Cloud couldn't take it anymore. He had failed the soldier exam for the third time in a row. Too short, too weak, too girly! These were only a few of the many offending adjectives that he had been burdened with during his time as a cadet at Shinra. He didn't know why he thought that he, of all people, could somehow manage to become SOLDIER. When he thought of what SOLDIER meant he easily pictured his best friend Zack in his head. Kind, tall, handsome, and most importantly heroic. He was the person you looked up to. The person Cloud longed to be but was the farthest from. In fact, he was very much his opposite in everyway. If Zack was the sun, bright and full of energy, then Cloud was the moon. Lonely and quiet, only noticed because of the reflection of the sun's light.
"Great, now I'm thinking in terms of crappy poetry." He scoffed aloud as he headed towards the showers to wash off the day's failures.
"What's wrong with poetry?" A cheerful voice pipped up from in front of him. A voice he often enjoyed hearing from, but currently was the source of much of his envy.
Cloud looked up to see his friend Zack, whose ever present grin was quickly faded at the sight of the shorter man's visible angst. His lips tugging south in a frown and a crease appearing between his brows in sympathy. He knew the exams were today, and despite his reputation, Zack was able to piece together what had his friend so down.
"Aw, cheer up Spikey. You can try again next year." He said as he placed a comforting hand and Cloud's shoulder. It was quickly brushed off.
"So I can fail for the fourth time. Great." He muttered towards the ground. He knew Zack hated when he did that, but Cloud at the moment could not bear to see everything he strived for standing before him, almost as a cruel reminder of what he will never be.
When he felt a warm gloved hand tug his chin up he immediately resisted and pulled away, unwilling to meet his friend's warm eyes that no doubt would be swimming in concern. Concern he did not want nor deserve. He slipped past the raven haired man before he could get another word out, tossing a half-assed, "I'll be fine." over his shoulder as he went. He could feel the violet gaze burning holes in his back as he went. No doubt Zack could sense something had changed in Cloud, something in his already burdened psyche had cracked. This last failure felt final.
When Cloud finally arrived at the showers, he was tempted to turn around and walk back out. He assumed the other boys would already have left for the SOLDIER quarters. After all, every SOLDIER gets their own room with private showers. He heard the rambunctious noise making and excited talking die down as he entered. He ignored all of their stares as he silently undressed. At this point he rather the verbal abuse to this unsettling quiet. It wasn't until he was completely bare, and the first drops of water hit his fair skin till someone talked.
"Too bad about not making SOLDIER. What is this, the third time?" A voice said that was much closer to Cloud then he thought it had any right to be.
He recognized speaker as Terrance. A classic sort of handsome boy with a chiseled jaw and dark hair. A boy whose physical attractiveness was matched by an ugly personality. A horrid cruel streak ran deep through the young man, and he had been Cloud's personal adversary on many of occasions.
"Did you know" He continued, his voice seeming to inch closer with every comment, "that four times is the limit for retaking the SOLDIER exam?"
Cloud whirled around in shock only to be shoved harshly against the shower wall, the offender's arms barricading him in against the cool and wet tiles, water now cascading over both of them. Terrance, Cloud was relieved to note, had a towel wrapped around his waist, but he was bare and vulnerable. The other boys in similar states of undress were eagerly creeping closer to the scene of action, but Cloud hardly noticed them when the taller boy leaned down to whisper in his ear, almost in a mockery of a lover's intimacy.
"You could always make a living as a honey boy down on Wall Street. People would pay good money to spend time with that face." He licked the pale shell of the shorter boy's ear.
Cloud immediately recoiled in anger and disgust and shoved the other boy back hard, his face flushed with shame at the implication. The force caused the thin towel that was preserving the other's decency to drop to the floor. Instead backing off and covering himself like Cloud assumed he would, Terrance simply smirked.
"I see you're eager for some practice before your big debut." He said as he stepped forward again, and panic dropped his stomach like a lead weight. A pounding on the shower door halted the boy's advances and caused a welcome sense of relief to wash over him.
"What the hell is taking you boys so long to shower! I was supposed to take the lot of you up to your new living arrangements five minutes ago! Now move your asses, or you can kiss your future in SOLDIER goodbye!" The loud voice of one of the instructors boomed through the thick wood.
