Four Years Later

I sat against the head of the bed and gnawed on my thumbnail, staring at the clock in agony. Three minutes of agony. Dimitri sat on the chair in the corner with his head in his hands, sighing heavily every once in a while.

One drunken night was all it took for things to unravel. One time of not taking an extra step.

I felt like I wanted to puke as I stared at the clock.

"Can you please say something," I pleaded quietly, feeling like I was drowning in the silence. Dimitri lifted his head and looked at me with a slight headshake.

"Let's just wait to see what the test says," he said tiredly. I pressed my lips together as I felt my heart plummet into my stomach. Was something like this going to break us? He had barely said more than a handful of words to me all morning. I bite harder on my nail as I watched the number change on the clock. Only one more minute.

A part of me was already regretting that night. Regretting drinking as much as I did, regretting coercing Dimitri into getting roaring drunk with me. The whole night to be honest. Especially now that I was getting practically radio silence. I knew why; there was so much riding on him right now, and a baby wasn't something he could afford to add to his pile. Something I couldn't afford to add to my pile either.

The numbers on the clock changed again and I blew out a breath, reaching over to the nightstand and picking up the pregnancy test. I pulled it out of the wrapping and flipped it over.

"Not pregnant," I sighed as I dropped the test into my lap. But relief wasn't exactly the only feeling I felt. I felt sad.

Dimitri scrubbed his hands over his face and groaned into his hands, sinking back in his chair. I bit my lip and put the test back in the wrapper without saying anything, tossing it into the garbage can as I left the room. I walked through the hallway and picked up my bookbag before stalking into the living room where Lissa and Christian were.

"I need you. Now," I said firmly, startling Lissa out of her notes. She lifted her head and looked at me before closing her book and pushing herself off the floor. Looking at me curiously she picked up her purse and followed me to the door. I waited on the porch and turned to find Lissa shrugging at someone in the house.

We walked in almost complete silence through campus because I didn't know what exactly to say to voice how I was feeling. Somehow we made our way to one of the coffee shops and slipped into a booth in the back.

Lissa looked at me expectingly as I played with my coffee cup.

"I thought I was pregnant."

I timed it wrong because Lissa choked on her coffee, her hand clamping over her mouth to keep from spitting out the hot liquid.

"Um, pardon me?"

"I thought I was pregnant. I was late, like three weeks late. I don't know why, but I just took a test and while I'm relieved that I'm not because I'm in my last year, and at the same time I feel terrible and I don't know what to do about that," I blurted out, words spewing from my lips so quickly I'm surprised Lissa caught any of it.

Lissa licked her lips and cleared her throat, cocking her head to the side. "Is it possible that you are not as relieved as you think you are? That maybe you are disappointed that you aren't, despite circumstance?" Lissa asked calmly, folding her hands on the table.

I leaned back in my seat and folded my lips inwards. I had never thought about it. I mean I had thought about having a family with Dimitri eventually, but we had never actually talked about it. We talked about furthering our lives together and getting married but not kids. I mean, I was only twenty-three, but Lissa put the exact words to what I was feeling.

"I feel like talking to a psychiatrist in training may have been the best idea I've had all term," I said dryly as I brought my cup to my lips.

Lissa smirked and obnoxiously flicked her hair over her shoulder. "I have my talents," she said with a smirk. "How did Dimitri react to all of this?"

I shrugged. "I don't really know. He was quiet about it and didn't talk about it. I think maybe the idea just stressed him out, and then there's the game this weekend," I said, picking at the chipped nail polish on my fingers.

"Hey, he isn't the only one who needs to worry about the game this weekend. It's the championship game, you need to be on your game too."

I smiled at her. She was right. The cheerleaders needed to be on their best game too. I sighed and sank back against the booth, watching the snow fall outside.

"Are you going to go tonight, or are you going to stay home?"

I looked back at Lissa a shrugged. "I don't know. I don't feel like being around people right now. Maybe later if I feel better."

Lissa gave me a tight smile of understanding and nodded.

"Now, drink up and try to relax," Lissa instructed with a gentle look before going towards the counter and ordered what I could only guess was a deluxe hot chocolate. She knew hot chocolate was something that always made me feel better.

I smiled at her when she came back with two more cups in hand and pushed one towards me.

"You know that no matter what the results may have been, that I would have supported you. And so would he, once he got over his own panic. He loves you more than I've ever seen someone love another. I think maybe he was just in shock. I mean, anyone would have been in a bit of shock. But, the pill isn't always effective," Lissa said soothingly, trying to comfort me while trying to placate me. Lissa reached her hand across the table and held mine, squeezing it. I squeezed back and gave her a small smile.

