white people are Nazis, it's like thums being fingers but finger aren't thumbs."

"Hey." Said Todd, who was like Jack's nephew or son or something. I dont remember, my English isn't that good. "I have this black friend who says he's a Nazi then what about him?"

"...He should probably leave. Anyway, we want to work with you." Jack said.

"Make it working FOR me and you've got yourself a deal!" Said Walt.

"Ok."

"Lick my boots to proove it."

Jack bent over and licked Walter White's boots.

"Good boy. Now, we meet tomorrow at nine. We're going to cook."

he walked off, then snapped his fingers. A nervous Jesse, Mike, and Saul followed after him.

"...Are you sure you want to do that?" Asked Todd.

"Don't worry we'll just pretend that we're helping him but backstab, since we have no fucking moral compass whatsoever! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!" Said Jack.

But Walt, being clever, was using Emerald Meth, which allows people to listen in on conversations! He heard that!

"Oh they think they have the upper hand, but it is actually ME who will be using THEM!" Walt laughed. "HA HA HA!"

"BITCH!" Jesse shouted. "I can't believe you're teaming up with NAZIS! They're RACIST!"

"Jesse, I can explain!" Said Walt. "It's for my family!"

Jessse just pointed at him angrilly. "YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD FAMILIES? THE PEOPLE NAZIS KILLED!"

"So..." tears started forming in Walter White's eyes. "Are you leaving me...?"

"YES! I'M OUT, BITCH!"

And then Jesse went away.

"JESSE WAIT! YOU ARE LIKE A SON TO ME! MY ONLY SON!"

"WHAT ABOUT WALTER JR BITCH?!"

Then something hit Walt. "Oh yeah I forgot about him. Shit."

"Hey, I'm here." Walt said to Jack.

"Ok." Jack replied. "Didn't you have this guy who said 'bitch' a lot?"

"He quit." Walt sniffed in sorrow.

"Oh. He sounds like a pussy. He also says 'bitch,' instead of the better 'cunt,' so he's a pussy. Oh wait, is that also a not-as better wrd? Eh..."

While he thought about it, Walt folded his arms.

"So do you want me to cook or not?"

"I don't know. How good of a cook can Jesse be?"

"Oh, he's the greatest. It helps that he eats metha lot, so he'll know about its quality and texture."

"Hrm..." Jack said, which was foreshadowing.

Jesse was throwing another party withhis meth money-

Or rather, should I say... it was Jesse's FRIENDS THAT HAD THE IDEA!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Jesse asked, coming clean. "NO THE METH PETOPLE ARE ACTUALLY BAD!"

His friends looked at him. Badger, who was playing a record payer, purposefully stopped the record with a scratch. Because it was Skinny Pete's and he risked ruining it, Pete slapped him.

"I am gonna make a new stand and do something good!" Jesse said. "I hate the Nazis! And they're apparently now affiliated with the drug dealsers, so I'm going against the drug dealers! At least, the Nazi Drug Dealers! I am going to fight a war against Nazis!"

"Won't they just kill you?" Asked Jane. "Nazis are infamous for being hard to kill. Like cockroaches."

"Yeah and like cockroaches if you cut off one head, three more appear." Said badger.

"No dumbass that's not cockroaches that's starfish." Skinny Pete corrected. And he laughed. "I wonder if that means Patrick Star was a lot of penises."

"AM I THE ONLY ONE TAKING THIS SERIOUSLY?!" Jesse asked.

Everyone looked at him.

"Yeah." Said Combo.

"GOD DAMMIT!"

"I'll take you seriously." Said Andrea. "We can fight Walter White together."

"Walter White was my high school teacher that I never payed attention to." Jesse said depressed. "That.. thing that took him over is Heisenburg."

Badger put on a solemn face. "Oh fuck. Isn't that the guy who invented the lightning rod?"

"No that's George Washington you fucking dumbass!" Skinny Pete replied.

They both laughed.

"Being high is great!" Said Badger. "Drugs are great!"

Jesse meanwhile was getting frustrated with the lack of results.

In order to take Walter White down, he'd have to... he'd have to...

(DEA)

Jesse was at the DEA place.

It looked kind of like one of those future buildings. You know, with glass and flying cars. There was also tanks there and a sign above the tanks that said "DRUG USERS FUCK OFF OR WE'LL RUN YOU OVER WITH THESE! THEY ALSO HAVE ROCKET BOOSTS!"

So Jesse shouted: "I WAS DID DRUGS! AND COOKED AND SELLED THEM!"

There was one of those gate speaker thingies. Jesse was pressing the button for it. The button then pushed out so Jesse couldn't hold it (that's how these work only one person can push the button and communicate at the time) and asked: "What was it pot? Because we have bigger problems than pot."

"IT WAS METH!"

The speaker cgasped!

"AND NOT JUST ANY METH! HEISENBERG METH! I KNOW WHO HEISENBERG IS! HIS NAME IS... WALTER WARTWELLL WHITE!"

"Who the fuck is this bitch?" Walt asked.

"Ths is Lydia." Said Jack. "Queen of the Chezh Republic."

"The what republican?"

Lydia was there, and as the Queen she had a big purple robe on and a crown. If you say this looks like ice King I'll kick your ass, I hate that show after it went philosophical and boring filler and nothing happening for plenty of episodes.

"The Check Republic." Lydia siad. "You see, theere's a lot of meth users there, so we capitalize on our drug trade empire going there. It's way more effective than America. In fact, the drug game is very powerful there. So powerful, that if you're a dealer, the corrupt citizens can vote you queen and do all kinds of neat shit, even assassinating the previous queen. I am now the leader of the Czek Republic thanks to these actions." She rubbed her hands together evilly.

"How do I get to be King of the Shrek Republic?" Walt asked. Him saying 'Shrek' wasn't a typo it's a reference to the movie because he's dumb.

"Woah, fuck off." Said Lydia. "Find your own drug country to rule!"

"Like Mexico?"

"Kind of racist."

"We're Nazis so we don't mind." Said Jack.

Lydia continued: "The only way you can be king of Chec Republic is 1: Dethrone me, and no, you hurt me, Jack my alley of sorts will cut your head off."

"Nah, I'll cock and ball torture you first." Siad Jack. "It will hurt a lot."

"2: Or you can be king by marrying me, and I mean... ew."

Walt got mad and insecure. "What do you mean I'm DAMN SEXY!"

"Shut it. So, we will be working with the Nazis to make the ultimate Meth Empire that can rule the world. Of whatever country as you wish."

"I wanna rule the Czech Republic!" Walt said.

Lyria just got mad at him. "AGAIN THAT'S MY COUNTRY!"

"I FUCKING KNOW! AND I'LL TAKE IT OVER."

Lydia kicked Walter, making him fall over.

"ARGH!" He shotued. "JACK! DO SOMETHING!"

Jack shrugged. "Well, shit. You two are supposed to be our leads in making money. Is there any way I can get you two to get along?"

Walt just raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, right, I forgot who I was talking to, HAHAHAAH!"

Walt then went back to the Lab where Mike and Saul were. Not Jesse though, foreshadowing that he was gone and at a paryty regretting his life choices.

