After Elena and Bonnie's lives were linked by Kai, mourning settled like dust on the heart of each member of this Mystic Falls family. A family made up of misfits and lovers and a seemingly shared fate of being chased by Death. Elena was the link that connected them all; stronger than any strand of DNA ever could. And like all things linked together, there existed the simultaneous presence of weakness and strength. Or maybe strength is the absence of weakness. If the latter is the case, then perhaps the one person that was holding everyone together was the same person holding them all back.
Caroline and Bonnie mourned for years after Elena was cursed by Kai; their twenties were marked with heartache at the loss of their friend. Though their friend was still technically alive, her absence created a dagger that sliced through the family that they'd come to know and cherish.
Caroline didn't know which was harder to cope with- the Elena-sized hole left in her life or the death of a family that she didn't realize had come to mean so much to her. Stephan and Damon had left town. They didn't want to be surrounded by memories soaked in the happiness of the past. Enzo had followed Damon like the sired puppy dog he was, and everyone else slowly went their own way to find their own new normal. Whatever normal meant. Even Klaus had backed away. Caroline stayed. While she loved her friends more than she could put into words, her real true love was and always would be Mystic Falls.
Guilt permeated every ounce of Bonnie's very mortal life. Guilt that living her life depended on her best friend being unable to live hers. Guilt that while she was still alive and the people that closest to her had been driven away by this curse. By her existence. By her. It was always her. Perhaps even more than that, guilt that she felt relieved.
While Bonnie missed Stephan, and Enzo, and yes- even Damon, she felt a sense of relief that she didn't have to be constantly around them. Even when they didn't mean to let it slip, she could feel the disappointment radiating off of them that it was Bonnie Bennett walking around and not Elena Gilbert. Caroline was the only one she had left now. And while Caroline never emanated that same resentment that she felt from the others, she knew that Caroline missed their best friend too. And even though Caroline would never acknowledge it, a fact was still a fact. And the fact was- Bonnie remained the reason that Elena was gone.
Towards the end of what was almost a decade, things in Mystic Falls started to resemble normal. The mundanely, sometimes painfully normal that Mystic Falls was before the Salvatore brothers had come back to town. Before Bonnie had discovered her family's history and the magic that had always been destined to be hers. Before Caroline had realized how perfectly strong and capable she really was- a walking oxymoron who showed that in her case, she needed death in order to learn how to live.
Bonnie had access to her magic now, but there was no need for it anymore. No one to save. No one to exploit her most precious family trait. No more of living life as something to be used and not someone to be loved.
Time continued to move on as time does, and eventually, Bonnie and Caroline moved on with it.
Nothing brings people closer together quite like shared tragedy. There's something about it that creates an appreciation of life. Not in the mortal sense of the word, but in something much deeper. Two people marked by the same sadness are forever bound by an invisible lifeline that they can call upon at any given time. It took a few years, but eventually, Caroline and Bonnie discovered theirs.
It first began as a closeness not strange to roommates. Well, if we are getting technical, it began in Pre-K, but friendship is not the thing that is being alluded to here. You see, when you live with someone, a certain comfortability grows within the beats between late night conversation. The bottom of a shared second bottle of wine. The moments of mirage that is created before the steam from a hot shower dissipates; leaving the mind to fill in the blanks that the soft haze covers.
As Bonnie lay there half tipsy from the almost-empty glass in her hand and half delirious from staying up too late watching movies with Caroline, she couldn't help but question the warm feeling that now called the bottom of her stomach home. She'd felt it before, felt its spread, but only in small, sporadic moments throughout the past few years. Sporadic enough to be confused with happiness or sisterly joy. Only in recent weeks and months had it lingered more than Bonnie cared to admit. She wondered if Caroline ever felt it too. She could ask her, but then she would have to explore what that meant. And Bonnie wasn't sure she was ready to do that. Not ready for what it could mean for herself and not for what it could mean for her friendship with Caroline. And what if she was wrong? What if it was the product of a lethal combination of dire loneliness and platonic love?
Caroline sat on the opposite side of the couch, but the way they were both curled up caused their legs to rest naturally against each other under their blanket. A position they had been in many times before, but now it felt safe and intimate in a way Bonnie hadn't been aware of. It was a record cold December, so even the softness from the faux fur and the glow of the fireplace wasn't enough to keep the chill in the air completely at bay. But as she downed the remaining contents of her glass, Bonnie felt nothing but heat.
The black and white movie that lit up the screen danced in Caroline's eyes. Old movies were Caroline's favorite, but they always bored Bonnie. She watched them because Caroline was her friend. But also, she realized as she took another sip, she liked to watch Caroline watch them. Why was she looking at her eyes? She was her friend- she could look at her eyes if she wanted to. It didn't mean anything. People looked at other people's eyes all the time! She wasn't sure how long she had been in an argument with her head voice about Caroline's eyes, but she realized with a jolt that it was no longer the movie reflected in Caroline's eyes, but her own image. Caroline looked at Bonnie curiously with an amused glint bouncing off of one arched brow and her lips hooked on one side in a smirk. Bonnie's gaze lingered over her bottom lip, her favorite one, and wondered if it tasted like the wine they were both drinking.
