Chapter 24

'Children, in the wagon. Now.'

Missie heard her step-fathers stern voice over the creak of the wagon wheels as the team came to a stop, knowing from his tone that whatever it was, it was serious. 'Come on, you heard Pa. In the wagon.'

'But I don't wanna go in the wagon.' Nine year old Milly complained. 'We've been in the wagon for ages-'

'In, now!' She persisted with a sterner tone, her younger sibling backing down. When she used that time they knew she meant business. Quickly she hurried them towards the wagon, herding them like a pack of sheep. Her little brother stumbled, the girl picking up and running with him the rest of the way to the wagon. 'Hurry now, hurry.' Quickly she helped them climb in, settling them down amongst their belongings. 'Stay put, I'll tell Pa your all in.'

Making her way over the belongings she poked her head through the opening of the canvas and looked at her parents. 'They're all in. What's the matter Pa?'

'I don't know.' He frowned nervously, watching a growing cloud of dust in the distance. He flicked the reins, the team surging forward again. 'Might be nothing but theyre best to stay put through here anyway. There'll be rattlers in the grass this time of year.'

A noise of children shouting behind her made her turn around, her twin sisters arguing again. 'Milly, May, cut it out! Pa's got enough to worry about right now. Sit down and get along, don't make me come back there.' They quietened after a moment and she turned back to her mother. 'How's Rose Ma?'

'Sleeping, the poor dear.'

'You want me to put her in her crib?'

'No, she's been in it enough lately. I'll just hold her.'

She glanced back up at the dust cloud, frowning. 'What do you make of it Pa?'

'I don't know Missie, it looks like riders.'

'They're moving awful fast Pa, I don't like it.'

'Me either.' He frowned, his hands tightening on the reins. 'Belle, you best hand Rose back to Missie just in case and get in the back.'

Maybel handed the baby back to her daughter but made no move to get in the back. 'I'm staying.'

'Your a stubborn woman Maybel.' A small smile came across his face when he glanced at her. 'Missie, you get back there and bunk the children down. You've got your gun right?'

A shudder ran down her spine as she swallowed back the hard lump in her throat. 'You think we'll have trouble?'

'I don't know, just watch your siblings.'

'I will Pa.' The fact her Ma had gone for her pistol too hadn't gone unnoticed as she went back inside the wagon. Gently she laid her baby sister in her crib then gathered her siblings round. 'We're going to play a little game, we're going to stay put in here and keep quiet no matter what. Okay?' They nodded and she moved them between the boxes and sacks inside. She could hear people yelling mingled with the sound of hoofbeats and the wagon stopped. Nervously she took up a spot next to the opening of the back of the canvas, pulling her pistol from its holster.

Two shots rang out, the sound of something landing heavily on the ground beside the wagon. She didn't have time to think or react as a man's face appeared at the opening, the girl pulling the trigger. His head was blown half off as he fell to the ground, the girl ducking down as the men opened fire. 'Stay down.' She commanded as her sisters head appeared from over a box, her baby sister screaming loudly. Finally, she ran out of bullets, a sickening feeling in her stomach as she realised there was nothing else she could do-

'Easy, easy Missie.' Ben soothed as the girl's eyes opened, the girl screaming blindly in terror. He held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth trying to calm her as she shook uncontrollably. 'Missie, Missie it's alright. I'm here, you're safe.'

The girl slowly began to calm down with his persistence, gently rubbing his callused hand on her back. His other hand was on her cheek, her head resting on his shoulder. 'You're alright, you're alright.' He soothed, the girl letting out one strangled whimper. 'It's alright.'

He kept holding onto her, memories of holding Adam after the Indian attack that had killed his second wife brought back to his mind. It had taken ages for him to stop having nightmares, eventually over time they'd become less frequent then stopped all together. He truly hoped for their girls sake and their own sanity that she'd stop having them too. It'd been a week since Adam had been away on business and the nightmares seemed to be getting worse. Adam really had a way with her, he had a connection with her that he hadn't yet and it was evident to see. The girl was warming to him slowly which was relieving to him. It hadn't taken long for him to think of her as his daughter, he'd be speaking with his sons about her adoption when Adam returned and they could speak together.