"Okay so we have a deal with the Nazis. I think." Said Walt.

Mike sighed. "And WHY?!"

"They know how to distribute meth. Even more than that Gas guy or whatever his name was did!"

"...Well... as long as you're not being a Nazi, just teaming up with them..." Mike coughed. Not from cancer that was Walt's thing, but from the nervousness. "God I still don't like this-"

"TOO BAD MOTHERFUCKER! WALT'S WORKING FOR THE NAZIS TO MAKE METH NOW!"

Mike and Saul just gave each other "Oh boy..." looks.

But Walt got to wokr. "Okay, I think Jesse's not working for me any more, because he's a whiny bitch, ironic because he's also the guy who says 'bitch' a lot."

He began cooking, and Mike and Saul slowly went to him to try to work-

"HEY! That's NOT what you do! You are NOT! the cooks! Mike, you shoot people! Saul, you sue people! DO THAT!"

"Okay." Mike shrugged.

Walt's phone rang. "Yes? Hello? ...Uh-huh? Uh-huh. Okay, guys, we have a mission. There's a train with lots of meth ingredients, the Nazis want us to rob it and stuff."

Then Felicia walked in.

Walt looked at her in confusion.

"Wait, what? I forgot abot you." He said.

"Yeah... I'm here...? Did I hear you say something about the Nazis?"

"Uh... yeah! I was just saying... Nazis are bad!"

"Oh, okay."

Then she walked away.

Walt told Saul and Mike: "Felciia strikes me as like Jesse in being a goody two-shoes, but goodier. don't tell her about the Nazis. Or she'll leave, and I'll kill you. In fact, I'll kill you if you leave anyway. Felicia is a really good fighter and nice to have as a bodygurd."

They both nodded.

"Alright! Anyway, Mike, speaking of killing shit, there's a mission. Meth ingredients are on this train. Let's go there. Saul you stay here in case someone to sue pops up."

Saul gave him a sarcastic salute.

(The Train)

"Oh hi this is Todd." Said Jack, showing his nephew. "He's my nephew. And I think he'es here to cook in place of Jesse, who was too much of a pussy to work for us Nazis."

Walt nodded. "You already look like a nice replacement for Jesse. So what is this?"

"I just said. A train heist."

So they were on the desert outside the train, and then jumped on the train, ready to heist.

"HA-HA!" Jesse's voice was over the PA. "BITCH, I TOLD THE DEA ABOUT THE TRAIN HEIST AFTER LOOKING AT YOUR BROSING HISTORY MR. WHITE! THEY SET UP A TRAP! ALSO THEY SET UP A TRAP BACK IN YOUR OLD DRUG LAB!"

Then DEA robots were stationed there! And they had guns built in to their arms!

"SO! HOLY HELL MY IN-LAW IS A DRUGGIE?!" Hank's voice over the PA! "I GUESS ALL THE SITCOM TROPES ABOUT THE IN-LAWS BEING BAD WERE RIGHT!"

"OH NO!" Said Walt. "THAT'S NOT ME WALTER WHITE IT'S HEISENBURG! HE'S A DIFFERENT, IF EQUALLY SEXY, GUY!"

"YOU CAN'T FOOL ME WALT! YOU ARE NOW WORLD'S MOST WANTED!"

Then all the security turrets started firing!

"ARGH!" Shouted Walt. "I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE AN EASY METH HEIST! THAT'S WHY WE ROBBED A TRAIN AND NOT SAY A BANK!"

"If we robbed a bank, we oculd just get money directly, and wouldn't need to cook meth." Said Jack.

"True."

"Hey am I still working with this ashole?" Asked Lydia. "I don't fucking like him."

Jack, Walt, and Mike (not Saul he was staying to sue people) went around dodging the gunfire, they were on top of the caboose and then they dropped in and got there. Lydia followed them but got shot in the ass on her way and was annoyed.

"THE METH INGREDIENS ARE AT THE FRONT OF THE TRAIN!" Said Walt.

"Hey," said Mike, "what if this is all a fake? I mean, the DEA's on to us, so maybe this entire train is set up as a fake?"

"Nah that would be dumb. They didn't just create a train to blow it up, the DEA isn't ran by Michael Bay."

"Honestly It kinda feels like it is..."

Oh, Todd was keeping watch on the radio. In case anybody tried to sneak off and head to the lab.

Anyway, the four stormed to the front of the train, Jack, Walt, Mike, and Lydia.

"ALRIGHT ALL THE METH INGREDIENTS ARE THERE IN THE BAGS! KILL THE CONDUCTOR! LEAVE NO WITNESSES!" Walt ordered.

"I WANT TO SAY SHUT UP I'M THE BRIANS HERE BUT YOU JUST SAID WHAT I WOULD SAY!" Said Lydia.

"WELL I'M SMARTER THAN YOU! I'M SMARTER THAN EVERYBODY! I AM THE DEVIL!"

Anyway, they turned the conductor around in the seat and...

IT WAS A BLOWUP DOLL! With Hank doing the Happy Hank face on it!

"HAHAHA FUCK YOU DRUGGIES!" A voice recording played! It was a trap all along!

Walt grabbd one of the bags anyway and ran, especially because the doll said "THREE... TWO... ONE..."

They all started running away-

BOOM! The doll blew up the entire engine, also blasting off th tracks ahead and behind, so that the train went off the rails... and was diving straight to a cliff!

"Are my minions still alive?!" Walt asked.

"I'm ok." Sad Jack.

"same." Said Lydia.

Then Mike dropped, on fire and running around screaming.

"MIKE!" Walt shouted. "DAMMT YOU'RE THE ASSASSIN WITH THE GUN AND COOL!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AN LET ME DIE IN PEACE!" Shouted Mike, running around screaming on fire, then he fell. Dead.

"Okay we have to do something about falling off the cliff.

Todd asked on the radio, "EVERYTHING ALIVE?!"

"MIKE'S DEAD."

"OK."

A boy with a pet spider was also there-

"NO WITNESSES!" Shouted Toss who SHOT the boy and killed him, then took his spider and went "Hm... will I be able to go Spider Man with this?" He let the spider out of the har (I thought it was mean that the spider still got trapped in the jar so it should have a way out) and then bit him on the shoulder.

"A-HA!" Todd shouted. "NO I'M SPIDER MAN!"

But what really happened was that he just collapsed. Spider bites don't give you superpowers! Meth does!

So back to the train falling off the cliff, Jack took out a Nazi jetpack and used it to fly around. Walt snuck in some Flight Meth in his pocket and ate it, allowing him to fly, so he flew out. But that left Lydia.

"NOOOOO!" Shouted Lydia as she had no meth of any kind - - Walt pickpocketed it from her!

"HA!" Shouted Walt. "I KNEW YOU WOULD BRING METH WHEN I SAID NOT TO BRING ANY KIND OF METH SO THAT ENSURED THAT I COULD JUST PICKPOCKET YOU AND HAVE SOME MYSELF!" Yeah Walt said no meth on the mission and actually Saul said it but Walt told Saul to say it since Saul's the law guy and thus smart people would think Saul was the one with the idea so they'd listen to him except Lydia for this is because Walt knows that people think Saul is smarter than Walt Walt thinks he's the smarter one but really Saul is. "AAHHAHAHAHA YOU'RE A STUPID BITCH LYDIA DIE!"

