Wings of Avalon: I'm glad you love recap chapters! I was afraid I'd done too much recapping and people would be bored.

Jake Hallows: It basically was a full recap! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

coolmegan123: Yes, the whole conversation about Isa definitely needed to be had, for everyone's benefit!

So sorry for being so late, guys! I went out of town without my computer for a couple of days, and I intended to post this before I left but forgot. Better late than never, though, right?

Chapter 19

Perspective – Riku

It turned out we had talked straight past lunch, and though it wasn't technically dinner time yet, it was a unanimous consensus among Meli, Kairi, Kaj, and me to go ahead and grab something to eat and call it a day. I was grateful that none of them seemed to want to sit in a restaurant any more than I wanted to.

"You guys want to go out to the mansion for the night?" I asked the group in general.

Kaj shrugged. "No idea what the mansion is like, but I'm assuming it beats the ship."

"Or spending more munny on a hotel," Kairi added.

We were nearly to the wooded path when Meli sped up a little to pull ahead of the rest of us. "I'm gonna walk alone. I need some time to think."

Surprised, I furrowed my brow at her. I wasn't ready to let her out of my sight yet. What if it's a trick? What if she's trying to get away? What if something happens to her and I'm not there?

She rolled her eyes, seeming to read my mind. "I'm not planning on disappearing. I'm going to the mansion, just like you. I'll see you there."

This was one of those times where it was obvious that she was lacking a heart. She didn't understand our fears, wasn't sympathetic to the fact that we had just finally gotten her back and couldn't bear to lose her again. I couldn't blame her for that, though. It wasn't her fault she couldn't sympathize.

"Okay." I managed a tight smile, not sure who exactly I was trying to convince that everything was alright. "See you there."

Without so much as a nod, Meli began power-walking down the path, not that she need to in order to lose us, since we had all stopped dead in our tracks. I watched her go, the auburn roots on the top of her head the last thing to vanish down the hill ahead.

"She'll be fine," Kairi said, and I wasn't sure who she was trying to convince, either. "It's not a big deal. I would want some time alone if I were her, too."

"Yeah. We certainly gave her a lot to think about."

"Gave me a lot to think about, too." Kaj stuffed his hands into his pockets. "I mean..." He swore, and I resisted the urge to clap my hands over Kairi's ears. "No wonder she was so messed up. Girl's had a hard life. It's kinda surprising it took her that long to break."

"She's not broken." I came to Meli's defense quickly, maybe a little too harshly. "She didn't break, she just...she's just been struggling."

"Yeah, I know," Kaj replied quietly. "I didn't mean any insult by it."

"I know," I echoed, softening. "Sorry. It's just...broken sounds so...harsh. So final. And this isn't final, we're gonna get through it. Through this whole Nobody thing, and through the darkness in her heart when she gets it back, and through the PTSD, too."

Kairi's hand slipped into mine and squeezed. When I looked down at her, she gave me a small smile that was full of a dozen different emotions. "Yeah. We will."

We began walking again then, silent for the next several minutes. I found myself thinking back to Isa's admission, to the way his voice had sounded so frail and so unlike Saix, and to the revelation that he had not always been in control of his own body. It was terrifying to think about, mostly because I didn't have to try hard to imagine what it was like. I'd been there before, with Ansem. The sensation of being a stranger in my own body still haunted my nightmares even two years later.

I have to forgive him, don't I? He had confessed that he didn't know whether it was him or Xemnas who was in control during Meli's torture, but the evidence pointed to it being at least heavily influenced by Xemnas. Besides, losing your heart – and I still didn't know whether that had been voluntary or not – being marked and possessed, living among those with no moral code for who knows how many years...all of that was bound to twist a person's sense of right and wrong. But obviously that had been righted now. Saix may have been turned into a monster, but Isa was clearly truly remorseful.

"So. What is the plan now?" Kaj's question broke into my thoughts. "I mean...I'm glad we all got to sit down and talk through some of Meli's past. It did answer a lot of my questions. But...at some point we have to...get her heart back. Right?"

Do we? It was slightly appalling that that was the first thing through my mind. Thankfully, Kairi spoke up then, because I was too busy trying to sort out my own feelings on the subject to construct a decent answer.