Caroline was the one to break the silence.
"Bon? Are you okay?...Earth to Bonnie" She waved her hand with a grace that reminded Bonnie of their cheerleading days.
"What? Of course, why wouldn't I be? I'm just- I think the wine's getting to me is all."
"You were always such a lightweight."
"Me? Oh, I'm sorry, while you were in college doing keggers every day, I was dead."
"Okay, you cannot keep using that sob story as a rebuttal in every situation! And might I remind you- I'm still dead!"
"We're never going to be completely normal are we?"
"I think that ship has probably sailed." They both laughed and Caroline placed the blanket over a bare section of Bonnie's leg that had slipped out.
"But for the record, you started it." Bonnie said, gently kicking Caroline in the side.
"Hey! Your freakishly tiny feet feel like needles." Grabbing both ankles in one hand, Caroline removed Bonnie's feet from her side.
"Ow! Might I remind you that my ankles are human much like the rest of me!"
Caroline grows serious.
"Did I hurt you?"
The clock ticked as they both stared at each other. Bonnie's legs were now draped across Caroline's lap, which she had begun to self-consciously rub gently with her free hand. The other hand was still grasping the stem of her glass.
"No."
"Good."
"Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?"
As Caroline leaned in a little more, she turned her ear up as if to locate the sound. After years of having Death chasing them, no matter how much time passed, it seemed to be always there looming to take over their lives again. Bonnie swallowed down the familiar panic she could feel rising in her throat.
"Car-"
"Shhh." Caroline's finger duplicating the meaning of the sound over Bonnie's lips. Caroline strained to listen.
Bonnie tried to ignore the way her body responded to Caroline's sudden touch. Tried even harder to ignore the rush of disappointment she felt when Caroline removed it.
"What is it?" Bonnie still wasn't sure what had caused Caroline's sudden alertness.
"I- I think it's your heartbeat."
"What?"
"The sound is your heart beating."
"Oh. I'm sorry. Is it- do you need a blood bag?"
"You have a vampire that could kill you commenting on your heartbeat and your first instinct is to apologize." Caroline cocked her eyebrow up again the way she did whenever she was amused or feeling mischievous.
"Sorry. Old habits." Bonnie looked down to avoid having to stare directly into the pair of blue eyes that were now impossibly close to her own green ones.
"Stop apologizing for living."
Caroline's face was now so close that Bonnie no longer had to question whether Caroline would taste like wine. She could smell it on her breath as it brushed the bridge of her nose with each word.
"It's beating faster," whispered Caroline. "Am I making you nervous?"
"Yes."
"Do you want me to stop?"
The word got stuck in her throat somewhere along with her courage, and so she shook her head "no" instead. Caroline nodded in response.
Caroline gently wove her hand into Bonnie's hair and tugged her head back carefully, giving her a full view of Bonnie's neck. It was the color of cinnamon and she could see the quickened pulse underneath its raised, smooth surface.
Bonnie was tiny in comparison to her own body. She wanted to protect her and devour her all at the same time. Was it normal to want to devour your best friend? And she meant it in every sense of the word. She wanted to kiss Bonnie until her lips were swollen and the word "sorry" was never uttered from them again. Not one more self-sacrificing phrase. The sudden desire to have nothing uttered from them other than her own name came over her. But she also wanted to feed on her. She wanted to taste her and have her in a way that no one else was allowed to or could.
They both were still for a moment. Each processing this new level of their relationship in their own minds. Each wondering how long the other had felt the same. Each wondering how long she'd felt this way herself.
"Caroline?"
"I'm here." Her words strangled by her own breath.
"What are you thinking?"
""I'm tired of thinking."
And in that moment, Caroline was. She was tired of overthinking everything. Her entire life she thought things through so much, that she rarely ever acted. Now, she was going to be selfish. Now, she was going to do something that she had a strong inkling would be good for her. And by the sound of Bonnie's racing heartbeat and the pleading in her eyes, it would be good for her too.
Caroline slowly lowered her lips to Bonnie's neck and kissed the vein that was pulsing so quickly. Judging by the way Bonnie's eyes fluttered closed, she had been right about not overthinking. Bonnie tried to place her own hand in Caroline's hair, but with her free hand, Caroline took both very delicate, very human wrists and pinned them above Bonnie's head. A small gasp escaped Bonnie's lips and it was all the encouragement Caroline needed to continue.
Now straddling Bonnie, Caroline returned to her previous work letting the tip of her tongue slowly make its way down to her collar bone.
"Why do you always insist on wearing these stupid turtle necks?" Caroline asked as she tugged at the roadblock in frustration.