'You want to talk about it my dear?' Ben asked softly after sometime, the girl shaking her head. Even in the dim moonlight he could still see her blankly staring into space, trapped in her own mind. 'Alright, you get back to sleep then Missie.'

He laid her back down on her bed, placing the covers on her and went to go when she clutched at his arm. 'You want me to stay?' She nodded and he obliged. Taking a seat in the rocking chair beside her bed he picked up a blanket and settled down. He took hold of her hand, the girl watching him with those glazed eyes for ages then finally drifted off to sleep. He ran his thumb over her hand gently, watching the steady rise and fall of the blankets over her chest as he prayed over her. Lord, please bring healing and comfort to this poor suffering child. Please help us to help her through this trouble she's experiencing. Please help her to know that she is wanted and is loved by myself and my son's. Please help her Lord I pray.

Missie was exhausted as she dressed and readied herself for the day later that morning, feeling bad for Ben having to come wake her from yet another nightmare. She felt embarrassed that she kept having them, waking up the entire household with her screaming. She didn't know why she was having them or how to stop them, only that she really wished they would stop. Ben and his sons had been so patient with her it was only making it harder for her. If they'd yelled at her it would make her feel justified for what she was going through yet all they did was show her kindness and understanding. She hadn't a reason for the nightmares yet still she couldn't escape them.

Putting her corset on over her chemise she adjusted it to her liking then set about putting the rest of her undergarments on. A light blue dress was chosen to be worn for the day, slipping it on over her corset and petticoats. A couple minutes later and the back was done up and she turned her attention to her hair. A quick brush through was all it required then she did it up in a milkmaids braid so it'd be out of the way and set about putting her boots on.

Her pistol was the final touch, slipping it into its holster underneath her dress. She'd adjusted every skirt of her dresses so she could pull her pistol out through her pocket if she needed it. It was quite cleverly concealed, you couldn't tell beneath the dress she was wearing it and that was how she liked it. She was yet to learn what the men thought of her carrying a gun and wanted to find out later rather then sooner. There was no way she wouldn't wear a gun, not after what had happened. It gave her a sense of security to feel it sitting on her hip and knowing it was there if she ever needed it.

The smell of breakfast greeted her as she walked downstairs, Ben and his boys already seated at the table eating. She took her place quietly, not wishing to bring any attention to herself and began to eat her meal.

'I hope you did manage to get some sleep last night Missie.' Ben said kindly, looking at the girl sympathetically. 'You had quite a rough night.'

'I'm so sorry I woke you all up.' She apologised softly after swallowing a mouthful of bacon. 'I don't mean to do it.'

'It's alright Lil Miss-' Hoss replied with a smile. 'We know you can't help it.'

'Sides, it doesn't last all night.' Joe added. 'Not like this one here's snoring.'

She chuckled a little, at least her room was away from his. Her's was beside Adams, across from what was now Ben's room since he'd turned the downstairs into a guest room. 'I still feel bad about it, I know how hard you all work and you need your sleep without me waking you all up.'

'Like Hoss said Missie, we understand you can't help it.' Ben reinstated gently. 'You've been through a lot, it's going to take its toll and it will take a long time to move on. You need to be patient with yourself.'

'I just wish I could sleep.' Came an exhausted reply after a few moments. 'I feel like I ain't slept in months.'

He frowned a little at that, she hadn't told him she wasn't sleeping. 'We'll see if Doc Martin has something to help you then.'

'I don't want to trouble you by sending for the doc-'

'We're heading into town anyway, your dresses should be ready now and we'll drop in to see him.' He interrupted, the girl going to open her mouth but he continued. 'No arguments my dear, you're seeing the doctor and that's final.'

She sighed heavily. 'You win.'

'He always does.' Little Joe joked as he poured himself another cup of coffee. 'The only one that can sometimes get away with it is Adam though you might win too sometime.'

'I doubt it, I'm too tired to argue.'

Ben watched as she pushed her plate away, going to stand up. 'You hardly touched your breakfast.'

'I'm really just not hungry, I'm sorry.' Missie apologised again. 'I'll go get started on my chores.'