"Wow, you sure like saying 'bitch' a lot, just like that Jesse guy." Said Jack. "Is he rubbing you off?"

"No I just call women that. He says it left and right like a fucking idiot."

The train fell off and hit the desert ground and explorded car by car. It kept falling off, like a long chain of shit being diarrhea'd out exept not since that's usually liquid instead of a solid coil. Hahaha exploside diarrhea like Taco Bell.

"So now what?" Jack asked.

"Well... there's now an empty throne..." Walt said with a grin.

he flew... to the Check Republic.

"Wait." Said Jack. "Your plan was to run low on supplies and rob a train for meth that was a trap, onmly just so that you don't get any meth from the train, two of our partners die, including the assassin guy, the DEA now knows who you are simnce Jesse turned you in, Felicia our powerful demon catwoman is hanging on to us by a thread lie and will turn against us, and what did you get out of it? Your plan is just to kill Lydia in a super convulva way and we're without Mike."

"I GET TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT AND THE DEA IS ALSO AFTER YOU NOW AND I'M THE RULER OF THE CHECK!"

"Okay that's brilliant. but you know we're Nazis and we're a pretty tough criminal empire."

"DEAL WITH IT!" And then Walt flew over, up and away from the US, because his Fly Meth lasted longe rthan Jack's jetpack, Jack was only able to get up to the cliff. He stared at Todd evilly. (Not in that way Todd's his nephew ew.)

"Todd." Said Jack. "Walt betrayed us. It's time to bring in the Nazis."

(Czech Republic)

Walt flew over to Lydia's castle - it looked like a typical midevil castle - just in time for the Fly Meth to waear off, and then he sat in her throne.

"PEOPLE OF THE CZECH REPUBLIC!" Walt shouted. "I AM YOUR NEW LEADER NOW AND THE METH KING! LYDIA IS DEAD! GOOD RIDDANCE THE BITCH! LONG LIVE THE KING!"

"LONG LIVE THE KING!" The meth servants all chanted.

"Okay first Tuco's gang was no, then Gus's group I kinda killed off, then the Nazis I pissed off, I need new minions..."

This is where Intermission 2 came in to play! He heard about a rouge group - a cabbage guy, a waterbending redneck, and a hippie, and decided to hire them! He also called forth Felicia, who still did not know.

Saul looked outside of his lab, as Felicia cheered saying "Hey I have a new job now can you teleport me to the Check Republic?" And Saul - VERY reluctantly and with guilt - did that. When he teleported back, he loked outside again, and saw Nazis marching through the streets.

"I need to get out of here."

So he visited that guy that erases identities and gives new ones and he became... GENE. He even shaved his head a bit and turned black and white.

"FUCK!" Gene shouted. "This was exactly what I DIDN'T want to happen!"

So he teleported, one last time maybe...

In the DEA headquarters, Jesse was huddled there scared and traumatized.

"Hey, don't worry." Said Hank. "Steve and I will beat him."

"You don't understand, he has Nazis with him. NAZIS!"

"Historically the Nazis had a shit government and system, they were falling apart from the inside, they broke down because they were a flawed group to begin with. They'll die out, we'll just pick them apart faster."

"...Uh... okay?"

"Anyway we found their Lab base, because you told us that. Don't worry you're fine. After the Nazs, we'll take on Walter White."

"NO NO NO OT HIM HE'S LITERALLY SATAN!"

"We're the DEA. We've beaten Satan before, we can beat him again." Hank laughed.

Anyway, they sent choppers and tanks to the Lab. The Lab had a sign on it reading "THERE ARE NO NAZIS HERE GO AWAY" and Hank just laughed, "Oldest trick in the book!" he said.

"THIS IS THE DEA!" Hank shouted. "YOU ARE NAZIS AND YOU ARE DRUG DEALERS! YOU ARE DEAD!"

Jack walked out and smoked as he went to the remote armed super-helicopter with guns and looked the barrel of a gun right in the eye.

"No." He said. "You're dead."

Jack turned around and ran away, also dropping the cigarrette from his mouth. "WHAT WAS I THINKING?!" He shouted. "THAT WAS A BAD IDEA!"

He reached back and slid on the floor like Indiana Jones to grab his cigarette since he dropped it. Unfortunately he dropped it in dog shit(when Gus was around, he made sure the lab wouldn't have animals shitting so he had chicken drones disguising themselves as just fast food ad robot thingies to spay water at them to get them away, and that water was also used to clean it up since Gus was resourceful. The dogshit is symbolic of how the lab also fell to shit after Gus died).

Anyway, the DEA did a pretty good job blasting up the Lab with all sorts of bombs and stuff. But Jack had a secret weapon! He ate whaichever color of meth it was that granted LASER VISION and LASER blasted the choppers and the like, sending Hank and Steven down to the ground where they must fought on foot.

Both Hank and Gomez went back-to-back with thier guns out, and they were surrounded by Nazis. The Nazis with their guns and turrets as part of the Lab (well actually Gus' but rebranded with Heisenburg) were shooting down other agents.

"Looks like this is it." Said Steven.

"It was nice working with you, Gomez." Said Hank. "But this may be our final mission."

"Let's do it in style."

"NOT 'MAY BE,' IT IS!" Shouted Jack.

And then Jack took out a swastia chainsaw and immediately shadow ninja'd them to death, cutting them both in half and the halves fell! Todd was watching and was like "Ok."

Jack took a selfie with the corpses behind him and sent it to Walt's phone. The price was hgh becaue they were on the opposite sides of the earth but it was worth it.

"Now what?" Asked Todd, while the Nazis were winning. They were mostly using a lot of human shields to clog up the DEA robots.

"Now, we follow Walt, that bastard, to the Czeck Republic for betraying us. It's the moral lesson of the story, you don't mess with the Nazis, or we'll remove you."

Jack Welker looked around. "Okay my niggas I think we've killed enough DEA let's go to the CR." He said the N word even though he was white because he was a Nazi! What a dick!

Walt got the message as he was surrounded by the Intermission characters, the Cabbage guy, Hippie, Swampbender, and Felicia, he looked and saw the dead brother in law and that made him mad.

"NO! NAZI BASTARDS KILLED HANK SCHRADER! AND THAT GUY HE'S FRIENDS WITH! JACK WELKER I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU!"

"Wait Nazis?" Asked Felicia.

"We got in to a fight with them. Purely a fight." Walt replied.

But Walt stormed off to the new lab in the Lydia Castle. It wasn't even a superlab, it was an ULTRALAB!

And the ultra lab... he didn't have Jesse as a cook or even Todd as a shitty replacement cook, but he did have the right ingredients and chemistry expert to work well... he created the ultimate weapon of all. The most powerful meth.

Black meth.

He took a lot of power to generate it, and had to mix lots of other meths together, but he got a single tiny nugget, all he needed.