"Thanks, Liss."

Lissa nodded and patted my hand. "What are best friends for?"

I dropped my bag on the floor and wandered down to my room, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. I opened the door and faltered for a second to realize that Dimitri himself wasn't at the New Year's Eve party like I thought he would have been.

Dimitri looked up from where he lounged back on our bed with a book, arm behind his head. When he saw that it was me, he set the book down and stood up, crossing the room quickly and wrapping his arms around me. I hesitated for a second and returned his hug.

"I'm sorry," Dimitri said into my hair.

I furrowed my brows. "Um? Why?"

"For being silent. I shouldn't have been silent. You were panicking and I was too stuck in my own shock. Are you okay?"

"I'm…fine?" I said uncertainly, "I mean, I'm not pregnant."

"And you're okay with that?"

I pulled back to look at his face and let my shoulders sag. "Did Lissa say something to you?"

Dimitri raised a brow at me. "No. Why would she?"

I shrugged and pulled back and sat down on the chair in the corner, tucking my legs up under myself. Dimitri sat down on the edge of the bed and braced his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together between his legs. I could see that there was something he wanted to say but seemed to be warring with himself.

"How come you aren't at the party?" I asked quietly, picking at my nail polish again. I'd have to fix it or take it off before the game tomorrow.

"I didn't think that was where I was needed," he said softly, looking at me. I nodded with a sigh, running my teeth over my upper lip. I could feel his eyes on me, the patience he had to wait for me to talk when I didn't want to was stellar. It was like a tween giving their parent the silent treatment – unnerving and unwavering.

"You know that I can read you as easy as one of those, right?" Dimitri asked, jerking his head towards the paperback that was abandoned on the bed. I met his eyes and licked my lips, taking in a slow breath.

"Talk to me, please?"

"I'm fine," I said quietly. Dimitri raised a brow at me and waited.

"If you won't, can I tell you something?"

I flicked my eyes to his again and nodded.

"I wasn't panicked because I thought you were pregnant, I panicked because if you were, I would have wanted to do things differently."

I furrowed my brows at him and he had the audacity to laugh.

"Well, I would like to remember the act of making a child. I don't exactly remember the night of Donavan's party, Roza. And neither do you."

I blushed. He was right. I barely remembered the night, I just remembered drinking and then waking up with a mess and ache between my legs.

"What I mean is that I do want a baby with you, I just want to wait a little bit longer. Have a home, a stable job, be married. I want a life with you and everything that comes with it," Dimitri said as he moved from the chair to the bed beside me, slipping his hand into mine. My lips pulled into a tight smile and squeezed his hand. Dimitri squeezed back and slipped his arms around me, pulling me close to him.

"I," I started as I rested my head on his shoulder, "I felt a little disappointed."

"That you weren't?"

I nodded and sighed. "I know that the time isn't right, but for a fleeting moment, the idea didn't completely terrify me. And I was relieved that I wasn't but at the same time I wasn't. I know it sounds stupid," I explained but he cut me off with a hush and stroke of my hair.

"It's not stupid. Please don't think that. It's a normal reaction," he soothed. He sounded so much like Lissa. I rested my forehead against his and sighed with a small smile. I looked over his shoulder before pulling away.

"If you're up for it, want to go to the party? It'll be our last college New Year's Eve party," I asked, "I promise not to get inebriated."

"Are you up to going? If you don't want to, we can have a quiet night in."

I smiled and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "No. I think we should go. Plus I didn't buy that dress for nothing," I said with a wink, getting up to pull the sequence mini dress from the closet. Dimitri rolled his eyes at me but got up, coming up to rub his hands over my shoulders before kissing one of them.

"Then I guess I should have a shower before you hog the bathroom."

I scoffed a laugh but turned to look at him. "I love you. I feel like I don't tell you that enough."

Dimitri had a soft look on his face as he cupped my cheeks, running his thumb softly over my cheekbone.

"You tell me plenty, Roza."

It was cold, colder than I was used to while living here. The championship game was always held on New Year's Day, but this year it was so cold I was shaking like a leaf. Even with the warmer uniform on, it was cold. The baton girls were lucky, they were up in the bleachers with a blocker for the wind. Down here on the field, we were getting nailed full blast.

Thankfully, we were in the final quarter, but it was too close. Only three minutes left on the clock.

Everyone from back home came if they could. Baba and Uncle Pavel looked ridiculous decked out in swag, Olena and Randall were both there, Vika, Adrian, Mia, and Eddie all standing with them. They knew this game was important. Tasha was devastated that she couldn't come because of her placement for school, but Mia was going to live stream it for her so she could watch. I was most surprised by Adrian being there, but he said that he couldn't miss this game. That he had a good feeling about it.