'Something's mighty got her down.' Hoss exclaimed after she'd left. 'She ain't got that sparkle in her eyes.'

'No, I know. Took me ages last night to get her calmed from the nightmare she had.' He replied soberly. 'Adam's really the only one who can get through to her.'

Little Joe placed his coffee mug down thoughtfully. 'What do we do Pa?'

'I don't know, I don't think there's much else we can do. I'm going to take her into town today to pick up her dresses, I'll try and talk to her but I don't reckon she'll talk about it. She's been really closed off lately.'

'She nigh bit my head of yesterday when I tried asking her about it.'

'I'd nigh bite your head off too little brother sometimes, you don't always go about askin questions the right way.'

'Hoss is right there, I just think she needs some space. Hopefully when Adam gets back he can get through to her. Did you bring Daisy in from the main barn like I asked?'

'Yeah Pa, rode her too. Went as steady and reliably as always.'

'Good-' He stood up, finishing off the last of his coffee. 'Don't want her having any more misfortunes.'

The buckskin nuzzled the girl gently as she groomed him, giving him a pat on the shoulder. Her chores were almost finished, the stalls tieded and horses watered and those who weren't going to be ridden straight away given their morning meal. Grooming was her last task and she worked as diligently but without enthusiasm like she had the rest of her jobs.

'You've been working hard.' Ben exclaimed, surprised to see the barn was tidy and clean horses eating contentedly. 'You've done a good job.'

'Thank you Sir.' She swapped sides of the buckskin, continuing to brush him.

'Missie, I was wondering if you feel up to a ride? I thought we might head to Virginia City and pick up those dresses of yours.'

Missie nodded. 'Alright but I don't have a horse.'

'You can ride that mare over there.' He pointed at the bay with the star. 'She's nice and gentle, she'll be a perfect fit for you.'

Normally the girl would argue about being given an easy horse to ride but she didn't. Quietly she finished brushing the gelding then led him out and handed the lead rope to Ben. 'I didn't check his hooves.'

'I'll take care of it.'

'I'll go tack up the mare.'

Ben glanced over at the girl and watched as she led the mare out to tack her up. Hoss was right, the spark that made the girl her was gone. There was no life, no joy in her movements. It was as if her spirit had been broken. She was quiet, more quiet then she'd been for quite some time and it only further concerned him. She'd been improving before Adam had to go away, while he'd been gone her nightmares had gotten worse and her demeanor had changed drastically into the solem sorrowful almost girl she was now.

It didn't take long for them to tack their horses up, Hoss and Little Joe coming in to get their horses as they led theirs out. 'Need a hand Missie?'

'I've got it.' She assured him, taking the reins on one hand and took hold of the saddle and mounted in one fluid motion. The mare stood stock still, falling asleep as she waited for Ben to get ready and she urged him forward once he'd mounted and started off.

It felt good to be back in the saddle after so long, riding had become as second nature to her after she learnt on the ranch. The steady beat of their hooves on the ground and soft creak of the saddles brought a sense of comfort to the girl. It brought security, peace. She sighed heavily, breathing in deep of the mountain air as the horses walked on down the road.

'How's that horse treating you?' Ben asked after some time, deciding to try and make conversation.

'She's doing okay.' She replied as she gave her a pat. 'What's her name?'

'Daisy, she's one of the Colts Hoss raised when he was your age.' He'd been glancing over at her as they rode on, noting how at home she looked on horseback. 'Your quite a good rider Missie.'

'Pa had a method to his madness, we had to earn our saddles for our horses. He said if we couldn't ride a horse without a saddle you had no sense being on one. Breaking horses in gives you a good distaste for the ground too.'

'Your father let you break horses?'

'Started when I was ten, I had to. Pa needed the help, it didn't matter I was a girl. I loved being out on the range helping him with everything.'

'You really thought a lot of your Pa, didn't you?'

She nodded. 'He was the first man to teach me that not all men were bad. He was kind and gentle but firm if he needed to be. He was a good man.' She fell silent for a few moments, her eyes misting. 'You and your sons remind me a lot of him, especially Adam.'

So that's why the girl had become so attached to him, that part of her behaviour made sense now. 'He sounds like he was a good person.'

'He was the best.'