Right as he was about to eat it, he was maybe having doubts of going that far, but then he get a text message from Jack:

"I'm also gonna tell Skyler and Walter Jr. and Marie everything LOL." He said. "And maybe turn Jesse in to a slave for meth. and a sexy sex slave at it, ;)"

"OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T!" Then Walt ate it!

It made him pass out!

(Walt's Mind)

Walt saw the Cancer again as the gray zodiac cancer symbol in case you forgot (because I did). He (Walter obviously how could a sign grin) was grinning.

"WELL WELL WELL I FINALLY OVERCAME YOU!" Walt triumphantly shouted. "THIS BLACK METH WILL TRANSFORM MY BODY, IN TO A BETTER BODY THAT CAN ALSO ELIMINATE YOU!"

"BUT IF YOU DO THAT..." said the Lung Cancer, "THEN YOU'D HAVE NO MORE NEED FOR METH!"

"I MEAN... YEAH?"

"SO YOU'D TAKE OFF THE EMPIRE AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE NOW THAT YOU'RE CURED AND HAVE ANOTHER LIKE THIRTY YEARS OF YOUR LIVE?"

"NO! I CAME THIS FAR! I MUST BE METH MAN, EVEN IF I AM NO LONGER CANCER MAN! YOU WERE THE PUSH I NEEDED IN ORDER TO BE A BETTER PERSON! IF ANYYTHING, I COULD SAY THANK YOU! BECAUSE WITHOUT ME GETTING CANCER, I WOULD HAVE NEVER GOTTEN GOD!"

"NOOOOO WALT LISTEN TO YOURSELF! YOU NEED TO BE LIKE JESSE! TURN GOOD!"

"FUCK YOU YOU WERE TRYING TO KILL ME WITH INFECTING MY LUNGS WITH TUMOS! I HAVE NO SYMPATHEY FOR CANCER IT'S THE MAIN REASON PEOPLE ARE TOO SCARED OF CHEMISTRY, BECAUSSE THEY SAY CHEMICALS CAUSE CANCER SO THEY DON'T WANT TO MIX IN WITH THEM EVEN HOUGH CHEMISTRY IS A WONDERFUL SUBJECT! I SHOULD BE HAVING MY NOBEL PRISE! NOT DEALING WITH YOUR ASS!"

Walt laughted as black electricity surrounded him. Then he also shocked at the cancer. The electrification took away the Zodiac disguise of the cancer and showed it as a pink blob of flesh with tumors everywhere, the true form, right in time for the Cancer to cry out in pain as it died. The Cancer fell over, in its true form, fried, and then exploded.

Walter White was cured of his cancer... at what cost?

Then he woke up.

In the real world, yes Walter White got rid of his cancer, then he woke up, and the Black Meth began transforming him. He turned in to this ashy black and reddish pink... stuff, with mists and clouds of black and red forming around, expanding, some of it mixed with water and made like tar, but a lot of it was dust in the air that swirled around Lydia's castle.

"Wh... what's going on?" Asked Felicia. "I'm scared..."

"Hey man dang ol' I'm gettin' some bad vibes man." Said Huu.

"Yeah man... the aura's all... bad." Said the hippie guy. Chong, right?

The Cabbage Merchant was just like "Oh SHIT I dug myself in deep didn't I?"

Walt broke off from the basement floor as a giant, he looked like some kind of flying hydra snake thing (I don't know use your imagination I rushed this... as usual I rush a lot) and roared.

"Say my name." He said in a voice of the legion, hellfire coming from his mouths.

"W... Mr. White...?" Felicia asked, scared.

"No... Walter White was my pussy civilian Ned Flanders name. Heisenburg was my WEAK meth dealing name. I have ascended beyond either of those things. I am... I AM...

"WALTER BLACK! METH GOD!" And then the thunder roared over him and lightning struck!

Then his phone rang. With one of the many, many black meth powers being connections to phones and stuff, he was able to answer it psychically.

"Hello?" He said.

"Hi this is Skylar." It was Skyler!

"YOU BITCH!" Walter Black roared.

"Yeah um this Jack guy hacker hacked in to my phone and told me everything. Uh right, fuck you."

"ROAAAAR!"

"I have someone who wants to speak to you I think you'd want to hear..." she had a mischevious grin. Walt could see it with his clairvoyance. (Or is that just voyerism?)

"Hey Did." It was Walter White Jr.!

"Wait Walter Jr?!" Walt asked, confused.

"FUCK YOU! IT'S FLYNN NOW! FLYNN WHITE! I'VE DISOWNED YOU!"

Walt's jaws all dropped in shock!

"I HEARD ABOUT YOU WORKING FOR THE METH, THEN THAT GUS KILLER GUY, AND THEN FINALLY, THE GODDAMN NAZIS?! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! AND YOU ACTED LIKE A MISOGYNIST, TO YOUR WIFE, TO EVERY WOMAN, NO WONDER YOU CAN'T GET LAID! YOU ARE A BIGGER MONSTER, THAN ANYBODY ON GAME OF THRONES! GOODBYE FOREVER, 'DAD' MORE LIKE 'DICK!'"

He hung up.

Walt collapsed on his knees and tentacles and started crying.

"NOOOOOO!" He shouted. "MY FAMILY! THE REASON I SAID I WAS DOING THIS! JUST LIKE THAT, THEY'RE... THEY'RE... GONE!"

Jack was flying to the Czech Republic on a Nazi jet. "AHAAH I'M GONNA KEEP FUCKING YOUR LIFE!"

Then Walt made a psychic tentacle attack split the jet in half over the sea, killing him instantly.

"TOD I WANT YOU TO AVENGE ME AND CARRY FORTH MY WILL!" He shouted before he died.

Jesse was hiding in a bunker with his friends. Fire was all over Alberquirque as the wrath of the Nazis cloaked it with the firey powers.

"We have to fight back and maybe start with Mr. White." Said Jesse to his friends.

"We could use the powers of meth on our side!" Said Badger.

"NO!" Jesse shouted. "NO MORE METH! I WANT US ALL TO BE ON WITHDRAWL!"

Jane was twitching. "Can I be an exception I think I'm in too deep I just accept that I am anaddict."

"NO! NO METH! OR HEROINE! OR OTHER DRUGS!"

"BUT I NEED THE DRUGS!"

"EVERYONE HERE IS GOING CLEAN! THE DRUGS ARE TOO MUCH RABBIT HOLE!"

But because Jane was too much of an addict, she started going mad from the lack of drugs! She went feral, ripping off her clothes and barking and crawling on the walls and ceiling of the room!

"SEE?!" Jesse said. "THE MORE YOU METH, THE HARDER IT IS TO UNMETH!"

"So like..." Said Skinny Pete. "Just don't unmeth?"

"BUT ALSO THE MORE YOU METH, THE MORE YOUR BODY BREAKS DOWN!"

Jane fell off the ceiling and there was a loud crack when she hit the ground. She screamed "OW! RARGH RARHHH..."

Jesse patted her on the forehead. "Okay so if we somehow beat Walter White at his castle we can use his stuff to wipe out the Nazis attacking Alberquerque and save the world!"

