My body felt weightless, but I did not float. I laid at the bottom, trying to blink past the murky darkness at the only source that offered some light. It felt too far out of reach as it shimmered ahead, dancing on the surface of the water. Is this what The Little Mermaid saw when she so longed to join the human world? Was that light her hope for a better future?

I tucked my chin down to my chest, feeling my hair shift around me. 'I'll just stay here a little longer,' I decided. It was calm. There was finally peace. I closed my eyes.

A loud knock echoed beneath the surface that forced me back into myself. I sat up and finally took in air that I hadn't realized I needed until that moment.

"Danie, are you almost finished?" Mom called, trying for the doorknob and finding it locked. "You've been in there awhile, honey," She said sternly, "I have that meeting I need to get ready for, so hurry it up."

I pulled my knees to my chest and rested my head, blinking the water from my eyes. What was I thinking? I shook the thought away, not willing to go there and pulled myself up out of the tub. The mirror across from me revealed that I was only human, not a mermaid - and with that returned my phobia. I quickly hopped out of the tub and pulled the drain plug, watching the water spiral down with anxiety.

"Danie, now please!" Mom called out having returned.

"Okay, okay!" I called back, "I'm out!" I opened the door and hurried past her in my towel, heading for my bedroom. We bumped arms and she went wide eyed. "Geez, you're ice! Next time get out when the water is cold!" She said a little annoyed before shutting herself in the bathroom.

The first week of summer was so far a bust. Apparently Tony had the best end of the year party, but I had gotten so blitzed only one thing from that night had stood out - me walking in on Regina hooking up with Tony in the lake house bathroom - her reasoning later being that she would be heading up to MIT soon, so there would be no consequences for her actions this summer.

My best friend and my ex? What the hell! It wasn't that I was mad about it, just confused. Regina could do better. SO much better. Now it made sense why she dragged me out to Tony's. In a way, I saw it coming. She had been a little more flirtatious than usual with him the last week of school, and when I had first asked her about it, her response was "I heard his dad is buying him a Mercedes Benz for getting into Princeton."

My family had never been wealthy on that level, and neither had Regina's. Our moms had grown up together, married and had babies together - Regina and I were supposed to do that too. In a way, I felt like I was a disappointment for not going to MIT. I had always known Regina was top level smart, but Tony? No way, A pigeon had more brains. I'm sure his dad offered a "donation." It wasn't fair - no scholarships or special donations for Danie. Either way, I would get out of Westchester.

Knocking pulled me out of my thoughts again. I sat on my bed lazily flipping through a magazine and half dressed in a baggy T shirt with basketball shorts when the door opened. I expected my mom or Regina (since they were the typical culprits of barging in), but it wasn't either of them. It was Bam.

"Hey, your mom sent me up-" He said casually as he glanced around my baby pink, very girly room. "Wow."

"Bam?" I quickly sat up, my heart racing. "You're in town?"

Bam looked confused and moved into the room, standing in front of my white vanity dresser. "Yeah, I saw you the other night..." He trailed off expectantly. I furrowed my brow, not sure what he was talking about. "...at Tony's.." He encouraged me.

"Shit." I blurted, remembering little pieces, but not being able to put the memory altogether. "I'm sorry, I don't.." I shook my head and an awkward silence hung in the air.

"Well that sucks," He laughed, breaking the tension. "I got this saving your ass." He pointed at what looked like a mostly healed busted lip. I hadn't even noticed it when he came in.

"Must not have done a very good job," I half joked, not sure if I wanted to know what he meant. "I had too much to drink that night, I'm still recovering." I explained, gesturing toward my apparent laziness. I had also been grounded after my mom found Regina and I stumbling home the next morning still drunk as sailors, then slept it off most of the day. So there wasn't a point to getting dressed.

"Well, I just came to see if you were alive. I was kind of an asshole," he ran a hand through his mop of black curls. "And you look alive, so I'll get out of your hair."

Seeing him hurt something inside, brought anxiety. He threatened me with memories from when we were young, and Sophmore year was far from being anything I was ready to face. I spent most of my days throwing distractions in my way, and they usually worked - but with Bam, I knew every safeguard I put up threatened to crumble.

"Actually," Bam said turning back to me, "Do you wanna grab some food?"

"Can't - grounded." I said automatically, feeling a bit relieved and a bit guilty.

He gave me a blank look and left - and that was it. The walls shook and started to crack. My chest tightened, and I felt myself wanting to crumble. I didn't want to hurt him, at one point we had been best friends - him and our silly gang.

After what happened Regina made me start hanging out with her friends. We had always been close through our moms and were like sisters, but she had been class president and popular while I was the typical 'girl next door.' The guys also pitied me. I saw it in their eyes everyday, and I just couldn't deal anymore - so I stopped hanging out with them and chose a more superficial life. Then Bam had left to pro-skate. It was just easier to have my walls.

"Sarah said it's fine-" Bam suddenly appeared back in the doorway "Whoa - Are you okay?"

I lifted my head slightly from in between my knees to peek at him and released the grip I had on my arms. 'Shit,' I thought 'He didn't leave..' I needed to pull myself together.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" I said a little louder than I probably needed to; I wasn't just trying to convince him, but myself. "Let me get dressed real quick and we can go." I said ushering him out of the room, trying to cover up the fact that I was on the verge of a panic attack.

