May, 2015
Facts Do Not Cease to Exist Because They are Ignored – Aldous Huxley
"Congratulations on surviving year one!"
"Thank you, Aunt Sandy. It was touch and go," Charlie sighed, climbing over the obstacle course of boxes on the floor of her dorm room.
I tried not to snort. 'Touch and go' probably meant she pulled a B in her Intro to Psych class. "Roommate gone?"
"You have no idea," she muttered.
"Let me rephrase: has your roommate moved out?"
"Yes," she said dramatically.
"Gonna miss her?" I teased.
"Not if I aim well." She started stacking boxes on the flat dolly I had brought up. She had added a lot of stuff over the year, and her Saturn wagon would not be able to handle it. It was far cheaper for me to bring the van over and schlep stuff back home than it would be to stick everything in storage for the summer.
"Oh, she couldn't be that bad." (Or could she?)
"I was grateful to be working weekends."
"Party girl?"
"You…could say that…" She twisted around to give me a wry look. "Party of two."
"Aah."
"She didn't, ah, do the dirty deed here in the dorm—there are rules—but she's local and so is her boyfriend. Proximity lends enchantment."
"So…if she's off at his place on the weekend, why are you so glad to be away at work?"
"Aye, there's the rub. He has a roommate, too. During the day, whilst I am toiling away in the land of red shirts and plastic smiles, Jessie Lee and Bobby Joe are overloading cell towers detailing what they did the night before and what they plan to do that night. If I don't have a shift at Target, I camp out at the library until the shift change at his apartment."
"Euuuu." I wrinkled my nose. Well-written erotica (okay, purple prose porn) is one thing; listening to someone practice their 1-800-TALK-DIRTY routine is another.
"Uh-huh…" Charlie finished loading the trolley and we maneuvered it out of the room. She locked the door and we headed down the hallway. "Even more entertaining is hearing how she is still a virgin."
I stood, rooted to the floor, while the elevator doors slid open. "Come again?"
"Probably." She gave me an impish grin. Yeah, she deserves that nickname.
I gave her a swat as I jumped into the elevator, narrowly avoiding being the daily Otis sacrifice. "How in the hell does she figure she's a virgin after knocking boots with—and which one is Jessie Lee and which one is Bobby Joe?"
"I think they're interchangeable." Charlie hit the #1 button and the elevator started the slow, clunking trip from the 5th floor. "You see, this time didn't count because he didn't say 'I love you.' This time didn't count because we weren't totally naked.'" Her voice had gone way south of the Mason-Dixon line and was smothered in magnolia blossoms and hoop skirts, and she fluttered her eyelids dramatically. "That time didn't count because we weren't in a bed. And that time didn't count because we were engaged." Her voice returned to normal as we arrived in the lobby. "Popular theory is she's going to be married and birthed six sprogs—and still be a virgin."
"Neat trick, but I doubt her mommy will buy it."
"The RA for our floor calls her the born-again virgin." She gave me another grin and pushed the dolly out the elevator.
There are a couple of jokes there, but I'll wait until we're home. I'm sure Ev and Lily (and Ducky) will pass my pair and come up with a royal flush.