"...How are we going to get the the Cezch Republic?" Asked Andrea.

"...The DEA gave me a plane in case the entire United States was too histile and it was it turns out. The plane also has a car we'll all use together:"

Jesse put on a pair of shades because this was the endgame, he said the name of the car:

"El Camino."

Speaking of the Nazis (I mean four lines ago), Todd broke down the door!

"Oh Jessse..." he said. "My Uncle Jack's dying words were to make you in to my meth slave! You're a better cook than me, so you'll cok meth for us. It's nothing personal it's just what my uncle wants."

Jane sniffed the air. "METH I SMELL METH! MINE METH!"

And then she jumped on him! All while Todd was screaming!

"OTHER NAZIS HELP ME! I'M BEING ATTACKED!"

"OH SHIT HE HAD BAKCUP?!" Asked Badger.

"Yeah duh that's what bad guys do did you think Todd came by himself?"

And yeah the other Nazis were there!

But Jesse had a bag of fulminate murcury lying around in defense. he picked a crystal up, remembered the fonder side of working for Mr. White, and shouted "THIS IS NOT MEH!" with tears in his eyes as he threw it down and it exploded, making a smokescreen.

"GO GO GO LET'S SNEAK OUT COME ON WE HAVE TO BE STEALTHY AND QUIET!" Jesse shouted. Andrea and Skinny Pete were able to walk with him but he had Badger's hand held and was leading him by the arm. Jane was following them, sniffering around. The fact that she didn't smell the Not Meth was foreshadowing that it was Not Meth, Walt's bombs.

So they made it using their street skills breaking in to the DEA building (Badger and Skinny Peter did this a lot; Jessse and Jane did it moreso but Jane in this case since she was feral from withdrawl climbed over it like the Grudge.) Where yeah there was the plane, with a message from Hank: "Take in emergency and be safe. I'll meet you in Alaska or something." And Jesse nodded.

"SHIT WHERE'S JANE I DIDN'T SEE HER IN THE NOT METH CLOUD!" He shouted. He didn't look while they were running through from their bunker to the DEA because he was just looking forward scared of his life.

Jane was on top of Badger's head curiously picking at it and gnawing it.

"Okay bitch, the gang's all here, let's do this!" Jesse said as heroic words of inspiration. "For your son!" To Andrea. "For getting clean!" To Jane. "For... yeah!" To Badger and Skinny Pete. "Let's kick Mr. White's ass and save the world!"

They got in the plane.

It turned out Todd survived since Jane just clawed at him a lot. He lost both eyes though and had bloody scratch marks but he was still alive and well. He clung on to the plane and laughed as they took off and flew.

"THIS IS A DEA PLANE SO TAKE THIS NAZIS!" Shouted Jesse as he pushed the IN CASE OF DRUGS PUSH THIS button and it fired missiles at the Naz army terrorizing New Mexico! But they were mad so they set up their Nazi Mothership to fly over, but like the movie Independence Day Jesse fired a missile up it and it blew up, and the Arrow Brotherhood held up white flags in surrender and the remains the DEA grabbed them and arrested them.

"THE NAZIS ARE NO MORE!" Shouted Jessse. "WELCOME TO EARTH! NOW THAT WE SAVED AMEICA, LET'S SAVE THE CZECH REPUBLIC BITCH!"

"Um now it's the rest of the world." Said Andrea, who was reading on the news on her smartphone. "Walter Black is spreading through all of Europe and Asai and Africa, and may hit Austrailia, then cross the ocean and hit the Americas."

"Well at least Antartica sounds safe." Said Badger. "I like penguins."

(The Czeck Republic... actually no, as Walter Black's blob Calamity Ganon form went around he crossed all the "YOU ARE NOW ENTERING" signs and replaced them with... WAALTER BLACKVILLE!)

"NOOO HE TOOK OVER EUROP!" Said Badger. "AMERICA WITH BOOBIES!"

"This has gone on for two long..." Said Jesse.

He flew the plane to Walt and put his hands on his chest.

"Mr. White... please..." Jesse said. "It doesn't have to be this way. You can rehab the Black Meth and be free, start a new life maybe, something like tht... give up the meth empire."

"FUCK YOU I'm Walter Black now, and I intend to stay that way! I am amazing! I am incredible! Minions, go after them!"

He made a platform of Malice float up with Felicia, Chong, Huu, and Cabbage Merchant on it.

"Why are you trying to fight Mr. White please don't I mean he's... the good guy...? Or was compared to Gus?" Asked Felicia.

"Well, you see, he works with Nazis." Badger answered.

"Oh really shit I guess we're turning against him." Felicia said.

"Yeah man, Nazis go against our hippie vibe." Said Chong.

"Dangol yaw man, like dangolnazis be like worldwartwoman like PEW PEW PEW hell naw man I ain't workin' with those shits man I'll tellyouwhat I kick those dang ol' Nazi ass man." Said Huu.

Todd meanwhile jumped off the ship and snuck in to the castle.

Anyway, Walt's four "minions" jumped off the platform and to the plane.

"We're joining you." Said Felicia.

"NO YOU'RE NOT!" Shouted Walt. One of the powers of the Black Meth was that people who used drugs recently can be controlled. Fortunately, Jesse and his gang were in withdrawl just long enough to not be controlled, but Chong smoked pot.

"Must... defeat... naysayers..." He said, walking around like a zombie.

Huu just punched him and he was knocked out.

"Mr. White please... listen..." Jesse said.

"NO! TALKING THINGS OUT IS FOR PUSSIES! THE DICK THING TO DO IS A FIGHT TO THE DEATH!"

Skinny Pete shrugged. "I mean, fighting to death is kind of a dick thing. 'Dick' as in 'asshole.' Assholes though, they don't fight to the death, if they have a problem, they just shit it out."

That gave Jesse an idea! He thought it over...

It was a bad idea.

But then Walt slashed the plane and it started falling.

"EVERYONE!" Jesse shouted. "TO THE EL CAMINO!"

It could only five four people though, Felicia grabbed the unconcious Chong and jumped out with her cat reflexes to make sure he was safe. Huu vinebended to get Cabbage Merchant although he screamed "MY CABBAGES" because he wasn't able to save them (he carried them while on the platform for some reason) Badger went to the emergency escape and shot himself out like a cannon, landing on the back lawn of the castle.

"We'll help from here by hacking in to Mr. White's codes!" Felicia radio'd Jesse as he, Andrea, Skinny Pete, and a Feral Jane got in to El Camino. (The Road.)

So the Camino (I'll stop bolding it so you won't get it confused with Walter Black) fired out of the plane like in the movie 2012 and rode along the castle trail. Everybody got guns and stuff except Jane who was growling and howling to the moon. Even Jesse grabbed guns and he was driving.

Jesse sighed. "I really didn't want to do this Mr. White, but... if it's the only way..."

Then a bunch of those target pointing lasers were aimed at him and his friends.

"Oh shit." He said. Right, Walt had Guardian Lasers.