Ben looked over at her as she fell quiet once more, her tears not escaping his notice. Lord, please help this broken child. He prayed, his heart breaking for her. She'd appeared to be strong and unwavering for so long while inwardly she was breaking and now couldn't keep it in any further. 'Missie, you need to talk about how you're feeling, you can't keep it all bottled up inside.'

She shook her head, biting her lip. 'It hurts too much.'

'I know Missie, I know but it's only going to hurt more later if you don't deal with it now.'

'I just miss them so much.' Missie finally admitted, choking back a sob. 'Every night I keep seeing them in my mind, seeing my family murdered. I see my father in my mind, him laughing and teasing and-' Her voice broke. 'I'm too scared to sleep and too exhausted not to. When does it end? When will it all end?'

'I don't know Missie, I don't.' He replied honestly. 'I don't have the answers, I can't give you any but I can promise we're here for you. You will get through this.'

She nodded as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve. 'I know. I really miss Adam too, I don't know how but he makes me feel better when I'm upset or have had a nightmare.'

'He's really taken you under his wing, he always wanted a sister but he got stuck with two brothers instead. I think he'll be glad to be watching out for you and not dragging Joe out of bar fights all the time.'

'And who says I won't get into bar fights?'

He went to correct her but saw the glint in her eye and knew she was just teasing. 'You mind yourself you hear, I don't need you joining the ranks of my son's racking up repair bills at the saloon.'

'I can take care of myself, Pa taught me to fight and I took care of more then one school yard bully.'

'Fighting isn't something a girl should be getting herself in to.'

'Oh I don't start the fights, no. I just finish them. I've got quite a distaste for black eyes and bloodied noses thanks to my father.' She fell silent again, nudging her horse over closer to Ben's. 'Can I ask you a question and have an honest answer?'

'I'll give you an honest answer but it depends on the question.'

'Do you like having me around?'

'Of course we do.' He replied kindly. 'Why would you think we didn't?'

'Just askin. I know I ain't been myself lately and I'm sorry. I don't want to be coming across as standoffish or ungrateful.'

'You needn't worry about either because you're most certainly not. It takes time to heal after going through what you've had. We don't expect you to move on overnight.' She nodded and they fell silent again for sometime. He looked over at her, a thought coming into his mind. 'How do you feel about having a little race?'

It was late in the afternoon when Adam finally rode in, wearily dismounting his horse and stretched from the hours spent in the saddle. He'd ridden all day, coming back from the mining camp along the route past the mine to check in on it. It'd made the ride longer but at least he didn't need to make a trip to the mine now later in the week.

'I see your back older brother.' Little Joe exclaimed as he came over from the corral. 'How was your trip?'

'Busy but things are as they should be for the moment.' He took his bedroll off his saddle. 'How's things around here?'

'The usual. Lost a few head of cattle a couple days ago, rustlers we think but we haven't found them yet.'

'How's Missie doing?'

'She'll be better now that you're back.' He caught the frown his brother made and continued with an explanation. 'Pa's been up with her every night since you've been gone, sometimes she's woken up screaming two or three times a night. She's been really quiet too during the day, she hasn't been herself.'

He sighed inwardly at the news. He'd been hoping the girl would have improved in his absence. 'I'll go speak to Pa, he inside?' Joe nodded and he handed him the reins. 'You tend to Sport?'

'Of course older brother.' He started for the barn. 'Come on boy.'

Adam turned to the house and headed inside, closing the door behind him quietly when he saw the girl asleep on the couch. His father was seated at his desk, reading over papers but glanced up as he walked in. 'How was your trip son?'

'The usual, long and tiring.' He rested against the wall with his arms folded infront of him. 'The men are on schedule though for the contract, if they keep at it they'll finish ahead of the required date.'

'Good. I was starting to worry we wouldn't fill it in time.'

'Went past the mine too on the way back, everything's in order there.' He motioned towards the girl. 'Little Joe tells me things with her haven't improved.'

'No.' Ben sighed. 'They've gotten worse. I just don't know how to help her or what to do. If any of you were acting how she's been I'd know exactly what was needed but she's something else entirely. He tell you about her nightmares?'