"Right. Except...I don't know how we're going to do that. I mean...it's what we all want, it's just that...the method...is horrible." She shuddered. "I know I can't do it. I can't even think about doing it. I don't even want to be there when it happens. Which is terrible of me, because I should be there for her."

"Which brings up another question – is she even going to agree to this?" Kaj waved one hand around as he spoke. "There's not many people who would just say, 'Yeah, go ahead and kill me, that's perfectly fine!' What if she says no? Do we just let her stay a Nobody forever?"

Finally I decided that I was going to have to let my thoughts out into the open. "I can't help but wonder if it would be so bad if we did."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the startled look that Kairi gave me. "What do you mean?"

"I just..." I heaved a sigh. "I'm just thinking. Obviously we want her to have her heart back, but...have you not noticed how peaceful she is right now?"

Kairi scrunched her eyebrows. "She's...flat. Like, she doesn't have any personality anymore."

"Yeah." Kaj bobbed his head up and down in agreement. "When I think of Meli I think feisty, impatient, opinionated. Now it just seems like she doesn't really care about anything."

"Yeah, I know. Some of it she might would get back with time...we knew other Nobodies who had plenty of personality. And I'm certainly not saying it's ideal. I miss the old Meli, of course I do. If she never gets her heart back, then she'll never..." I gritted my teeth against the emotion that pressed at my eyes. "She can't love me, like I love her.

"But it's because I love her that I'm saying this. Kaj, you weren't here at the beginning of the year, so you probably wouldn't notice, but...it's amazing, the way she's been acting the last couple of days. Not a single nightmare last night. No panic attacks. She's had two entire conversations with Isa, of all people, without a second thought. She's even able to think logically to sort out the difference between Lea and Aiden, between Saix and Isa, without her emotions messing up her perception.

"I'm not saying for sure that she shouldn't be recompleted. I honestly don't know what to do. I just know I have to consider this possibility, for her sake. Would it be the hardest thing I've ever done, giving up what she and I have? Yeah. But...she's just so...content. If it means that she doesn't have to deal with all of that crap ever again, then I'm willing to consider it."

No one answered for a long time, leaving me to wonder whether they were just considering my words or if I had somehow angered them. Finally Kairi spoke again, and thankfully she sounded calm. "I get it. I get what you're saying. I wasn't as privy to everything she was going through as you were, but just the nightmares by themselves were horrible."

She paused, drawing in a deep breath. "But I don't think this is the answer. I hope that this isn't the only answer. Other people have PTSD, and they go to therapy and take medication and learn to live with it. She can do it, too, I know she can. She just needs our support, and the time to heal without the worlds falling apart and interrupting her."

Now it was my turn to consider her words silently. She was right. Of course she was. Just because our lives had turned completely bizarre over the last few years and things like people walking around with no hearts were now commonplace, didn't mean that the answers to our problems couldn't be something completely ordinary that normal people actually used.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I just...it's so different, seeing her like this...I guess I couldn't help trying to latch onto it. It's hard, to see her at peace and know that she'll have to go back to being worse before she can get better."

Kairi placed a gentle, comforting hand on my arm. "Yeah. I know."

We walked a long with only the sound of our footsteps for another moment. "As far as recompleting her goes..." Kaj began. "I don't know as much about all this crazy stuff as you guys do. But...maybe there's somebody we could ask? If there's another way to go about it?"

"Right, maybe we could talk to Ienzo again, or Ansem the Wise." Kairi nodded eagerly.

I nodded, too, though not as eagerly since skepticism was my first response. "Maybe so."

By then we had made it to the mansion, and thankfully, Meli was inside waiting for us. I tried to judge from her behavior and facial expression whether or not her time alone had done her any good, but she wore the same blank mask as usual.

We set up in what used to be Naminé's drawing room to eat our dinner. "I don't think Naminé would mind," Kairi told us with a smile.

Of course not. I'm pretty sure she hated it here...or at least as close to hate as she could get. It was actually me who minded, but I swallowed my discomfort and chased it down with a fruit smoothie, focusing on my food and pretending everything was perfectly fine while I listened to Kairi try to explain who Naminé was to Kaj and Meli. Whenever we get her back, I owe her as much of an apology as I did Roxas and Xion. The good news was, I somehow didn't think she'd have a problem forgiving me.