"HEY WALTER!" Shouted Badger, on the opposite side. That took his attentoin and stopped the pointing red laser target things on Jesse and company! "RIGHT HERE!"

Walt brought a claw to slash at him, but suddenly a blue blur came rushing around and knocked him like a pinball a few tims. It was Felicia, who was dashing around at high speeds and clawing at him! Huu was also vinebending to try holding Walt back, by slashing him with plants and holding him down with vines like chaining him to the seabed. Oh, Lydia's castle had a moat, and the water around it wasn't treated very well, there was a lot of moss and vines there, that's how Huu was vinebending.

Chong distrated him with hippie music.

The Cabbage Merchant planted a head of cabbage in Badger's hand. "Please... take this to Jesse... cabbage can sober people up from meth like coffee to alcohol." AN I don't know if this is true or not, I'm taking creative liberties with this story.

Badger nodded, and started running around like it was a football game. American football, they're in Europe so I feel like explaining. (Or it's Europe now, but if they fail then there will be no distinct contnents and the whole world will be... Waltgea! Walter plus Pangea.

Walt was dealing with the four crossovers that betrayed him but then he swatted them out of the way and knocked them to the waters below. Huu was barely able to swampbend a bed of moss for them to rest on while on the moat before they all passed out.

"NOOOO!" Said Badger. "THE SEXY CAT LADY!"

Jesse was driving up along the wall of the castle and finally passed Badger, and Badger threw Jesse the cabbage head along with taking guns out and shooting as he ran.

"HEY WALTER BLACKFACE!" Badger shouted for a distraction because he was looking at the Camino. "SKYLER FUCKED TED! REMINDER! YOU ARE WALTER WHITE MORE LIKE WLATER CUCK!"

Walt turned to the skies and roared loud enough to split the atmosphere and deliver direct UV rays down before the ozone closed itself back up. His roar also blew a hole in the moon. "Walter C- no... that's it... I'LL KILL YOUAND THEN I'LL GO BACK TO ALBERQUIRQUE TO KILL SKYLER THAT BITCH!"

He aimed all of his targets on Badger... and

KABOOM!

Badger was blasted, what little remained of his dead body fell to the moat, and then sank under it. Badger died, but he died for a good cause... sacrificing himself to help the ones he loved move on and ascend.

Jesse ate the cabbage and handed it to the others to help them get over their meth hangovers, but in doing so... he especially, more than the others... felt like he finally knew. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, mourned at the fall of his friend...

"Mr. Black!" Said Todd. "There's a way to get meth beyond black meth! It's called Infinity Meth! I can cook it, if you... uh... forgive me for whatever reason you didn't like my Uncle..."

"Hmm..." Said Walter Black, "Yes that sounds lovely. You can go to the secret elevator to the Lab while I kill Skyler and finish off these shitty drug street thugs!"

Todd escaped to the elevator to the Lab. Walt began flying-

But something grabbed his tail and SLAMMED him to the ground!

It was Jesse! And his eyes were glowing white, and he looked pretty pissed off.

"WALTER HARTWELL WHITE!" He shouted. "YOU AND YOUR DRUG EMPIRE HAS DISTURBED THE BALANCE OF THE WORLD AND TAKEN IT OVER, AND HAVE KILLED PLENTY OF INNOCENTS WHILE SPREADING YOUR MALACE EVERYWHERE" oh yeah when he spread to other countries it killed some people I forgot to say that, "YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN CONDEMNED AS GUILTY OF DRUG ABUSE BY THE FOREPROTECTORS OF THE UNIVERSE, THE META-DIMENSIONAL DEA, AND AS SUCH, YOU WILL BE DEALT WITH BY THE HIGHEST-ORDER PUNISHMENT!"

Also Andrea, Skinny Pete, and even Jane I guess got smaller power ups. They had glowing white eyes but not glowing as bright.

Walt turned his head around and laughed. "AS IF!"

Then Jesse used his Rehabilitation powers to suplex Walt, who by the way was the size of the castle (and was crawling around the outside of it and stuff), flipping him over, then flew over and punched him, which sent him a good distance across.

"NOT TODAY, BITCH!" Shouted Jesse.

"FOR MY SON!" Shouted Andrea, who put her hands together and blasted a laser of pure energy that knocked in to Walt and fried a lot of him.

Skinny Pete looked at his gun and thought he could put his energy in it, loading it... it worked! He was able to shoot other bursts, knocking Walt away too.

Walter Black swung his tnedrils across the ground and fired lasers from his eyes, but with their super speed, Andrea and Skinny Pete were able to dodge, and they ran circles around him to the point where it created a tornado that lifted him in the air.

Meanwhile, Jesse floated in the air and got wind swirling around him, then water, earth, and fire, and started chasing after Walter Black.

"Oh shit I'm not scared of the other three - especially not Jane because hahaha - but Jesse looks like he can legit kill me." Said Walt. So he flew away-

Okay the boldiing pronouns thing is getting old I can see that. I'll stop that. And stop bolding his name. But I'll keep bolding what he says.

"WALT IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO ON REHAB!" Shouted Jesse.

"NO!"

Walt threw all kinds of things at Jesse - boulders, metal, lightnign blasts, etc, but Jesse's ball of wind and other elements kept deflecting it! He chased him all around Europe, then around the world!

Jane just looked down, finally coming to.

"Wait... why am I naked?!" She asked.

"You turned in to that Precious Guy from Lord of the Rings." Skinny Pete said, laughing.

Walter Black flew to his old house and saw Skyler, Marie, and Flynn standing there looking like they were ready to kick his ass. Walt, being the sie of Godzilla, lorded over them.

"I don't want to kill my son because Jesus Christ I'm not that evll, and Marie... meh, but Skyler... you're going to DIE!"

Then Jesse tackled him! And sent him flying back to the Czech Republic!

He landed and gave them money. Um, I guess the DEA gave it to him as reward for exposing Heisenburg? "Here." He said. "This is the money you'll need. Live a good life. Thanks."

Skyler nodded. "Thank you."

Jesse flew back to the CR.

In the Lab, Todd looked (without eyes it's a special jutsu trick) at the various meth around.

"Hm... okay, I know I mix some colors in some ways, better than for the black meth, but it's also really hard, a pro chemist like Walt or pro obediant second like Jesse could do it... Unlike Unstable Black Meth, which you can tell because there's a skull shape, you can't ell Unstable Infinity Meth from Stable Infinity Meth so this will be dangerous indeed..."

He got to mixing... he TRIED to be careful...

...But he's Todd. Not Jessse.

"I don't know how my powers work!" Jane paniced. She started floating, but kept going up. Then she screamed.

"IT'S OKAY!" Said Skinny Pete. "Just... uh... move DOWN!"

"I'M TRYING!"

"Try THINKING about moving down! I don't know! My powers came to me naturally!"

"I'll help you flaot down." Said Andrea, who went up and took Jane's hand.

Jane just kinda flipped out and started flying around randomly.

It was around this time that Walt returned. He specifically SLAMMED in to the floating Jane, and while Jane wasn't pushed around or anything, Walt stopped dead in his tracks and it hurt a lot. An giant red eye opened on his back.