The last moments of the game moved at supersonic speed and at a snail's pace. It was almost a guarantee that we would take the championship again, and I was counting down the seconds so that I could get inside the warmth of the locker room and warm up my toes.

When the clock hit the last ten seconds, and the other team took a knee, the game was over. I turned to my teammates and squealed in excitement. I wasn't surprised we won, but it was still exciting. I was proud of my man, and I was proud of the men that had become my friends. I was hugged first by Ivan of all people.

Ivan transferred here his second year. Our Aerospace Engineering program was showing better success than the one at LSU, and he wanted to be closer to his friends. It was nice to have him around too, it made Dimitri happier as well.

I laughed and wrapped my arms tight around him, hugging him tightly as he practically crushed me. He was gross and sweaty, but the heat rolling off of him was nice compared to the blistering cold.

"You guys kicked ass!" I squawked into his ear as he set me down, only to be scooped up by Dimitri instead. I clung to him as he lifted me up, spinning me around. He hadn't taken his mouth guard out yet, but I kissed him anyway, smiling against his lips as he set me on my feet.

Our families were making their way to where we were on the field and greeted us. I smiled at Eric and Rhea and hugged Olena. I watch Adrian clap Dimitri on the back while giving him a hug, pressing something between them. I was pulled away from the thought as I was squashed between Baba and Uncle Pavel.

"You did well tonight. Although, I was a little nervous about that last stunt you did, looked like you lost your footing," Baba said kissing my temple.

"I did lose my footing. It's windy as fuck," I groaned, getting a disapproving look for my language, but I ignored it and hugged Eddie and Mia, who still had her phone for to live stream.

"Hi, Tash!" I called out and Mia turned the phone around so I could see Tasha on the other side. She smiled and waved at me, congratulating us on the big win. I chuckled and raised my brows at my friends as they looked at me with mischievous grins. I was also confused on why so many of the football players and my team were still here on the field.

Jackson, my base, smirked at me and jutted his chin behind me. I shook my head and found Dimitri on one knee. The shock on my face must have been comical because I heard a rumble of laughter from the team and my friends.

"I told you I wanted a life with you," Dimitri said with a smirk as he opened the ring box in his hands.

I felt bad if he had a long thought-out speech planned because he didn't get to say it. He barely got those words out before I cupped his face and kissed him. It wasn't hard, even on one knee he was still high enough for me to dip down and kiss him.

There was a collection of hoots and hollers as Dimitri stood up and slipped his arms my waist. Our kiss was probably a little more intimate than warranted for public, but I didn't care. His words last night made more sense now.

"Yes," I breathed out when I pulled away, making him laugh.

"You don't even want to see it first?" Dimitri laughed.

I shook my head. The ring didn't necessarily matter; it could have been a ring from a gumball machine, and I would have loved it. "I don't need to see it. All I need is you," I replied with another kiss.

Three Years Later

"I have always loved that picture of the two of you. It's beautiful," my coworker Margaret said, leaning over the side of the desk as she looked at the photo on my desk. I smiled and looked at it too. Olena managed to take a picture at the perfect moment that day. I loved that picture of us, wrapped up in each other's arms just after Dimitri finally got me to stand still long enough to put the ring on my finger.

It was simple, a small solitaire square on a weaved gold band. I had a hard time finding a wedding band that I liked to go with it, and eventually I had something custom-made to match. It took a few days for the idea that we were engaged to set in, and when it did, I sat up in bed in the middle of the night and just looked at the ring. I sat there long enough that when Dimitri woke in the middle of the night to use the washroom, I was still looking at it.

"I love it too," I said with a smile, saving the application I was working on.

Margaret was the office manager at the local bank. I wanted to come back to Montana when we graduated. I missed the comfort of the familiar surroundings. Dimitri wanted to be closer to his family too. We found a cute little house a few blocks from our childhood homes, and when we walked through it, I started to imagine the family we might grow here.

I was lucky to come back when I did. The bank was looking for a new financial advisor and I rejoiced taking finance for three years. I didn't initially want to, but after taking it out with Baba and Eric, they both explained how important it was for day to day life. And it really helped me learn things about money and planning than I thought I needed to know. And I discovered that I loved it.

I loved how easily it came into place for me, and I loved how it seemed like riding a bike. I picked it up quickly and took it in stride. So when the opportunity arose, I didn't hesitate to take it.

"You should put a picture from your wedding up," Margaret laughed, "Then creepy old men would stop asking you out."

