Chapter Five- Inner Circle
"You know what's harder than finding a bloody wolf in a forest?" A very tired Sirius grumbled as he dragged his feet and cast Homenum Revelio one more time, "Finding an unconscious human who blends into the damned leaves."
"Oh shut up, Padfoot, you'd be more helpful if you turned back into a dog." James yawned widely and adjusted Remus' rucksack on his shoulder. The three had been searching in vain for the absent werewolf all night both in animal form and human form. But wherever that howl had come from, Remus had joined it and his speed and strength was so intensely enhanced that the others hadn't a hope of finding him while wolfed out. With the carefully penned out area that was usually large and secure enough to satisfactorily contain the werewolf, shattered, he had the entire Forest of Dean to roam. Briefly a thought flashed through James' mind in alarm. What if he wasn't even in the forest? What if something had happened after all?
No sooner had panic started to rise in him, then red sparks shot up into the air and in the distance Peter was shouting. Concern gave way to relief, and the bespectacled young man took off running towards the voice. After a minute of exhausted jogging James, with Sirius close at his heels, skidded to a stop at the bottom of a short slope. Peter had found him. The mousey looking wizard was kneeling beside a pile of dead leaves that had drifted down in a light coating over the naked form of Remus Lupin who lay face down and still seemingly fast asleep.
"There's blood. Whatever those muggles did hurt him after all." Wormtail pursed his lips.
Pulling Remus' extra clothing from his bag, James dropped it over the unconscious figure to give him some amount of privacy and drew his gaze to the dried blood that stemmed from an ugly looking hole in the werewolf's shoulder, just below the jagged scar where he'd been bitten so many years ago.
"Who says you need magic to do damage? That looks painful." James heard Sirius mutter from behind him as he shook Remus' uninjured shoulder in an effort to wake him. Remus, still the very image of death warmed up, grunted and turned his head, eyelids fluttering as he wrestled between waking and sleeping.
He woke in excruciating pain, more than was the usual growing, or rather shrinking pains of a transformation. His vision was blurred and unfocused as he blinked himself conscious, greeted with a faceful of dead leaves and cold air raising goosebumps on his exposed skin. The faces of his three friends slowly came into focus, concern lacing each one. "...what did I do?" He muttered hoarsely. Memory from his wolfed out nights did not return immediately.
Sliding his hands beneath his chest, muscles trembling with the exertion, Remus began to push himself up. Fire shot down his left arm, bursting from his shoulder and making him drop with a violent gasp of pain back to the forest floor. He fumbled with his right hand and clutched the source of the pain, drawing his fingers away covered in flecks of dried blood.
"Take it easy, mate." Peter and Sirius' supporting hands helped him to sit.
"W-what did I do?" He repeated through clenched teeth and felt the warm trickle of blood that had begun to bleed anew. The blood moon. It had to have been the blood moon. He clenched his eyes shut, both in pain and focus as he tried to remember, but all that broke through was pain, angry fiery pain that was facing now through his whole torso, far worse than muscular aches.
"You got out. There were muggles, you went after them and they…" James started only to be interrupted by Sirius,
"It was some sort of metal...stick thing-didn't even move wolf you, I just thought it was a noise making thing."
"They shot me?" Remus hissed sharply as he pulled the pile of clothes into his lap with his pain free hand and tried not to blackout again.
"I mean it was sort of a wand…"
"A rifle, stupid, they were hunters." Remus scoffed, his tact gone in favour of pain.
"Oi, how was I meant to know? I don't have a muggle parent."
"Just shut up, Padfoot, priorities." James glared at Sirius, "Remus, you need help. Let us heal that, it's not magically inflicted so you'd-"
"No, no. Wait…" Waving one bare arm wildly Remus pushed away James who had just drawn his wand to try and mend the torn flesh that was the werewolf's shoulder. Through watering eyes he turned his head and, with a burst of pain, his shoulder to inspect it. The blood which had set and dried during the night, no doubt matted with the long fur of the wolf, had warmed and begun to bleed fresh. The hole in the side of his arm was ugly and gaping, perfectly round, and alone. There was no exit wound. Remus knew enough about muggles and their weapons to know how a bullet worked. That's why it hurt so damn much. "You can't just throw dittany at it. The bullet's still in there." And healing spells were not any of his friends' strong points.