The other boys quickly jumped to get ready, only Terrance paused. Cloud's relief was short lived when the other boy roughly grasped his wrist to yank him forward, any protests he had were immediately swallowed up in an aggressive kiss. The bully's free hand that wasn't clasping his quickly bruising wrist reached up to thread through his wet blond spikes, yanking his head back to deepen the kiss. As soon as Cloud's mouth opened in a gasp an invading tongue breached his mouth, eagerly licking against his teeth and inner cheeks. After a few moments Cloud wrestled his wrist free and used both his hands to push his assailant away.
"See you around at honey bee babe" He parted with a loud smack on Cloud's ass that had him yelping, "After all, SOLDIER pays well."
After Terrance left with the rest of his former classmates Cloud sank down against the wall, the water had long since gotten cold, causing goose bumps to form along his arms. The blond pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Tears began to well up in his eyes at the violation, but he instantly rebelled at the thought. Anger instead took ahold of his senses. Anger at his own powerlessness. It welled up inside him with no way to spill out. How could he release this deep and overwhelming sense of grief and rage. He lifted his blue eyes, dull from trauma looking for anything to save him from his suffocating circumstances when his vision honed in on a razor one of his classmates had left behind. He didn't even feel himself move, and was shocked when he saw the instrument in his hand. It looked innocent enough as he hesitantly turned it over, blade side against tender skin of his right wrist. It was already bruised from where Terrance gripped it and Cloud pressed the blade down on the marks before his brain could stop him. Once the initial bite of the blade released his torment in rivulets of crimson, it was like he couldn't stop. The once suffocating pressure eased to numb indifference. It wasn't until he made seven cuts did he let the blade rest numbly at his side. The shiny silver of the blades now tainted crimson. He was so lost in the new world he had carved out for himself in his skin, empty of emotions and feeling that he didn't hear the door creak open, nor the sharp inhale of alarm, or the pounding of feet that were rapidly approaching him. He did however hear the voice of his closest friend yell his name. Sharp in a way he had never heard before. And he certainly felt the usually gentle hands roughly grasp his thin shoulders, quickly dragging him out of the abyss he had so comfortably lost himself in.
Zack was instantly aware of when the dull fog that clouded over his friend's usually clear blue eyes faded back into awareness. He was sure his fingers were gripping hard enough to hurt. His panic causing him to momentarily forget his SOLDIER enhancements. He eased his grip was the younger boy's eyes met his. Cloud's eyes wide with alarm.
"What are you doing here!?" He exclaimed, both embarrassed and ashamed that his friend and the person whom he admired the most had found him in such a state.
Cloud tried to pull away from the strong grip to hide himself, somehow before Zack's brain could assess the situation. The older male did not allow him to stray far, only allowing him to pull back enough so Zack could properly assess the situation. Zack's expression revealed his confusion at his younger friend's reaction. Why would Cloud pull away? Why is he bleeding? Where is he bleeding from? Cloud could see Zack's eyes flick from the injury on his right wrist then over to the bloodied razor in his left. The instant the situation clicked in his head was apparent from the way his violet eyes hardened. Zack's jaw was clenched so tight Cloud was worried he might break a molar. He slowly reached for the razor and pried it out of his young friend's loose grip. It's not like Cloud could keep it from him even if he wanted to. The older man threw away the offending item before standing up and walking away. Cloud almost thought the SOLDIER was going to leave him until he felt a rough dry towel drop on top of his head. Cloud hadn't realized that his teeth were chattering from the ice cold of the shower, which Zack had turned off at some point. Said male was now kneeling in front of him on damp tiles wrapping a smaller hand towel around his shredded wrist, his lips thinned in a grim expression that did not suit the typically peppy older teen.
"Ouch!" The blond yelped as Zack applied pressure with a firm grip.
"Some of these need stitches. We need to get you down to the infirmary." Zack stated evenly, almost coldly.
Cloud felt his heart quicken in panic. They would definitely know what happened in the infirmary. He was almost certain to get kicked out of the military, forget his dismal chances of getting into SOLDIER.
"No!" The words were out of his mouth before he could blink.
"No?" Disbelief changing Zack's previous look of indifference. Cloud was almost relieved. Zack clenched his jaw again as he let go a Cloud's wrist to stand up and walk a couple steps away, his back turned with his hands on his hips. His posture tense. The younger male could hear his friend take in a couple of calming breaths before he was able to get his emotions under control.
"Zack..." Cloud spoke softly.
It was enough to get his friend's attention, and he wasn't sure if he wanted it as the other passionately whirled on him.
"No!? I come in here to check on you after you take too long in the shower. I expected to find you crying, not half dead on the floor with your blood pooled around you-" the SOLDIER's voice broke off in a sob, and Cloud felt a sharp pang of guilt for being the source of his grief.