I snickered as I pulled my purse out of the bottom drawer of my desk and stood up. Two years of being Mrs. Belikov – I know that it was supposed to be Belikova, but I insisted that I wanted just Belikov – and I was happy.

Our wedding was a lively night. Most of the men from the football team came, and some of my close friends from school too. It was the big party we all wanted to have, but never wanted to risk. Baba cried before walking me down the aisle, and it took every inch of my willpower not to join him in tears. As a gesture of good luck, Baba tied my mother's Nazar around my Boquete. I got choked up even more when I noticed it after the ceremony.

It was one of the few things that were recovered with her the day of the fire. I never thought Baba would let go of it.

"I like having that one up. It's raw. Sure, we were happy on our wedding day, but there's something fulfilling about having a picture that wasn't posed. It was just captured at the right time," I said as we headed towards the door.

"Well, here's to hoping to take many more on your trip. May is a beautiful time of year for where you're going. Have a good time!" Margaret said as she stopped at her car, giving me a big smile.

"Thanks," I replied, "I plan on taking many, many pictures."

"Comrade?!" I called as I walked into the house, kicking my shoes off and sliding them towards the closet. The heels looked great, but after five hours of wearing them, it became uncomfortable. I flexed my feet against the cold wood floor before wandering down the main hall, and into the small room we used as a home office. I smiled to myself when my eye laid on my husband at the desk, tie still fastened and a frown on his face. I pushed myself away from the doorframe and went in. I sat on the edge of his desk and crossed my legs, leaning down and kissed the corner of his mouth.

"How's it going?"

Dimitri sighed and leaned back. He clearly had gotten home and then went back to work. Dimitri was also fortunate to get a job quickly once coming back in human relations with Eric and Baba's business. It was disappointing though that he was still working since we were both officially on vacation.

"It'll be better when this damn report submits. How was your day, love?" he replied, reaching his hand over and ran his hand over my nylon-covered calf. I hummed and scooted closer to him, running my fingers through his loose hair. He let his eyes drift closed and he let a small sigh of pleasure out.

"It was fine. But I'm cutting you off in a half-hour. If it doesn't submit by then, Jose will have to do it for you. We leave in the morning for our trip," I said as I slipped off the desk and called over my shoulder. I went into our bedroom and started taking my jewelry off, setting it in the glass dish on my dresser.

I reached back and tried to reach the zipper of my dress and made a face when I couldn't reach it. I tried to get it from another angle but couldn't get it either.

"Need help?" Dimitri asked as he came up behind me and got the zipper, pulling it down enough so that I could reach it. I assumed that the report went through, or that he gave up.

"Thanks," I said with a smile, wiggling out of my dress and thigh-highs and slipped and into sweats. I looked over the suitcase in the corner and made a mental note to add a few more things before we left in the morning.

I turned and watched Dimitri change out of his work clothes and into loungewear as I toyed my thought over in my head.

"So I was thinking," I started with a leading tone, smiling at his back.

"Uh oh, that's dangerous."

"Shut up!"

Dimitri laughed and faced me as he pulled a t-shirt on. "What were you thinking?" he asked, coming to kiss me softly.

I smiled up at him and ran my palms over his chest before linking them together at the back of his neck.

"I was thinking that I might be ready," I said tentatively. Dimitri and I had talked about children since our pregnancy scare all those years ago. We talked about it shortly after we got married, but I didn't feel like I was completely ready for kids. Yes, I was slightly disappointed when we had the scare, but after really thinking about it, I realized that I wasn't ready emotionally.

But I was now.

Dimitri raised a brow and let his hands rest on my waist. "You mean for a baby?"

"I am if you are," I said with a small smile, "I thought, maybe, we could start trying while we're in Scotland?"

Dimitri smirked and pulled me close, smiling widely down at me. "I think that might be a great idea."

I toyed with my glass and smiled to myself. It was nice to see everyone together under one roof.

Randall had finally retired from the force, and I think it was relieving for both him and Olean for him to be done. He had taken time off after what happened with me and Nathan, and Randall really turned his life around.

For one, he got sober. Two, he owned up to his bullshit.

Things got better for Randall and Olena. It took a little over a year, but the fighting stopped. The abuse stopped. The moment the haze of alcohol was out of his system, he turned into a person that we only ever got to see glimpses of. He became a kinder person, a happier person. The person he was when he met Olena. Randall even started seeing a therapist and said he found it beneficial for dealing with his anger, but also his guilt.

Especially guilt he felt towards me and my family.