"Then St. Mungos, but you can't stay like this."
"No, Prongs!" Remus snapped with such sudden aggression that James leaned backwards warily and a low growl escaped, much to Remus' horror. "I am not going to a hospital. If I do, I'm finished." Still the pain was near blinding now, and if he hadn't been accustomed to agony his entire life, he wouldn't have been able to cling to consciousness. "I'm finished if they find out." He repeated softer this time. There was no reasoning with most people about werewolves. The proof that he was an unstoppable monster was embedded in his arm and as quickly as they might be able to patch him up, they'd also put him on the register and he'd be even more doomed to a miserable life than he already was. "And if a blood moon could make me stronger, I can't be sure I won't transform again tonight, I need to stay here. Give me my wand, I'll take care of it myself." He released the tight grip he had on his left shoulder and held out a bloodied palm expectantly.
"Like hell you will!" Peter was the first of many protests to this plan, "R-remember when I tried to heal my own hand that time in Potions?"
In the immediate wake of the full moon, Remus wasn't a pleasant person to be around on the best of days, and when everything was magnified tenfold, it was hardly surprising when he rounded on Wormtail harsher than ever. "I'm actually good at spells, I'm not going to transfigure my arm into a toadstool, Wormtail." The still human and kind part of him, somewhere still in his awareness immediately felt bad about that comment when hurt flickered across his friend's face for a moment. "I didn't mean that." He muttered repentantly
"Lily. Lily's the best at this, and she knows muggle things, I'll get her." James started to stand, and, though he definitely saw that moment that Remus was about to plead with him not to involve her, ignored it completely. "She'll want to help. But for wizard's sake put some pants on before we get back."
Lily had proven her trustworthiness years ago when she had admitted quite plainly to Remus that she had known he was a werewolf for most of their time at Hogwarts and hadn't so much as breathed a word of it. In fact, she had flat out argued the opposite when she and Snape had still been friends and he got too close to the truth. No, Remus did not doubt that she would be more than willing to help, and arguably was the only one he would trust of his friends to dig a bullet out of his arm without slicing the whole thing off accidentally. But, while she was well aware of his nature, and had even seen the shameful scars that littered his arms where once the wolf had scratched and bit itself out of rage, that was only the beginning of it. Knowing he was a werewolf and seeing him in the wake of a full moon were quite different things, and, not least of all, the all too vivid dream of eating James and Lily constantly kept replaying in his mind and he wasn't sure he could even look at her quite the same.
But when James Potter set his mind to something there was little that would dissuade him, even if Remus did have the strength to try.
xxxXxxx
James careened through the window of Purge and Dowes department store with a little too much momentum and, as he materialised in the entrance to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, almost collided with a healer.
"Slow down, lad! What's the problem?" The wizard threw out a hand, stopping James in his tracks and absorbing the momentum into grounded feet.
James knew how he must look. Windswept and bedraggled like he'd been out all night and in such a rush that he had barely looked where he was going. Of course he was bound to raise suspicion. Attempting to tip the balance back in his favour he grinned and ran a hand through perpetually untidy hair.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry. Just late to meet my fiance"
"Late? It's eight in the-"
But the rest of the bemused healer's exclamation was lost on James as he turned away and hurried toward the reception desk, trying to keep his face an unassuming mask of calm. "Morning-oh, Marlene!" Recognition flashed across his face as the auburn haired medi-witch behind the desk turned around.
Marlene McKinnon, healer, mother and member of the Order of the Phoenix was a kind woman who was particularly skilled with Shield charms. She was in her mid thirties, and wore thick framed glasses that were so oversized they were obscured by her full fringe. According to Caradoc and Dorcas, she had never fully recovered the smile she used to wear after her torture at the hands of Rodolphus Lestrange months ago.