Jesse flew to him, then formed a bow with his rehabilitation magic, and fired a magic Light Arrow.

A bright flash of light, and Wlater White was back to being Walter White. He fell to the ground outside the castle. Jesse gracefully returned to the ground, and Skinny Pete and Andrea, with their powers wearing off.

Jane just fell on the floor naked and dizzy. But Walt was also naked when he turned giant he obviously ripped his clothes.

"What... what did you do to me?!" Walt asked. "I HAD IT ALL! POWER! MONEY! WOMEN - with mind control - AND I CULD KILL ANYONE WHO KNEW ME AS A C*CK SO THAT COULD BE ERASED FROM HISTORY!"

"I took away your methbending." Said Jesse. "I mean, I just got rid of the meth in you, you could still power up with like, other meth ya' know bitch, but still. I thinmk it's time to end the Heisenberg empire and stop the meth trade."

Walt growled at him.

"Stop." Said Jesse. "It's four against one. You're a fifty year old man, no meth, no guns, we have guns, you're recovering from cancer."

"WHAT CAN I GIVE YOU TO WORK WITH ME AGAIN AND RE-BLACK METH ME?!" Walt said, sounding like he was about to cry. "MONEY?! POWER?! WOMEN?! AN ENTIRE GLAAXY OF YOUR OWN?! THINK OF IT, JESSE, A GALAXY! A GALACTIC METH EMPIRE! YOU CAN SLEEP WITH ALIENS! LIKE CAPTAIN KIRK! DO'T YOU LIKE STAR WARS?! I DON'T WANT TO TURN BACK IN TO NED FLANDERS! PLEASE, ANYTHING BUT THAT!"

"I've moved on from that." Said Jesse. "Poewr and money and drugs are overrated."

He walked to Skinny Pete, Andrea, and Jane, and tried hugging them. It was awkward.

"Because I'm got friends." Jesse said.

"Okay please don't." Said Jane.

"The real meth was the friends I made along the way! ...Even though I was friends with you before this started."

"Jesse don't that's super gay!"

"NO JANE! FRIENDSHIP, BITCHES!"

"Jesse!"

"FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC!"

"JESSE PINKMAN I AM DYING OF SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT! AND I'M NAKED IN FRONT OF THE WORLD, THAT'S A LOT OF FIRST-HAND EMPARASSMENT BUT YOU'RE EVEN MORE EMBARASSING HOLY HELL GO BACK TO SONIC AND NARUTO!"

"Actually that was Breath of the Wild and Avatar!" Jesse laughed. Jane laughed, covering her face with her hand and leaning over.

Walt vomited. Not from cancer (that's still gone I mean once you take away the cancer-eliminating meth cancer doesn't just suddenly come back that's just stupid) or meth but from the sugary sweetness.

"THIS IS BREAKING BAD!" Shouted Walt. "AN ADULT DRAMA! HAPPY FRIENDSHIP ENDINGS ARE STUPID! I DESERVE TO BE THE EMPIRE! TODD! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY INFINITY METH?!"

Then the ground cracked, and Todd took the emergency quick drill to the surface specifically so that he could shake the ground and stun Jesse and his friends! Todd left the drill-tank that was under the castle, holding on to a bright magenta glowing meth with a white infinity symbol on it!

"HERE YOU GO!" He said. "I COULD HAVE JUST COOKED MORE BLACK METH SO YOU COULD DO THAT AGAIN, SINCE JESSE CAN'T CONTROL HIS POWERS OF BREAKING ADDICTION EASILY, BUT HERE'S YOUR THING!"

He tossed Walt the Infinity Meth. Walt laughed. "Yes... YES! This is more like it! Now I'll kill Skyler!"

He ate it.

And then the skies turned pink and started glowing, all his previously inactive malace grew and spread around the world, then glowed to the world and it shone and was visible from the space, Earth glowing from space I mean. He floated in to the air, and while he didn't turn in to a giant monster, his body turned in to a big buff man with pink skin and a white infinity symbol on the chest, he looked less like the middle age guy and more like a buff guy, a god. His eyes glowed white.

"I HAVE TRANSCENDED MY CANCER!" He shouted. "I HAVE OVERPOWERED THE DRUG TRADE! I AM AN EVERLASTING PART OF THE CHEMISTRY WORLD! THE WHOLE PLANET WILL COWER AT MY TRUE FINAL FORM, WALTER INFINITY!"

Then his body crystalized in to sky blue crystal stuff. And he just fell to the ground. All the glowing stuff faded, although there was a lot of Malice worldwide that needed to be cleaned up.

"Oops it really wasn't stable..." Todd said. "Oh well, I can try for myself!"

But then his pet spider that he stole from the kid he shot crawled out of his pocket and screached in his face!

"AHHHH!" Todd screamed.

Todd was bit, and since this time Jack wasn't around to suck out the poison, he died.

The spider left and went to live his own happy new life.

"Well I guess that's it." Said Jesse.

Then Zhao jumped in!

"I WILL CAPTURE THE AVATAR!" he shouted. Remember Intermission 2? Yeah again it's canon to this.

Jesse just kicked him in the nuts.

Then he looked at the statue.

"So... White became blue sky meth... kind of... is that poetic?" He asked. "I don't know bitch."

Jane sniffed. "...That's not meth. THA'TS NOT METH! RUN!"

They ran away.

And then the statue exploded because it was actually murcury fulminate.

Kids that's what you turn in to when you eat too uch meth!

(Epilogue)

"Ok" Said the Presdient of the United States. "These eight bave men and women went across the globe to save the world from a catastrophe. For fighting against a kaiju, I am absolving them of their crimes or reducing their sentences, these men and women are getting their asses, a presidential pardon!"

The POTUS gave out medals. Uh did Breaking Bad take place in 2010 right? So Obama? Even if not I like Obama so I don't know. "Jesse Bruce Pinkman. Andrea Castillo. Peter Skinny. Felicia Catnip. Cabbage Merchant. Chong Tom. Huu. Jane Margolis- oh sorry you're a Nudist and seem like a strict one, I won't give you a medal around your neck since that would violate your culture."

"I'M NOT A NUDIST YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Shouted Jane. "I WAS NAKED BECAUSE I TORE MY CLOTHES OFF IN A FERAL HIGH FROM WITHDRAWL FROM ALL THE HEROIN AND OTHER DRUGS I TOOK, THEN YOU JUST ESCORTED ME WITHOU GIVING ME CLOTHES!"

"Ok here's your medal."

"I don't want a medal I don't believe in them."

The President turned to the crowd. "These eight have fought back against the kaiju threat of... 'Walter Cuck' I think his name was. And the four of them, Jesse, Pete, Andrea, and Jane, they fought the Nazis and won. I also want to give a PRESIDENTIAL SALUTE to Badger, who sacrificed himself to stop Walter Cuck. Badger, may God, Jesus, and Bhudda be with you."

He saluted.

"These eight are Heroes of America. Maybe the entire world, but some countries might be a little pcky and in denial about Walter's attack. coughnorthkoreacoughtcough. Please, give them great respect. As stated in the Constitution, if someone can defeat a Kaiju, they also each get one Presidential Wish. As long as it's not pedo."