After dinner, Kaj announced that he was going to walk around and explore a bit. Kairi blushed a little as she admitted to promising Sora another phone call that evening. It brought a smile to my face, and I automatically wanted to share a knowing, triumphant look with Meli, but one glance in her direction told me she wouldn't at all understand. I sighed, trying not to let my disappointment show.

Soon. Soon she'll be back to her old self, and everything will go back to the way it should be.

I informed the two of them where they could find the bedrooms, and that anything past the first two was open for them to use. Meli slipped silently out of the room then, and I followed her out onto the balcony, watching her descend the stairs and disappear in the direction of the courtyard.

Longing filled my chest. It was silly to miss her, I supposed, when she was literally right there. Just a couple of days before she had been 'dead', for all intents and purposes, and it had been months since I had last seen her. So I shouldn't really have been anything but happy to have her back – and I was, I was happy and grateful.

But I still hadn't gotten to hold her, or kiss her. I missed the feeling of her body in my arms, the smell of her hair, the warmth of her lips on mine. I missed our easy banter, and our deep conversations.

Kairi was right. She needed her heart back. I was just gonna have to suck it up at some point and find the courage to actually tell her what that meant.

For now, I decided it was best to retire to my room for the night. As I walked into the hallway where the bedrooms were I could hear water running in the bathroom, so I assumed Meli must have been getting ready for a bath. The reminder of our days living here together made me smile a little.

It was early still, and I wasn't quite ready to sleep yet, so after removing my boots, socks, jacket, and belt, I propped up on a couple of pillows and messed around with my Gummiphone. There wasn't a lot on it to look at, really. Kairi and Sora had insisted that I download some photo-sharing app and follow everyone I knew, though I had never actually posted anything on it myself. What was it that Meli compared it to from her universe? Instant...something?

Anyway, it had been a while since I had checked it, so there were a bunch of photos from Sora and Kairi of our adventures through the other worlds – set to private, of course, so our school friends couldn't see – to scroll through and 'like', and a couple of shots of Sora with Robin Hood, Little John, and a female fox he tagged as Maid Marian. There was one particular picture of all of us in Monstropolis that made me roll my eyes with a smirk.

"I'm going to have to kill you for this one," I typed into the comment box. Kaj would probably feel the same way. I made a mental note to get him to download the app so that he could be subject to the same tortures as I was.

I had just tossed my phone to the side, starting to feel sleepy, when there was a soft knock on my door. "Come in."

It surprised me when Meli was the one to walk through the door. "Meli...hey." Sitting up quickly, I swung my legs over the side of the bed to face her. Like me, she had forgone the more cumbersome articles of clothing, dressed only in her grey dress and turquoise leggings, and her hair that now brushed her shoulders was still wet from the bath. The ache in my chest returned. "What's up?"

For what seemed like an eternity, she just stood there, staring at me, not moving. There were none of the Normal Meli clues to guide me as to what she might have been thinking – no fidgeting, no changed in expression, nothing. Just as I was about to speak again, to try to pry something out of her, she crossed the floor with surprising speed and stopped right in front of me, so close that her thighs were in between my knees and I had to tilt my head back to look her in the eyes. I didn't have a chance to even react to this new position, this closeness, before her palms were cupping my cheeks.

My heart stopped. "Mel–?"

Her lips were on mine in an instant, and it was everything that I had been wanting. I didn't know why, I didn't know where this had come from, but at that moment I didn't care. My body responded instantly to hers, my hands coming up to grab a firm hold of her waist, my head tilting to the side for better access. She didn't hesitate to take the cue. I wasn't used to her being the one to take charge, and her forwardness would have surprised me more if I hadn't been in such complete bliss. Her hands were sliding through my hair and her lips were burning into my skin and it was all just so right.

The next shock came when she braced her hands against my shoulders so that she could climb up on the bed and settle onto my lap, never breaking the kiss. Again, though, I didn't question it, just relished in the increased contact. My hands stroked up and down her back as hers continued to toy with my hair. Light, I've missed you so much. Acting on instinct, I reached up and grabbed a handful of her wet hair, tugging gently until her head fell back and her neck was exposed. Then I kissed a wet line down her throat, inhaling her clean, fresh scent and getting high off her heaving breaths.