"James, what a surprise." She did smile at him but the young man could see it did not reach her brown eyes. She straightened a few sheets of paper on the desk and tucked her wand behind her ear. Cautiously glancing to the side she leaned forward. "Did something happen? Do you have a message?"
"What? Oh, no. No, no...I don't think so anyway. I'm just here to see Lily, I know she has the morning shift today. Do you know what floor?"
Marlene briefly consulted a roster, and though it was barely noticeable, James spotted the tiny tremor in her fingers there for just a second. There was a reason the Cruciatus curse was unforgivable. "Potions and plant poisoning. Third floor." She looked back up and for a second her smile was full and genuine. "And congratulations, James. I saw her ring."
Despite the high pressure situation, a grin broke out over James' face as his thoughts flew back to the woman who had long since captured his heart. Thanking Marlene doubly, he patted the counter twice and hurried off towards the third floor.
"Alihotsy poisoning, right?" Lily hypothesised, her voice raised a little louder to be heard over the hysterical laughter of the patient in the bed between the trainee and fully qualified medi-witches.
"Almost certainly. A terrible practical joke to switch herbs out for alihotsy leaves." The silver haired Scotswoman tutted and turned a terrific glare that rivaled that of Madam Pomfrey on a bad day, onto the sheepish looking teenager in the bedside chair. "Quick diagnosis, Miss Evans. And suggested-oh do be quiet!" Taking the younger witch by the elbow gently they stepped into the hall and closed the door to muffle the full bellied guffaws. "Suggested treatment."
Lily's nose wrinkled a little as she thought about the answer and searched her memory. "A mixture of Glumbumble treacle and ground bezoar." She replied with certainty and glowed with modest pride when her mentor smiled approvingly.
A soft chime that signalled the arrival of the elevator briefly made her glance up and quickly back again when her fiance came hurtling from the doors. "James? What are you-"
"Sorry, I know you're working, just-one quick word, love?" And before she could protest James had offered an apologetic look and quickly pulled her aside. There was urgency on his face. His hazel eyes, usually light and full of humour were full of severity and the circles under his eyes implied a restless night. If that. He appeared not to have slept at all.
"What is it? What's wrong?" Lily asked, her surprise quickly replaced by concern as she took in his appearance. James pulled her close, under the guise of a kiss on the cheek and whispered quietly in her ear.
"We need you. Remus is hurt."
xxxXxxx
Remus had struggled, somewhat ungracefully given his weakness and the pain that shot through his left arm with every movement, into a pair of trousers, and managed to allow Peter and Sirius to haul him into a seated position against a tree. Memories had begun to clear through the fog in his mind. Dark, angry memories of a crazed werewolf on the hunt. He recalled with disturbing clarity the power that had surged through his animal self. Bathed in blood moonlight, he had been lent the strength to shatter enchantments that had been reinforced threefold, he'd felt unstoppable. Not even a bullet fired point blank had so much as made him flinch. Now he had never felt weaker, inferior, wounded and human.
Yet still, it was not the fear of bleeding out on a forest floor that scared him most, it was still, and would always be, himself. He could have so easily claimed at least two lives last night, and probably more if his friends had continued to fight him, and they would have. Only the cry of a wolf, fortuitously timed, had stopped him.
The scent of blood and dirt filled his nose as Sirius draped a conjured blanket over his shoulders, loose strands of wool catching in the bloody flesh of his wounded shoulder.
"Bloody hell, mate, you don't half know how long it took to find you."
Remus said nothing, for fear he'd snap and say something harsher than he meant. Sirius meant well, he usually did, but he did not know how to bridle his tongue, or even when he'd crossed a line. Instead it ate away at him, reminding Remus that as 'tame' as the werewolf became on a regular moon with his friends, he was merely a slave to his instincts, to the moonlight when it took control. Reminding him that as long as he was uncontrollable on the full moon, he was a burden. His vision was blurring by the moment, dark spots flickering in and out of his sight. He could feel the bullet inside his arm, an unwelcome invader stuck between bone and flesh, the pain was almost blinding.
