4x03

Hi guys! This short OS is inspired by the conversation Maya has with Andy in the firetruck and later in her office. It's how I imagine Andy going back to the apartment and clearing the air with her.

A/N: I do not hate Maya. I didn't like her very much at the beginning, she's still not one of my favourite characters, but she's grown into me. She's changed a lot, and I like that. I don't like the hate Robert's getting "because of her", though. I recognize it probably wasn't his best move, but she's no saint precisely and, if we're honest, her way to get the captaincy wasn't totally clean either. Ok, I get she had a rough past, but so did Sullivan, with no parents and a nazi grandfather...or Andy, without a mom...or pretty much everyone in 19. Not to mention the events on 4x05, which I believe he hasn't fully processed yet. So for me, that's no excuse. And although it's true she supported him after his demotion, he did the same for her first, when he asked Chief Ripley to let 19 to have 3 lieutenants in order to keep her in the station with her family. If it wasn't for him, she'd have never even been there. The thing is (don't kill me), I promise I do like her, but I think she's been forgiven for her mistakes, which were a lot too, way faster than him.

If you don't agree with me, I'm super fine with it, but you may want to skip this one. Just in case.

"Welcome home!" Maya announced theatrically, once they arrived at "Chez Bishop". Carina was still working, with COVID she was doing more OT than the captain would like, so she didn't mind the company. "Thank you for this, for everything, actually." Andy responded, grateful, dropping her duffle bag on the floor next to the sofa. "I'm glad that everything worked out" Andy nodded to her statement, and forced a smile. "What?"

"Nothing"

"Andy, I know you. That fake smile gave you up. What are you not saying?" Her friend wanted to know. "Are you glad for him? Or for me?" Herrera dared to ask, not making eye contact, while she took a seat. Joining her, Bishop replied. "I don't know, Andy. I'm disappointed, I guess. He was our Battalion Chief, someone we were supposed to trust."

"You were someone I was supposed to trust, Maya." Herrera retorted, annoyed. Her astonished friend was staring at her. "Ok, this is not about us."

"I'm just saying, he made a mistake. He knows, I know, we all do. But he got injured, Maya. My husband got injured on the job, twice. I was there and it wasn't good, especially the first time. His pain got so bad that he…" She paused and looked away, shaking her head in an attempt to shallow the lump that was forming in her throat. "Well, you know how that ended."

"I get that, Andy. But there's always another option. He could've asked for help, he could've-"

"He did! He was seeing a doctor and-" She couldn't hold the tears this time. "He tried to talk to me." Her friend looked at her, a little surprised. When the blonde didn't say anything, she continued. "Yeah, we weren't together yet. I was mad about the promotion and I just shot the door in his face. He told me he was in trouble and I didn't even listen."

"None of this was your fault, Andy." Herrera nodded in agreement, wiping her tears after. Sometimes her anger took the best of her, and she was aware that she had missed a lot because of it. It's true she was right to be angry, but she had wasted time with her dad, missed the signs of Robert's struggle and the opportunity to help him before it got to the point where he saw himself in the need to steal fentanyl to ease the pain. She hated that her stubbornness had made her so blind and immune to the suffering of the people she loved. "I just felt so powerless today. And mad, because of how everything went down on him. I wish he had found Dr. Shepherd before, and that I would've been there for him then, and right now, like he was for me when my father died."

"He kept his job. I think that's all he wanted at this point. And you'll get to see him on the station." Maya teased, nudging her a little. The lieutenant remained silent, though, lost in her thoughts. "The 90 days will end before you know it." She added, guessing what was on her friend's mind.

Andy sighed. "I know I never told you about my mom, and I'm sorry you had to find out about it from Jack, but it wasn't for the reason you think." The unanticipated turn on the conversation caught Maya off guard, but she raised her eyebrows in disbelief, the talk they'd had in her office still fresh. "Ok, it wasn't entirely for the reason you think. My whole life has been a lie. I was spinning out, I had a panic attack and I left my husband, who was waking up from a surgery in unbearable pain, alone on a hospital bed. Just to learn when I got there eventually that I wasn't going to be able to be there for him, that I wasn't going to be with him for 90 days. I had wasted the last couple of days with him being angry and running away. I was lost...and embarrassed." Andy stood up and started to pace around, nervously. "And yes, I was also a little mad at you. I'm not anymore but I...I feel... I feel like everytime that something good is about to happen to me, it gets blown or sidetracked. I was about to become captain, and Ryan died. I was about to get my happily ever after with the love of my life and my father died, and now this...and-" Maya approached her friend, overwhelmed by her vulnerability, and made her stop rambling. "Breathe, Andy." She told her, showing her. "Stop thinking for two minutes, and listen to me." She continued, with a soothing voice.

"I said it earlier but I'll say it again, I'm sorry. I took the job that was promised to you and earned by you because I wanted it, but it was unfair." She apologized, trying to repeat as many of her friend's words as she could remember. "I know I hurt a lot of people in the process. I know I hurt you the most. You deserved to be captain and you will. And your dad will be watching over you, as proud of you as we'll all be." Bishop smiled at her and hesitated a little, before she continued. "About everything else, I just can say that I'm here for you. I wasn't always, but I'm here now." Andy finally let her friend embrace her, releasing the tension of the day and feeling at peace for the first time in a long while.

"Thank you"