The cadet tried to stand up to comfort him, only for the blood loss to catch up to him. He would have fallen flat on his face had Zack not stepped forward to catch him. He felt himself land in Zack's strong and warm embrace. Muscular arms held him close as Zack lowered them to the ground, which confused Cloud, until he realized his friend was grabbing the towel that had fallen on the floor. Cloud's pale cheeks flushed in shame against the firm shoulder he was resting against as he felt Zack wrap the cheap white towel around his waist to preserve what little modesty he had left. The rough fabric abrasive against his skin. He heard himself squeak in surprise when those same arms gathered him close to his body and lifted him up as though he weighed nothing. To a first class SOLDIER like Zack, he probably did.
"Zack!" He cried out indignantly. Cradling his injured wrist when it was jostled by the movement. "Put me down! I can walk!"
Zack simply lifted a raven brow at his small burden, "Walk? You can't even stand right now." He replied as he made for the door.
"Wait!" Cloud panicked, "Let me get some clothes on, I don't want people to see me like this!"
"Well whose fault is that." The older male scoffed, pushing open the door with his boot as he made his outside without a care.
Cloud felt as though his face was burning from how hard he was blushing. People were openly staring and commenting at the SOLDIER carrying the half-naked cadet out of the shower in a princess carry. Eventually the younger teen had to bury his face in the knitted top of Zack's first class uniform in order to hide from the commotion they were causing, seeking asylum in his friend's shoulder. It wasn't until they made it to the elevators that it occurred to the spiky haired boy that they weren't heading to the cadet's quarters. He peeked up curiously at his unusually quiet friend.
"Where are we going?" He asked a little nervously. Maybe Zack was actually taking him down to infirmary.
Zack let out a heavy sigh as he shifted Cloud's weight to one arm to free his other to push the elevator's button. Cloud tried not to let that impress him...or depress him.
"My room. I have a cure Materia there. And this way I can..." Zack cut himself of before he finished. Cloud's eyes narrowed; he had an idea about what he was about to say.
"So you can what, watch me!?" Cloud bit out, offended. He tried to pull out of his friend's grip so he could properly level a glare at him, but it was rather useless, in fact, the SOLDIER seemed to hardly notice the struggle. Zack was saved from further seething retorts from his young friend as the elevator doors open to allow its next passenger in and Cloud just about died in embarrassment as the general himself stepped in, albeit looking rather confused at the underdressed cadet squirmed like a pissed cat in the younger first's embrace. Though it was quite amusing when the struggles died down at the sight of Sephiroth and a rosy blush bloomed on fair cheeks and embarrassed tears filled large blue eyes. Eventually the blond haired boy had to bury his face into Zack's shoulder as the blush traveled to his ears.
"What happened?" The General coolly inquired as his keen eyes caught sight of the blood soaked cloth covering the young boy's slender wrist.
The black haired male simply shrugged.
"Kid got hurt in the showers." He said dismissively.
Sephiroth's eyes narrowed. He knew there was more to the story.
"You should be taking him to the infirmary then." There was a question in his voice. Finally Zack looked over to him.
"Don't worry, I got it covered."
"Zack-" The General began with a warning tone.
"I said I have it covered!" The younger bit out, steel in his voice that shocked even Sephiroth. Cloud cautiously peered from one SOLDIER to the other until his vision was blocked by Zack's shoulder when he roughly jostled him. It was almost a relief when the elevator dinged, breaking up the tense silence, and Zack briskly walked out.
When they finally arrived at Zack's apartment Cloud was immediately set upon the SOLDIER's leather couch as he hurried to grab the cure Materia. The older teen was quick, and it stung a bit when Cloud realized it was because Zack didn't trust him with himself.
"Zack, I'm not suicidal!" The chocobo haired boy stated, a little fed up.
The older scoffed as he knelt on the floor in front of the other, taking ahold of the injured wrist, pulling the crimson stained towel off.
"Good to know that you were just sawing though your wrist as a hobby then." he deadpanned.
Cloud attempted to yank his wrist back, hissing in pain as it pulled on his wounds. A few opened again, and Zack scowled when he saw fresh blood trickle down his arm.
"Careful!" He chided disapprovingly, placing the towel back over the cuts to stop the flow.
"It wasn't like that!" The blond allowed his voice to raise in frustration.
The older man glanced up, "Then how exactly was it? Please, Cloud, you have no idea how terrifying it is to see your friend like I found you."