A soft pop sounded nearby, and Peter, who had been nervously chewing his fingernails down to the cuticles, spun around.
"Thank goodness!"
"Where are we-oh my…"
Lily and James materialised in their midst. Lily was dressed in her healer's uniform. Lime green robes that made her eyes stand out brilliantly. A crossed wand and bone with the word "Trainee" was embroidered in gold on the chest and a little pouch of medical supplies was strapped to her hip.
Remus' natural instinct to hide himself kicked into gear and, though it hurt him, he drew the blanket further around himself and lowered his eyes to the ground. She'd seen the scars on his arms before, she'd known without being told that he was a werewolf, but they were of little consequence compared with the scars that littered his torso.
"What happened?" Lily asked, her tone adopting an air of urgency as she hurried between Sirius and Peter.
The former replied first as he patted his pockets down in search of a cigarette. "Muggles, they...shot at the wolf and it didn't work but...well it worked on Remus." A flame burst from the tip of Sirius' wand as he held it to the cigarette now hanging from his lips.
"How do you know th-nevermind now, you can tell me later. Remus? Remus can you hear me?"
Reluctantly he drew his self conscious gaze up and weakly nodded as Lily knelt beside him and unfastened her pouch from her hip. "I need to see, Remus."
The pain raging through his left arm was too severe for him to protest any longer and finally he relented and dropped his right hand away from the blanket he had drawn around his shoulders, wincing sharply as the wool came away from the wound sticky with blood.
"Oh my word…you really should be in hospital, Remu-"
"No. Hospital."
"They'd find out he's a werewolf in no time." Peter explained, relieving Remus of the need to form a complete sentence.
Lily sighed and looked between them for a long moment, "Yes, I suppose they would. Well...at least I can see the bullet, that makes it a little easier."
To her credit, and an essential quality for a healer, Lily must have had a strong stomach not to blanch at the sight. She just pursed her lips and began to lay out what she needed, though even through watering eyes Remus could see her eyes taking in the many other nasty scars that littered his chest as she removed her engagement ring and carefully placed it out of danger of blood.
"That is... oh geez." And the scent of smoke filled Remus' sensitive nose as Sirius came closer to peer over Lily's shoulder, "Bloody hell…literally."
"Sirius Black, you take that filthy thing away from my face right now." Lily scolded, glaring daggers at Padfoot until he obeyed orders. "Here…" She uncorked two small vials and held the first, a perfect teal colour to Remus' lips, "This will lessen the pain."
It tasted foul, but his senses were so heightened and overcome immediately following the full moon that it magnified everything. A balm settled over him almost right away, while it was a far cry from pain free, it was far more bearable. Until Lily raised the purple vial.
"This is going to hurt."
Hurt was an understatement, but given the agony he was used to feeling, Remus had a high threshold for pain. As soon as the antiseptic potion made contact with his ruined skin it began to sting, and faint tendrils of violet smoke rose from his shoulder. A hiss escaped through his clenched teeth and spots burst behind his eyelids as he closed them tight.
Lily shooed the others away as she set to work. Peter still looked mortified, Sirius surprisingly grim as he anxiously smoked, and James kept running a hand through perpetually messy hair. Remus was thankful for the space. "I'm sorry." He muttered bitterly after a few minutes.
"Whatever for?" Lily's face was a mask of focus, she didn't even lift her eyes from where they were fixed on the bullet lodged in his shoulder. In her right hand she kept her wand trained on it, gently trying to draw out the offending object with magic, whilst in her left was a pair of long and narrow medical forceps ready to grab it when she could reach.
"I'm sorry you got dragged into this mess, you shouldn't have to see me like this. None of you."
"Like what? After a full moon?" Lily laid down her instruments for a moment and fixed Remus with such a kind expression that he almost felt guilty for apologising, "I'm quite certain that James will have given you this lecture before but none of this is your fault at all. I have to wonder how you got yourself shot though…"
"Blood moon." The bullet moved a little, and while it did not hurt so much now the potion was taking effect, it was a bizarre feeling. "Made the wolf-made me strong enough to break the enchantments we put up." He dropped his head back against the tree trunk with a dull thud, the world spinning around him. "I could have killed a lot of people…" He mused under his breath, not fully intending for Lily to hear him but the pitying look in her eyes showed she had.