There were a few moments over the years where we sat down and talked about what happened. Randall was the only person, aside from Dimitri, who knew the extent of my PTSD. The worst was this time of year when the anniversary approached. I was okay most of the time, but the occasional backfire of a car, or unexpected firework would startle me.

As silly as it sounded to me, sometimes the scar would ache when I stressed about what happened. But Randall was quick to reassure me, as was the therapist I started seeing during college, that it was normal when experiencing PTSD.

Baba said that you could see that they were happier as a couple. And I was glad to know that. The better Randall's relationship got with Olena, the better it got with Dimitri. I was also glad for that. I always hoped that one day the two of them would have a somewhat healthy relationship.

I came out of my mussing when the man of the hour approached, a slight look of relief on his face.

"How are you doing?" Randall asked as he kissed my cheek and sat down next to me.

"I'm doing okay. How are you?"

Randall nodded with a quiet sigh. "I'd be better if my retirement party wasn't today. My brother was an ass, but I feel bad celebrating on the anniversary of his death."

I nodded in understanding. For me, it was a memory of a fearful night. But for him, it was him choosing the life of his now daughter-in-law or his brother.

"If it helps. I feel the same," I said as I sipped my water. Randall gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Are you sitting with me because you want to chat or because you're hiding from the masses?"

Randall laughed with his head tipped back. "Hiding. There are so many people here; it's quite claustrophobic in fact. I would have preferred if it was just Olena, the kids, you, and you're family. Not the whole precinct and people in the community. It's just a lot," Randall explained as he pulled a cigar from his jacket pocket and lit it. I grimaced at the smell and turned my head away for a moment to compose myself, trying not to gag.

Randall notice it but didn't mention it, instead of giving me a smirk of a smile. I shook my head with a chuckle. I was hoping nobody would notice it yet. I was careful with carefully picking my clothes when I was going to work or out to visit people. And I even went as far as to change the way I did my makeup to hide the fullness of my face. It was too early to announce.

"I take it you don't want one of these then," Randall joked and purposely blew the smoke away from me.

"No. But your son might," I chuckled. Dimitri had acquired a taste for a good cigar thanks to Baba. But I didn't mind it most of the time. They did have a nice smell to them. I smiled to myself as I watched my nieces play together, and how my nephew Paul seemed to be roped into playing with them. Seeing them all together made my heart flutter in excitement.

"Are you two over here plotting?" Dimitri asked.

"Yes. I've positively corrupting him and we are plotting on stealing a car to get out of this event," I said deadpanned, making Randall chuckle.

"You need to rub off on him. The man it far too uptight still," Randall chuckled as he stood up to give Dimitri his spot, clapping Dimitri on the shoulder. Dimitri smirked and came to sit next to me, draping his arm over the back of my chair. I smiled at him and sighed when he kissed me, loving how the thrill of feeling him kiss me never left.

"You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, just a little tired. All the excitement has worn me down," I said quietly, "Plus I honestly feel like I could fall asleep standing up these days."

Dimitri smirked and ran the tip of his nose over my temple before kissing it. "I think my mother is starting to suspect."

"Oh, your father totally knows. Made some wise-ass joke about me smoking a cigar."

Dimitri laughed. "Only a few more months until Christmas and we can tell them. Who do you think will lose it more? Your father or my parents?"

I snorted a laugh. "I think your sisters."

Dimitri hummed and looked over, making me look too to find his three sisters looking at us. I frowned a sank back in my chair. I hated it when they did that.

"I agree. The three of them will be an absolute nightmare," Dimitri laughed into my hair, "But it will be worth every minute."

I turned my head to face him and smiled while gently rubbing my nose against the side of his. It would be worth it. Every moment of my life with him was worth it. If I told my seventeen year old self I would have all of this, I would have thought it was a beautiful dream. But I was living that dream.

I smiled to myself and leaned into Dimitri. I could remember with clarity the moment I realized I loved him, the first time I kissed him, the first time I was held by him. It felt like yesterday but also felt so long ago. Eight years of a life with my best friend.

"You think we'll be able to make it to Christmas without telling anyone?"

Dimitri shrugged. "I'd like to think we could make it two months."

"I did have to tell Lissa though."

"I told Ivan. We both needed someone to know and be excited with other than ourselves."

I smirked and sat up straight before getting up. "Well, as long as the two of them keep their mouths shut, our secret won't go up in a puff of smoke."

Dimitri smirked and shrugged. "Here's to hoping."

Ta-dah! We've come to an end. This chapter is the longest it's taken me to write. I wanted it to be perfect, but couldn't get it the way I wanted.

But I hope I have done it justice now.

Thank you to all of you who have stuck out with me with this story, I appreciate every one of you!