"I-" Cloud began, fidgeting uncomfortably. When he glanced down to violet eyes, he was pleasantly surprised to see them full of their usual warmth, encouraging him to go on. "I was feeling pretty low when I got to the showers I admit...it wasn't until one of my classmates started saying some stuff that I..."
Zack looked completely confused. He was aware that Cloud had been bullied by his classmates. Usually it was a few cruel comments but nothing Cloud wasn't used too. The SOLDIER wasn't ashamed to admit that he had tried to use his connections to root out the bullies, but the younger man remained infuriatingly quiet on the subject, citing that he didn't want special treatment for being best friends with a first class SOLDIER.
"Did you know that I can only take the soldier exam four times Zack?" Cloud asked.
The taller teen ran a gloved hand through his raven spikes.
"Yeah." He replied with a sigh.
Cloud nodded along.
"That's what my classmate said. He said that when I fail the exam again I...could work down at wall market as a honey boy.." Cloud mumbled out as his cheeks flushed. He desperately wished he was wearing his scarf so he could hide behind it.
Zack barely caught the last part of what he was saying, and he was sure he wouldn't have if not for his enhanced hearing. The older teen was aware of how pretty Cloud was. Large innocent blue eyes, flawless pale skin, fluffy blond spikes, heart-shaped face. If it weren't for the boy's temper that would pop up every now and again he would have thought the boy a fragile porcelain doll. He had been wary for the boy's sake of unwanted affections that may come his way. It was one of the reason's he approached Cloud in the first place. He made sure to beat the shit out of any potential perverts that came sniffing around. As far as he was aware, no one had the balls to cross the first class SOLDIER that was best friends with the cadet.
"Did he...do anything?" Zack asked a little awkwardly, but when he saw the blush color his cheeks and tears gathering in the corners of hid blue eyes he had to let go of Cloud's wrist, lest his bones be crushed in his white knuckled grip.
"Did he do anything!?" He asked more insistently, and when Cloud shyly glanced to the side in shame he felt like someone punched him in the gut. Had someone assaulted him!? Had he failed to protect his friend?...Oh God, he found him naked in the showers on the floor. Zack allowed himself to glace towards the towel covering his friend's decency, and gulped as he hesitantly reached for it. He hadn't thought to check him for those kinds of injuries. He was snapped out of his spiraling thoughts when small hands quickly clasped his gloved ones. He looked up into Cloud's face, he wasn't sure if it was possible for the small male to get anymore red.
"He didn't rape me!" He hissed out in mortification. Not that Terrance wasn't going to try if he had been uninterrupted, but it was best not to tell Zack that part. Cloud would have been able to figure something out anyway...probably.
The older male sat back on his heels with a sigh of relief till his eyes caught some peculiar bruising that peeked out of the soiled towel. He gently removed the cloth to assess the marks. There were clear finger marks purpling the white skin. Zack breathed through his rage.
"But?" The SOLDIER softly prompted. He knew there was more to the story.
"He.. kissed me." Cloud confessed, and Zack looked up in alarm when he heard his voice break and the flood gates opened, "He kissed me! He pinned me against the wall and wouldn't let me go! And then he said that when I worked at wall market he would come visit me!"
Cloud was now crying so hard that he was sobbing. He felt his weight shift as strong arms gathered him up as Zack lifted the smaller boy to sit him on his lap as the elder took a seat on the couch. Placing a gloved hand in the back of Cloud's blond spikes to encourage him to rest his face in the SOLDIER's neck. Vaguely through his distress Cloud felt the cool sensation of his skin knitting itself back together as the older teen healed him as he rocked him. Whether it be the soothing motion, the warmth of his friend, or the stress of the day, Cloud felt himself slowly slip away into a peaceful oblivion.
When Zack heard the soft snoring of the younger boy he gently lifted him to take him to his room. He quietly laid him down on his dark gray sheets and went over to his dresser to grab a pair of black sweats. All of his stuff was going to be gigantic on the tiny cadet, but it was better than letting him sleep in a wet towel. He dressed him quickly and pulled the covers up to his chin and stepped away from the bed with a sigh. Cloud hadn't told him any names, and he was almost certain he wasn't going to. The chocobo was stubborn like that. He rubbed at the back of his black spikes and let out another sigh, finally placing his hands on his hips.
"I'm going to find out Spikey. I promise." He glanced determinedly towards the bed. This event was never happening again. He was going to protect his friend no matter what. There was now a darkness in Zack's eyes. A darkness that not even Angeal's death could burden upon Zack's unwavering spirit.