"But you didn't, did you?"
"No. But-"
"No buts, you didn't. Just because you happen to be a werewolf, it does not make you the monster." With a careful turn of the wrist the bloodied brass end of the bullet came into reach. The werewolf gasped suddenly and flinched, nearly making Lily lose the grip she had on it. "Sorry. I know it must hurt." Slowly she drew the .22 caliber round from his arm and fought the slightly ill feeling as she examined the size of it. Bullets like this were made for killing small deer and wild boars...or a wolf, but they were not meant for human flesh to withstand.
"Ah, I've felt worse." Remus tried feebly to smile, but it only became a grimace of discomfort. Blood still ran freely from the wound and his skin was so deathly white it was almost transparent. He'd not been this lightheaded, or lost this much blood since he was a child. He still remembered that night with more clarity than he recalled anything else from his childhood. Every ounce of pain, every fang sinking into his flesh. He remembered the evilness of the eyes he later learned to be those of Greyback, he remembered fire and the worst kind of venom racing through him and changing him from the inside. It was miraculous enough that his father had managed to save his life.
"I can't even begin to imagine." The medi-witch watched him sympathetically, her green eyes following his to the ever prominent bite mark that spanned half the width of his collarbone. Laying aside the forceps and the offending bullet she plucked a bottle of essence of dittany from her pouch and surveyed the open wound with her lip between her teeth. "No, I think you'll need stitches first."
"Wonderful." Remus groaned, feeling consciousness beginning to flicker from him. "I just...I just want to sleep." But of course he'd slept since the moon had dropped low on the horizon and the sun began to rise, since the wolf had wearily curled up on the forest floor and he'd awoken once again as a man. He'd never yet been conscious when the transformation reversed itself.
"Remus? No, you need to stay awake-James!" James was by their side in seconds, "Don't let him blackout, keep him awake."
"M'fine, Prongs." Remus resisted, pulling himself away from James' hand shaking his good arm.
"Yeah, fine. Never better. Open your eyes then, Remus."
Remus cracked one open. When had he closed them? Then a sharp unexpected jab in his arm made him hiss in pain and it was all he could do not to pull away from Lily as she began to thread his flesh back together. A potion levitated itself past him and into James' outstretched hand.
"He's lost a lot of blood. Make sure he drinks all of that." Lily's instructions sounded suddenly far away and it was all he could do to keep his eyes open and semi-focused.
The uncapped lip of the bottle pressed at his lips and he forced himself to drink all of the mint tasting liquid. It warmed his throat and the queasiness slowly began to ease as it settled.
"Bloody hell, what will these muggles think of next?" Sirius, his cigarette long gone but the stench of smoke lingered on, had snuck back over to inspect the stitches Lily was putting in place.
"You know, it's stranger to me that you don't know what stitches are." Lily tutted, earning a chuckle from James and a weak half lift of the lips from Remus. Carefully tying off the last one and finally stemming the steady flow of blood, she picked up the bottle of dittany and poured its contents over his shoulder. It sizzled and steamed over the newly closed wound. "There. In a few days you won't even have a…" Lily paused and somewhat pityingly amended, "another scar." She held out blood covered hands and elbowed Sirius in the knee, "If you're going to stand there, at least be useful?"
"What? Oh, yeah…" Sirius flicked his wrist and his wand slid from the sleeve of his leather jacket, "Aguamenti." A jet of clean water flowed from his wand so Lily could clean her hands. Reddened trickles washed across the leafy floor and mixed with the mud as it flowed up to Remus' legs.
"Now…" The muggle-born witch shook her hands out to air dry and began to pack up her medicines before fixing James with a firm look and a raised eyebrow. "Who wants to tell me why you can all run around with a werewolf at night?"