I didn't start to question just exactly what was going through her head until her hands went back to my shoulders and she shoved me none-too-gently onto my back. Something shorted out in my brain for a split second. Her body pressing down into mine brought me back, though, and I found myself starting to be concerned.

"M–...Meli..." It was difficult to get a word in between her increasingly forceful kisses. "Meli, w–...wait..."

Finally, I planted my hands on either side of her face and pushed her back away from me. "Hey, wait. Wait a second."

We were both panting, staring into each others eyes. She was so beautiful. Everything in me wanted to let her keep going, to continue reveling in having her here just like I wanted, but I shoved all that down with effort. Something wasn't right. I hadn't yet put my finger on what, but I knew there was something.

"Talk to me. What's...what's going on?"

Her eyebrows came together ever so slightly. "What do you mean? You're...my boyfriend, right? Isn't this...isn't this what we're supposed to do?"

I swallowed, trying to decide on how exactly to respond to that, and tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear. "Um...yes. I mean, yeah, back when...back when you had your heart, we did...kiss. A lot." For some reason this brought heat to my face. "But, uh...I...this just...this isn't really..." Crap, get your thoughts together, Riku. "This isn't you. You're not usually...quite...like this, and –"

Suddenly she rolled off of me and sat up facing the door, one knee tucked up under her chin. "Well, I still don't know who I am, I guess. That's what I was trying..." She trailed off, then shook her head. "Sorry. Won't happen again."

"Hey, no, it's okay." I sat up, too, just behind her, and rubbed her back tenderly. "I was enjoying it, trust me. I just.." I drew in a breath and let it out as a sigh, trying once again to put my concern into words. "I don't want you to go too far, to do something that you'll end up regretting."

"I thought once we talked through my past that things would start to make more sense." She hugged her leg in tighter. "But I still only remember bits and pieces. Enough to know that something right now is missing. It's...it was really getting to me tonight, for some reason. Trying to figure out what that missing pieces might be. And I can remember us...I remember kissing you and being close to you, and how...nice that made me feel. So I thought..."

"I get it." I couldn't help reaching up and running my fingers down through her hair, massaging her scalp just a little. My eyes flickered over the purplish scars that branched out from behind her dress onto her shoulder, usually hidden beneath her jacket. "I do, I understand. But...as much as I want that, as much as I miss us being like that, I don't want to...I would feel like I was taking advantage of you if I let you keep going. You can't...feel anything for me right now. I know that. So you shouldn't...you probably shouldn't force yourself to be...too affectionate with me." No matter how much it pained me to say it. "There will be plenty of time for that once you get your heart back and you know that you actually want to."

Meli heaved a sigh, then shrugged. "I guess." Finally turning her gaze away from the door, she propped her chin on her arm and looked at me. "When is that going to happen, anyway? Is there something we're waiting for?"

"Um..." Now I was put on the spot. I still didn't think I could bring myself to announce to her that she was going to have to die. Again. "There's...I want to talk to a couple of people back in Radiant Garden first. Make sure I know the...the best way to do it."

She nodded, accepting that answer. "Okay. Well...I guess I should go then...let you get some sleep."

The statement reminded me of the night she had woken me from a nightmare in this very room. Maybe that was why, against my better judgment, I did something I had wished I could do way back then, and caught her hand as she stood to leave. "You could stay. I mean...only if you want to. Not if ou think I want you to, or you think you should want to. Just...do whatever you right now wants." I forced myself to release her hand, allowing her to make a decision.

For a moment she didn't move, other than the fingers I had held twitching up into a fist before loosening again. Then she turned, the corner of her mouth quirking up ever so slightly, and gave a nod. I took that as agreement and scooted back up onto the bed, sliding my legs under the covers and holding them up for her as she had for me the night before. She climbed in, facing me again. But instead of staying a foot or more away this time, she maneuvered her body up close to mine and tucked herself underneath my chin, her face within inches of my chest. My face heated up and I went stiff, unsure of what to do with my arms.

"It does feel...right. Being with you," she murmured.

I softened at the admission, allowing myself to relax into the pillow. My arm draped naturally over her side, my fingers finding the ends of her hair to play with. Bending over, I kissed the top of her head gently. "I love you, Sunshine. We're gonna figure this out, together."

A/N: A chapter of awkward conversations and events, in which Riku spontaneously combusts at least once.