"Have catpeople be accepted in human society!" Said Felicia.

"Make pot legal at least, I mean... pot's not that bad..." Said Skinny Pete.

"Hey man I don't want a wish," said the Hippie Nomad, "Power corrputs man, I'm good. Uh... give the wish to Charity I guess so it won't be wasted?"

"Tell all our waterbending brothers and sisters about the dang ol' Foggy Swamp man!" WAIT. Avatar and Breaking Bad are in the same world in this. How the fuck does that work? Eh... use your imagination. I'm sure the Earth Kingdom can fit somewhere in the Antlatic Ocean, and the Fire Nation might just be like Hawaii but bigger, o it can be next to it? Just fuck Antartica and the north pole, replace those with the Water Tribes. The Air Nobas are dead so they don't matter.

"Pay my son's-" Andrea began, but then she looked at Jesse. "No, our son's college fund."

She got on one knee and opened a box with a ring in it.

"JESSE BRUCE PINKMAN! WILL YOU MARRY ME?!" she asked.

"Ok."

And then they kissed. Jane tapped Jesse's shoulder.

"Oh yeah... sorry... I mean... I've been thinking of maybe cleaning up also includes going monogamous..."

"That's fine."

"Maybe though. I'll have to think about it. If being progressive means no more having two girlfriends."

"HAving multipel partners is progressive it's just called 'poly.'"

"Oh ok then."

"I wish I could have a Cabbage Corporaton!" Said Cabbage Merchant. "Give it a nice kick start!"

"I'm thirsty I wish I had a coke." Said Jane to herself, wiping out sweat from her forehead. Then the President said "OH THAT'S AN EASY ONE!" handed her a drink. "Oh no that wasn't my- NOOOOOO!"

Jesse nodded. "I just wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year."

"Ok" said the president "We'll build a santa bot.I don't see how that can go wrong."

"I wish you'd watch Futurama that's a good show and can show what's wrong with a santa robot."

"Sorry. Just one wish!"

Then the New Mexico crowd clapepd for the group and cheered.

I don't really care too much about the crossover stuff so this is just over Jesse's main band: Jesse and Andrea would then move in as a family with Brock, and settle down.

In an alternate timeline, Jane wished for superpowers, this turned her in to Jessica Jones (Netflix) though.

In this timeline though Jane converted to Nudism. It gave her superpowers butin a very different way. She continued to become a defender of the world while Jesse, Andrea, and Skinny Pete jut retired.

Skinny Pete would every year go to Badger's grave (he died in the Czech Republic but the funeral was in the US thaks to some legal nightmares) and he'd watch Star Wars and act like Badger was there with him. He was, his ghost would float over. On the third year, Badger's ghost/angel revealed himself as long as Pete kept it a secret (he didn't but that's a funny story what happened afterwards) and they were happy.

Los Pollos Hermanos was closed because without Gus the place kinda eh'd out a bit in the future.

Jimmy/Saul/Gene's wereabous are unknown.

Skyler kept fucking Ted.

...

Andrea and Jesse were playing catch in the backyard with Brock, when suddenly a UFO landed! Its door opened, and out of it stepped...

"Wait... HANK SCHRADER OF THE DEA?!" Asked Jesse.

"Who?" It looked a lot like Hank! But with green skin and antenna.

"Hi there!" He said. "We noticed tha you took out a kaiju-level threat on your planet in the name of stopping meth! We have an opening at the Galactic DEA and we were wondering if you'd like a spot! don't worry, it's not like the movies where if you accept you can't go back to Earth, haha!"

Jesse shrugged. "Sounds bitchin'! I'm in!"

Closing AN:

Yeah...

Sad(ish) news, this might be the finale of SBIGlets. I might edit this to cover it more later, when I'm not feeling rushed, but in short... yeah. You could probably tell I was getting burnout from this. Also, I mean, if I wanted to end this... I can't really think of a more fitting "huge" idea, so why not finish this on a massive three-parter with two "intermissions" and a big, climactic showdown? Go out on a high note? At least if this is the final chapter it'll be big and bold. Oh, the story was meant to have something at the end about how the first chapter was "About Ocarina of Time, the Ocarina of Time of video games," and this "last" chapter being "About Breaking Bad, the Ocarina of Time of television" but... meh... I couldn't figure out a good joke to work in there. Plus I mean there's a lot in the ending anyway.

I'll tag this as "complete" just for now, and I'll remove the tag if I decide I actually do want to go back to this. Until then, though, I'll just treat this as the definitive ending.

There were also a lot of other ideas I just didn't really get to impliment, I might in an edit. Like at some point just before Jesse defects from the meth trade, he does a re-creation of that thing on TV Tropes' "Even Evil Has Standards" page image, going "That swastika tattoo isn't a crazy disguise? I've been working for a Nazi?" And during the final battle, I had this quick idea of "Walter Black" creating ghosts of Tuco, Gus, and maybe even Jack to attack Jesse. Like, not illusions, he'd actually summon their ghosts from the dead/Hell.

Uh yeah so...

Final Thoughts?

I thought I had way more ideas for this. I mean, I did, but a lot of them were too stupid to actually write down.

What the fuck even was The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage even trying to be I love Gravity Falls so I'd love to make a shitpost adventure of it (yeah these things are surprisingly enough intended to be written for fun, not necessarily to mock, if I mock something it's like a secondary side-target. Like the weird toxic side of Walt's fandom. It should be clear that his arc there was a mockery of that).

Anyway, if this is your first "final chapter" of mine then well, yeah, I like doing a little "preview" of some other story at the very end. This is that, I'm just doing it in the first person this time.

Me, my self-insert, the green Pikmin dude I'm in the middle of retiring (I mean I already had my new blue guy who up but this old green Pikmin is tied to SBIG so there's that).

Anyway, I was thinking over the scripts and plans to TJOWPAC and... yeah. I printed them out just to throw them in to the mysterious burning pit to Hell in my "home." Which was a thing that that "perfectly ordinary house (and not a cavern linked to a satanic dungeon)" had.

The demons inside threw it back out and it hit me on my head. Even they didn't want it. Not even as a torture method.

I also thought about other stories I'd rather not think about. Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals. And... mostly that. I'm not going to merge Journals with Housestuck but... hrm... redoing both of them...

Not sure if I already previewed either or both (heck, if I do this - except for if the "teaser" is for an update of later chapters of something - then you can tell me and I'll replace one of them with a newer, shinier preview to something else!), but yeah, Gravity Falls: Infinity Edition. And Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals: Definitive Edition.

Hey. Mario pressed that switch, retconning a lot of the dumber things of SBIG.

Sorry for being so disorganized, but my self-insert started typing.

Infinity Edition and Defintive Edition. Coming...

If 2023 ends and neither are out you can yell at me I guess. I'm a little sick of giving myself deadlines, all my 'yearly updates' are kinda piling on together and I'm really invested in writing Romancing the Last Dryad right now.

(Even if SBIGlets is over, SBIG as a whole... might actually be over, and these are just slightly different, rebranded beasts.)