This is a sad song-fic to 'Move Along' by The All American Regects of Firestar's death and how he can't let himself go because of all his regrets. Caution: it may make you cry.
Firestar lay in the center of the clearing with his closest friends gathered around him. Sandstorm, his mate; Leafpaw, his daughter and medicine cat in training; Squirrelfur, his newest deputy; Cinderpelt, the apprentice he never brought to warrior-ship; Cloudtail, the only male blood relative of his.
Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your-
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Firestar's mind flashed back to that moment long ago. He watched Ravenpaw walk across the storm-torn moor to live the rest of his life with Barley. Firestar had been there when Ravenpaw died. The black-pelted tom had come down with an incurable respiratory illness. Had it been wrong to send his friend there in the first place?
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along
Firestar heard a sharp yowl. He was running, running to the horrid thunderpath where Cinderpaw lay an inch from death. She had tried her best to help and had fallen into her leader's own trap. Now she is condemned to never run with the wind plastering her fur down or hunt with her paws skimming the ground. Why hadn't he saved her from the thunderpath?
So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your-
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold
Firestar was at the falls. Graystripe hung precariously over the edge, claws imbedded into Whitethroat's paw. Slipping, slipping was the leader's best friend until the RiverClan warrior plunged into the merciless waters. Three years later, Graystripe fell to his death in that very same gorge. Why couldn't Firestar have saved them both from a tragic death?
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
Firestar was racing before a pack leader, the monster that invaded the clan's forest. Tigerstar leapt in front of him and held him down then darted away in order to save himself. The mastiff sank its vicious teeth into his scruff and tossed him like a rag doll. Then his own leader barreled into the dog's side, freeing her deputy and killing herself. Firestar had sat by Bluestar's side when she took her last breath. Why couldn't Firestar save his own leader?
When everything is wrong we move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along
Firestar stood with his face twisted in horror. His sworn arch enemy was dying the worst death possible. Nine deaths, simultaneously. Tigerstar was trying to kill him. Firestar had ruined his plans. Firestar had cause so much death with his mercy. He had even pushed the great Tigerstar to ask for help from a kittypet clan. Why hadn't Firestar killed him when he had the chance?
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Firestar stood over the body of his first love. Spottedleaf was gone forever. Never would her chest rise with a breath nor would her eyes blink with life. She was murdered simply because she hadn't moved. Firestar had been filed with an undying rage. The sweetest breath and kindest heart had been murdered in cold blood. Why couldn't he even save her? Why was the world so filled with evil?
Move along
Go on, go on, go on, go on
Right back what is wrong
We move along
The fiery-pelted leader saw a blinding white light. He had heard that when a cat died, one of its closest friends would come to greet him but Firestar didn't see one single cat. The leader saw an army!
Ravenpaw stood there with his magnificent, shining pelt, untouched but a terrible disease that had made him too weak to live.
Whitethroat and Graystripe stood side by side. 'An eye for an eye,' they had agreed good-naturedly, believe it or not. The gray tom was also with his lost love, Silverstream who had greeted him as he sank below the water's surface.
There stood Bluestar, in all her glory of the past. Her mind was not marred by paranoia. Her heart was not marred by regret of not staying with her forbidden love or children.
At the edge of his vision stood a flickering ghost of a shadow. It was of Tigerstar, the old, safely ambitious Tigerstar. That was all that was left of him. By his side was always Goldenflower, the only love of his life. True to the warrior code was what Tigerstar did now. The rest of that ambitous soul, although had been sent somewhere else, who resides at the fragile time of dawn and dusk, not welcomed among the stars of Silverpelt and not worthy of staying with the great Sun that created all the warmth of the world.
Lastly, perched by Firestar's side, was the lovely Spottedleaf. Her sweet scent enveloped him, blocking out all fear, all regret. Yes, his heart still belonged to and always will be with Sandstorm, who lived with the elders in ThunderClan camp. That home was far from the old forest that still was remembered by all.
But now Spottedleaf was there, as she had always been in his dreams. Firestar nudged her flank and breathed in the tortoiseshell's warm, comforting scent. This time her touch was not as soft as an ancient cobweb that could be sent away by a mere breath of the gentlest of winds. Now she radiated warmth and her pelt felt smooth and soft against Firestar's muzzle. As Cinderpelt had once told him, he should just let her rest and this memory flashed through his mind. That's when he realized that he and Spottedleaf would not get that desired rest. As StarClan always did, they would walk beside the clan cats, pawstep for pawstep, forever protecting them to the best of their ability. He also realized that, even though he held that awe inspiring starshine in his emerald green eyes and ethereal frost in his fiery pelt, that in a way he had lost power. He knew now that what you did on earth mattered greatly for once you stepped among StarClan, you gave the spotlight to another life. You could no longer effect the living in such a way.
Firestar breathed in quietly as he blinked about at the cats he missed so dearly.
Maybe everything that happened … was meant to happen.
What i wanted to do here was grasp the fact that our favorite ThunderClan leader doubts himself more than we think. And he still rocks, am I right? Sniffle, sniff. I almost made myself cry after I wrote this one. It always gets me at that part about Silversteam. Tell what you think. Review, please.