I leaned my head against the mirror, avoiding eye contact with my reflection. Instead I stared at the make up I had scattered on the dresser and focused on my breathing. Was I really about to go have dinner with Brandon Margera? Why couldn't he just accept that I was grounded? Of course Mom would say yes. Mom and April were friends, and even though Bam and I weren't anymore - it didn't stop mom caring about him.

After throwing on a white tank top, with some overall shorts and my doc martins - I twisted my blonde hair up and headed out the door. "You're sure my mom said it was fine?" I asked as I followed him outside of the house, noticing my mom had already left for the meeting.

"Yeah, it's cool." He answered and grabbed his skateboard.

"So where are we going?" We walked together at a distance, an awkwardness between us that continued to linger. Was it him, me - or maybe both of us?

"Where do you want to go?" He asked as I looked around realizing he didn't drive over, and I didn't have a car.

"Well I don't think we are going too far." I answered point blankly as we continued to walk.

"You still got your board?" He asked with a smirk, his blue gaze piercing into me.

"That's not happening." I hadn't skated since Freshman year, and honestly it was kid stuff.

"That's not what I asked." He said, turning back to my house and jumping on his board. I jogged after him in my boots, trying to keep up.

"Hey! No way!" I shouted as I heard him fumbling around in my garage.

"Yes!" Bam grinned, holding my skateboard over his head. He stood on it, testing out the wheels and trucks, and strength of the deck. "Wow, these are way too loose." He frowned and flipped the board over. I walked over curiously, peering over his shoulder to gaze at the standard design of my Element deck. Bam had given this to me end of Freshman year, right before he had gone pro when I broke my old one.

"Have you even skated with this one?" He asked as he pulled a socket wrench out of an old toolbox and started messing with the trucks.

"Bam.." I said, feeling the knots form in my stomach, "I don't skate anymore."

"What?" his eyes widened in surprise, "When was the last time you skated?"

I shook my head and turned away, not wanting to do this right now - or ever. "You know the last time.." I mumbled. I felt Bam's heavy gaze on me and ignored it, choosing to stare at his hands as he worked.

"It's been two years.." he replied slowly.

"Let's not." I cut him off.

"Okay.." he said quietly, but continued to tinker with the board, occasionally standing on it and testing its durability and balance. I watched him in silence, knowing I was the reason for all of the awkward tension. I was being a bitch, but I couldn't help it. We were strangers now and even though we had good memories, there were bad ones too. This was weird.

"Here we go," he beamed, "She's ready for you now." Bam said hopping off and gesturing toward the skateboard. Realizing he wasn't going to drop it, I swallowed and took a deep breath. "Alright, let me change my shoes.."

I came back with a pair of black converse I had sitting in the back of my closet. Not my favorite to skate in, but I wasn't scuffing up any of my good sneakers. I worked too many hours at Moo Moos Ice-cream last summer for that to happen.

I climbed onto the board, and even though it felt familiar - It also felt too uncontrolled. "I don't know about this," I complained, biting my lip, "I'm so gonna bust my ass."

"You'll be fine, just like riding a bike!" Bam laughed, grabbing my hand so that he could drag me along on the skateboard outside of the garage. He pushed the button to close it as we exited. In that moment, I realized he still remembered my dad's key code. We never did change it after...

At that thought, I dropped his hand, but all too suddenly which caused me to lose balance and shoot the board from under me.

"Ow..." I frowned, standing and dusting myself off. I was fine, physically - but it felt like there was some gnawing shadow inside of me. I didn't always act like this, have such an attitude...I was usually good at pushing away the anxiety and depression. Maybe it was the hangover. Surely Bam alone couldn't put me this much on edge..I shouldn't have drank so much at Tony's. Most of the night was a blur.

"Hey," I said, grabbing my board and deciding to hop back on, giving a little push in the direction we had previously been walking. Bam walked along beside me carrying his board. "You said I saw you before, so you were at Tony's?"

"I was at the house next to Tony's," he corrected, they never got along well. "But.." he said slowly, thinking over his words, "Yeah, I saw you."

"And you're lip?" I asked.

"Tony."

"What happened?" I asked, remembering what he said earlier.

"Man, you did look pretty wasted," he said with a laugh, but he looked a little sad. "I'm still surprised you forgot."

"Yeah, me too," I replied hotly, wanting answers. "Did something happen that I don't know about? Why did you feel like you had to check up on me? You said you were an asshole, what did you do!?" Dear god, was I almost raped or murdered? Regina said we both had a great time, was she lying?

"Look, Danie," Bam said sharply, probably fed up with my attitude. I could see the heat in his usually ice blue eyes rising, "Tony was dragging you to the lake and you were losing your shit. I didn't know what to think. I was just trying to do the right thing, and somehow you still went back into the house after Tony." The words flowed out hotly. After seeing my pale expressions, he let out a sigh. "Do you want me to go?"

I shook my head, not saying anything out loud. It was funny, I used to be such an annoying kid and the past couple of years I became this quiet, serious thing. I guess being the reason your father died could do that to a person. It's why I was being an asshole to Bam, some part of me blamed him too.

"We dated for a little bit," I admitted, almost feeling bashful talking about it. He looked surprised and was about to say something, but I continued, "It didn't last long at all and afterward we kind of stayed friends mutually." I explained. "I can't be around him too much when he drinks though. Even though he never seemed like he cared, I don't think he handled the break-up well."

"Anyway, Regina's keeping him occupied now." I said, and at the moment wondered if Regina knew about the lake incident at the party. Surely, she wouldn't hang around Tony if she did.

"Well," Bam started slowly, then laughed "Thats fucking gross."