He nodded, still looking at her. 'She said what's been causing it?'

'She won't speak of them but she mentioned she keeps seeing her family.'

'Even though her father is dead he still haunts her.'

'Afraid so.' He closed the ledger he'd been working on, pulling another book from his drawer. 'The doc's given her sleeping powders to get her to sleep, she's had a rough time of it while you've been gone.'

Adam sighed, feeling bad he'd been away for so long. Especially since it was his first time away for her. It couldn't have been helped though, he'd had no choice. He could only hope that the present he'd brought back would help some. 'I hope you don't mind Pa but I brought her a little present.'

'Oh?'

Carefully and gently he pulled a sleepy black kitten from his pocket, reciving 'the look' from his father. 'Just hear me out Pa. Missie mentioned her Pa was going to get her a cat when they settled at their new ranch to replace the ones she'd left behind. I thought it might help her some having something to care for and look after that's hers.'

'Where'd you get it?'

'One of the families at the logging camp, the Sutton's.'

'I remember them, how are they?'

'Doing better now they're in a proper house. Their baby is doing a lot better then when we last saw it. They invited me for dinner last night and mentioned they needed homes for a couple kittens and so I offered to take one for Missie.'

'I guess it won't harm nothing.' He gave in after a moment, the kitten looking around with blinking bright green eyes. 'It might do her some good.'

'I was hoping you'd say that.' Adam put the kitten back in his pocket for the time being. 'How's she been otherwise?'

'Busy doing whatever she can get her hands on, I can hardly get her to sit down. The barns the cleanest it's ever been, the other day she cleaned and oiled every bit of tack she could find. She's a hard worker, I'll grant her that. She had a ride on Daisy today, we went to town to pick up her dresses and she really seemed to enjoy it.'

'Maybe we should start looking for that horse for her then.'

'I've been keeping an eye out but so far nothing suitable has come up.' He glanced over at the clock as it chimed loudly. 'Missie needs to be woken for dinner.'

'I'll go get her up.' He headed over to her, kneeling down beside the couch. The girls cheeks were stained with dried tears, she'd been crying in her sleep again. He brushed her hair out of her face, placing his hand on her shoulder. 'Dinner time Missie, wake up.'

The girl moaned softly, trying to get back to sleep as her mind comprehended the words spoken to her. Adam. She was still half asleep, thinking she was dreaming as she opened her eyes. Adam was there smiling. She wasn't dreaming! 'Adam!'

'Hello Missie.' He chuckled as she threw her arms around him and he hugged her back tightly. 'How have you been?'

'Okay, happy your back.' She replied, looking up at him with a smile. 'How was your trip?'

'Alright, got everything done that I needed too.' He pulled back, placing his hand in his pocket. 'Brought a little something back for you.'

'Really?'

'Close your eyes and hold out your hands.'

She hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was a trick or something then did as he'd asked. Something light was placed into her hands, something soft and fury- 'Oh Adam, a kitten!'

He smiled seeing the look of surprise and happiness on her face as she held it against her chest gently, rubbing its head with her chin. 'You mentioned before about wanting a kitten, I know your having a hard time with everything that's happened and adjusting to your new life. I thought this might help bring a little of that joy back.'

Her eyes were watering as she held the kitten against her cheek, the kitten licking her skin with its rough little tongue. 'Thank you Adam, thank you so much.' She nuzzled the kitten gently as it started to purr. 'Has it got a name?'

'No, I thought you'd like to name her.'

Missie thought hard for a moment. 'Hope. I'll call her Hope.'

'Hope.' He repeated. 'I think that suits her rather well.' It was priceless to see the joy on her face, pure happy joy at something so simple as a kitten. The girl had definitely chosen the right name for her, he'd brought her back in the hope that it'd help Missie and it was clear to see that little kitten was bringing her more joy then she'd had for quite some time. 'You'll have to keep an eye on her though, she's your responsibility.'

'I think I can handle one little kitten.' She giggled as the kitten bumped her chin with its head. 'I handled running the ranch for Pa for a week when he went away more than once.' She thought for a moment then stood up, going over to the book shelf where her paper tablet had been left. 'I did some drawings of his horses and his brand, its not the best work I've done but its the best I can remember of them. I know they're probably long gone by now but there's always hope.'