Bonnie smiled coyly, still unable to move under Caroline. "You said you liked this sweater. I believe you said it brings out my eyes."
"I much prefer what's underneath."
"And how would you know what that looks like?"
"You're saying you've never snuck a peak at me? Getting out of the shower? Changing? Swimming?"
"Nope."
"You weren't the least bit curious?"
"Not in the least."
"You're a liar."
"Me? That doesn't sound like me."
Caroline leaned down right to Bonnie's ear. "You do know that I could throw you up against the wall without the slightest effort. You would be like a rag doll to me."
"I know."
"And you still want to stick with your lie?"
"What if I do?"
"Bonnie Bennett. I do believe you are a tease."
"And this disappoints you?"
All of the humor disappeared at the sound of the rumble that escaped from Carolines throat.
In one swift motion Bonnie's sweater lay on the floor in strips of torn yarn, and she was sandwiched between the softness of Caroline's rising breasts and the bookcase. The same bookcase that housed hundreds of copies of their favorite love stories.
For a brief moment they stopped and just looked into each other's eyes. It was a quick moment, but in it was exchanged a lifetime of history and newfound feelings of need and excitement.
The time for sentiment was over.
Caroline greedily took Bonnie's mouth into hers and swept the inside of her bottom lip with her tongue. Bonnie's mouth was hot and urgent. Bonnie leaned in as much as she could, but Caroline pushed her back and gently bit her bottom lip.
"Not yet." She whispered against Bonnie's ear and it sent fresh waves of shivers throughout Bonnie's entire body.
Her head was spinning with a desire she never even knew she was capable of as Caroline's mouth made a gentle, wet trail down the front of her collar bone and now between her breasts. The tip of her tongue was gentle, at times she wasn't sure if it wasn't all in her head. She tried to free her hands. Needed to free her hands so that they could cling to something- anything- but Caroline kept her grip tight and there was nothing that Bonnie could do to stop the small whimpers which escaped her mouth. With every noise that Bonnie made, Caroline became even more fervent in her movements.
Caroline's weight continued to press Bonnie into the wall, which caused delicious pain against her back as her hips started moving in sync with Caroline's. They had a natural rhythm that was the closest thing Bonnie had come to magic in a few years as warmth began pooling inside of her and soaking through her underwear. Her hip movements moved quicker and quicker until finally she was sure she was about to climax, until Caroline moved her hands to keep her hips still.
"Don't you dare."
"Please."
Caroline trapped her plea with a kiss and moved into the kitchen where she sat Bonnie on top of the kitchen counter. One hand on each leg, she inserted herself between them as Bonnie drew in a sharp breath. Caroline stopped and looked at Bonnie directly into the eyes as if to let her know that she was safe. Bonnie smiled and Caroline continued her work.
She fingered the sharp angles of Bonnie's clavicle and traced her way down the front, replacing her finger with her mouth. Taking one silky black strap off at a time, Caroline pulled one bare breast into her mouth as she massaged the other one until they were both hard enough to satisfy her. Her mouth moved to Bonnie's soft belly and stopped when she reached the start of her hips.
"Don't stop."
"Tell me what you want."
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Just say it."
"I can't."
"I know you want me, but I need to hear it from your lips."
There was a brief moment where it was silent other than their labored breathing and Caroline worried that she might be having second thoughts.
"I want you on me." Bonnie breathed. Caroline wasn't sure she'd have been able to hear her if she didn't have vampire hearing.
But that was all she needed to hear.
Caroline tugged Bonnie's jeans off, never taking her mouth from hers, and then ripped the flimsy string she called underwear off too. Spreading her legs further and positioning herself between them she kissed Bonnie all the way down the front of her stomach, down to her hips, down to her thighs, and then back up until she could taste the heat coming from her. She slowly dragged the tip of her tongue until it found her clit and then her mouth surrounded her causing Bonnie hissed as she arched her back pushing herself further into Caroline's mouth.
But being a vampire had its perks, and one of those perks was lightning speed movement. In the next second, Bonnie was leaning facing the counter, her fingers splayed out to give her support as her whole body began to shake. Caroline stood behind her and gently kicked her legs further open to give her access to what she wanted. She took one of Bonnie's hands and slowly slid it down. Putting her hand over two of Bonnie's fingers, she slowly drew circles with it until she could feel Bonnie's slickness on her own fingers as well. She kept the soft circles going as she took her other hand and dipped her fingers in. Bonnie gasped and clung to the cool countertop with her one free hand. The movements became faster and harder until Bonnie couldn't even see anymore.
"Caroline!" She shouted. "Don't stop. Please don't stop."
Caroline swung her around one last time so Bonnie was now facing her. She kept the motions going on her own. Taking Bonnie into her mouth as she kept stroking her with her fingers. She could tell by the sound of Bonnie's heart that she was almost there so she plunged her fingers inside one last time and her name fell out of Bonnie's mouth and she never wanted anyone to say her name like that ever again unless it came out of those lips.