Adam frowned as he saw the brand, he recognized it well. 'Missie, your step-father ran the Rocking R ranch?'

She nodded. 'You've heard of it?'

'Heard of it? Pa did business with him a few years back.' He looked at the girl closely then started to laugh. 'You were the girl with the pigtails and bad temper, you weren't happy you couldn't go out with your father on the range to bring in the horses we were looking at. I can't believe I didn't recognize you.'

The girls cheeks were a bright red. 'I wish you didn't have such a good memory. That was just after Ma married Pa, I'd only just learnt to ride and Pa wouldn't let me help with the round ups yet. I'm not surprised I didn't recognize you or your Pa, I was too angry to take much notice.'

'So I seem to remember.' His tone had a distinctive edge of amusement to it. 'Your Pa's horses have been some of the best range broodmares we've owned.'

'Pa knew his horses, that's for sure. He only sold the best.'

'This chestnut here, I'm guessing that's his stallion.'

Missie nodded, sitting back down on the couch beside him, Hope tucked comfortably in the crook of her arm. She'd only managed to scrawl down the color and age of the stallion, her writing and spelling still needing to be worked on. 'That's Flame. He's a six year old. I'm sorry I couldn't write out actual descriptions, you know I'm hardly able to write a couple words together. Drawing was easier. I hope that's okay.'

'It's more then okay, it's definitely enough to go by to identify a horse. I'll take them in and speak to Roy when I've got a moment.'

'Thanks Adam. I know it's probably crazy to try and find them after so long, it's been a few months already since my father stole them. It would be nice to have a couple back though.'

'Dinner ready Mr. Cartwright.'

'Thank you Hop Sing.' Ben exclaimed as he got up from his desk, Adam and Missie making their way to the table. 'No animals at the table young lady.'

'What do you want me to do with her then?' She asked softly, rubbing the kittens back. 'I haven't got a cage to put her in.'

'I think she can keep her with her this once Pa.' Adam interjected. 'I'll help you build a little cage for her tomorrow.'

'Thank you.' She looked at Ben. 'Is that alright?'

Ben sighed. He was becoming a giant softy. If it were his sons bringing their pets to the table when they were her age he'd have tanned the hide right off them. 'Alright, make sure she stays on your lap.' The girl nodded as she took a seat beside Adam and they bowed their heads for the blessing. 'Lord, we thank you for this food and ask for your blessing on it. Amen.'

Missie kept a firm hold on her kitten as Ben served up the food, the kitten curling up on her dress to go to sleep. 'Mr. Cartwright, do you remember doing business with the Rocking R ranch?'

'I do, the horses I brought from there have been excellent broodmares.' He served up the girls plate and passed it to her. 'Why do you ask?'

'Missie's step-father owned it.' Adam replied. 'Missie and I just made the connection.'

Ben raised his eyebrows in surprise, a wondering why he hadn't figured that out earlier. 'And you were the girl with pigtails-'

'Yeah, that's me.' She chuckled nervously. 'I've grown up some since then, I don't even remember you folks coming to buy horses otherwise I'd have recognised you.'

'That sure smells good.' Hoss and Joe came in to eat, taking their places at the table. 'Glad to see there's still food left here Missie.'

'I ain't hungry enough to eat everything on the table, not like you.' She teased with a grin. 'Do you know where he puts it all Little Joe?'

'Not now, but back in the day he used to put his vegetables in his pocket to get rid of later.'

'Dadburnit Little Joe, that was our secret.'

'Yeah, till Pa found out.' Adam interjected with a grin. 'Your hide was so sore you couldn't sit for a week.'

'You didn't like eating your vegetables Hoss?' Missie was quite amused by the little story. 'My Ma used to tell my brothers if they didn't eat them they wouldn't grow up to be big and strong.'

'I'd hate to see him if he did.' Joe took a piece of meatloaf off the serving dish. 'He'd be twice the size he is now.'

She laughed then turned her attention back to her meal as they carried on conversation around the table. The kitten asleep on her, Adam sitting beside her, she was happy. Content. Maybe even tonight she'd be able to get some sleep.